Servant Summer Festival/Story

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Prelude: To the Heavenly Island!

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
Nobody here...

Mash
Or here...

Mash
...Or here. I knew it.

Mash
We've seen more and more Servants disappearing from Chaldea over the past few days.

Mash
I can at least tell from our tracking systems that they haven't disappeared completely, but still...

  1. I think we need to ask Da Vinci about this.
 
  Select: I think we need to ask Da Vinci about this.

Mash
I think so too.

Mash
I know she's been busy with some sort of project lately, but she definitely needs to hear about this.

Mash
Let's go see her right now.

Fou
Fo fou!

Da Vinci
Oh, hey you two. Excellent timing;
you are just the ones I needed to talk to.

  1. Where'd all the Servants go?
  2. We've got a situation on our hands.
  Select: Where'd all the Servants go?
D:???
What's that supposed to mean?
What am I, chopped liver?

  Select: We've got a situation on our hands.
D:???
Not to worry, Master.
I'll keep you safe, no matter what.

Mash
So you two are still here.

Jeanne Alter
I've just been hanging around in spirit form, collecting books and–I mean, just 'cause I felt like it.

Jeanne Alter
I was just walking around the hallways seeing if anyone had dropped any more when I heard you talking and came to see what was up.

Ushiwakamaru
And I was busy getting things ready for Master.

  1. For me? Ready for what?
 
  Select: For me? Ready for what?

Ushiwakamaru
Oh? Did Lady Da Vinci not tell you?

Da Vinci
Not yet. I was just getting to that.

Da Vinci
You see, it's about time we started Chaldea's summer vacation.

Da Vinci
Well, okay, we kind of already have.

Mash
Oh, yeah. I guess it is that time of year again, isn't it.

Mash
No wonder Mr. Meunière looked so happy on his way to the rec room.

Mash
He said he was going to do nothing but watch movies for the next three days or until his brain started to rot, whichever came first.

Da Vinci
The investigators are still dragging their feet, so I'd say that with the way things are going, we'll be dealing with them for the rest of the year.

Da Vinci
So let's not worry so much about that and just enjoy our summer!

  1. Does that go for all the Servants, too?
 
  Select: Does that go for all the Servants, too?

Da Vinci
Pretty much. They said if the staff was getting a summer vacation, the Heroic Spirits deserved one too.

Da Vinci
With normal summoning methods, it'd be impossible for a Servant to wander off without their Master.

Da Vinci
But using Chaldea's summoning method, each Servant can carry around the magical energy they need to materialize, kind of like a battery pack.

Da Vinci
I don't know who Blackbeard learned that from, but he would not leave me alone once he did. By the time I gave in, he was groveling pretty shamelessly, teary-eyed and runny-nosed.

Da Vinci
The really weird part is that all the other Servants felt the same and demanded their own summer vacation, complete with bonus.

Da Vinci
So that's why there are so few Servants left here now. All the rest are out living it up.

Da Vinci
But hey, Holmes and I are still here, and we can always bring the rest back by force if we have to.

Da Vinci
...Anyway, this is the part where I'm kinda supposed to give you guys your own summer break...

  1. I'm just gonna lie in bed all day!
  2. I feel a “but” coming.
  Select: I'm just gonna lie in bed all day!
Jeanne Alter
(Cough) Loser. (Cough)

  Select: I feel a “but” coming.
Da Vinci
And I'm sorry to say you're right.
Da Vinci
Unfortunately, summer break or no,
I can't give you authorization to leave Chaldea.

Da Vinci
I was planning to let you two hang out and relax...but things have changed.

Jeanne Alter
Hm?

Da Vinci
We haven't detected any Singularities, not even a minute one, but we did pick something else up: a Foreigner.

  1. A Foreigner...!
  2. A Foreigner...?
  Select: A Foreigner...!
Mash
You already knew about them, Senpai? I'm impressed.
Mash
The Foreigner class is listed as a type of,
well, foreign being from outside this world...
Mash
They're not technically Heroic Spirits, but they're so similar that we're classifying them that way.

  Select: A Foreigner...?
Mash
The special class of beings that we recently officially recognized as possessing Spirit Origins, Senpai.
Mash
I suggest thinking about them as, well,
foreign beings from outside this world.

Mash
That said...I thought the conditions for the creation of a Foreigner were supposed to be complex, with very low odds of one actually manifesting...

Mash
Where is this Foreigner signal coming from? If we're talking about an alien, they seem to favor ending up in the U.S., right?

Da Vinci
Hmm. I suppose that's technically where it is. Hold on to your hats, 'cause the signal is originating from...

Da Vinci
...Hawaii.

Da Vinci
Where's my reaction?

Mash
Hawaii...!?

Da Vinci
Oh there it is.
That's right. The Hawaiian Islands.

Da Vinci
One of the most famous tourist destinations in the entire world.

Jeanne Alter
Is that true?
You're sure there's a Foreigner in Hawaii?

Da Vinci
Sheba's Lens doesn't lie.

Da Vinci
Sorry to spring this on you so suddenly, but I'd like you all to head to Hawaii and take care of this.

  1. I'mma go get ready to Rayshift right now!
  2. But...my summer break...
  Select: I'mma go get ready to Rayshift right now!
Da Vinci
Whoa there. I appreciate your enthusiasm,
but you're getting ahead of yourself.

  Select: But...my summer break...
Da Vinci
I'll make it up to you!
How's an extra bonus sound?

Mash
Da Vinci, wait a moment...

Mash
You said Sheba only picked up a Foreigner,
not a Singularity, right?

Mash
That would mean we can't Rayshift there, since doing so would violate regulations. So then, how are we supposed to get to Hawaii...?

Da Vinci
Simple. The old-fashioned way. Directly.

Mash
Directly...?

Da Vinci
Directly!

Da Vinci
We may not know who this Foreigner is, but we've covered all our bases pretty thoroughly!

Robin Hood
Hey, you guys done in here?

Mash
Oh, Robin. I didn't know you were here, too.

Robin Hood
Sure am. Lucky me. Figures me deciding not to visit the old homestead would backfire.

Ibaraki-Douji
Shuten! I don't see Shuten anywhere!
Where is Shuten, Master!?

  1. Your guess is as good as mine.
  2. Probably off on break with the others.
  Select: Your guess is as good as mine.
Ibaraki-Douji
Ugh, you're useless! Fine then,
I'll just go trash the place until I feel better!

  Select: Probably off on break with the others.
Ibaraki-Douji
Don't be ridiculous! Shuten would never go on break without telling me! Grrr, something isn't right here...

Da Vinci
...(Biting her tongue)

Da Vinci
Well, knowing Shuten-Douji, maybe she just heard about this Foreigner thing before we did and she's already headed to Hawaii to fight them.

Da Vinci
She does like to torment newcomers, you know. I don't think she'd just let someone waltz in here without making them really work for it.

Ibaraki-Douji
Hmm, true, Shuten is merciless with her hazing, and she's never cared much about people's boundaries.

Da Vinci
You can say that again. So on that note, Ibaraki-Douji, I'd love for you to come along to Hawaii.

Ibaraki-Douji
If you insist, I guess.
Hey, what's the weather like in Hawaii? Hot? Cold?

Da Vinci
How can you not know that!? Hawaii is in the tropics! It's blazing hot there!

Ibaraki-Douji

The tropics!

Ibaraki-Douji
Then, that means...

Ibaraki-Douji
...I can wear one of those swimsuit thingies Scáthach and Tamamo were talking about!

Ibaraki-Douji
Okay! I'm gonna go get ready to leave right now!

Ushiwakamaru
...Don't we need to tamper with our Spirit Origins to properly change into swimsuits?

  1. Maybe she could just make do with her Morph skill?
  2. Maybe she already asked Scáthach for help?
  Select: Maybe she could just make do with her Morph skill?
Ushiwakamaru
Hmm, good point. I suppose an oni would be able to do that... Must be handy at times like this.

  Select: Maybe she already asked Scáthach for help?
Mash
I could see that.

Robin Hood
So, Da Vinci.

Robin Hood
Just to be clear, we're only talking Fujimaru,
Mash, and the rest of us here right now, right?

Da Vinci
Yup. You guys should be able to take care of it. Now, there's just the little matter of transportation...

Mash
I assume we'll be traveling by plane?

Da Vinci
Well, we can't exactly have you all taking off from here.

Da Vinci
Especially not with Fujimaru around.

  1. Me?
 
  Select: Me?

Da Vinci
I know it's easy to forget, but remember, Chaldea's technically a top secret organization. Letting you just walk out of here would cause all sorts of problems.

Da Vinci
We can pass all the Servants off as familiars to Chaldea's staff...

Da Vinci
...but if we tried to use Chaldea's own transport, we'd never hear the end of it from the Mage's Association.

Da Vinci
So I talked it over with Holmes,
and we came up with a solution.

Da Vinci
Ushiwakamaru!

Ushiwakamaru
It shall be done.
Master, please close your eyes.

  1. Huh?
  2. Wh-what's going on!?
  Select: Huh?

  Select: Wh-what's going on!?

Da Vinci
The first step of our secret plan: you keep this blindfold on until you get to Hawaii!

Da Vinci
The second step of our secret plan:
since we can't use Chaldea's own transport...

Da Vinci
...we'll just have to fly commercially!

Mash
F-fly commercially!?

Da Vinci
Yup. All the Servants will use their spirit forms, and–

Jeanne Alter
No.

Da Vinci
...I'm sorry?

Jeanne Alter
No, I'm not using my spirit form.
We're taking an airplane, right?

Jeanne Alter
Then we're riding as passengers. All of us.

Da Vinci
...Oookay. Didn't see that one coming.
I need you to think this through.

Da Vinci
For example, that outfit of yours? You don't have a chance in hell of getting through airport security.

Jeanne Alter
So we'll figure something out!

Jeanne Alter
It's a freaking jumbo jet made with all that fancy modern technology crap, right?

Jeanne Alter
And you think I'm gonna miss out on that by coming in spirit form? Are you an idiot?

Ibaraki-Douji
Miss out!? I'm not missing out on ANYTHING fun!!!

Robin Hood
(Uh-oh... I can see where this is going. I'm starting to feel like a teacher trying to wrangle kids on a field trip.)

Ushiwakamaru
I will go along with whatever Master Fujimaru wishes.

Ushiwakamaru
...Although, if I am being honest...I too would be curious to experience an airplane for myself...

Da Vinci
Hmm... I suppose we could use a charm spell to cover up their outfits... That way, if they temporarily put their weapons into spirit form...

  1. I guess there's only so much even a genius can do sometimes, huh?
  2. A genius like you can do it!
  Select: I guess there's only so much even a genius can do sometimes, huh?
Da Vinci
Well, frankly...yes!
But I'll figure something out!

  Select: A genius like you can do it!
Da Vinci
Hahahaha, you know just what to say to me now, don't you!
Da Vinci
All right then, let's make some wishes come true!

Jeanne Alter
Heh. Now that's more like it!

Jeanne Alter
You're a lot less of a pain than I expected, artist woman.

Ibaraki-Douji
The tropics, huh...

Ibaraki-Douji
That's where they have...er, cocoyas?
And other delicious fruits, right?

Ibaraki-Douji
Mash! Green guy! Look them up for me, and I'll go pick them all the moment we land! Hahaha!

Robin Hood
Okay, usually, I'd be happy to oblige,
but you really oughta do that yourself.

Robin Hood
That's where the fun of a trip is. That, and the anticipation. You've never been on one before, right?

Robin Hood
Then you should bring along a guidebook and read that on the plane. You're a lot smarter than you look, so put that brain of yours to work for you.

Ibaraki-Douji
I see. Normally if someone dared to tell me what to do, they would get my Great Grudge of Rashomon to the face, but you're making sense, green guy.

Ibaraki-Douji
Guidebook, guidebook...
Where's the guidebook?

Ushiwakamaru
How diligent of you, especially for an oni.
For my part, I've already read and memorized it.

Ushiwakamaru
Now that I know all of Hawaii's best spots, it is just a matter of how much time we can spend there.

Ushiwakamaru
So the sooner we can wring this Foreigner's neck,
the more leisure time we will have.

Ushiwakamaru
What do you think, Master? If you like, I could even leap over eight planes just like I did the ships at Dan-no–

Da Vinci
Ahem! I trust this goes without saying, but just in case, once you're on the plane, there's to be NO use of weapons, and NO trouble whatsoever!

Da Vinci
If there is, I'll immediately hypnotize everyone on the plane, force you into your spirit forms, and make it impossible to turn back until you reach Hawaii.

Da Vinci
Is that clear?

Da Vinci
I said, is that clear!?

All
Crystal!

Da Vinci
Phew. You Servants are nothing if not a handful!

Mash
I know how you feel...all too well...

Da Vinci
But, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Da Vinci
The important thing is that you're all raring to go. And lucky for us, there's even a Chaldea branch in Hawaii!

Da Vinci
Once you've defeated the Foreigner, you'll be free to make the most of your paid vacation!

  1. I'll do my best!
  2. Wooo! Aloha, baby!
  Select: I'll do my best!

  Select: Wooo! Aloha, baby!

Mash
We've Rayshifted to all sorts of places and time periods, but the tropics...Hawaii...that's new!

Mash
I hear many of the locals have a strong connection to other languages like Japanese too.

Mash
They also have lots of great restaurants with delicious food, and–

Mash
...Oops. Sorry, I almost forgot about the Foreigner we're supposed to investigate.

Mash
We'll need to make sure we stay focused on the task at hand even if no one else does, Master!

Ushiwakamaru
Master, which swimsuit do you prefer!?

Ushiwakamaru
You'll also need a snorkel if you're to go swimming in the sea.

Ushiwakamaru
Oh, and clothes for at least a few days...

Mash
...S-stay focused, Master!

Da Vinci
All right, Fujimaru.

Da Vinci
I'm going to cast a little spell on your blindfold to make sure you keep it on until you get there.

Da Vinci
Don't worry, Mash will make sure you arrive safely.

Mash
Right. Here, Senpai, hold my hand.

Da Vinci
Okay, off you go!
Don't forget to send me a postcard!

  1. ...
 
  Select: ...

  1. ...
 
  Select: ...

Mash
Thanks for hanging in there, Senpai.
Now it's just one nonstop flight to Hawaii.

Mash
I'm sorry I got us stuck in economy seating by losing at rock paper scissors...

Mash
...but I'm really, really excited about getting to talk to you on the airplane!

Ibaraki-Douji
These portions are too small! I require more! MORE!

Robin Hood
'Scuse me, miss, could we get another one of those coconut ice cream bars? Awesome, thanks.

Robin Hood
Here, and that's the last one you get. 'Member, if you stuff your face too much, it'll end up freezing and you'll be stuck looking like a chipmunk.

Ibaraki-Douji
A chipmunk! Well...they're cute with their fuzzy little cheeks... Er, but I am an oni, not a small, furry animal! I can stuff my face as much as I want!

Ushiwakamaru
Is there anything I can do for you, Master?

Ushiwakamaru
...O-oh, right. You aren't my Master now, are you?

Ushiwakamaru
Very well then, I shall call you {(M) Lord /(F) Lady} Fujimaru.
...Huh? That doesn't work, either?

Ushiwakamaru
Th-then...I-I should just call you...Fujimaru?
Isn't that a little embarrassing?

Mash
Not at all! It's the best thing you could do under the circumstances! Also, you shouldn't be out of your seat like that.

Ushiwakamaru
Oh. Now that you mention it, I guess we are the only ones walking around the plane... I'll be careful.

  1. Someone has been conspicuously quiet...
  2. Where's Jeanne Alter?
  Select: Someone has been conspicuously quiet...

  Select: Where's Jeanne Alter?

Mash
Alter won our rock paper scissors game,
so she's living it up in first class.

Ibaraki-Douji
Another!

Robin Hood
Already!?

Ibaraki-Douji
Hahaha! There's no telling what this mysterious battlefield ahead may hold! We should feast our fill while we still can!

Robin Hood
How many times do I gotta tell you!? You're not gonna get any magical energy from ice cream, no matter how much you eat!

Robin Hood
Oh, sorry 'bout that, miss. Don't mind us.

  1. Just listening to them makes me smile...
  2. Just listening to them makes my stomach hurt...
  Select: Just listening to them makes me smile...
Mash
Hehe, same here.

  Select: Just listening to them makes my stomach hurt...
Mash
It's okay, Senpai. Robin has it under control.

Mash
We'll be landing in Hawaii soon.
The captain just made the announcement.

Mash
...Um, Senpai? Would it be okay if I held your hand? I've never been on an airplane before, so I'm a little nervous...

Mash
We're here!

Ibaraki-Douji
That airplane thing wasn't half bad!
And the food was great!

Robin Hood
You devoured half their store of dessert on your own... I can still feel that flight attendant's glare.

Robin Hood
Thanks to you, I never got a chance to ask her about Hawaii, let alone try to pick her up.

Robin Hood
Well, at least we made it here safely. Part of me thought we'd crash before ever seeing land again.

Robin Hood
...Hm? Hey Mash, you sure this is the right airport?

Mash
Uh, yes, I'm fairly sure this is the Daniel K. Inouye International Airport on Oahu...

Mash
That said, it doesn't really look like the pictures... And we still haven't gone through customs...

Ushiwakamaru
Customs... Is that like a checkpoint? If so, would we not find it by the airport's entrance?

Ushiwakamaru
Don't worry, our passports are all in order.

Ushiwakamaru
And Lady Da Vinci told me to just say “sightseeing”
if the customs people ask us why we're here!

Mash
R-right, good point. We should be able to see if anything is awry once we're outsi–

Jeanne Alter
...Are you freakin' kidding, Mash? Don't tell me the tropical heat's already getting to you?

Jeanne Alter
Did you not stop and think that the Foreigner could just be messing with us?

  1. Looking...good...!
  2. (She must've stayed up all night putting that outfit together...!)
  Select: Looking...good...!

  Select: (She must've stayed up all night putting that outfit together...!)

Mash
...
...

Mash
Uh, yes. That's a good point.

Robin Hood
Well, that was direct.
Guess she's a bit brighter than I thought.

Jeanne Alter
Shut up, Greenie.

Jeanne Alter
Listen up. We're in enemy territory now. Drop your guard, even for a second, and we could all end up dead!

Jeanne Alter
Whatever BS we feed customs, we're not actually here for sightseeing. Got that?

Ushiwakamaru
...Well, yes, I suppose that's true.

Jeanne Alter
Remember, we're up against a Foreigner–a monster from a whole other world. We gotta be ready to go all out as soon as we find it.

Jeanne Alter
And that means...? Exactly.

Jeanne Alter
We need to get in touch with Chaldea's Hawaiian office and assess the situation ASAP!

Ibaraki-Douji
What is she talking about, Fujimaru?
And why is she dressed...like that?

Ibaraki-Douji
Is that her swimsuit? But...why is she carrying THREE katana? Is...is it just because they look cool?

Jeanne Alter

!

Mash
(I guess oni don't beat around the bush...)

Robin Hood
(Guess that's a Berserker for you.
I don't think she even knows how to be subtle.)

Jeanne Alter
...Hmph.

Jeanne Alter
We're in Hawaii, right?
This is just how people dress here.

Ibaraki-Douji
Yeah, I read the guidebook, so I understand what you're thinking. But did you have to change already?

Ibaraki-Douji
We're supposed to be passing ourselves off as ordinary people, right? Don't you think brandishing weapons in an airport will draw suspicion?

Jeanne Alter

Why is she the one lampshading this!?

Robin Hood
(Has she no heart!?
Oh, right. Oni.)

Jeanne Alter
...
...

Jeanne Alter

Never mind all that!
Just hurry up and change already! All of you!

Ushiwakamaru
(She is clearly trying to bull-rush her way past all of this. As if that will fool anybody.)

Mash
N-no, we'll be changing later. I'm going to try and get in touch with Chaldea's Hawaiian office first.

Ushiwakamaru
Master, I'm going to go exchange some of our money for US dollars.

Ushiwakamaru
Not to worry, I have already learned the proper procedure for doing so!

  1. Ushiwakamaru doesn't waste any time getting down to business...
  2. So helpful... So this is what having an assistant is like...
  Select: Ushiwakamaru doesn't waste any time getting down to business...

  Select: So helpful... So this is what having an assistant is like...

Mash
I guess Ushiwakamaru takes her job just as seriously no matter where she goes.

Mash
...H-huh? I still can't seem to get a connection.

Mash
The line is open, but I'm not getting any response... Maybe there's an emergency.

Mash
I'm sorry to leave Ushiwakamaru behind,
but I think we should head outside now, Master!

  1. We still need to go through customs, right?
  2. I think customs fingerprints you these days...
  Select: We still need to go through customs, right?

  Select: I think customs fingerprints you these days...

H:???
Heh heh heh. You don't still think the normal rules apply here, do you?

H:???
Don't worry, you don't have to go through all that boring rigmarole. After all...

H:???
...anyone is welcome on this island,
but no one can ever leave...

H:???
That is the hellish paradise you have stumbled into, Sen...pai♡

  1. I-I recognize that demonic kouhai-ish voice...!
 
  Select: I-I recognize that demonic kouhai-ish voice...!

Mash
Kouhai...?

H:Ultracute Guide
Hellooo. One pitiful Master and five Servants?
Right this way, pleeease☆

H:Ultracute Guide
Oh, do you still need me to introduce myself?
What am I saying, of course you do!

H:Ultracute Guide
Okay, here goes nothing!

H:Ultracute Guide
Hotter than the hottest sun, purer than the deep blue sea, it's everyone's favoritest idol...BB!

H:Ultracute Guide
Super AI and Moon Cancer extraordinaire, here to cheer her senpai AND make her swimsuit debut!

Mash
You're BB...!?

Mash
The same BB who just showed up one day as a Servant in Chaldea and does nothing but play pranks and claim to be capable of anything!?

BB
Yep! That's me! I got here early for this excursion so I could show the rest of you around.

BB
In faaact...

Ushiwakamaru
Maaaster! Something is terribly wrong!

Ushiwakamaru
Look at this money!
This isn't US currency!

  1. Wait. I recognize these markings...!
  2. Oh, this can't possibly end well!
  Select: Wait. I recognize these markings...!

  Select: Oh, this can't possibly end well!

Mash
Does this say...“In Gil we trust”...?
What's going on? Is this some kind of sick joke?

Mash
This isn't the kind of money they use in Hawaii!
What's the meaning of this, BB!?

BB
Heh heh heh, I'm so glad you asked, Mash.
We don't often get to see you be so aggressive!

BB
I get it. Really, I do.

BB
You finally get to the tropical resort of your dreams, but once you're here it's one weird thing after another!

BB
Of course even mild-mannered Mash would get upset.
But this is only the beginning.

BB
Hehehe. Hehehehe.
Hehehehehehehehe!

Ibaraki-Douji
Gyaaah! An earthquake!?

Mash
Master, get outside, now!

Mash
Wh-what the...!?

BB
And now it all comes together!
I know what you were thinking!

BB
“I wanna go sightseeing in Hawaii!
I wanna kick back and relax in Honolulu!”

BB
Well, Fujimaru, as your luck would have it...

BB
...there's nothing I enjoy more than making all your selfish dreams come true!

BB
Now get ready to have your minds blown!
You're up, Singularity! Do your thing!

BB
...Hehehe. Here you go, Senpai.

BB
I had to use all the resources I've been saving to make it, but now you have the resort of your dreams♡

BB
Here, you can enjoy anything you want. Thrills, chills, pleasures, debauchery, dreams, nightmares...aaanything.

BB
Welcome, everyone. As the ruler of this little island, I'm glad you can join me in the Luluhawa Singularity.

Six Days Until ServantFes

Show/Hide Story Chapter

BB
Well, now that that's taken care of, I'll get out of your hair for now☆ Enjoy your trip, everyone!

BB
Hm? Why Luluhawa, you ask? Well, what would you call a mashup of Honolulu and Hawaii?

BB
I did my best to give our little stage here a cute name, so a little recognition for that would be nice!

Mash
Oh no. What did she do to the Hawaiian Islands...!? Come on Master, let's get outside and see for ourselves!

Mash
...Well that's strange.
Or rather...nothing is strange...

Mash
This is just how I always pictured Hawaii!
Nothing seems the least bit out of place, Senpai!

Robin Hood
So, this is Hawaii, huh. And here I thought all it would be is just a really hot island.

Robin Hood
There's nice, warm sunlight...clean air...wide, spacious skies...!

Robin Hood
Man, I had no idea these resort places were so nice, Fujimaru!

Robin Hood
This place is perfect for making summer memories!

Ushiwakamaru
True...
The ocean air here is brisk and refreshing...

Ushiwakamaru
The wind is nice and cool, while the sunlight is warm without being overbearing. It feels silly to even think about fighting here...

Ibaraki-Douji
Indeed. This place feels like they could be having festivals every day. I wonder if the people who live here are distinguished Kyoto citizens?

Jeanne Alter
...Are you guys nuts?
Do you not realize what's going on?

Jeanne Alter
Open your damn eyes and look, you morons!
The islands of Oahu and Hawaii are jammed together!

Robin Hood
Huh? How can you tell?

Jeanne Alter
Look over there!
Recognize Hawaii's Mauna Kea from the guidebook?

Jeanne Alter
The Daniel K. Inouye International Airport is on Oahu! We shouldn't even be able to see Mauna Kea from here!

Jeanne Alter
Oahu and Hawaii are over three hundred kilometers apart! It takes at least an hour to get there! By plane!

  1. Say whaaat!?
 
  Select: Say whaaat!?

Mash
I'm detecting the Singularity now too! The whole of the Hawaiian Islands has become a Singularity!

  1. Of course it has!
 
  Select: Of course it has!

Mash
...Th-then, does this mean...

Mash
...we haven't been able to contact Chaldea's Hawaiian office because we're in a Singularity now...?

Mash
Master, don't you think that's going a little too far, even for BB...!?

Robin Hood
Nope. This is about the sort of thing she'd do.

Robin Hood
She pretty much only acts on malice and a really twisted idea of good intentions.

Robin Hood
Think...like taking a Halloween party and turning it into an actual hellscape.

Mash
So, she causes trouble by going too far...meaning she tries to be kind, but misses the mark so badly it leads to disaster?

Ushiwakamaru
Now I see... That reminds me of something my brother used to say: “Stick your nose out too far and it's liable to get cut off.”

  1. So, I can't help but notice that guidebook's full of sticky notes.
  2. You must've really been looking forward to this, huh?
  Select: So, I can't help but notice that guidebook's full of sticky notes.
Jeanne Alter
...Freakin' sue me, then.
There was a buncha stuff I wanted to bookmark.

  Select: You must've really been looking forward to this, huh?
Jeanne Alter
Not really. Just did my homework like any sensible tourist should.

Jeanne Alter
...Tch. Guess we don't have time to stand around gawking.

Jeanne Alter
Mash. Robin. Ushiwakamaru. Ibaraki.
...We've got company.

???
Cluck cluck.

Mash
Huh? Hang on. Isn't that...a chicken?

Jeanne Alter
Yes. Yes it is.

Jeanne Alter
That's one of Hawaii's specialties.
The “sort of chicken you find anywhere” chicken.

Jeanne Alter
Now get your weapons ready!

  1. Are we really doing this!?
 
  Select: Are we really doing this!?

Chicken

Cluck cluuuck!

--BATTLE--

Mash
That was...an exceptionally large chicken.
I guess Hawaii is a good place to raise livestock.

Mash
Then again, maybe it's because of the Singularity...?

Ibaraki-Douji
(...That was no ordinary chicken. It was wreathed in an evil aroma I've never smelled before. Hmm...)

Ushiwakamaru
Wait! There's another enemy here!
We must have missed one!

Ushiwakamaru
You're not going anywhere!
I'll cut your head off where you stand!

???
Huh?

???
What's wrong, Master and company?

  1. Ushiwaka, stoooooop!
 
  Select: Ushiwaka, stoooooop!

Ushiwakamaru
Yes, Master! I will stop this cretin in his tracks by separating his head from his shoulders!

???

Bwa!?

???
Uh-oh! A pretty girl with killer eyes is out to get me! Pirate's Glory!

???
Phew, that was close.

Ibaraki-Douji
I could have sworn his head just dropped like overripe fruit from a tree...

Ibaraki-Douji

!?

Blackbeard
What's the deal, Master? Can't we forego the violence now that we're in Hawaii?

Mash
Y-you're...!

Jeanne Alter
Huh? You're Edward Teach.
What're you doing here?

Jeanne Alter
Oh, and if you so much as LOOK at me in my swimsuit, I'll cut your damn eyes out, you freakin' perv!

Blackbeard
Oho! A super aggressive girl who is all tsun and no dere...! What a rich bounty for an old otaku!

Ibaraki-Douji
I thought I understood modern slang, but not a word of that made any sense to me.

Robin Hood
Don't sweat it. You're better off, honestly.

Robin Hood
Still, though. What are you doing here, Blackbeard?

Robin Hood
...Wait. Don't tell me...

Blackbeard
Oh, you mean you didn't know?

Blackbeard
I'm here for ServantFes.

  1. Sorry...for what?
  2. That sounds vaguely familiar...
  Select: Sorry...for what?

  Select: That sounds vaguely familiar...

Blackbeard

Oh yeah.

Blackbeard
It's a regular get-together for Chaldean and non-Chaldean Servants.

Blackbeard
We schmooze, join clubs, make doujins, dance,
sing, and generally enjoy ourselves. We call it:

Blackbeard
The Servant!

Blackbeard
Summer Star!

Blackbeard
Festival!

Blackbeard
Or ServantFes for short.

Ibaraki-Douji
Ohhh, so this is where ServantFes is happening this year! I was so focused on looking for Shuten that I forgot to check!

Mash
...Master, I remember now!
When we were talking to Kiyohime...

Kiyohime
Oh Maaasteeer.

Mash
What's up, Kiyohime?
Is that...a swimsuit you're holding?

Kiyohime
Why yes, it is. I thought I would prepare for the destination ahead of time.

Kiyohime
All right Master, I'm going to go on ahead.

Kiyohime
I can't wait to see you there♡

  1. Uh, okay.
  2. Have a good trip!
  Select: Uh, okay.

  Select: Have a good trip!

Mash
So this is what she was talking about...

  1. No wonder my mornings have been so much more peaceful lately...
  2. Explains the lack of feeling stalked the last few days...
  Select: No wonder my mornings have been so much more peaceful lately...

  Select: Explains the lack of feeling stalked the last few days...

Mash
Putting that aside for the moment...
Blackbeard, can you tell us more about ServantFes?

Mash
Uh, I mean, the Foreigner!
What can you tell us about the Foreigner!?

Mash
That's the reason we came to Hawaii in the first place!

Blackbeard
Foreigner? Hmm, I don't think there was a club called “Foreigner”...

Blackbeard
Popular enough to have a wall booth? No? A newbie then? Hmm, sorry, never heard of stuff related to Foreigners.

Blackbeard
But why are we even talking about work now, anyway!? That's enough of that!

Blackbeard
ServantFes officially kicks off in six days!
I can't wait!

  1. What happened to defending humanity!?
 
  Select: What happened to defending humanity!?

Blackbeard
Hey, come on! ServantFes is the stuff of dreams for Servants everywhere!

Blackbeard
One Servant releases photo books to show off her beauty...

Blackbeard
One Servant likes to sell DVDs of her horribad gatherings–sorry, “concerts”...

Blackbeard
One Servant likes to listen to others' tales of adventure to inspire his own novels...

Blackbeard
And one Servant is holed up in her hotel room, crying about how she'll never finish her script in time.

Robin Hood
That last one doesn't sound like the stuff of dreams.

Blackbeard
I'm afraid Batty made an unfortunate decision to start playing the new World of Wyverns expansion right before her deadline...

Osakabehime

O-ohmigod, oh yes... It's so good... Can't stop...

Osakabehime
C-come on, hands, put down the controller!
Please! I'm onegai-ing you here!

  1. Talk about digging your own grave...
 
  Select: Talk about digging your own grave...

Blackbeard
Well, she's not the only one. I'd bet most of the different clubs here are behind on their merch.

Blackbeard
That's what happens when you're busy being the hero we deserve, amirite!? Don't worry, they'll get them done sooner or later!

Blackbeard
Anyways, the Servants who didn't join any of the clubs are parlaying it into a normie vacation.

Mash
Now that you mention it,
I do see a lot of other Servants arou–

Anastasia
GODDAMN HOT!

  1. Where'd that come from!?
 
  Select: Where'd that come from!?

Ibaraki-Douji
...Yeah, that about fits.

Anastasia
Master, Master. Can you please do something about this heat!?

  1. Can't you just use your spirit form?
  2. I think...you'll just have to take it off?
  Select: Can't you just use your spirit form?
Anastasia
That solves nothing!

  Select: I think...you'll just have to take it off?
Anastasia
No respectable human being would agree to that,
let alone a grand duchess such as myself. I decline.

Anastasia
...I knew I should have known better than to trust Medb. (Sigh)... Goddammit...

Mash
...Well, uh, between this Luluhawa Singularity and ServantFes, this is certainly a lot to take in...

Mash
...but overall, I think this is good news, Master.

Mash
Whatever the circumstances, the fact remains that all your Servants are here on this island. If they all join forces, we shouldn't have any trouble taking on the Foreign–

Blackbeard
Uh, I don't think that's gonna work.

Robin Hood
Why not?

Robin Hood
We're talking about a Foreigner here.
If we don't all take it on togeth–

Blackbeard
I hate to be “that” guy,
but all the Servants here...

Blackbeard
...have agreed that there won't be any real combat until ServantFes is over.

Mash
...Wha...

  1. Say whaaat!?
 
  Select: Say whaaat!?

--ARROW--

  1. Say whaaat!?
 
  Select: Say whaaat!?

Blackbeard
If you're wondering why, you should ask BB.

Blackbeard
She's the one putting on this year's ServantFes.

H:All
Huh!?

BB
Hold up! Did I hear someone talking about me?

BB
Speak this cute little devil's name, and she doth appear! The return of BB♡ the eternal summer guide♡

Robin Hood
Gah, knock it off!
One heart icon's more than enough!

BB
Yikes... Seriously, Robin? You come all this way to the tropics, and you're still being such a downer? Are you going through manopause or something...?

BB
I hate to say it, but everything about you screams “minor character,” so I don't think making yourself seem like an old fogy will win you any fans...

Robin Hood
Buzz off! I'm dancing with joy on the inside, all right!?

Robin Hood
I'd already be at the beach if it wasn't for the neckbeard here!

Jeanne Alter
All right, shut it.
You. You said your name was BB?

Jeanne Alter
You're the one running ServantFes?

BB
Why yes! Yes, I am♡ Just this year's, though.

BB
See, I heard they were having trouble finding a convention center for this year's ServantFes, and I thought I could help.

BB
Turning all of Hawaii into a Singularity would make sure the Mystics stay secret, so now everyone can really cut loose!

BB
The Servants get to make the most of their time in Hawaii, and ServantFes gets to be bigger than ever before!

BB
And once ServantFes is over, the Singularity will disappear and the Hawaiian Islands will go right back to normal♡

BB
Everybody wins! Right? I might be chaotic-evil,
but even I can do a good deed once in a while!

BB
Go on, give it up for me!
That's it! Don't hold back now!

Ushiwakamaru
She does have a point... As far as I can tell,
this island seems to be perfectly peaceful.

Blackbeard
Exactly. You won't find any mines at the beach or missiles at Diamond Head.

Blackbeard
We took great pains to look into that sort of thing ourselves. Trust me, there's nothing dangerous here!

BB
Of course not! This is both a con and an event designed to increase my appeal!

BB
That said, a plain old ServantFes would bring shame to the name BB!

BB
So, for this ServantFes,
I've instituted a ranking system!

BB
Listen up! Once the festivities are underway in six days' time, I'll be rewarding the most popular club...

BB
...with a Holy Grail! Tadaaa!

H:All
Seriously!?

BB
I AM the one putting on this con, so of course I'd have the authority to do that. Duh.

BB
And as a result, over half the Servants here at Luluhawa have said they're going to be joining clubs.

BB
Now, I have a question for you and your group, Fujimaru.

BB
What are you going to do while you're here?

BB
Don't worry, you don't have to make anything.
You can just spectate if you want.

BB
After all, you can't have entertainment without creators and an audience!

BB
So go ahead and join a club, or just sit back and take it all in. It's up to you♡

BB
Though of course, the only way to get the Holy Grail will be by joining a club, so do keep that in mind.

  1. A Holy Grail... (Gulp)
  2. How are you at making books, Mash?
  Select: A Holy Grail... (Gulp)
BB
Right? Who wouldn't want a Holy Grail of their own!
I love that kind of straightforward desire most!

  Select: How are you at making books, Mash?
Mash
I've never made a book before. Chaldea never did have any arts and crafts programs...
Mash
I mean, I would certainly put my landscape and portrait paintings up against anyone else's, but...

Ushiwakamaru
Just a moment, Master. I am curious about this ServantFes as well, but our mission lies elsewhere.

Robin Hood
She's right. We're not here for a vacation.
(Well, I am, but I still know I've got a job to do.)

Robin Hood
So I think it's best if we stick to being spectators. Right, Master?

  1. True. We'll be too busy with our mission.
  2. True. We'll be too busy with sightseeing.
  Select: True. We'll be too busy with our mission.

  Select: True. We'll be too busy with sightseeing.

BB
I see... Well that's too bad.

BB
Once ServantFes is over, we'll be announcing each club's total sales numbers, awarding the Holy Grail...

BB
...and holding an awards ceremony to celebrate the most creative Servants.

Jeanne Alter
Hmph. Who gives a rat's ass about sales numbers? But hey, if you guys wanna get all worked up over nothing, go right ahead.

Jeanne Alter
Can't imagine the sorta Servants who'd go around joining clubs like that are worthwhile, anyway.

Jeanne Alter
So it's nothing we need to worry about.
Right, Master?

Mash
...By the way, is there a club that's expected to win?

BB
Yup! That'd be the club that won the last ServantFes by a landslide!

BB
St. Orleans, led by Jeanne and friends!

Jeanne Alter

Wait, what!? The hell'd you just say!?

Jeanne Alter
HER!? Making doujins!? In a ServantFes club!?

Blackbeard
Oh, you mean you didn't know?
Jeanne's huge at ServantFes.

Blackbeard
Last year, I think her club sold out of every doujin they made the day before the doors even opened!

Blackbeard
In fact, I already asked BB to ensure they put aside a copy of this year's doujin just for me...

Blackbeard
I don't know if it's all calculated or just a happy coincidence, but the way their cute art meshes with the intense story is just... (Chef's kiss)

Blackbeard
Like, that bit when the heroine had a cannon full of phones and fired it to confess her love for the hero?

Blackbeard
The way it ignores all the usual rom-com tropes made me think it might be a little too turn-of-century Orleans, but–

Jeanne Alter
...do it.

Blackbeard
I'm sorry, what was that?

Jeanne Alter

I said I'll do it!

Jeanne Alter
If she came in first,
then she must be the one who drew that book!

  1. (“That book”...?)
 
  Select: (“That book”...?)

Jeanne Alter
If that's the way it is, then fine!
Me and Fujimaru'll make our own club!

  1. Wait, how'd I get dragged into this!?
 
  Select: Wait, how'd I get dragged into this!?

Jeanne Alter
Hey! We're a team, right!?

Jeanne Alter
We'll call ourselves “Gespenst Ketzer”!

  1. Is that German?
  2. What's that mean...?
  Select: Is that German?
Jeanne Alter
Yeah. Sounds pretty badass, doesn't it?

  Select: What's that mean...?
Jeanne Alter
...
...
Jeanne Alter
Something along the lines of “Heretical Monster”...?

BB
Theeere we go! Just the fish I'd hoped to land!
Step right up, you two!

BB
There you go, your club's all registered!
See you at section G-01 in six days!

BB
Feel free to bring in any kind of merch. Comics, novels, swimsuit magazines, tchotchkes, figurines...

Ushiwakamaru
In that case, I will join you as well, Master.
Say the word, and it shall be done.

Ushiwakamaru
I believe it is high time I demonstrated there is more I can do than decapitate!

Ibaraki-Douji
Well, I'm not gonna join! Nope!

Ibaraki-Douji
Now that we're in Hawaii,
the rest of you can go pound sand!

Ibaraki-Douji
I'm just here for the food! And to find Shuten!

BB
Okay, so that's a “no” from Ibaraki...

Ibaraki-Douji
See you around, Master!

  1. Uhhh...
 
  Select: Uhhh...

Mash
Off she goes...

E:Robin Hood
I know oni are free-spirited, but yikes...
Still, I can't say she's got the wrong idea.

E:Robin Hood
Think I'm gonna pass, too. Not spending my time at a tropical resort working hunched over a desk.

E:Robin Hood
I don't care about this club stuff,
and I can't draw anyway.

BB
Are you sure about that?

BB
I mean, if Senpai's club doesn't do well,
you're going to turn into a pig, you know?

E:Robin Hood
...
...

E:Robin Hood
...Why?

BB
Because I said so, of course!

  1. Why would you be smug about that?
 
  Select: Why would you be smug about that?

BB
Okay Robin, I'll go ahead and cast the spell on you now to make sure you feel it.

BB
Sakura Beeeam! ...Wait, scratch that.
Luluhawa☆Beeeam!

Robin Hood
Gah! You actually did it!

Robin Hood
What is this, a swimsuit!? It is, isn't it!?
Dammit...you've got pretty good taste...

Robin Hood
Even worse, I certainly can't forget how I'll end up as a pig if Fujimaru's book doesn't do well...

Mash
What a dreadful spell...

BB
Don't worry! As long as your club actually makes a book, this spell won't activate!

BB
I have a lot of faith in your work ethic and abilities, Robin.

BB
You're the perfect man for looking after slovenly writers and inspiring unmotivated ones!

BB
I'd go so far as to say that, among Heroic Spirits,
you are a comic editor born!

BB
So on that note, Robin, get to work!
Don't you dare let Senpai down!

Robin Hood
Dammit, I knew I should've run for it as soon as we hit the tarmac...!

BB
Okay, Senpai, I can't wait to see what your club comes up with.

BB
Oh, and while I'm sure this goes without saying...

BB
...ServantFes has some innocent children among its attendees, so make sure it's family-friendly!

Jeanne Alter
I don't do inappropriate, dumbass!

Blackbeard
Damn, you're gonna write and draw a whole book in a week? That's a hell of a thing.

Blackbeard
...Well, since you're mostly Servants, I guess you could get one done a good bit faster than normal if you go without sleep...

Blackbeard
By the way, Alter, have you had any experience making doujins?

Jeanne Alter
No. Does that matter?

Blackbeard
None? What the hell, Dragon Witch?
You think this shit is easy?

Mash
Y-you don't have any experience at all!?
Don't you think that's kind of–

Jeanne Alter
No, I don't think it's easy!
I know it's a ton of work!

Jeanne Alter
Yeah, I'm a beginner. I'm as green as they come.
But SO WHAT!? I'm still gonna kick her ass!

Jeanne Alter
...I have to.

Jeanne Alter
And if that means drawing a doujin or two, then you bet your ass I'm gonna draw the best damn doujin ever!

Blackbeard
...Well, it's good that you're motivated, but if you think this is going to be easy, you're in for a rude awakening...

Blackbeard
(Sigh) Good grief.
Are you sure you're going to be okay, Master?

  1. ...I'll figure something out...
  2. Not even a little. Please help.
  Select: ...I'll figure something out...
Blackbeard
Figure something out? There aren't even any copy services around here we could use... (Sigh)... It's not easy, being a Good Samaritan...

  Select: Not even a little. Please help.
Blackbeard
Yeah, that sounds about right! I like your honesty!

Blackbeard
All right, guess I've got no other choice.

Blackbeard
I'll be your doujin master, pirate Servant style!

Jeanne Alter
...Oh, so that's how it is, huh?
You wanna get skewered like meat over a bonfire?

Blackbeard
Hell yeah!
I'm a pirate first and foremost, after all!

Blackbeard
If you want my insider tips,
you'll have to beat them out of me!

Blackbeard
O Captain, my Captain!

Blackbeard
I think, therefore I'm kick-ass!
Come on, let's do this thing!

  1. Oh yeah. You're a real philosopher...
 
  Select: Oh yeah. You're a real philosopher...

--BATTLE--

Blackbeard

Guh!

Jeanne Alter
All right! We won!

Blackbeard
...But...the only one who can beat me...is me...

  1. That doesn't work without his voice.
  2. You're not fooling anyone, you know.
  Select: That doesn't work without his voice.
Blackbeard
Sorry. Got caught up in the moment.

  Select: You're not fooling anyone, you know.
Blackbeard
Well, that's just not nice.

Blackbeard
Anyway, since you won,
I'll keep my word and help you out.

Blackbeard
Start by heading for that hotel over there.
It's one of Waikiki's finest.

Blackbeard
If you hurry, you'll be able to get the special ServantFes deal of a hundred thousand BB Bucks a night!

  1. I have no idea if that's a good deal.
 
  Select: I have no idea if that's a good deal.

Blackbeard
Anyway, that's your only option. All the other hotels are completely booked because ServantFes.

Ushiwakamaru
So those are the only lodgings available to us, hmm.
Although... Teach, that hotel over there...

Ushiwakamaru
Am I mistaken, or is that the Shelton,
the single largest resort hotel in Waikiki?

Blackbeard
Ayup. I'd reserved a room there for me and my old pirate crew to have a bit of drunken revelry, but then that smarmy Bartholomew was all...

Blackbeard
“Sorry, Teach, but I already reserved the five-star place next door. If I see you at the con, you and I don't know each other, 'kay?”

Blackbeard
Guh, it still makes me mad! Anyway, that's why I'm not staying at that hotel myself now. Too fancy for me.

Ushiwakamaru
Wonderful! Thank you, Lord Teach!
I had the wrong idea about you!

Ushiwakamaru
Come, Master, let us hurry there,
before Lord Teach changes his mind!

Ushiwakamaru
We can rest assured that that hotel is a first-class institution!

Wake up! XX!

Show/Hide Story Chapter

  1. Finally, we're at the hotel.
  2. Damn, this place is fancy!
  Select: Finally, we're at the hotel.

  Select: Damn, this place is fancy!

Jekyll
Welcome to–
Oh, it's you guys.

  1. What're you doing here!?
 
  Select: What're you doing here!?

Jekyll
Say hello to Henry Jekyll, hotel manager! ...That is, for the duration of ServantFes, at least.

Jekyll
Somebody has to take care of the various administrative duties for an event like this if it is to go smoothly.

Jeanne Alter
That so. Sounds like a lotta work.
Anyway, we wanna check in.

Jekyll
Yes, of course. It looks like Blackbeard–er,
Mr. Blackbeard reserved a suite. Is that acceptable?

Jeanne Alter
Hell yeah.

Jekyll
...You do understand it's a penthouse?

Jeanne Alter
Kick-ass. Gotta love living in the lap of luxury.

Jekyll
Very good. Is that all right with you too, Master?

  1. I really don't think I need a sui–
  2. Yes, we'll all be staying in the suite, please.
  Select: I really don't think I need a sui–
Jeanne Alter
What, and make it so I've gotta call you all the way in another room if I need something? Screw that.

  Select: Yes, we'll all be staying in the suite, please.

Jekyll
Very good. One of our bellhops will be with you shortly.

Jekyll
Yoohoo, Saber.

Mordred
What's up, Bean Sprout?

Jekyll
Hahaha, I'd appreciate you treating me with a little more respect, now that I'm your boss and all.

Mordred
Nope.

Mordred
Hey, just so you know, the suite is stupidly expensive, so don't trash the place or get into any fights in there or anything.

Jeanne Alter
...Hah!

Jeanne Alter
You, telling us not to fight?
Is that a pig I just saw flying outside?

Mordred
Bait me all you want, I'm still not gonna fight.

Mordred
And for the record, every single hotel is completely booked, so if we toss you out, you'll be spending ServantFes on the streets.

Jekyll
Now, now, Saber, no threatening our guests.

Mordred
Yeah, yeah.

Mordred
Oh, and one more thing: there's no room service.

Mordred
If you want something to eat,
you'll have to come down to the lobby.

Jeanne Alter
What kind of half-assed operation are you running here!?

Mordred
The only ones here are me, Bean Sprout,
and a few golems to carry luggage.

Mordred
But don't worry, we got some good eats here.
I 'specially recommend the avocado toast.

Mordred
You can really taste the wheat in the bread they use.

Mash
Ooh, that does sound delicious. Come on, Senpai, let's go put our things in our room and then have lunch!

  1. Right on!
 
  Select: Right on!

Mordred
Okay, here's your room keys.
Oh, and one last thing.

Mordred
Don't go sneaking into other rooms, got it? Visiting with permission is one thing, but no sneaking around!

  1. What do you take me for!?
  2. What about somebody sneaking into our room?
  Select: What do you take me for!?
Mordred
...Yeah, good point.
Guess I don't gotta worry about you, do I.

  Select: What about somebody sneaking into our room?
Mordred
THAT'S what you're worried about!?
Mordred
...Well, uh...I think you'll be okay...
Probably...

Marie
Oh, if it isn't the other Jeanne!

Jeanne Alter
Aw crap. It's Princess Sparkles.

Marie
Are you staying here, too?

Mash
Uh, yes, we are. You are too, Marie?

Marie
Oh yes. Jeanne and I are sharing a room!

Marie
We just got to the best part of our work, too!

Jeanne Alter
Work? What work...?

Marie
Oh, did I not tell you?
We're making a book together for ServantFes!

Jeanne Alter
...Figures. I knew she couldn't have drawn a story like that on her own.

Jeanne Alter
So you're in cahoots with her, huh?

Marie
Cahoots...? Oh, you mean you thought our story was a hoot?

Marie
Thank you! That means a lot, coming from you.
Vive la France!

Marie
Are you here for ServantFes too, Alter? When we finish with our books, we should each give the other a copy!

Jeanne Alter
Hell yeah. Tell her to brace herself, 'cause when we're done with ours, she won't know what hit her.

Ushiwakamaru
(Whispering) Master, it would probably be better not to mention we still don't know the first thing about drawing doujin.

  1. You can say that again. ...Oh, but don't.
 
  Select: You can say that again. ...Oh, but don't.

Mash
All right, Master, why don't we go to our room, too?

Mash
I can't wait to see what our suite is like!

Ibaraki-Douji
Master! Are you here, Master!?

  1. What's up?
 
  Select: What's up?

Mash
Ibaraki...?
I thought you went off to look for Shuten?

Ibaraki-Douji
That was before I realized something crucial!

Ibaraki-Douji

Where's MY swimsuit!?

Mash
Huh?

Ibaraki-Douji
I can't go swimming dressed like this!
Trust me, I tried!

Mash
I, uh, I see. What about your Morph skill?
Did you try that?

Ibaraki-Douji
Don't be stupid! How can I change myself into a swimsuit when I don't even know what my swimsuit looks like!?

Ibaraki-Douji
Besides, you're my Master. Shouldn't finding me an appropriate swimsuit be your job!?

Ibaraki-Douji
Well? Come on. Come on. Come on!

  1. I'm sorry, I can't...!
 
  Select: I'm sorry, I can't...!

Ibaraki-Douji
Why do you apologize?

Ibaraki-Douji
...Wait. Does this mean I can't wear a swimsuit?

Ushiwakamaru
...No more pestering our Master, Ibaraki-Douji.

Ushiwakamaru
You have no one to blame but yourself for not asking Lady Scáthach ahead of time.

Ushiwakamaru
There are only so many Servants who can tamper with their Spirit Origins, after all.

Ushiwakamaru
All of that is to say...

Ibaraki-Douji
Wh-wh-wha...

Ushiwakamaru
You should have thought ahead and planned accordingly, as I did.

Ushiwakamaru
It's not right to blame Master for this, Ibaraki.

Ibaraki-Douji

When did you change into that getup!?

Ushiwakamaru
What do you think, Master?

  1. You look badass.
  2. You look beautiful.
  Select: You look badass.
Ushiwakamaru
Thank you, Master!
Ushiwakamaru
I certainly feel much lighter in this outfit... It reminds me of the time I spent training on Mt. Kurama!

  Select: You look beautiful.
Ushiwakamaru
Thank you, Master. Indeed, I'm told this swimsuit is patterned after a beautiful katana.
Ushiwakamaru
I certainly feel much lighter in it. It reminds me of the time I spent training on Mt. Kurama!

Ibaraki-Douji
W-w-well, so what!?
I actually own a mountain! So there!

  1. Now I feel bad for her...
  2. Guess I'd better go consult Scáthach...
  Select: Now I feel bad for her...
Ushiwakamaru
You are very kind, Master. Personally, I feel that she made her bed, and should lie in it. But I will respect your wishes.
Mash
Why don't we talk to Scáthach about a swimsuit for Ibaraki the next time we see her?
Mash
I'm sure that will cheer her up.

  Select: Guess I'd better go consult Scáthach...
Mash
That's a good idea. Although, I'm not sure if she is even here in Luluhawa.

Ushiwakamaru
But never mind that now, Master.
You still need to see your room!

  1. Oh, right!
 
  Select: Oh, right!

  1. This is really nice...
 
  Select: This is really nice...

Fou
Fou... Fouuu.

  1. Let's go see what the view's like from the balcony.
 
  Select: Let's go see what the view's like from the balcony.

  1. The weather's gorgeous, too!
 
  Select: The weather's gorgeous, too!

  1. And look at that beautiful beach!
 
  Select: And look at that beautiful beach!

  1. Wow, they've even got shooting stars here!
 
  Select: Wow, they've even got shooting stars here!

Fou

Fooou!?

Mash
Master, come quickly!
I picked up the Foreigner's signal!

Mash
I think the shooting star you just saw was the Foreigner!

  1. Wow, that was fast!
 
  Select: Wow, that was fast!

--ARROW--

Katsushika Hokusai
Aah! Toto-sama!? You already bit the dust!?

Katsushika Hokusai
Wait. Crap. I think I'm getting dizzy too...!
Hey, you! Who the hell do ya think you are...!?

G:???
None of your business! Die, Foreigner!

Katsushika Hokusai

Aaaaaaaaahhh!

Robin Hood
Aw man, the Foreigner really did show up!

Ushiwakamaru
Yes, I've just confirmed it! That mysterious object crash-landed at Waikiki Street!

  1. Come on, everyone, let's go!
  2. Apropos of nothing, I noticed you changed too, Mash!
  Select: Come on, everyone, let's go!

  Select: Apropos of nothing, I noticed you changed too, Mash!
Mash
Y-yes, I did.
My other outfit is made for Chaldea, so...
Robin Hood
Ah, get the stick out of your ass, Master.
Robin Hood
Let's just kick this thing's ass,
then go enjoy our vacation!
Jeanne Alter
And our doujin! Don't you dare forget the doujin we need to make!

Mash
Is that...BB!?

Ushiwakamaru
It looks like the Foreigner is fighting her...

BB
Oh, Fujimaru!
Perfect timing!

BB
A mysterious Servant crash-landed here and is going around wrecking everything!

BB
I'd love to deal with them myself, but I'm using all my amazing powers to keep the tourists safe.

BB
Besides, I don't wanna ruin my swimsuit in a fight!
Come on, help me out here!

Ushiwakamaru
Your misplaced concerns about your swimsuit aside, I commend your initiative in keeping the other people safe! Rest assured, we will handle this villain!

Ushiwakamaru
Be ready, Robin, Mash!
Our enemy is about to emerge from the smoke!

???
...Illegal Servants detected!
Existence forbidden. Executing all targets.

Mash
Huh?

Ushiwakamaru
Hm?

Robin Hood
...(Agape)

Jeanne Alter
Plate armor?

  1. Me... Me...
  2. Ro... Ro...
  Select: Me... Me...

  Select: Ro... Ro...

BB
It's a mecha!
No, it's a robot!

BB
But this really isn't the time to worry about that! I've never seen that Servant's Spirit Origin before!

BB
What's more, it's dead set on killing everything in sight! Take it out before it hurts any innocent bystanders!

???
...Destroy.
...Destroy!

  1. Come on, everyone! Let's do this!
 
  Select: Come on, everyone! Let's do this!

--BATTLE--

???
...Shift ended. Terminating combat.

???
Do not think this is over. Primitive life-forms.
This convention will not stand.

???
I promise you. On my honor as a Foreigner.
I will crush ServantFes!

Mash
The enemy Foreigner transformed and rolled ou–I mean, flew away!

Mash
I can't track her!

Robin Hood
Oh, fan-freakin'-tastic. Just what we need.
Another powerful enemy with crazy weapons.

Robin Hood
Good thing BB threw up that barrier in time,
or this whole area would be rubble...

Ushiwakamaru
So that is the Foreigner... She seemed...different from Lady Abby or Lady Hokusai. If anything...

Ushiwakamaru
...it felt like she was closer to that mysterious Servant...

BB
Hmmhmm, so that's the Foreigner everyone's been talking about, huh.

BB
Mind filling little old me in about what's going on, Senpai?

  1. Well... (Deliver exposition)
 
  Select: Well... (Deliver exposition)

BB
Now I see...

BB
I had no idea that was going down while I was getting ready to toy with–I mean, reward you for all your hard work...

BB
So, I get that this Foreigner is a visitor from outer space with a special Spirit Origin, and that she's an existential threat to mankind...

BB
...but I don't get why she showed up here at my Luluhawa...

Jeanne Alter
Eh, she's probably just throwing a jealous tantrum after she saw how much fun we're having.

Robin Hood

Hmm, makes sense.
Especially coming from a nerd like you.

BB
But hey, now that you drove her off,
Senpai, we have nothing to worry about!

BB
Sure, it sounded like she'll probably come back at some point, but you can just send her packing again, right? I mean, that IS your job and all.

BB
So I'm trusting you guys to handle that.
Remember, ServantFes is in your hands♡

Mash
...And BB disappeared again. She certainly likes to come and go as she pleases...

Mash
Still, it is lucky that we ran into the Foreigner so soon after we got here.

Mash
And since it looks to be very likely that she'll show up of her own accord again...

Mash
...I think the smart thing for us to do would be to set ourselves up here on Waikiki Street and wait for her to appear while we investigate Luluhawa.

Jeanne Alter
...

Jeanne Alter
(The hell was that thing...? I can't possibly make them let me focus on the doujin now...)

Robin Hood
Hang on now, let's not go forgetting about ServantFes. I've got a lot riding on our success here.

Robin Hood
Basically, we've just gotta make a book, right? So let's just slap some photos of Luluhawa into an album and make a guidebook or something.

Jeanne Alter
Are you nuts!? We can't possibly win with some half-assed entry like that!

Robin Hood
That's where you're wrong, missy. Creative endeavors start small! You think your first novel could be your magnum opus? Or your first painting would be a masterpiece? Or your first game a smash hit? No way!

Robin Hood
As the manager of this operation, my first order of business is this: we've gotta polish our skills, refine our sensibilities, and find inspiration wherever we can!

Robin Hood
If we explore Luluhawa, we can look for leads on this Foreigner, collect reference material, and learn the tricks of the trade!

Robin Hood
Personally, I think that's the way to go.
What do you think, Dragon Witch?

Jeanne Alter
Khh... Fine. You're right. I admit, we don't know jack as far as drawing doujin is concerned.

Jeanne Alter
We'll scrounge up all the BB Bucks or Gil Bucks we can, buy art supplies, and go look for stuff we want to draw.

Jeanne Alter
Got that, Fujimaru?

Jeanne Alter
The success of Gespenst Ketzer is riding on your shoulders.

Jeanne Alter
As our Master, it's your job to train us and make sure we don't waste a single day!

  1. So you just need reference material, huh? Leave it to me!
  2. So you just want to go sightseeing, huh? Leave it to me!
  Select: So you just need reference material, huh? Leave it to me!

  Select: So you just want to go sightseeing, huh? Leave it to me!

Mash
That was a great Da Vinci impression, Senpai!

Sightseeing...for Research

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Ushiwakamaru
Good morning, Master! No, scratch that!
It's a beautiful morning, Master!

Ushiwakamaru
I can't put my finger on it, but there's just something...invigorating about this place!

Ushiwakamaru
I don't have many fond memories of the ocean, but I really like it here at Luluhawa. It's enough to make me want to go swimming!

Mash
Good morning, Senpai. Did you sleep well last night?

Mash
There was so much exciting commotion coming from Waikiki Street that I couldn't get to sleep myself...

Mash
It looks like they hold a festival every night. It's so peaceful, and there's laughter everywhere you go...

Mash
I guess this is just what life in the tropics is like. I can see why so many people come here to unwind.

Jeanne Alter
Yeah, it made my walk last night a real drag.

Jeanne Alter
There were so many people on the streets, I couldn't get so much as one decent photo, even after midnight.

Robin Hood
Morning. Now that we're all here,
let's head down to the lobby.

Robin Hood
We should grab ourselves a table for the breakfast buffet before they all fill up.

Mash
Oh wow...!

  1. This place is huuuge!
  2. Everything looks so good!
  Select: This place is huuuge!

  Select: Everything looks so good!

Robin Hood
Damn, they got everything here. American, Italian, Japanese, and everything in between!

Robin Hood
Mmm, and it all tastes as good as it looks! Hell, maybe even better! Here Master, you gotta try this.

Robin Hood
See? Pretty damn good, right?
I've never had better banana syrup in my life!

Ushiwakamaru
Ooh, so this is their bacon. Mmm, smells so good. And it's twice as big as what they serve at Chaldea...

Ushiwakamaru
Very salty, though. I wonder if having so much salt at once is a good idea...

Ushiwakamaru
Aw, why not! We're on vacation, after all! Plus, there's no Benkei here to nag me about my cholesterol! All right, it's meat time!

Mash
Here's a table, Senpai. Don't worry about coffee;
the server will pour it for us.

  1. Wow, we have an ocean view, too.
  2. These sounds of the ocean are so soothing...
  Select: Wow, we have an ocean view, too.

  Select: These sounds of the ocean are so soothing...

Boudica
Morning, Fujimaru, Mash.
I see you're here on vacation.

Mash
Boudica! Good morning.
Are you here on vacation, too?

Boudica
Hmm, yes and no? Vacation's part of it,
but I'm also here on business.

Boudica
You know the Fluffy-Eared Queen? She talked me into working as a chef here. And I'm not the only one.

Tamamo Cat
That she's not!

Tamamo Cat
Usually this cat's much more pawticular about how she prepares her carrots, but in this joint, it's all about quantity over quality.

Tamamo Cat
After all, this cat's also a maid, and here in Luluhawa, buffets are what's MAID to order!

Robin Hood
Hm? Red Mantle isn't here? Weird. I'd have thought he'd be the first in line for a chef job...

Robin Hood
Well, either way, I've got no complaints about the nosh. So from now on, we'll be starting every day with breakfast right here!

Robin Hood
They say it's the most important meal of the day and all, so tucking in here oughta give us plenty of energy for the rest of the day.

Robin Hood
As for what we do during the day, that's up to Master. We could hang out at the beach, go shopping...

Robin Hood
It's only our second day here, so whatever we want to do, we have plenty of time. It's important that we just relax and enjoy Luluhawa.

  1. Sounds like a plan.
  2. You okay with that, Alter?
  Select: Sounds like a plan.

  Select: You okay with that, Alter?

Jeanne Alter
That's fine during the day.
But at night, we meet back up at the hotel.

Jeanne Alter
I've got a lot of stuff to look up, and I want you guys snapping photos like there's no tomorrow in the meantime.

Mash
Don't worry, Alter. I've got it well in hand.

Mash
I thought something like this might happen, so I made sure to bring along a top-of-the-line camera.

Mash
If it's photos you want, then photos you'll get! Luluhawa landscapes... Senpai hiking up a mountain...

Mash
Senpai diving into the ocean... Senpai getting on the bus... Senpai eating a waffle dog...

Jeanne Alter
Uh...yeah. I got it. Anyway, it's great that you're fired up about this, Mash. You can handle taking photos, then.

Mash
Roger that!
Okay Senpai, let's go begin our expedition.

Mash
I recommend we start with Diamond Head Beach and Diamond Head itself!

An Aloha Guy Arrives in Hawaii

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Elisabeth
Hm? You wanna know how to make doujin? You really signed up for ServantFes without even knowing that?

Elisabeth
Heh, that's either really brave, or really reckless. Reminds me of how bad last year's Halloween got.

Elisabeth
But that's okay with me.
I like a little recklessness.

Elisabeth
All right, as a fellow Anti-Hero...of sorts,
I'll offer you a word of advice.

Elisabeth
I don't know what sort of story you're looking to draw, but you can't just go right to a printer with a draft.

Elisabeth
First, you need to actually make an appointment to see the printer.

Elisabeth
Your schedule's already pretty packed, right? Trust me, I know. Mine's wound tighter than a boa constrictor.

Elisabeth
There's pretty much no chance of you sending your draft to the printer before the very last second, so if I were you, I'd go meet them while I still could.

Elisabeth
You'll find them right arooound...here,
between Waikiki Street and the airport.

Elisabeth
I recommend taking the bus over a taxi.
Seriously, Waikiki's public transport is awesome.

Jeanne Alter
...So I took her advice and went down to the printer, but the owner wasn't there.

Ushiwakamaru
Hm? I don't suppose that is the owner there?

Ushiwakamaru
He certainly looks the part,
and his dress could not be more Hawaiian.

Mash
Who are you talking about?

  1. Maybe...he's a tourist...?
  2. I'm getting some serious déjà vu here...
  Select: Maybe...he's a tourist...?

  Select: I'm getting some serious déjà vu here...

Mash
Well, there's one surefire way to find out.
Alohaaa!

  1. Alohaaa.
 
  Select: Alohaaa.

Aloha Guy
Aloha, youngsters. I say, is it just me, or is there something strange about Hawaii lately?

Mash
Well, uh, yes, you could certainly say that.

Aloha Guy
I knew it.

Aloha Guy
You see, my homuncu–er,
attendants were just telling me:

Aloha Guy
“Aw man, we've gotta shut down soon, huh. If only we could take a paid vacation to Hawaii, just once...”

Aloha Guy
They were rather enthusiastic about it, in fact.

Aloha Guy
At any rate, I came here to take a look at the Hawaiian branch of the organization I aim to acquire one day...

Aloha Guy
...but there's clearly something else strange going on here right now. For example, who are all those strange people mixed in among the regular tourists?

Ushiwakamaru
I believe it is because of ServantFes, portly one.

Aloha Guy
...Ah, now I see.
A large-scale convention for “those” sorts, eh.

Aloha Guy
Well, that just won't do.
My danger sense is going absolutely berserk!

Aloha Guy
Hey, you lot! We're going back to my northern summer home! We'll scope out Diamond Head Beach some other time!

Aloha Guy
Hmph. A perfectly good Hawaiian outfit to blend in with the locals, wasted...

Jeanne Alter
...Guess that guy didn't own the printer.
Just another tourist.

  1. He still looks oddly familiar, though.
  2. I wonder if we'll see him again at some point.
  Select: He still looks oddly familiar, though.
Mash
I think that's just the déjà vu.

  Select: I wonder if we'll see him again at some point.
Robin Hood
Is that Clairvoyance talking?
Mash
No, I don't think it's that...

Jeanne Alter
Anyway, I don't think we're gonna find the owner around here...

Jeanne Alter
No point running ourselves ragged when we don't even know where to look, so I say we call it a day.

Jeanne Alter
I still want to check the printer out, but without a book to print, there's not much point. Long as we get the final draft done, the rest'll work itself out.

  1. Then let's go back to the hotel and brainstorm.
  2. We could also just make our own photocopies.
  Select: Then let's go back to the hotel and brainstorm.
Jeanne Alter
Right on. We'll brainstorm until we figure out what kinda story we wanna write. If that works out, we can go right to the drawing and writing phase!

  Select: We could also just make our own photocopies.
Jeanne Alter
Ulp... I was really hoping to avoid that, but I guess, if we've got no other choice... Then again...can we really get by with just photocopies?

Robin Hood
All right then, let's go back, have some dinner, and discuss story ideas. You guys go on ahead; I'll grab some grub for all of us and meet you there later.

Robin Hood
Hope you're ready for all the Luluhawan fruit-filled junk food you can eat.

I'm Not Embarrassed about Changing So Many Times

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Robin Hood
All right, so this afternoon, we're gonna look for reference material at the beach! Woohoo!

Robin Hood
Alter said she had a bad feeling about the beach and went to the aquarium instead. Her loss!

Robin Hood
Take it all in, Master.
Not a better beach to be found than this!

Robin Hood
I'm referring to the ocean. Obviously. Beautiful blue water, and not a speck of garbage anywhere on the glittering white sands.

Robin Hood
Sure, it's impossible to take pictures of it without taking photos of the people here too, but what're you gonna do? It's the beach!

Mash
There sure are a lot of Servants here...
I don't think I even recognize all of them.

Robin Hood
Most of 'em are probably here for ServantFes. Hey, at least we won't have to worry about running out of subjects! Excellent!

Ushiwakamaru
Then let's start taking photos.

  1. We need to get permission first.
 
  Select: We need to get permission first.

Mash
Of course. Although, I wonder who we should start with...

Mash
Oh...? That blonde woman over there...

Jeanne
Oh, hello, Mash.
Hello, Fujimaru.

Jeanne
I didn't know you were all here too.
Aloha!

  1. Aloha!
  2. You seem right at home!
  Select: Aloha!

  Select: You seem right at home!

Jeanne
Hehehe. I was a little taken aback by how open and spacious everything is here at first, but here I am a week later, a full-blown Luluhawa Heroic Spirit.

Jeanne
I'm really enjoying Luluhawa.
The sound of the waves... The gentle breeze...

Jeanne
The seemingly endless supply of cheap,
delicious pizza... The friendly locals...

Jeanne
Just getting to see the ocean would have been enough for me...

Jeanne
...but as you can see, Marie and I are enjoying this so much it's almost embarrassing!

Jeanne
Oh, did I mention I met an unexpected guardian angel and learned a new attack too?

Jeanne
Anyway, I have to say that Luluhawa really agrees with me!

  1. I'm Fujimaru, and I approve this message!
  2. So what's the deal with that floatie?
  Select: I'm Fujimaru, and I approve this message!

  Select: So what's the deal with that floatie?
Jeanne
Hehehe. So you noticed, did you?
You want to know more about it, don't you?
Jeanne
This might look like a floatie, but it's actually a halo designed to guide summer angels.
Jeanne
It's my special weapon! Think of it as the flag I carry into battle for summer.
Robin Hood
Oho, interesting. That's quite an armament you've got for yourself, then.

Jeanne
So, are you all here to enjoy the beach too? If you like, I'd be happy to teach you the finer points of swimming in the ocean.

Ushiwakamaru
No, that's all right. We only came here to collect reference material for our book.

Jeanne
Oh my. A book?

Mash
That's right.
Alter wanted to make a doujin, so–

Robin Hood
(Shh! Keep that to yourself, Mash.
You know Alter wants to keep that a secret for now.)

Mash
(Oh, right. I shouldn't have brought that up without Alter here too.)

Mash
I can't go into the specifics, but the short version is we've ended up joining a club as well.

Mash
So today, we're here at the beach taking reference photos. Right, Senpai?

  1. That's right. Mind if we take one, Jeanne?
  2. That's right. Mind if we take one, Mash?
  Select: That's right. Mind if we take one, Jeanne?
Jeanne
Oh. You mean you want me to model for you? Well, of course I won't say no to you, but–

  Select: That's right. Mind if we take one, Mash?
Mash
Of course not, Senpai!
I'd be glad to take one of you on the beach!
Robin Hood
Uh, I'm pretty sure that's not what {(M) he /(F) she} meant... Oh well, at least Mash is happy.

???
Well that's strange. Did I just hear you right?

???
You're going to go for leftovers when you have a gourmet banquet right in front of you?

???
But, I suppose you might just have something in your eye.

???
If you do, wash it out right now and feast your eyes on the true queen of the beach!

Mash
Medb!?

  1. Wait, weren't you in last summer's event?
 
  Select: Wait, weren't you in last summer's event?

Medb
Correct!

Medb
It has been exactly one year to the day since this queen was disgraced.

Medb
Now I'm reborn as a Saber, and I've got a brand spanking new swimsuit Spirit Origin to show for it!

Ushiwakamaru
...I see. A Saber, huh.

  1. So I guess you're Medb 2.0?
  2. What happened to the outfit you had last year?
  Select: So I guess you're Medb 2.0?
Medb
Exact–Uh, the nineties called...something about wanting their naming jokes back.

  Select: What happened to the outfit you had last year?
Medb
I've still got it safely tucked away, of course.
Medb
A queen has to dress for all occasions, you know.

Mash
Um, Medb...? Could I ask you something?

Medb
All right. Permission to speak, granted.

Mash
Were you having a photo shoot here? It sounds like you have no problem with being photographed...

Medb
That's right. I'm in the middle of a major photo shoot at the moment.

Medb
Yours truly will be putting out a book at ServantFes too. A photo book, to be precise.

Robin Hood
You're publishing at ServantFes too!?
But why would you go with a photo book when...

Robin Hood
(No, wait. She might be a tougher competitor than I'm thinking... Whatever her personality issues, the effect her magical energy has on men is real.)

Robin Hood
(Remember, she took control of a nation with her charm spell alone. If she releases a sexy photo book...)

Robin Hood
You don't say. That sounds fascinating. So who've you got working the camera? The lion-head?

Medb
Oh please. As if I'd let Edison get involved and then run off with most of the profits.

Medb
No, the only ones who get to photograph this gorgeous bod are my adorable, pitiful slaves.

Medb
I think I scooped up at least a hundred poor saps with cameras on this beach alone♡

Ushiwakamaru
...Something about this woman rubs me the wrong way. Shall we fight her, Master?

Jeanne
Now, now. It's against the law in Luluhawa to go around picking fights. Besides, I'm sure we can all get along.

Robin Hood
(Aw crap. Fujimaru and the rest of them still don't get what a threat this is...)

Robin Hood
(We're talking a photo book shot by a hundred skilled photographers. In which case...)

Robin Hood
So where's your table then? I'm guessing it's lost in the middle somewhere, if this is your first time at this con?

Medb
Hehe, don't be silly.
I got a spot near the wall, of course!

Medb
There was another club with a weird name in the spot I wanted, so I negotiated with them for it.

Medb
What were they called again...?
I think it was "Tentacle Iron Bar" or something.

Medb
Their club rep was absent though, so the only one I talked to was Abby, one of the underlings.

Jeanne
The rep for Tentacle Iron Bar was absent...?

Jeanne
That's strange... Nothing short of the collapse of humanity itself would make them miss ServantFes...

Ushiwakamaru
...Just a moment. You don't expect us to believe these “negotiations” were on the up-and-up, do you?

Medb
Huh?

Medb
The hell are you talking about? Of course they were.
I said give, and they gave. What else is there to it?

Ushiwakamaru
So you threatened them? No, I doubt it was even that. I'm guessing you think they just gave you what you wanted out of the goodness of their hearts.

Ushiwakamaru
Oh, I recognize that look of yours. It's the look of someone who thinks they deserve everything they want just for being pretty, and shouldn't ever have to give anyone anything in return.

Ushiwakamaru
Clearly, Lady Masako had nothing on you.

Medb
Is that so?
You've got guts, saying that to my face.

Medb
Your own figure's...okay, but it's obvious your only beauty regimen is working out.

Medb
When you get right down to it, “sporty” is really just another word for “stocky.” You don't have an elegant curve to your name.

Medb
So how about you just stick to sports and leave the swimsuits and sex appeal to those of us who know something about them, tengu girl?

Mash
Uh-oh... I don't like where this is headed!
Do something, Robin!

Robin Hood
Sorry, this is out of my hands.
These two are natural enemies.

Ushiwakamaru
Oh yes. Since we're on the subject, it's not just that look of hers. The way she moves, the way she acts...

Medb
On that, we agree. It's not just the look in your eyes I hate. Those spindly arms and legs...

Ushiwakamaru & Medb

...make me sick!

  1. Please calm down, Ushiwakamaru!
  2. Do something, Robin!
  Select: Please calm down, Ushiwakamaru!
Ushiwakamaru
Let go of me, Master! Who does she think she is, having just the right amount of fat on those gorgeous legs!?
Ushiwakamaru
You can tell she doesn't work out at all, yet she still has a perfect body! Every breath she draws is an affront to us athletic types!

  Select: Do something, Robin!
Robin Hood
Whoa there! Come on, Ushiwaka, settle down!
Ushiwakamaru
Let go of me! Let GO of me!

Medb
Hmph. This is exactly why I hate yokels from the mountains.

Medb
You really think you get as much out of training as you put in? How clueless can you get?

Medb
Whatever. As a true queen, it's incumbent upon me to show you what sets royalty apart from the rabble.

Medb
Consider yourself lucky that you get to see my power in action!

Medb
These are the heroes who swore loyalty to my beauty...my Good-Looking Braves!

Mash
Good-looking? Brave?
Something's not adding up here!

Fou
Fou?
Fou fo, fou fou.

Medb
Don't be silly♡

Medb
These guys all want to look good for me, and they're bravely willing to do anything if it'll help.

GLB

Yeeeah!

Robin Hood
I thought you said the photographers were your slaves!

Medb
What are you talking about?
Celts don't do slavery.

Medb
If we did, we'd call my Celtic warriors slaves,
but we don't. Is that so hard to understand...?

Medb
Of course, that rule doesn't apply to non-Celts, though!

Medb
All right then, my beloved braves!

Medb
Remove these cretins from these lovely shores, that my reign as the even lovelier Queen of the Beach might continue unopposed!

Ushiwakamaru
...There you have it, Master.
We are now well past the point of diplomacy.

Ushiwakamaru
Since the only worthwhile reference material we might get off her is from the neck down, you won't mind if I chop off anything above that, right?

Ushiwakamaru
She could even contribute to the arts as the next Venus de Milo, but with a missing head instead of arms!

Ushiwakamaru
Come on. Pretty please?

  1. Puppy dog eyes aren't going to help!
 
  Select: Puppy dog eyes aren't going to help!

Medb
Well, well, you sure talk tough. Fine, if you think you can make me into an old Greek statue, you go ahead and do your worst!

Jeanne
Oh! I recognize that sport.
They're sumo wrestling!

Jeanne
I thought it was usually practiced by half naked men, though... I guess those two must be very good friends...

Jeanne
Well, don't hog all the fun, you two!
Let me join you!

Robin Hood
Aw crap. The Luluhawa heat must be getting to her even more than it is Alter...! Looks like we've got no choice but to join in too, Master!

Robin Hood
We've gotta get Ushiwaka to settle down before she kicks up a storm and ruins this awesome weather for the rest of the tourists, including me!

--BATTLE--

Medb
Ugh, that fan of hers kicks up a literal storm!
What a pain in the ass!

Medb
Braves, we're leaving! There's no point holding a photo shoot if she's going to rain on my parade!

GLB
Roger that! I'd suggest switching over to a wet T-shirt shoot in that case, but I suppose we would need special equipment for that!

GLB
All right guys, you heard Her Majesty! Remember, we're still on for the deep-sea dive shoot this afternoon!

Medb
Welp, this has been "fun" and all, but I'm afraid I'm too busy to play with you dweebs anymore.

Medb
Good luck with your little book project! You're gonna need it, since there's absolutely no chance a club of newbies like you could ever make anything good!

Ushiwakamaru
Hmph! Newbies! She should talk! She'd better hope she doesn't get a cramp and end up drowning!

Jeanne
Hehe, that was fun! I think I'm getting the hang of being an Archer!

Jeanne
Anyway, I'd better get going. I don't want to keep Marie waiting for our lunch date.

Jeanne
You've all got a club too, right?
Then I'm sure I'll see you again at ServantFes!

Robin Hood
Sheesh... So we just ran into the reps for two major clubs purely by accident, huh.

Robin Hood
Between Jeanne's production talent and Medb's unorthodox approach, we've got our work cut out for us...

On the Shore with a Special Kouhai

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
Sorry to bother you all.
I was just curious how things are going.

Jeanne Alter
Well...we've got a basic direction now...I think. But really, I'm not sure what it is I'm drawing myself...

Robin Hood
Don't worry, it's surprisingly readable. It's almost like you were already a fan of manga or something.

Jeanne Alter
...I've been reading them for a while.
They were helpful for learning to read and write.

Jeanne Alter
It was only recently that I started trying to understand how they work. There's both an art and a science to things like panel layout, writing dialogue, and so on.

Ushiwakamaru
So you used a reference then. Does that mean you didn't come up with this art style yourself?

Jeanne Alter
What? You got some kinda problem with imitation?

Ushiwakamaru
Not at all. Every learning endeavor begins with imitation. I have certainly learned my share of things via monkey see, monkey do.

Ushiwakamaru
Now that you have the fundamentals down,
all you need to do is work on improving your art.

Mash
So...does this mean things are going well?
Maybe that means now is a good time for a break?

  1. Whoa, when did it get so late?
 
  Select: Whoa, when did it get so late?

Mash
Hours ago, actually.

Jeanne Alter
Hmm, good point.

Jeanne Alter
Fujimaru, you haven't had dinner yet, have you?
Why don't you go do that now.

Jeanne Alter
And take your time. I mean it.

Jeanne Alter
In fact, why don't you go with {(M) him /(F) her}, Mash?
You put off eating out of deference to us, yeah?

Mash
O-okay, I'll do that. Let's go to the restaurant on the first floor, Senpai.

Tamamo Cat
Well hi there. Two for dinner?

Mash
Yes please.

Tamamo Cat
...
...

Tamamo Cat
I'm sorry, {(M) Mr. /(F) Ms.} Bags-Under-{(M) His /(F) Her}-Eyes,
but the whole restaurant is reserved today!

  1. But, there's no one here!
 
  Select: But, there's no one here!

Tamamo Cat

Don't just look with your eyes!

Tamamo Cat
But anyway, I didn't let that stop me from making some jelly do–I mean, rice balls and such.

Tamamo Cat
I've got a bunch of different kinds, including spam! Ever had rice balls with spam before? Way better than you'd think.

Tamamo Cat
Most of our carbs for the next three days are gonna come from bread, so it's nice to mix it up a little, you know?

Tamamo Cat
Why don't you take them down to the beach and have a nice, relaxing meal there? You might just find some new ideas out there!

Mash
Okay, we will.
Thank you so much for the food, Cat.

Mash
Come on Senpai, let's go find somewhere to eat down by the water!

Mash
So we take one, two, three steps after leaving the restaurant...

Mash
...and here we are.

  1. Man, that's really nice.
  2. Then let's dig in!
  Select: Man, that's really nice.
Mash
Yes, it is.
Mash
If we feel like going to the ocean for a change of pace, all we have to do is step out the door!

  Select: Then let's dig in!
Mash
Okay.
Mash
Here, have some mineral water, Senpai.

Mash
The stars are beautiful, aren't they.

  1. Yeah... And not just them...
  2. So's the sea.
  Select: Yeah... And not just them...
Mash
!
Mash
...Oh, sorry, never mind. It's nothing.
Mash
You're right, though.
This place is like paradise.

  Select: So's the sea.
Mash
Yes. Very much so.
Mash
Although, I also find the Luluhawan sea a little scary at night. It almost feels like the darkness and the water are blending together...

Mash
Oh, right. Shall we have our rice balls now, Senpai?

Mash
They look yummy.

  1. That they do.
 
  Select: That they do.

Mash
...Mmm, they are delicious!

Mash
Hmm, mine is a little...sour?
Wait, make that a lot sour!

  1. That's the pickled plum.
 
  Select: That's the pickled plum.

Mash
I see...

Mash
It's a much more pervasive sourness than, say, a lemon.

Mash
I've read that these picked plums are soothing to upset stomachs. It was very considerate of Cat to include them in these rice balls.

Mash
All that aside...things certainly have gotten strange here.

Mash
Between the Singularity, ServantFes, forming a club, and making a doujin...not to mention that mysterious Foreigner...

Mash
...well, I can't think of a better word for it than “messy.”

Mash
At least it's nice and quiet now...

Mash
...Huh?
Are those...chickens?

Mash
Gah, so loud!

  1. Way to ruin the moment!
 
  Select: Way to ruin the moment!

Mash
I guess we'll have to finish our rice balls later, Master.

Mash
Right now, we need to take care of these enemies. For some reason, they remind me of an author Servant whose night is day and day is night!

--BATTLE--

Mash
(Munch, munch...) Oh, I know what this one is.
It's salmon.

  1. Be funny if Fionn caught it for Cat to cook.
  2. I got shrimp and mayonnaise myself.
  Select: Be funny if Fionn caught it for Cat to cook.
Mash
Ooh... Maybe it'll make me wiser then.

  Select: I got shrimp and mayonnaise myself.
Mash
Are the shrimp very fresh here in Luluhawa? They certainly look better than the ones at Chaldea.

Mash
Come to think of it, this is the first time we've gone on a real trip rather than a Rayshift, isn't it.

Mash
This isn't just a simulation. This is a real beach,
in the real tropics...and here we are...

  1. I'm glad this Singularity happened in Hawaii.
  2. We're actually on vacation.
  Select: I'm glad this Singularity happened in Hawaii.
Mash
Master...let's not lose focus.
Mash
Remember, once we've defeated the Foreigner, and hopefully completed our book in time for ServantFes...
Mash
...it'll be time for us to go back to Chaldea. We shouldn't forget that part of our mission, Senpai.
Mash
...Hehe.

  Select: We're actually on vacation.
Mash
...Y-yes, I suppose you're right.
Hearing you say it like that...
Mash
...it really does make me feel...like we're on vacation...
Mash
I mean, I suppose putting on a swimsuit will have that effect, but still...

Mash
Before was a race...and before that, a desert island.

Mash
No matter what strange things happen,
we always find a way to enjoy ourselves in summer.

Mash
Someday, when you look back on this long and arduous battle...

Mash
...I hope you'll remember the fun times as much as the bad ones.

Mash
...And I hope I'm not imposing on you by sharing that, either.

  1. Not at all.
  2. Thank you, Mash.
  Select: Not at all.
Mash
That's a relief...

  Select: Thank you, Mash.
Mash
Not at all. I'm the one who should be thanking you.

Mash
Well, shall we head back to the hotel?

Mash
Alter should be just about finished by now.

C:???
Heh...

C:???
It seems my accomplice is still yet to realize...

C:???
...that unprecedented danger is headed towards Luluhawa...

C:???

Unprecedented!

C:???

Danger!

C:???
Hehe...
Kuhahahaha...

Nezha
...
...

Nezha
Silence is. Golden.

BB's Going To Be in Her Element

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Robin Hood
Come on, we gotta get going.
We have a reservation tonight at seven!

Ushiwakamaru
I'm so excited, Master!
Tonight, we get to go to a Japanese restaurant!

Ushiwakamaru
I cannot wait to see what Japanese food is like here in Luluhawa.

Ushiwakamaru
You know, I was quietly checking the restaurant out earlier, and I noticed something on their wall. It appeared to be a photo with a caption that said...

Ushiwakamaru
“Udon Eating Contest Record Holder: 634 Bowls.
'That was great! I've never had coconut udon before!'”

Ushiwakamaru
Well, perhaps I simply misread it.
It does seem rather unbelievable, after all.

  1. A woman who can down six hundred and thirty-four bowls of udon...
  2. What manner of monster have we awakened...?
  Select: A woman who can down six hundred and thirty-four bowls of udon...

  Select: What manner of monster have we awakened...?

Jeanne Alter
Huh!? It can't be dinnertime already!
I'm not even halfway done yet!

Robin Hood
Now, now, you know what they say about doing things on an empty stomach.
That's especially true for Fujimaru and Mash.

Robin Hood
I say we take a break and go for a little stroll.
Who knows? The muse might just descend while we do.

Jeanne Alter
...I guess you've got a point. I haven't gotten anything done for the last hour or so besides redrawing this spread over and over.

Jeanne Alter
Fine, I'll go outside for a while then. We were supposed to go see Luluhawa's sights anyway.

Mash
Okay then, let's all go together. It should only take us ten minutes or so to walk to Engen Seimen!

Blackbeard
Hey, hey! What up, fellow tourists!

Blackbeard
How 'bout I take your picture for you!? I'll do it, you know! Want a photo with Waikiki Street as a backdrop!? You know you do!

Robin Hood
Aw crap. That Blackbeard...

Mash
Thanks, that's very kind of you. Did you hear that, everyone? Blackbeard says he'll take a picture for us!

Mash
Come on, we can get one of all of Gespenst Ketzer together!

Blackbeard
That's it, all together now!
Here, young lady, let me see your camera.

Blackbeard
Oh, I know. Why don't my parrots join you in the photo? Their names are John, Jane, and Doe.

Blackbeard
Okay, like it or not, I'm gonna take a picture now!
Say, “Cheese!”

Mash
Thank you, Blackbeard. Your parrots give this photo a great Luluhawan touch...

Mash
Um, Blackbeard? Why are you holding your hand out like that? It almost looks like you're asking for money...

Blackbeard
That's 'cause I am asking for money. Did you, or did you not, just take a photo with my parrots?

Blackbeard
John, Jane, and Doe here are the only three of their kind. Their photo rights don't come cheap.

Blackbeard
It costs ten Gil Bucks per bird, per person, so three birds times five people comes to one hundred and fifty Gil Bucks.

Blackbeard
Hey, don't blame me. I'm just “parroting” what my lawyer said! (Rim shot)

Blackbeard
So you'd all better pay up, otherwise I can't give you back your camera. Sorry, you know how lawyers are.

Blackbeard
(Hehehe... With a hundred and fifty Gil Bucks, I can finally splurge on that deluxe burger and cola set I've had my eye on all day...)

Robin Hood
I knew it...

Robin Hood
Let this be a lesson to you, Mash. The next time someone offers to take your picture, take a good look at them first.

Robin Hood
Some'll be on the up-and-up, but others just want to pull a fast one on unsuspecting tourists.

Ushiwakamaru
Lord Robin, I do not think you are being fair. Blackbeard is the only one who did anything wrong here. It is him you should be scolding, not Lady Mash.

Jeanne Alter
You think? Kinda got my blood pumping, really.
Not a trip until you run into some kinda trouble!

Blackbeard
You're kidding me!
Parrot Guys are a Luluhawan staple.

Blackbeard
So, uh, why're you pulling out those katana with that look that says you wanna carve me up like a Luluhawan chicken?

Blackbeard
Ch-chill! I was JK! Just a little dark pirate humor, you know? Can't you take a joke?

Blackbeard
I mean, come on, if I didn't get up to mischief like this now and then, y'all would forget I'm actually a nefarious pirate, right?

Blackbeard
You've got to be able to put the fear of God in your men if you want to run a tight pirate ship. Trust me! Old Blackbeard knows from experience!

  1. So that's what that was about...
  2. You were still out of line with the money.
  Select: So that's what that was about...
Ushiwakamaru
Do not be fooled, Master.
He had every intention of ripping us off.

  Select: You were still out of line with the money.
Blackbeard
Really!? Then you're saying I could've gotten away with asking for Fluffy Bucks instead of Gil Bucks!? Sweet! I'll have to try that next time!

Blackbeard
All that aside, I was absolutely earnest about wanting you all to have a photo, though.

Blackbeard
Between Ms. Mash, Little Ushiwaka (a little scary),
and Lady Alter (a lot scary)...

Blackbeard
...this beautiful street just pales in comparison!

Blackbeard
You are like fireworks! Sirens ringing in the night! A...beam directed at my private pirate treasures?

Blackbeard

Caaaalibuuurn!?

  1. Parrot Guuuy!
  2. Don't tell me the Foreigner is back!?
  Select: Parrot Guuuy!

  Select: Don't tell me the Foreigner is back!?

Mash
Blackbeard got blasted toward the beach!
We'll just have to trust in his durability!

Mash
More importantly, that attack just now came from an enemy signal about a hundred meters away!

Mash
Master, this is–

Robin Hood
There's a huge commotion over by that intersection!
It's got to be that Foreigner!

???
...I. Will. Destroy. Everything!

???
ServantFes's convention center.
The restaurants. And their endless wait times.

???
I. Will. Destroy. ALL OF IT!
Everything about. This cursed city!

BB
Hmm. Looks like I'm at my limit of how many people I can keep safe at once.

BB
At this point, maybe I should seriously start thinking about moving ServantFes from Waikiki to Diamond Head...

  1. Hold it!
  2. We're here to help, BB!
  Select: Hold it!

  Select: We're here to help, BB!

BB
Hey, if it isn't Fujimaru!
And the rest of the Chaldea crew!

BB
Well this changes everything for little old me!
I knew I was right to trust in my senpai!

BB
Careful! She means business! The longer you take, the more she's gonna turn Main Street into Pain Street!

BB
So finish that evil Foreigner off for good!
There's not a moment to lose!

???
Evil Foreigner...?
...? ...???

???
...Exactly!
All Foreigners. Must die!!! Excluding me.

Jeanne Alter
Here she comes, Fujimaru! Let's see just how tough that armor of hers really is!

--BATTLE--

BB
Huh!? How has she not just exploded after taking all those attacks!?

Mash
The enemy Foreigner is still unfazed!
We're hitting her really hard...

Mash
...but that armor of hers is so tough that I don't think any of it is getting through!

BB
... (Guess I can't afford to keep this under wraps anymore...)

???
Foreigners must die.
ServantFes must die.

???
My name is XX. Remember that.

F:XX
I am the Foreigner. Who hunts other Foreigners.
Foreigner Hunter XX!

BB

Ulp!

Robin Hood
Aw great, looks like she's still raring to go! I don't think we have any choice but to make a temporary retreat to the mountains!

BB
No. As the guardian of the Luluhawa Singularity,
I refuse to let this stand any longer.

BB
Now that things have come to this, I'm pulling out all the stops! It's time...for a transformation!

E:BB Pele
Aaalooohaaa! It's a new look for a new BB!
A punk, wild, coquettish look!

E:BB Pele
That's right! I installed the Hawaiian goddess Pele's Divine Core...

E:BB Pele
...and now, I'm BB Pele!

Mash
Pele...!
As, in the Hawaiian version of Ishtar!?

  1. That's a super apt way to put it.
  2. Nice analogy, Mash!
  Select: That's a super apt way to put it.

  Select: Nice analogy, Mash!

E:BB Pele
Yup! I'm Hawaii's precocious divine symbol of power, destruction, rebirth, and love☆

E:BB Pele
No more keeping my true identity under wraps!
Foreigner XX, you are hereby banned from Luluhawa!

--BATTLE--

XX

Ouch!

XX
Um... Let's see... What should I–Err, that is... Interference detected from upstart local deity. Searching protocol for optimal course of action...

XX
“Galactic Police Ordinance, Article 1234: Conflict with local guardians of humanity carries a penalty of one hundred years of reduced salary in addition to...”

XX
...Well, shit.

XX
Hey, I hate to beg favors, but would you mind just pretending none of this happened?

XX
Right, I'd better skedaddle.
Dinner isn't gonna make itself! Toodle-Luluhawa!

BB Pele
Phew! Glad that's all settled! Thanks, everyone!
Couldn't have done it without you☆

Jeanne Alter
Uh, didn't look that way from where I'm standing...
So, you've really got Pele's power now?

BB Pele
Oh yes, absolutely. As I'm sure you all know,
Pele's the goddess of Hawaii's volcanoes.

BB Pele
She's named for both the holy land, Pele-honua-mea,
and the eater of the land, Pele-ai-honua.

BB Pele
I met her about a month ago when I was scoping out Hawaii as a possible ServantFes venue, and we hit it off right away.

BB Pele
But she was pretty weak 'cause of...reasons, so I copied her Divine Core and installed it in myself.

BB Pele
And that is the story of how I got this great tan!

BB Pele
The rest, as you all know, is history.

BB Pele
I used the authority over Hawaii I'd borrowed to make the Luluhawa Singularity...

BB Pele
...and went on to hold ServantFes, where tourists and Servants both can enjoy themselves freely!

BB Pele
Oh, something else about Pele–

Jeanne Alter
Ugh, that's enough exposition. I got it already.

Jeanne Alter
I would've thought you were Poliʻahu instead...but I guess this explains why you're on our side.

E:BB
Oho, so you know about the snow goddess Poliʻahu, huh? You really did your homework, didn't you!

E:BB
Anyway, I'd love to properly reward you for all your help, but I've got a bunch of buildings I need to fix up. You know how it is.

E:BB
Only two days left until ServantFes now.
I can't wait to see the fruits of your labor☆

Jeanne Alter
Ugh... I'd finally gotten the damn book offa my mind and she just had to drag me back to reality...

Ushiwakamaru
Now, now, it will be all right. I'll help out too once we get back to the hotel. I've become rather proficient at filling in inks these last few days.

Robin Hood
But first, some dinner. Once we've had a break and some food, we can put our noses back to the grindstone.

Robin Hood
Any project'll get done eventually as long as you keep working at it. You've just gotta find a pace that works for you, Alty.

Jeanne Alter
Alty...? Wha... No. Hell no! Don't you ever...

Did Not Reach Heaven's Door

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Robin Hood
Okay, I'm calling it now!

Robin Hood
Alter, Ushiwaka, Mash, Fujimaru.

Robin Hood
ServantFes begins in six hours, and we still have over half the book left to complete.

Robin Hood
This is as far as we go. I get how you all feel, but since I'm the manager here, I gotta give it to you straight.

Robin Hood
We need to give up on the idea that we're going to finish this book in time to send it to the printer, and settle for photocopies of what we have right now.

Robin Hood
Personally, I think that's the best we can do at this point in time. Any objections?

Jeanne Alter
...

Ushiwakamaru
Ow, ow, ow. I'm happy with how the inks turned out,
but I think my blisters are getting blisters...

Ushiwakamaru
Yes, I guess you're right. There's just no way for us to finish the last eighteen pages in time.

Mash
...I'm afraid not. No matter how I look at it,
I don't see any way we could finish by morning...

Mash
I'm so sorry, everyone.
If only I'd been a better assistant...

  1. Are you okay with this, Alter?
 
  Select: Are you okay with this, Alter?

Jeanne Alter
Eh, whatever. Photocopies are fine.
Just did this for fun, anyway.

Jeanne Alter
...I mean, it sucks that we couldn't finish, but at least this'll be better than sending an unfinished draft to the printer.

Jeanne Alter
What about you, Robin?
Aren't you worried about turning into a pig?

Robin Hood
Nope. BB said we need to “make” a book,
and the way I see it, photocopies count just fine.

Robin Hood
Besides, we all did our best to draw it, so there's no way it's gonna turn out badly, photocopy or not.

Robin Hood
Considering this was our first time doing anything like this, I'd say we more than made the grade. Great work.

  1. Robin... Thank you...
  2. Pig or not, you'll always be Robin to me...
  Select: Robin... Thank you...

  Select: Pig or not, you'll always be Robin to me...

Jeanne Alter
Hah! What a crock! You're our manager.
Telling us we did great is your damn job!

Mash
Now, now. Even if we are switching to photocopies, there's still a lot of work to be done.

Mash
We need to finalize a design for the finished part, find a place with a photocopier...

Mash
...fold the copies into a book,
and staple them all by hand.

Mash
It's going to take us at least three hours to get through it all.

Mash
So let's get started now, or we won't get any sleep at all before ServantFes.

Ushiwakamaru
Well, we can't have that. I know I would much rather rest and relax in the morning. All right then, we shall make one last push until daybreak.

Jeanne Alter
Guess that's settled then. How about you, Fujimaru?
You gonna stay up with us, or get some shut-eye?

  1. You better believe I'll be sticking around to the end.
  2. Hey, I'm part of this club too.
  Select: You better believe I'll be sticking around to the end.

  Select: Hey, I'm part of this club too.

Jeanne Alter
Damn right. That's what I wanted to hear.
Right then, can you take care of this last page?

Jeanne Alter
Just add something that lets the reader know the rest of the story will show up in part two. You know, “To be continued” or whatever.

  1. Ooh, I've got one.
 
  Select: Ooh, I've got one.

  1. “Our battle has only just begun!”
 
  Select: “Our battle has only just begun!”

Jeanne Alter
Wh-what!? No, not that! That just makes it sound like it's been canceled or something and there won't be a part two at all!

The First Doujin

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
Good morning, everyone!
I know you're all sleepy, but you need to wake up!

Mash
It's time for the clubs to make their entrance.

Mash
The Servant Summer Festival is finally about to begin!

Leonidas
Convention staff, line up!

Leonidas
Listen up, all of you. You must not think of the attendees as ordinary people.

Leonidas
Think of them as living race cars who will burn every bit of fuel they possess in search of the books and merch that give them life!

Leonidas
However, race car or not, that does not give them carte blanche to zip around the convention center as they please.

Leonidas
Our duty here is to maintain order, to prevent people from panicking, and of course to allow them to roam the convention freely.

Leonidas
Thus, we swear here and now!

Leonidas
We shall ensure we provide Courtesy to attendees,
and suffer neither Running, Accidents, nor Pushing!

Leonidas
Put it all together, and you have C.R.A.P!

Leonidas
That is who we are!
That is what we aspire to be! Got that!?

Con Staff

Oorah!

Leonidas
Good. All shield bearers, take up your weapons!

Jeanne Alter
...I got a feeling these clowns are gonna cause more problems than they solve.

Mash
Phew. We managed to make about fifty photocopies... That seems pretty good to me.

Mash
Are you sure you want to give them away for free, though? We won't really make money that way...

Jeanne Alter
That's fine. I don't give a shit about money.
Or about what BB said.

Jeanne Alter
All I wanted was to beat that book...her book...to beat her at her own game. But that's not really what our book turned out to be.

  1. What do you mean?
 
  Select: What do you mean?

Jeanne Alter
Well, you know...it's not just my book. It's...well, it's something we all made together, just because doing it was fun.

Jeanne Alter
So I don't mind giving it away.
I already got everything I wanted from it.

Mash
Alter...

Leonidas
Bwa!?

Mash
Th-that sounded like an explosion!

Jeanne Alter
Hey! What the hell!? We were just putting a nice little bow on this whole side story here!

Leonidas
Someone's attacking from the air!
This is no ordinary attendee!

Leonidas
This Spirit Origin... I-it's a Foreigner...!?

Jeanne Alter
Really!? She had to show up five minutes before the con starts!?

Leonidas
Curses! All attendees, evacuate immediately!
The con staff and I will hold her off!

XX
Listen up. Foolish. Wicked. Foreigner.

XX
Playtime is over!
XX is here to defend order in the universe!

XX
DIE, SERVANTFES!

Jeanne Alter
Dammit, guess we've got no choice. Come on, let's finish this up before the con gets started!

Leonidas
Thank you! I will assist you as well!

Leonidas
Let us do battle!

--BATTLE--

XX
Uh-oh, I'm running out of steam fast. Knew I should've had more than instant Cosmic Noodles for breakfast...

XX
...Dammit, guess I don't have any other option.

XX
I'll just have to detonate my armor and reduce the convention center to rubble in the blast!

Jeanne Alter
...Shit. That beeping sound giving anyone else a real bad feeling?

  1. Maybe it's a self-destruct timer?
  2. Sounds like a countdown to me.
  Select: Maybe it's a self-destruct timer?

  Select: Sounds like a countdown to me.

Leonidas
That's terrible! We need to get her away from the con center immediately!

Cursed Arm
What's all this commotion about?
Is there a problem?

  1. Hassan!
 
  Select: Hassan!

Cursed Arm
She's going to self-destruct?

Cursed Arm
...
...Hmm.

Cursed Arm
Very well then, I'll carry her away.
Hup.

Mash
Hassan!?

Cursed Arm
Don't worry about me.
The rest of you, please enjoy ServantFes.

Cursed Arm
Farewell!

Mash
No...!

Jeanne Alter
...Not bad for an Assassin.

Ushiwakamaru
Lord Hassan...

  1. ...Hassan...
 
  Select: ...Hassan...

Cursed Arm
All done.

Mash
Huh?

Jeanne Alter
...What the hell? How are you still alive!?

Cursed Arm
Well, I have Protection Against the Wind,
so a little explosion is nothing to me.

  1. Talk about an SSR skill...
 
  Select: Talk about an SSR skill...

Cursed Arm
Very true. You never know what skill may come in handy.

Leonidas
You have my heartfelt thanks, Lord Hassan.
Fortunately, collateral damage appears to be minimal.

Leonidas
Now that we only have a minute to go until the doors open, I had better return to my post.

Leonidas
May you all have a wonderful ServantFes!

Jeanne Alter
Yep. Planning to, thanks. You guys all ready?

Jeanne Alter
It's time for Gespenst Ketzer to make its official debut!

Jeanne
Thanks so much!

Marie
We're so glad you came.
What's that? You want me to do my thing?

Marie
Yes, of course.
Vive la France♪

Gilles de Rais

Ahhh, that's the stuff.

Jeanne
Gilles, try to stay away from our table. Oh, and if you get so excited that you start dripping seafood everywhere...

Jeanne
...I'm going to crush those eyes of yours like cheap Ping-Pong balls.

Gilles de Rais

Yikes! I know this may seem rich coming from me,
but don't you think that's a bit extreme!?

Gilles de Rais
And yes, the absurdity of me saying that is not lost!

Osakabehime
I...I can't gaman anymore... I've already hit my social interaction limit... It's all up to you now, Kiyo-yo...

Kiyohime
Oh, all right.
Two copies? Here you go. Thank you♪

Andersen
What do you want? A book? Fine, take one.

Andersen
Now what? You want to pay for it? Ugh, just leave whatever you feel like on the table!

Andersen
I'm far too tired to worry about taking your goddamn money!

Shakespeare
As am I!

Shakespeare
I cannot help but notice that we have a habit of running ourselves absolutely ragged every year when the convention rolls around.

Shakespeare
Oh, hello. By all means, help yourself to a book.

Shakespeare
If you insist on payment, just put whatever you feel is fair into this box, please.

Andersen
Next time, we're gonna take it a damn sight easier for once. You hear me, Mr. Masterpiece? Hey! I'm talking to you!

P.A. System
Attention, attendees. It is now 5:00 p.m.
The convention hall is now closed.

P.A. System
On behalf of ServantFes,
we thank you all for coming.

P.A. System
See you again at the next Servant Summer Festival!

Mash
We did it, everyone!
Congratulations on a job well done!

Mash
Now we just have to clean up our booth!

Mash
We may not have made much money, but it was fun meeting so many other clubs and Servants!

Jeanne Alter
People seemed to like our book, too.
Although, we've still got one copy left over.

  1. I'll take it.
  2. I'll hang onto it.
  Select: I'll take it.
Jeanne Alter
Really? You still want a copy after all the time you spent looking at it?

  Select: I'll hang onto it.
Jeanne Alter
All yours, then.

Jeanne Alter
...All right.

Jeanne Alter
Now that the Foreigner's defeated, and ServantFes is over, this Singularity oughta go away pretty soon.

Jeanne Alter
It might not've gone exactly how we planned, but at least we did everything we were supposed to. Guess this means we go back to Chaldea tomorrow.

Mash
I'm very sorry, Senpai, but I'm afraid we'll need to blindfold you again.

Mash
Well, shall we head back to the hotel now?

Fou
Fou, fou...

  1. Man, I'm exhausted.
  2. I'm definitely gonna sleep well tonight.
  Select: Man, I'm exhausted.

  Select: I'm definitely gonna sleep well tonight.

  1. Good night...
 
  Select: Good night...

Tick-Tock, Go Back

Show/Hide Story Chapter


I first learned about doujin when I came across a book that had been left in one of Chaldea's hallways.


It was about a young girl who had been cursed by a witch, and a monster that hated the way he looked.


They fell in love, had a falling-out, fought the witch together, and went on to get married.


The girl's curse was never lifted, and the monster never turned into a handsome prince or anything.


Even so, they loved each other, just as they were.


It was only a thirty-page manga, but I must have read it at least a hundred times that night.


It made me so angry I screamed.


I'll admit it was good, but I just freakin' hate whoever drew the thing.


I KNOW I can come up with a better story than this!


...I didn't realize how stupid that was until I started trying to draw one myself.

???
Aww, is that the sort of dream you were having, Senpai?

  1. ...Huh?
 
  Select: ...Huh?

Mash
...Senpai!?
What the...?

Jeanne Alter
Hey, what the hell's going on here!?
Weren't we just at the hotel!?

C:???
Tick♪ Tock♪
Tick♪ Tock♪

C:???
Did you know you can overwrite your own internal clock by just swallowing a digital one?

C:???
You might have technically finished on time,
but without results, that means nothing.

C:???
Think just finishing a book is good enough? That the real treasure was the friends you made along the way?

C:???
I don't think so, Senpai.
Not on my Luluhawa watch!

  1. What did you do!?
 
  Select: What did you do!?

BB
Me? I just turned back the clock. Since you bungled it all up the first time, now you get to try again.

BB
So, on that note: congratulations, Senpai!

BB
Today is once again the first day of the rest of your trip to Luluhawa. The day you arrived here!

BB
And this time, I want you guys to make a proper final draft, get it professionally printed, and sell more books than any other club, okay?

Robin Hood
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back right up there, BB.

Robin Hood
Didn't you say that all we had to do was form a club and make a book!?

BB
Yes, that's true... But that was before Medb won the Holy Grail for selling the most books.

BB
When I asked her what she planned to do with it,
she said she was going to use it for herself...

BB
That would be really inconvenient for me... See, I kind of forgot that I'd made a promise with Pele...

BB
And now, I can't get back to the way I was...

Mash
I don't understand. Did Medb make a bad wish?

Mash
Maybe something that resulted in another Singularity...?

BB
No, I wouldn't be held responsible if she did,
so I couldn't care less about that.

BB
Just this once, I want the Holy Grail to be used for something good. Both for Hawaii's sake, and my own.

Jeanne Alter
...You want to see it used for good?
Bullshit. What's really going on here?

BB
Well, you all remember XX the Foreigner? See, she actually already defeated Pele, which made her lose all of her power.

BB
She had nowhere else to go, so I ended up taking her in–literally–and gaining Authority over Luluhawa.

Jeanne Alter
Pele? The symbol of Kilauea herself?

Ushiwakamaru
That's...quite the predicament.

BB
Yes, it is. Pele is still all but powerless now.
She's practically a dead goddess walking.

BB
The only thing that can save her now is faith, and magical energy resources that want peace for Hawaii.

BB
So I came up with the idea to use the ServantFes attendees' passion to make a Holy Grail.

BB
From there, I just needed someone with a good heart to use it.

BB
Someone who wouldn't make a selfish wish,
but one that would bring peace back to Hawaii.

Mash
Now I get it!
So that's why you wanted Senpai to win!

BB
Exactly. I wanted Senpai to sell the most books and claim the Holy Grail for {(M) himself /(F) herself}.

BB
But instead, you all got so caught up in sightseeing that you neglected your bookmaking duties.

BB
And because of that, Medb ended up winning ServantFes, and now I can't bring Pele back to life.

  1. Mm-hmm. How decent of you.
  2. So this is all to resurrect Pele?
  Select: Mm-hmm. How decent of you.
BB
What's that supposed to mean?
When have I not been a decent and helpful kouhai?

  Select: So this is all to resurrect Pele?
BB
Yep! I mean, she's definitely got her share of problems, but she's still Hawaii's guardian deity.
BB
No good can come to humanity by letting her stay dead at that Foreigner's hands.

Ushiwakamaru
I see. So that is why you're in charge of Luluhawa.

Ushiwakamaru
If you'd just told us all this in the first place,
we'd have taken our bookmaking more seriously.

BB
Sorry! Those were just my irrepressible mischievous tendencies at work♡ I always wanted to see a human running around like a chicken with its head cut off☆

BB
Anyway, allow me to sum up, Senpai and friends!

BB
What I want from you, Fujimaru,
is to give up your wish.

BB
Do you think you can throw away your chance to use the Holy Grail for yourself if it will help others?

BB
Of course, I know my Senpai, and I have every confidence you'll do the right thing!

  1. Well, if doing that will help Pele...
  2. I get it, I get it.
  Select: Well, if doing that will help Pele...
BB
That's my Senpai for you! I knew you'd understand!

  Select: I get it, I get it.
BB
Do you, Senpai? Left to your own devices, you seem like you'd spend all your resort time goofing off.

Jeanne Alter
So now what?

Jeanne Alter
What exactly do you want us to wish on the Holy Grail? Do we ask it to save Pele or something?

BB
Nope! I want you to use it at Kilauea,
and wish for world peace.

BB
At its core, a Holy Grail is really just a big ball of energy, so that should restore Hawaii's leyline.

BB
And that in turn should help Pele regain her power.

Jeanne Alter
...Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

BB
All right then, I'll be waiting for you at the Mauna Kea Observatories on the seventh night of your trip!

BB
Make sure to come find me after you use the Holy Grail to save Pele!

  1. Got it.
  2. You mean you're not going to help!?
  Select: Got it.
Jeanne Alter
...
...

  Select: You mean you're not going to help!?
BB
I wish I could, I really do,
but I've got my hands full running ServantFes.
BB
I would've liked to just be a regular attendee myself, but...
BB
Well, let's just say my plans were changed rather suddenly. Please don't pry further, okay, Senpai?

BB
Oh, and while I'm sure this goes without saying, juuust in case: no getting first place by going around telling everyone you went back in time. 'Kay?

BB
If you do, Robin's–

Robin Hood
Yeah, yeah, you'll be making bacon out of my backside. I get it already!

BB
Not exactly. Since this is your second loop, I'll make you into a statue instead! You'll end up the spitting image of the king of Luluhawa!

Robin Hood
How the hell'd you come up with that twisted idea!?

BB
Hey now, it's not twisted. It's a warped sign of how much I love and respect you!

BB
Anyway, enjoy your endless Luluhawa vacation! Remember, it won't stop looping until you take first place at ServantFes☆

Mash
...Look, Master. Over there.

Blackbeard
Oro? Is that Master I see there?
Are you here for ServantFes too?

  1. Quick! How many days until ServantFes!?
 
  Select: Quick! How many days until ServantFes!?

Blackbeard
Six and counting!

Blackbeard
I see you're just as excited as I am!

Blackbeard
I'd already be lined up at the convention center if King Buckethead hadn't booted me for loitering!

Blackbeard
So for now, I'm just gonna chill on the beach and creep–err, take in Medb and her bikini.

Blackbeard
I mean, yeah, she'll definitely kill me if she sees me, but at least I'll die happy, doing what I love.

Blackbeard
Besides, if there's one thing I've learned,
it's that they can't arrest you for thought crimes!

  1. Yup, that's Blackbeard all right.
 
  Select: Yup, that's Blackbeard all right.

Mash
Yes. We can definitely rule out the possibility that this is all just a simulation.

Mash
Which means...we really did go back in time.

Robin Hood
Damn, BB... We're not even in a digital world.
How'd she pull that off in real life?

Blackbeard
Excuse me? Why am I getting dragged into some goofy sci-fi plot right now?

Ushiwakamaru
Master, I propose a test. Cutting off his head would give us the answers we seek.

Blackbeard

...What answers, exactly?

Mash
Ushiwakamaru, I think all that would teach us is one way to kill Blackbeard.

Robin Hood
...
...Huh?

Robin Hood
Hey, Master, if we're back to our first day,
shouldn't Ibaraki be here too?

  1. Now that you mention it...
 
  Select: Now that you mention it...

Ushiwakamaru
Seeing as she did not spend any time with us last time, I do not imagine her absence will be of any particular importance this time, either.

Robin Hood
Yeah, guess you've got a point there.
(Not like we could count on her to help much anyway.)

Jeanne Alter
Either way, we know what we have to do: draw some manga and take first place! That much hasn't changed!

Jeanne Alter
We can do this, Fujimaru. ...My whole reason for–no, whole purpose in doing this to begin with is coming back to me!

Jeanne Alter
If BB's gonna make us do it over until we get it right, then I say we take advantage of the opportunity to make the best damn doujin ever!

Jeanne Alter
This time, we're gonna finish it, and I'm gonna prove I can do better than that book I–Oh, right, I almost forgot.

Jeanne Alter
Hey, Blackbeard, you got a hotel room you don't want, right? Give it. We have a doujin to make.

Blackbeard
You? A doujin? You think a bunch of amateurs are just going to waltz into ServantFes and–

Blackbeard
...No, wait. You really mean it, don't you?
I can tell Master's seen some serious shit.

Blackbeard
Clearly, there's more to this than meets the eye.

Blackbeard
Maybe you've secretly been selling ten years'
worth of otaku merch just to come to ServantFes?

  1. I can't go into specifics, but we're serious about winning ServantFes.
  2. One tragic tale like that is more than enough...
  Select: I can't go into specifics, but we're serious about winning ServantFes.

  Select: One tragic tale like that is more than enough...

Blackbeard
...Heh. I still remember when you were bowled over by PaiKet, and now look at you...

Blackbeard
All right then, if you're looking to become the {(M) King /(F) Queen} of ServantFes, then go ahead and take this room!

Jeanne Alter
Thanks, we will. ...By the way,
why'd you choose this hotel anyway?

Jeanne Alter
If the last week has shown me anything, it's that you're a damn sight more calculating than you seem.

Jeanne Alter
So, why this particular hotel?
Just 'cause it has a room available?

Blackbeard
Ehehe, just means you noobs still have a lot to learn.

Blackbeard
Try knocking on your neighbor's door after you check in. Trust me.

Blackbeard
According to my research, that's where you'll find a certain batty princess who should be a big help.

Blackbeard
The best way for a noob to get good is to make friends with the masters of the craft.

Blackbeard
Me, I'm a reader, not a creator,
so that advice is the best I can do for you.

Blackbeard
All right, looking forward to seeing what you come up with! Save me a copy of your doujin!

Blackbeard
Farewell!

Jeanne Alter
No kidding. So Little Miss Doujin was in the room next door all along...

Jeanne Alter
Let's go, everyone.
We're not gonna waste a single damn day this time!

Under the Blue Sky, Work to the Bone

Show/Hide Story Chapter


      —  Day 1  Hotel Check-In  —

BB
You've already seen this bit, so let's just go ahead and hit the old “Skip” button, shall we?

Robin Hood
Well, here we are, back in the same room.

Ushiwakamaru
I must say, it felt almost comforting to check in here for the first time again.

Jeanne Alter
We can rest up later.
First, we're paying a visit next door.


...It's not time yet.


I've still got six days until ServantFes.
Six whole days. That's almost a whole week.


And thankfully, I know I can make a decent book before it begins, even if I do end up sending it to the printer at the last minute.


Even if I have to use mysterious powers to do it!


So it's okay to be stuck on the rough draft for now. Really. This is fine.


All right. So it's pencils, outlining, inking, whitening, tone...and then...and then...


No, wait, don't get ahead of yourself. You need to get the draft done first. That's what's important.


...
...Crap, I'm two pages over...


Now what do I do?


The more I fret, the more time I lose.
The more time I lose, the more the quality slips.


And the more the quality slips, the more I fret.


Oh God! No, forget God! I'd make a deal with the Devil at this point! Won't somebody please help meee!?

Jeanne Alter
Open up!


...That was when it happened.


My door opened, and a fallen saint in a swimsuit appeared before me.

Osakabehime
Huh? Who're...
Master!? What are you doing in my room!?

Osakabehime
Ch-chotto a minute!
Don't look at my face! Just go away! Get out!

Jeanne Alter
We're not going anywhere!

Osakabehime

Who–!?

Jeanne Alter
I'm Jeanne d'Arc, and I have some questions for you.

Osakabehime
Huh? Jeanne d'Arc? But, I've seen her around the hotel a few times...

Osakabehime
Isn't she the elegant, graceful holy maiden who's always wearing white?

Jeanne Alter
No, you're, uh, thinking of a different Servant.

Osakabehime
(Hmm. I can see I'm better off dropping this subject. Woo, go me.)

Osakabehime
Okay, so...what did you want to ask me, Jeannie?

  1. Well, you see...
 
  Select: Well, you see...

Osakabehime
...Hmm, I see, I see.

Ushiwakamaru
Osakabehime.

Ushiwakamaru
Does Lady Alter's request not enrage you?

Ushiwakamaru
I mean, who is this upstart intruding in your room and saying she wishes to draw comics without any prior experience doing so?

Ushiwakamaru
It is like a young man showing up out of nowhere, declaring himself a general, and demanding to be given an army to command.

Osakabehime
Well, sure, it definitely comes across as a little...arrogant?

Ushiwakamaru
If I were in your shoes, I would take advantage of the confusion to cut off her head when she wasn't looking.

Osakabehime
Well, I'm no master wordsmith like, say, Andersen or Shakespeare. I'm still just an amateur myself.

Osakabehime
Maybe we're both underestimating each other.

Jeanne Alter
I'm not underestimating you.

Jeanne Alter
It's just...now that I know she drew this manga,
I want to make one that's even better. A lot better.

  1. Oh! (That's the book I saw in my dream...)
 
  Select: Oh! (That's the book I saw in my dream...)

E:Robin Hood
Huh? What's that all about? You never breathed a word of that the first time around.

Jeanne Alter
I kept it to myself because it was my problem to deal with, not yours. But now, I'm not holding anything back!

Jeanne Alter
We all have to take first place at ServantFes now, so it's better to have a simple, clear-cut goal to shoot for, right?

Osakabehime
Hmm.
Let me see that.

Osakabehime
...
...

Osakabehime
...
...

Osakabehime
...?
...!?

Osakabehime
”#%”TBHEY$#Y”$#%!?
`=*=&$#H%E$Y#”!!!

Jeanne Alter
Wh-what's wrong with you!?

Osakabehime
This manga's sugocool!

Osakabehime
I mean, it's clearly a doujin!
That much is obvious!

Osakabehime
But I get a sense of a professional at work from this, on par with any veteran!

Osakabehime
The artist has an incredible sense for their craft,
but it still gives off a sense of amateurishness!

Osakabehime
And above all, it just...kira kiras!

Osakabehime
It's...like it's captured the beauty of the world free of artifice or adornment!

Osakabehime
Whoever drew this is...is...an absolute tensai!
Heaven-sent!

Jeanne Alter
Hmph. I knew it had to be her.

Osakabehime
I don't know much about this Jeanne,
but you say she's the one who drew this?

Osakabehime
If she did, I'm super impressed. No wonder it sold more than any other doujin when it came out.

Osakabehime
...And now you want to surpass it, Jeannie?

Jeanne Alter
Yeah, I do.

Osakabehime
...Well, just so you know, beating this is gonna be really hard, especially for a beginner.

Osakabehime
Just taking a good shot at this is going to take way more work than you think. I'm talking absolutely bonkers levels of dedication.

Osakabehime
You do get that, right?

Jeanne Alter
...Yeah, I get that. I've already gotten a taste of how much work making a doujin is.

Osakabehime
I see. Okay then, you can borrow the drawing tools I've been using.

Osakabehime
I can teach you the basic fundamentals of what goes into this, so I want you to try doing it for yourself.

Osakabehime
At this point, you don't have the drawing skills or the artistic sense to even compete with something like this, let alone surpass it.

Osakabehime
But, you're a Servant, and you've got six days to work with. So do your best to make a miracle happen.

Jeanne Alter
...Yeah. Yeah! You damn well better believe I will!

Osakabehime
Okay then, listen up. I've got plenty of advice for you, but one thing is more important than any other!

Osakabehime
You might be a super beginner, but you have one thing no mangaka–not even the one who made this doujin–can match!

Osakabehime
Passion.

Osakabehime
You want to draw a great doujin more than anything, right? So hold on to that desire.

Osakabehime
Because if you ditch that, all you'll have is your skills and your craft.

Osakabehime
And the only people who can draw doujin on skill and craft alone are the pros.

Osakabehime
And since neither you nor I are pros,
that means we gotta stick to our passion!

Jeanne Alter
...I just refuse to lose to her. That's it.

  1. I'd say you're pretty passionate about that.
  2. First things first. Let's start by getting our basics down.
  Select: I'd say you're pretty passionate about that.
Osakabehime
Master's exactly right.
Osakabehime
All you need to do is point that competitive streak towards mastering manga and you'll be set.

  Select: First things first. Let's start by getting our basics down.
Jeanne Alter
Yeah, yeah. I know. Don't worry...
My doujin is gonna blow hers outta the water.

Osakabehime
Master, you'll be helping as one of her assistants too, right?

  1. Of course. This isn't my first rode–uh, doujin.
 
  Select: Of course. This isn't my first rode–uh, doujin.

Jeanne Alter
Damn straight {(M) he /(F) she} will. You never know what's gonna come out of {(M) his /(F) her} mouth. {(M) He's /(F) She's} got a real talent for coming up with story ideas.

Osakabehime
Really? I never would have guessed... I didn't think you were interested in that sort of thing, Master.

Osakabehime
Anyway, you can never have too many capable assistants. Um, you said you were staying next door, right?

Osakabehime
Good. Help me carry this stuff over so I can set up a space for myself.

Mash
You're going to help too, Osakabehime? We certainly appreciate it, but are you sure you don't mind?

Osakabehime
Nope! Your timing was perfect! I was just looking for a little inspiration myself.

Osakabehime
And there's nothing like being in the same room as other hardworking artists to get you fired up! Now let's draw some mangaaa!

  1. Yeah, let's get drawing!
 
  Select: Yeah, let's get drawing!

Mash
We'll help too, of course!

Ushiwakamaru
Indeed. Now that I've changed into a swimsuit,
my Spirit Origin is polished and ready to go!

Ushiwakamaru
In fact, it's so polished, I feel as if I've returned to my youthful days of training on Mt. Kurama!

Ushiwakamaru
Okay Master, just tell me what you need! In fact, why don't I start by finding a demon and bringing you its head in celebration?

E:Robin Hood
Well, now that this ship's already sailed,
I wanna do what I can to take BB down a peg or ten.

E:Robin Hood
So I'm gonna start taking this manager position more seriously than ever. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Jeanne Alter
Hah, you're all even more fired up than I am! Damn, even in Luluhawa, you're still just a buncha chumps!

--ARROW--

Mash
Oh, Senpai! This is about the time on our first day here when the–

Ushiwakamaru
That's right! The Foreigner! This is when the Foreigner shows up at Waikiki Street!

Osakabehime
Foreigner? Is that another name for the crafts festival being held the day before ServantFes begins? The Wonder Stage?

Jeanne Alter
No. Nothing like that. This is just some crazy trying to ruin everyone's fun.

Jeanne Alter
I dunno what her problem with ServantFes is, but she keeps trying to wreck the convention center.

G:Robin Hood
Yeah we can fill her in about all that later!
Remember, dealing with this is part of our job, too!

Mash
Right...! Let's go ask XX to go back home!

Katsushika Hokusai
Aah! Toto-sama!? You already bit the dust!?

Katsushika Hokusai
Wait. Crap. I think I'm getting dizzy too...!
Hey, you! Who the hell do ya think you are!?

???
None of your business! Die, Foreigner!

Katsushika Hokusai

Aaaaaaaaahhh!

BB
You've already seen how this goes,
so let's just hit the old “Skip” button, shall we?

Osakabehime
That's a Foreigner...?

Osakabehime
To think the Servant world was so horrid! That there could be anything worse than Mecha Eli-chan.

Osakabehime
Um, can you actually beat her? She's got, like...laser beams and vulcan cannons!

G:Robin Hood
That's true... We've given her a good fight every time but we've never really defeated her before.

G:Robin Hood
It'd be way easier to focus on our doujin if we could take her out sooner, but I don't see how to do that...

Mash
We'll have to figure that out another time. The good part is that now we know exactly when and where she'll be showing up.

Mash
And there's no reason we shouldn't be able to drive her off again, like we did last time.

Jeanne Alter
Yeah. And since we pretty much gotta fight her on the last day anyway, let's just forget her for now.

Jeanne Alter
The only thing we need to be focusing on right now is our doujin.

Jeanne Alter
Especially now that we've got Osakabehime here to show us the ropes.

Jeanne Alter
This time, we're damn sure gonna finish in time to send it to the printer! Got that, everyone!?

  1. Yeeeah!
 
  Select: Yeeeah!

Ushiwakamaru
(...I'm glad we're all united on this front, but I still can't help but wonder what became of our problem child...)

Ibaraki on a Rampage

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Ibaraki-Douji
...
...

Ibaraki-Douji
...Hmm. I can't find Shuten...and Luluhawa is getting boooring...

Ibaraki-Douji
...But it doesn't seem like Master is gonna leave.

Ibaraki-Douji
{(M) He's /(F) She's} just been cooped up with Jeanne Alter working on something shady.

Ibaraki-Douji
...I'm so bored! I'm tired of running around...I'm even tired of eating...

Ibaraki-Douji
I want to do something more...you know...oni-ish!

C:???
Well hello. How did you end up all the way here? This isn't the kind of place you can just wander into...

Ibaraki-Douji
Hm? That voice... Is that you, BB?

BB
Sure is!
So, you think Luluhawa is pretty boring, hmm?

Ibaraki-Douji
I've been playing nonstop for a week! Of course it's gotten boring! Especially now that I've already conquered the mountain!

BB
Oho, iiinteresting. So you still know how much time has actually passed even without being aware of the time loop, hm?

BB
And here I thought instant gratification was the only thing oni cared about.

BB
In that sense, you're actually pretty earnest, huh.

BB
I can't tell if that makes you less oni-ish, or more.

BB
Well, either way, this works out nicely.

BB
If you like, I'd be happy to make your Luluhawan experience more fulfilling.

Ibaraki-Douji

Really?

BB
Ayup. Just leave it to BB.
Now watch as you turn into a pig♡

Ibaraki-Douji
What!?

BB
Oh, sorry.
Force of habit.

BB
Now watch as you gain an adorable organic (not really) swimsuit that will sow chaos like nothing else♪

Ibaraki-Douji
Wh-whoa! I don't know what's going on,
but my heart feels like it's dancing!

Ibaraki-Douji
Even my body feels as light as a feather.
I feel like I could trounce Tsuna in his prime!

Ibaraki-Douji
...Wait, scratch that. Fighting Tsuna in his prime would still be a frightening proposition.

BB
Hehehe. It looks like your new Spirit Origin makes you more easily excitable.

Ibaraki-Douji
Okay BB, what is it you want me to do!?

BB
Well, since you asked...

Ibaraki-Douji
Hmm, hm hm.

Ibaraki-Douji
Oh, that's easy!
Consider it done!

Ibaraki-Douji
Okay then, I'm off!

BB
Yaaay! There are few things better than seeing Ibaraki leaping without bothering to look♪

BB
Besides, what's the point in a time loop if you're only going to repeat it once?

BB
Don't think you're going to get away with just one go-round, Senpai. You're going to experience this week at LEAST a hundred times!

Jeanne Alter
Okay, here's the direction we'll go with the book.

  1. I hope it sells well.
  2. This should make for a fun story.
  Select: I hope it sells well.
Jeanne Alter
Don't be an ass. Of course it's gonna sell well.
Jeanne Alter
But we're aiming for something much better than just selling well!

  Select: This should make for a fun story.
Jeanne Alter
...Freakin' duh. I came up with it, dummy.

Robin Hood
Master! We've got an emergency on our hands!

Jeanne Alter
What, they don't knock in your time?
You could've barged in on us changing, you know.

  1. What's up?
 
  Select: What's up?

Robin Hood
Ibaraki's going berserk out there!

Jeanne Alter
!?

Ibaraki-Douji
Mwahahahaha! Mwaaahahahaha! I knew I would enjoy being in a swimsuit! It makes everything more exciting!

Ibaraki-Douji
I don't even care that Shuten's not here!

Ibaraki-Douji
(Munch, munch!)
(Chomp, chomp!)

Aloha Guy

My swallow's nest with coconut milk!

  1. That's a hell of a treat!
  2. Sounds yummy.
  Select: That's a hell of a treat!
Aloha Guy
What do you want me to say!? I'm a foodie!
Aloha Guy
However, since my impeccably elegant instincts are telling me it's dangerous to stay here, I'll let that slide so I can get outta here!

  Select: Sounds yummy.
Aloha Guy
Well, you can't have any, you hear? Not a drop!
Especially since I don't even have it anymore!

Ibaraki-Douji
There you are, Master!

Ibaraki-Douji
Hehehe, no fair that you get all the fun while I'm running around Luluhawa like a chicken with its head cut off!

Ibaraki-Douji
Uh, I mean...

Ibaraki-Douji
All this is your fault for leaving me alone this whole time, Fujimaru!

C:Ibaraki-Douji
But now that I'm wearing this swimsuit,
there is nothing I fear! Nothing!

C:Ibaraki-Douji
Well, Master? What do you think of it?

C:Ibaraki-Douji
Go ahead and tell me what you really think!
Not that there's any doubt about what you'll say!

  1. It, uh...suits you?
  2. Nice! It looks badass!
  Select: It, uh...suits you?
C:Ibaraki-Douji
It does, doesn't it? Still, you're very astute,
drawing attention to that! Hehehe...

  Select: Nice! It looks badass!
C:Ibaraki-Douji
Yes! It totally does, if I do say so myself!
Mash
I don't think I've ever seen her look so proud before.
Robin Hood
Ibaraki? If you keep leaning back to look down your nose at us, you're gonna end up falling on your ass.
C:Ibaraki-Douji
Nuh-uh!

Robin Hood
So what's the deal here? Why're you doing this?

C:Ibaraki-Douji
What do you mean why? I'm an oni!

C:Ibaraki-Douji
What other reason could I possibly need to go on a rampage? Especially with Chaldea picking up the tab.

Mash
Huh!?

Fou
Fou!?

C:Ibaraki-Douji
Well, why not?
I'm an oni from the land of oni, after all.

Jeanne Alter
Now I get it. You just want attention, don't you?

C:Ibaraki-Douji

N-no I don't!

C:Ibaraki-Douji
I'm just tearing this city up to show that I'm as oni as oni gets!

C:Ibaraki-Douji
And once I'm done, I'll rename Luluhawa “Shuten”!

Robin Hood
Welp, she didn't come up with this on her own. Someone talked her into it. No reason to hold back, though. Let's take her down hard.

Mash
Y-yes, that does seem to be the only option.

Mash
Ibaraki, I can't let you hurt Chaldea's reputation like this. You need to settle down and behave yourself!

C:Ibaraki-Douji
So, you would challenge me, huh!?

C:Ibaraki-Douji
Then I shall meet you on the field of battle with a style befitting this kick-ass swimsuit!

C:Ibaraki-Douji
Hehehe, hahaha...!

C:Ibaraki-Douji
Wha...? Why...why isn't this a raid?

C:Ibaraki-Douji
Well, you know...
Those are kind of a pain, right...?

--BATTLE--

Ibaraki-Douji
Mwahahahaha!
More! I wanna rampage mooore!

Ibaraki-Douji
My vacation has only just begun!
I'll be back once I've regrouped!

Ushiwakamaru
...Hmph. If oni is measured by how much trouble they cause, there are none greater.

Ushiwakamaru
Master, perhaps our best course of action would be calling in the prefect, Lady Raikou, and enlisting her expertise to handle this oni problem.

Robin Hood
I don't know. I'm not certain bringing in the prefect wouldn't just make things...a lot worse...

Mash
I'm more worried about the prefect running into Ibaraki while she's out on her rampage...

Fou
Fou...

F:???
Oh? My, oh my...

F:???
...I smell an insect afoot...

F:???
Perhaps this is a sign that I must return to my duties as a prefect...

So Many Different Clubs

Show/Hide Story Chapter

  1. Morning...
  2. So sleepy...
  Select: Morning...

  Select: So sleepy...

Mash
Good morning, Senpai.
After we had you go to bed last night...

Mash
...Jeanne Alter stayed up thinking about the rough draft.

Jeanne Alter
Freakin' duh. This was all my idea to begin with.

Jeanne Alter
Now that we're about halfway done, I say we take a break and go for a walk around Luluhawa.

Jeanne Alter
I know I said we'd wait for that Foreigner to show up, but I figure we could at least take a stab at tracking her down ourselves too.

Jeanne Alter
Besides, there's still plenty of places we haven't even seen–

C:???
Ah!

Jeanne Alter
...That voice!

Jeanne Alter
Come on, Fujimaru, before SHE shows up.

Jeanne
Come now, don't be like that.
I just want to talk a bit.

Jeanne
Heehee, I didn't know you were here in Luluhawa too.

Jeanne Alter
...Yeah, I am.

Jeanne
That's great! We should hang out, then!

Jeanne Alter
Over my dead body.

Jeanne
Why not!?

Jeanne Alter
...You're drawing a doujin now, aren't you?

Jeanne
Huh!?

Jeanne
H-h-how did you–
Wait. Are you coming to ServantFes too!?

Jeanne Alter
That's right. And we're drawing a doujin of our own.

Jeanne Alter
So I don't have time to pal around with you.

Jeanne Alter
I'm too busy drawing something that'll blow yours out of the water!

Jeanne
...
...That's great!

Jeanne
I'm so thrilled to hear that!
I'm honored you're giving me so much attention!

Jeanne Alter
Ghh...
Grrr...

Jeanne
...Even if you are only doing this because of the change in your Spirit Origin's temperament...

Jeanne
...it's wonderful how you're channeling your desire for revenge into a constructive attempt to surpass me!

Jeanne Alter
Ghh... I knew it. Changing into a swimsuit didn't do anything to tighten all her loose screws!

Jeanne
To tell the truth,
I have a huge competitive streak myself!

Jeanne Alter
Uh, yeah, I know.

  1. Same.
 
  Select: Same.

Mash
Me too.

Robin Hood
I'm pretty sure everyone in France knows. Hell, everyone in England too, thanks to Shakespeare.

Jeanne
Huh!?

Jeanne
...
...Ahem.

Jeanne
Since we're all here now,
why don't we have breakfast together? My treat!

Jeanne
Isn't this ocean view great? Hehe, I guess the early bird really does get the worm. Or the best breakfast table, in our case.

Jeanne Alter
...

Altria Alter
Your face looks like the barnacles that got scraped off the ship this morning, Quixote maiden. Here is some freshly baked bread. You have three seconds to eat it.

Jeanne Alter
Well, well, if it isn't the ice bitch queen.
You work here too?

Altria Alter
Indeed. I can eat all I want here,
thanks to the buffet.

Jeanne Alter
...You know you're not supposed to eat on the job, right?

Jeanne
So, getting down to business...

Jeanne
Marie and I will be putting out another book this year under our club name, St. Orleans.

Jeanne
Do you know anything about the other clubs?

  1. Nope. Nothing.
 
  Select: Nope. Nothing.

Mash
We only just formed our club recently, so...we've been very caught up trying to get our book done.

Jeanne
In that case, I'll tell you what I know about the other clubs.

Jeanne
Or, to put it another way, about the people you'll be competing against! Your potential friendly rivals!

Jeanne Alter
No thanks. I'm not here to make friends.

Jeanne
You stop that. I don't want to hear you being so confrontational.

Jeanne Alter
Tch...

Ushiwakamaru
Hmm, I feel as though I'm watching a squabble between two sis–Mmf, mmf.

  1. Shhh!
 
  Select: Shhh!

Jeanne Alter
I can hear you, you know!

Jeanne
Hehe.

Jeanne
...All right, let's start with the literary club, Grown-Up Fairy Tales. It's run by Shakespeare and Andersen.

Jeanne
They've been around for a long time, as you can imagine. I've heard they occasionally bring in guests.

Andersen
I've got it!

Andersen
We'll go with a tragedy this year.
I've even got a title: “The Pitiful Elephant King.”

Shakespeare
Hmm. I take it this will be one of those
“based on a true story” types?

Andersen
That's right. I even know how to begin it...


Once upon a time, there was a poor elephant forced to eat poisoned food during wartime.

Ivan the Terrible
This is delicious.


But, it had no effect on him.

Shakespeare
Hahaha! What's Ivan the Terrible doing in prison!?

Andersen
Hahaha! How should I know!?

Both
Waaahahaha!

Shakespeare
...Shall we get back to writing?

Andersen
Yeah, I guess we should.
Dammit, I can't seem to come up with a snappy line!

Jeanne
Then there's Tentacle Iron Bar.
They made a huge splash when they debuted last year.

  1. Tentacle...?
  2. Iron Bar...?
  Select: Tentacle...?

  Select: Iron Bar...?

Jeanne
Y-yes, that's right. Katsushika Hokusai made it.

Jeanne
If I had to bet, I would put money on her releasing the winning entry. The only downside is her work is so good that it tends not to catch on with the general public.

Jeanne
Although...I heard a rumor that Hokusai has gone missing... I hope she's all right.

Jeanne
The next club is called The One Thousand and One Night Offerings Collective.

Jeanne
I heard the Caster of Storytelling comes up with the stories, and Nitocris turns them into manga.

Jeanne
They've been around for a long time,
even before Nitocris joined them...

Jeanne
...and I hear they've got a number of hardcore fans who can't wait to see what happens next.

Nitocris
Okay, I'm done with this episode!
Lord Medjed, you handle the inking!

E:
Um...do you think we could take a break soon...?
I'm worried about dying from overwork...

Nitocris
Don't be ridiculous!
We still have a ton of stories left to cover!

Nitocris
Oh, Lord Medjed, I'm afraid you're filling outside the lines. Would you mind doing it over? Thanks!

E:
Also, Nitocris...?

E:
If you don't stand up soon, you're going to die from deep vein thrombosis.

Nitocris
All right, all right, I got it.

E:
Phew, that does feel better...

E:
(I still don't understand why she's asking Lord Medjed for help... But it's probably best I keep that to myself.)

E:
(...Besides, it's rather amusing to see her like this.)

Jeanne
And then there's the club that's been around forever: Osakabehime and Kiyohime's Princess Princess.

Osakabehime
Yes, yes, yes!
I'm churning out pages like there's no tomorrow!

Osakabehime
Arigathanks, Jeannie!

Osakabehime
That story you showed me has seriously done wonders for my motivation!

Kiyohime
Why were you so uninspired before, anyway?

Osakabehime
...Our club name.

Kiyohime
Our club name? What's wrong with our club name?

Kiyohime
It's been ages since we went with Princess Princess, since we both have princess characters in our name.

Kiyohime
Is there something wrong with that?

Osakabehime
...It's embarrassing to still call ourselves that now that all these actual European princesses are popping up left and right!

Kiyohime
Hmm... You think?

Osakabehime
I mean, when you get right down to it, we're not actually princesses at all! We're barely even royalty!

Kiyohime
Oh, I don't agree with that. I'm a princess because I feel like one. That's all I need.

Osakabehime
Must be nice being you...

Kiyohime
Please don't flatter me.
You're going to make me blush...

Osakabehime
I was being sarcastic!

Kiyohime
Anyway, we still have half the book left to complete.

Kiyohime
Why don't we make a high school romance story?
Between Master and me!

Osakabehime
No, sorry... You have to tread much more carefully when dealing with real people. Besides, that sort of thing's a textbook example of a slippery slope...

Kiyohime
Hmph.

Osakabehime
Pout all you want. No means no!

Jeanne
Those are just the ones I know about. I'm sure there are others creating works in all sorts of genres.

Jeanne
You might find some of them if you explore more of Luluhawa.

Jeanne
Just attending ServantFes is a lot of fun in its own right, but there's nothing quite like presenting a book you made with your own hands.

Jeanne
Oh, right.

Jeanne
As a Ruler, I can't let this Foreigner that showed up last night run around doing whatever she pleases.

Jeanne
Er, never mind that I'm an Archer now,
thanks to my swimsuit changing my Spirit Origin.

Jeanne
Anyway, once I find her, I'm going to kick...er, I mean, beat her black and...no, no, defeat her once and for all! Yeah, that's it!

Jeanne Alter
Heh. Get it now, Fujimaru? This is the real Jeanne.

Jeanne Alter
A cold-blooded killer masquerading as a paragon of love.

Jeanne
That is not true.
I only practice self-defense.

Robin Hood
By which you mean, the best defense is a strong offense, right?

Jeanne
Well, yes. Isn't that normal in war?

Jeanne Alter
Told ya!

  1. (She looks so happy...)
  2. (They really are like sisters...)
  Select: (She looks so happy...)
Jeanne Alter
Whatever you're thinking, stop. I don't like it.

  Select: (They really are like sisters...)
Jeanne
We're sisters, and we love each other!
Jeanne Alter
You shut your mouth!

Jeanne
As for me, I'm planning to draw a dolphin love story!

Jeanne
I can't wait to see your book when you're finished, Alter. Make sure you save me a copy!

Jeanne Alter
...F-fine. When you're done reading my book,
you won't know what hit you!

Jeanne
Great! I can't wait!

Robin Hood
...Just when you think there's hope for these two,
you realize how incredibly different they are.

Ushiwakamaru
True. They remind me of my brother and Lady Masako.

Robin Hood
...Hm? Oh, hey, Tamamo Cat.

Robin Hood
Say, I haven't seen the man in red lately.
Where'd he get to?

Robin Hood
I figured he'd be here cooking up a storm in the kitchen...

Tamamo Cat
If you're looking for the handsome guy in the red coat, I think the Drama Queen and Tamamo Alter (*normal Tamamo) took him away.

Tamamo Cat
Something about starting up an Extra club, I think?
I wasn't paying much attention.

Robin Hood
Welp... Guess he's abducted now.

Altria Alter
Indeed, he is.

Altria Alter
I am told they mean to form a club and publish a book under the name Moonside Etcetera.

Robin Hood
Huh. Well, I guess they'll pull something together as long as he's around.

Altria Alter
I am not so sure. After all, a book is nothing if not an expression of art.

  1. That's...
 
  Select: That's...

Jeanne Alter
Oh, yeah, that shorty in red does have some pretty awful taste. What'd she call that genre again? Gorefest? Splatterhouse?

Mash
I think you're thinking of “grotesque.”

Mash
I've heard it originated as a deviation from “grotta,” which means “cave.”

Mash
Though of course, its meaning has changed significantly over time.

Mash
At any rate, as long as Tamamo and Emiya are there, I'm sure they'll keep things from going off the rails–

Tamamo Cat
Oh, now that I think of it,
I'm pretty sure Elisabeth joined them too.

Mash
Uh...

  1. And so the two musicians clash...
 
  Select: And so the two musicians clash...

Robin Hood
Okay, great. As long as we throw together something halfway decent, we oughta at least avoid coming in last.

Jeanne Alter

That still makes it sound like we'll be finishing near the bottom!

Rejoice, Presidente!

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Elisabeth
Hm? You wanna know how to make doujin? You really signed up for ServantFes without even knowing that?

Elisabeth
Heh, that's either really brave, or really reckless. Reminds me of how bad last year's Halloween got.

Elisabeth
But that's okay with me.
I like a little recklessness.

Elisabeth
All right, as a fellow Anti-Hero...of sorts,
I'll offer you a word of advice.

Elisabeth
I don't know what sort of story you're looking to draw, but you can't just go right to a printer with a draft.

Elisabeth
First, you need to actually make an appointment to see the printer.

BB
You've already seen this bit, so let's just go ahead and hit the old “Skip” button, shall we?

Jeanne Alter
Oh crap...I just remembered...!

Jeanne Alter
Guys, hold up!
Hold uuup!

Mash
What is it, Alter? We were just headed to the printer now. Did you forget something?

Jeanne Alter
Remember how we couldn't find the owner there last time? I doubt it'll be any different now.

Jeanne Alter
We'll have better luck of finding him if we split up and search the city.

Mash
Oh, right. We never did meet him, did we...

Mash
All right, why don't we try talking to other Servants who are in clubs of their own?

Mash
They might be able to point us in the right direction.

Jeanne Alter
Okay, sounds good.

Astolfo
Hm hm hmm♪

Jeanne Alter
Let's start with that Servant who's skipping down the street.

Mash
I...don't think that would be a very good use of our time.

Jeanne Alter
Huh? Why?

  1. If he ever knew, he's probably forgotten.
 
  Select: If he ever knew, he's probably forgotten.

Astolfo
Oh, is someone there?
Alohaaa!

Astolfo
What can this man of the sea do for you tonight?

Jeanne Alter
Man of the sea?

Astolfo
What else would you call a sailor!

Jeanne Alter
Whatever.

Jeanne Alter
You wouldn't happen to know where we can find the owner of the printing place, would you?

Astolfo
No clue!

Ushiwakamaru
Why am I not surprised.

Astolfo
Oh, but I do know a couple of big shots.
And isn't that what any company owner would be?

Mash
I suppose that's true...

Astolfo
d'Eon and I went to get a job with them, but...

H:???
Hmm... What do you think, Boss?

G:???
Heh. I already know all I need thanks to my Clairvoyance. You are a walking trouble factory.

G:???
If I were to hire you, I would have nothing to gain and everything to lose. I have no need for a talking stick of dynamite apt to light his own fuse.

G:???
But you, capable-looking maid, are a different story. You should make a perfect bodyguard.

d'Eon
Thank you, sir.
I promise I will serve you faithfully.

d'Eon
Sorry, Astolfo. Nothing I can do!

Astolfo

Can you believe that!?

  1. I dunno. Sounds about right to me.
  2. Gee, you poor thing.
  Select: I dunno. Sounds about right to me.
Astolfo
You're a meanie, Master!

  Select: Gee, you poor thing.
Astolfo
I can hear your sarcasm!

Astolfo
So thanks to that, I'm now homeless and jobless in Luluhawa! Good thing I'm an expert camper!

Astolfo
...Hey, I'm still trying to find a job,
so it's not like I'm a total loser!

Jeanne Alter
So where can we find this big shot?

Astolfo
At this time of night, probably at the hotel? Oh yeah, he runs the hotel too, did I mention that?

Jeanne Alter
The hotel... Does that mean we've gotta go back where we started?

Jeanne Alter
Ugh, this sucks!

  1. Thanks for your help, Astolfo.
 
  Select: Thanks for your help, Astolfo.

Astolfo
No problemo!

Astolfo
Wait...where was I going again?

Jeanne Alter
Come on, let's go already!

Jekyll
Welcome back.
...Hm?

Jekyll
May I ask if there's a problem?

Jeanne Alter
Is this hotel's owner here?

Jekyll
Oh, yes, he just returned not too long ago.

Jekyll
I believe you'll find him out on the beach,
if you wish to speak with him.

Jekyll
Although–

Jeanne Alter
All right, let's move!

Jekyll
Oh boy.
...Hopefully that will work out.

Mordred
You just decided not to bother 'cause it'd be too much of a pain in the ass, didn't you?

Jekyll
Hahaha, of course not.

Jekyll
I simply have many more things I need to attend to first, given my duties as hotel manager.

Jekyll
Speaking of which, I need you to be a little more polite to our guests.

Mordred
Never mind me. What happened to the new porter you were supposed to hire?

Jekyll
Ah yes, I believe he should be here any moment no–

Astolfo
Hiii! I'm here about the job posting!

Mordred
You get right the hell out.

Astolfo

What'd I do?!

Mash
That must be the owner over there.

Jeanne Alter
Seems that way.
Especially since that d'Eon person's there.

Jeanne Alter
Look, there's someone else, too...
Maybe she's his secretary or something.

Jeanne Alter
Okay, show of hands...

Jeanne Alter
Who else here thinks they've seen that mop of blond hair on the owner guy's head before?

  1. Me.
  2. I can't tell...
  Select: Me.
Mash
Yes, I certainly have.
Robin Hood
We've just gotta hope he's willing to hear us out.

  Select: I can't tell...
Robin Hood
Pretty sure I have.
I'd know those rich moves anywhere.
Robin Hood
But hey, this works out well.
All we gotta do's butter him up a bit!

E:???
Hahahaha! As I thought,
I have no recollection whatsoever!

E:???
And if looking at this paradisiacal ocean is not enough to stir my memory...

E:???
...that must mean I am not,
in fact, a man of the sea!

G:???
Oh yes, I'm sure it does. Now, if you could just sign these papers for me, please?

d'Eon
Hold it right there. As the second secretary of staff, I cannot overlook this.

d'Eon
This investment opportunity is preposterous!

G:???
But just think of the profit!

G:???
Once you buy out an entire floor of a famous hotel,
you can use it as a summer home once a year...

G:???
...and the rest of the time, you rent it back to me–to the hotel for a safe, secure, low-risk ROI...

d'Eon
Yes, I'm sure the risk is very low for you.

d'Eon
Especially since this has you covering one percent of the investment cost and the boss covering the other ninety-nine!

d'Eon
And if that weren't bad enough,
it has you as the primary beneficiary!

E:???
Mwahahahaha! Very well, request granted!
There you go, signed and sealed.

d'Eon
Wait, really!?
Don't you want to think it over at least a little!?

E:???
Worry not, my beautiful Maid Knight. My pool of riches is as boundless as the sea. I could not deplete it in a thousand lifetimes!

E:???
It is the privilege, nay, the right of one so rich to see how others spend such wealth.

E:???
Think of it this way: this will be an excellent opportunity to determine my new business partner's deviousness.

G:???
D-devious? Me? Oh gosh, it's embarrassing to hear you just come out and say it♡

E:???
At any rate, my identity crisis comes first and foremost!

E:???
Until I know who I am, nothing else matters!

Mash
Um, excuse me!

F:???
Hm? Who are you?

F:???
I am a man of wealth who lost his memory due to reasons. For the moment, you may call me Gorgeous P.

Gorgeous P
I am just another filthy-rich billionaire,
the sort you find just about any old place.

Gorgeous P
I do not believe I would have any association with ordinary tourists like yourselves.

Robin Hood
Oh come on, it's as plain as the hair on your head that you're Gilgame–

Gorgeous P

Silence!

Gorgeous P
Hold your tongue, Ratman!

Gorgeous P
I will permit no one else to restore my memories!
No one!

Gorgeous P
I, and I alone, will do that.

Gorgeous P
So you are to remain silent,
regardless of what you may know. Is that clear?

Robin Hood
Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. We're just commoners, after all. Who are we to object?

Jeanne Alter
I don't give a rip about your memories.
I just want to know if you own the local printer.

H:???
Oh yes, that he does.

H:???
Gorgeous Printing Inc. is ready and waiting to turn your final draft into a professional publication the day of the con, five minutes before the con begins, or even right after the con doors open!

H:???
Oh, right, I haven't introduced myself yet, have I?
I'm Moolah, Mr. P's mysterious yet beautiful secretary♪

  1. You really do have money on the brain, don't you.
  2. Can I pet your ears?
  Select: You really do have money on the brain, don't you.
Moolah
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
It might be true, but I wouldn't say it.

  Select: Can I pet your ears?
Moolah
Go right ahead!
Just as long as you pay me what they're worth♪
Robin Hood
Don't do it, Master.
Robin Hood
She'll find a way to take everything but the shirt on your back if you put so much as a finger on her.
Moolah
...♪

Jeanne Alter
All right, so I can kind of understand same-day printing before the con opens, but how can you offer to print after the con's already begun?

Moolah
It's simple.

Moolah
We send our printer into Void Space,
invert cause and effect...

Moolah
...and finish the printing the moment you finish your final draft.

Moolah
That way, once you're ready to send it to the printer, you don't even have to!

Moolah
It's our new landmark printing service♪

  1. That's...beyond amazing!
 
  Select: That's...beyond amazing!

Moolah

Why thank you♡

Gorgeous P
Heh. Amnesia or not, there is nothing my money and I cannot do.

Gorgeous P
However!

Gorgeous P
There are, of course, some conditions that must be met in order to use this extra special service!

Jeanne Alter
Conditions? What, like pay you a metric shit ton of BB Bucks or something?

Gorgeous P
Payment is a given. I'm running a business, not a charity. But before we make a deal, you must prove you are trustworthy...

Gorgeous P
...by risking your lives!

Gorgeous P
Now, prepare yourselves, up-and-coming club members!

  1. Prepare for what exactly?
  2. You got it!
  Select: Prepare for what exactly?
Gorgeous P
Now that Servants have assembled here on this moonlit beach, what else is there to do but fight?

  Select: You got it!
Gorgeous P
Good. I'm glad we understand one another.
Gorgeous P
Now, let our battle begin.
Mash
Huh? Why do we have to fight!?
Gorgeous P
Why, you say?
Gorgeous P
Because that is what Servants do when they encounter each other, of course.

d'Eon
I apologize on behalf of my employer.

d'Eon
But you must understand, printing a book on the day of the con is a fairly difficult endeavor for us.

d'Eon
It is not simply a matter of being able to afford it.

d'Eon
We want to print books into which the creators have poured their heart and souls.

d'Eon
That is why we want you to show us how strong your resolve is. Are you prepared to do that?

  1. What do you think?
  2. Can you do this?
  Select: What do you think?
Jeanne Alter
We accept. We were gonna have to “negotiate” with the printer eventually anyway.
Jeanne Alter
So let's show them just how serious we are about this.

  Select: Can you do this?
Jeanne Alter
You better believe it.
Jeanne Alter
We're gonna show them exactly how serious we are about this!

Jeanne Alter
Bring it, you bourgeois punks!

--BATTLE--

Gorgeous P
Hmm... I thought that fighting you might help me remember something, since you lot seem vaguely familiar, but it would seem not...

Gorgeous P
Well, no matter.
It was an enjoyable warm-up nonetheless.

Gorgeous P
Very well! I now understand just how dedicated you are to your work!

Gorgeous P
It does seem that the key creative figure among you is still harboring some delusions...but that is no less valid a creative method than others.

Gorgeous P
So suffer for your art!
Fight for your art!

Gorgeous P
Mongrels though you may be, no doubt you can still produce something beautiful if you master what talents you have!

Gorgeous P
I hereby grant you permission to make use of my printing facilities!

Gorgeous P
Fuhahahaha!
Hahahahaha!

Gorgeous P
Now, d'Eon, let us be on our way.
Today, we're having dinner at the Ritz penthouse.

  1. One last thing.
 
  Select: One last thing.

Gorgeous P
Very well, what is it?
...Hm? What does the “P” stand for?

Gorgeous P
Dunderhead!
What else would it possibly stand for!?

Gorgeous P
It stands for “President,”
the most important person in all of Luluhawa!

Moolah
Okay, let's get going, Mr. President. Oh, by the way, I have another proposition for a new factory I was hoping you could take a look at...?

Gorgeous P
Very well! Build it! Just make sure to produce a special line of product just for me!

Moolah
Yaaay♡

d'Eon
Oh no, not another scam...! Get back here, you!
Excuse me, everyone, but I need to get going!

d'Eon
Good luck with your doujin!

Queen of the Beach

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Jeanne Alter
...
...

Jeanne Alter
...
...

  1. How's it going?
  2. I'm all done with this page.
  Select: How's it going?
Jeanne Alter
...Not great.
Jeanne Alter
Dunno why, either.
Jeanne Alter
I have plenty of great ideas, but as soon as I try to get them down on paper...
Jeanne Alter
...well, they just seem kind of lame.

  Select: I'm all done with this page.
Jeanne Alter
...Huh?
Jeanne Alter
Oh, right.
I'll take that.
Jeanne Alter
Here's the next page.

Robin Hood
'Sup. How's things over here?
You working hard, or hardly working?

Robin Hood
Working hard? Good. Then here's a little treat.

Robin Hood
How you holding up, Master?

  1. I'm going great.
  2. I'm feeling a little worn out...
  Select: I'm going great.
Robin Hood
So you're used to working at a desk, huh.
Wouldn't have pegged you for an honor student.
Robin Hood
But just 'cause you can sit inside all day doesn't mean you should.
Robin Hood
We're in Luluhawa, remember? Get outside! Smell the ocean air once in a while. It's good for you.

  Select: I'm feeling a little worn out...
Jeanne Alter
Oh?
Jeanne Alter
In that case, you should go outside and get some fresh air and sunlight, Fujimaru.
Jeanne Alter
Don't worry, I'll take care of this part.

Robin Hood
All right Alter, I'm gonna borrow Master for a little bit then.

Jeanne Alter
...Just don't forget to bring {(M) him /(F) her} back later.

Jeanne Alter
{(M) He's /(F) She's} my assistant, after all.

Robin Hood
You got it. Come on, Master,
let's go take a break and have some fun!

Fou
Fou fou fou!

Jeanne Alter
Wait, hold on.

Jeanne Alter
While you're out there, bring the camera and take some pics of girls in swimsuits.

  1. Uh... Aren't you wearing a swimsuit...?
 
  Select: Uh... Aren't you wearing a swimsuit...?

Jeanne Alter
I've got enough reference material of my own body.
Oh, and don't bother with that other Jeanne either, since we've got the same build.

Mash
I'll handle the photos then.

Mash
Is there a particular kind of girl you're looking for?

Jeanne Alter
Hmm. Someone stuck-up and conceited? Thinks she's the most beautiful thing in the world and acts like it?

Jeanne Alter
Believes she's entitled to be waited on hand and foot, and can't even conceive of obeying anyone else?

Jeanne Alter
If you can grab a picture of a woman like that,
bending the knee, that'd be perfect.

D:Robin Hood
Got it. I know just the woman for the job.
Right, Ushiwakamaru?

Ushiwakamaru
Absolutely. In fact, she should be out on the beach right now. Maybe she can actually be useful for once in her life.

Mash
Ah...

Mash
I-I know who you're talking about now. So we need to get a good shot of the beach queen, huh. It won't be easy...but I'll do my best!

  1. Okay, see you later.
 
  Select: Okay, see you later.

Jeanne Alter
Yeah, yeah, whatever. Don't worry if it doesn't work out, okay? I'm not getting my hopes up at all.

Jeanne Alter
...
...All right, let's try this here...

Jeanne Alter
Phew...

Jeanne Alter
...Dammit, I can't even tell if this is fun to read or not anymore...

Jeanne Alter
What's the main difference between this one and hers...?

Jeanne Alter

Aaargh!
God-freaking-dammit!

Jeanne Alter
...What's that dolphin princess up to anyway?
I'll ask Fujimaru when {(M) he /(F) she} gets back...

Medb
Denied.

Mash

She just turned us down flat!

D:Robin Hood
Why not!? Didn't you tell us to take as many pics as we please before!?

Medb
Huh? I never said anything like that.
I've never even seen you guys on this beach before.

Medb
Anyway, these are my portrait rights we're talking about! End of discussion!

  1. I really can't argue with that!
 
  Select: I really can't argue with that!

Medb
Besides...when I look at you guys...

Medb
...you remind me of crabs scuttling across the beach, or a bunch of ants showing up on my picnic blanket.

Medb
Like, you're weak and pathetic, yet still stand out more than I do, which just pisses me off even more.

Medb
It makes me want to squish you all like bugs!
Especially you, weird bumpkin girl!

Medb
Your gangly limbs and stocky torso are downright revolting! Get down on your knees so I don't have to look at you!

Ushiwakamaru
...Heh. So you're the one picking a fight this time. Good. That saves me the trouble.

Ushiwakamaru
I hate you just as much, if not more so! I'm going to cauterize that unseemly mouth of yours so I never have to hear your screeching again!

Medb
Well, well, listen to you. If you think you can pull that off, bitch, go ahead and try!

Ushiwakamaru
Oh I will, don't worry.
Now, let's have a good, clean–

  1. Both of you, knock it–
 
  Select: Both of you, knock it–

D:Robin Hood
Something just crashed on the beach!
Ugh. Don't tell me...

G:XX
...Illegal Servants detected.
Beach resort detected.

G:XX
...Authorization to fire, received.
Eliminating targets.

E:Nameless Photogs
No way. Is that a tokusatsu cosplay?
Check out the detail on her costume!

Mash
Oh no! All the photographers surrounding Medb are running off towards the Foreigner!

G:XX
?
???

E:Nameless Photogs
Over here!
Can you strike a pose!?

E:Nameless Photogs
That's it! Beautiful!
I love the way the light glints off your gauntlets!

E:Nameless Photogs
Let's take another! Stick up your arms, cover your right elbow with your left hand, and turn your chin this way!

G:XX
...?
...!?

Medb
(Jaw dropped)

Ushiwakamaru
Heh. So much for the beach queen. Looks like all your “adoring” fans would rather photograph the Foreigner than you.

Medb
Grr, what sort of fetishes are you pigs into!?
You're gonna pay dearly for this humiliation!

E:Nameless Photogs
Crap. Run for your lives, boys!

E:Nameless Photogs
He who shoots pics and runs away,
lives to shoot another day!

Medb
Fujimaru!
Do you know that tin-plated freak show!?

  1. She's an unknown Servant.
  2. She's filling out this year's Foreigner slot.
  Select: She's an unknown Servant.

  Select: She's filling out this year's Foreigner slot.

Medb
Foreigner...? W-well, whatever.
I don't know what that's about, and I don't care.

Medb
All I know is that nobody steals my toys and gets away with it! You're going down hard!

D:Robin Hood
Sweet, this'll make our jobs easier. Plus, we get to see what Medb's capable of. Two birds, one stone.

D:Robin Hood
Come on, Master! It's time to take out this Foreigner for the second time!

--BATTLE--

D:XX
Morning shift over.
Punishment...suspended.

Mash
...I've lost track of the Foreigner again...
She flies much too quickly for me to follow.

Medb
Dammit, she got away!
What was that thing, Mash? What's going on?

Mash
Oh, right.
Well...

Medb
Hmm. A Foreigner, huh...

Medb
Oh well, it's none of my business,
and frankly, I couldn't care less!

Medb
Well then, I'm gonna hang out at the pool to cool down after this workout.

Medb
Bye now, Fujimaru.

Medb
You can always join me in my club as long as you're willing to become a slave to my beauty☆

Ushiwakamaru
Hmph, as if you'd even entertain the notion of joining that honey trap's club. Right, Master!?

  1. I don't have my own camera, so...
  2. I'd have to talk it over with Blackbeard first...
  Select: I don't have my own camera, so...

  Select: I'd have to talk it over with Blackbeard first...

Mash
It's too bad. Medb fit Alter's request perfectly.

Mash
We may as well go back to the hotel then.
...I-if all else fails, I could always pose instead!

Mash
I know I'm a far cry from what Alter asked for, but if it will help...

Mash
...I'll do my best to convince myself I'm the most stuck-up, conceited, beautiful thing in the world!

  1. You're already the cutest thing in the world!
  2. I know you can do it!
  Select: You're already the cutest thing in the world!
Mash
Oof!
Fou
Fou. Fou?
(Special Translation: Are you TRYING to kill her?)

  Select: I know you can do it!
Mash
Th-thank you, Senpai...
I promise I won't let you down!

Jeanne Alter
Hm?
Oh, you're back.

Jeanne Alter
So how'd it–

Mash
I-I-I'm the most gorgeous lady in the whole wide world!

Mash
Je t'aime!

Jeanne Alter
Huh. You get cursed out there or something?
Maybe brainwashed?

Mash
Senpai, she shot me down!
Waaah!

  1. There, there.
  2. The important thing is that you did your best.
  Select: There, there.

  Select: The important thing is that you did your best.

Jeanne Alter
What the hell's going on!?

A Wonderful Fairytale of a Wonderful Holy Maiden

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Jeanne Alter
...Let's take a break, Fujimaru.

Jeanne Alter
What's with the look?

Jeanne Alter
...Everything's getting jumbled up in my head, so I want to decompress. Come and join me at the beach.

  1. Sure.
  2. It would be my honor.
  Select: Sure.
Jeanne Alter
Can't you at least ay something polite,
like “It would be my honor” or something?

  Select: It would be my honor.
Jeanne Alter
What do you think this is, one of Shakespeare's plays? Can't you just say “sure” like a normal person?

Jeanne Alter
...What is it now? Think I was gonna gripe at you no matter what you said there?

Jeanne Alter
Yeah, I was! Got a problem!?

  1. She admitted it!
 
  Select: She admitted it!

Jeanne Alter
...I'm stuck on where to take the story from here.

Jeanne Alter
If we use the drafts we have now, I think the story will feel like it's dragging on a bit.

Jeanne Alter
But I'm worried that if I cut scenes to speed things up, later developments are gonna feel contrived.

  1. Could you cut some stuff from the first half?
 
  Select: Could you cut some stuff from the first half?

Jeanne Alter
N-no way! We need those scenes for world-building!

Jeanne Alter
...Then again, reading it over now, I'm more embarrassed than anything. I guess world-building isn't really that important...

Jeanne Alter
The readers aren't gonna care how the world got the way it is, or what its god is like...

Jeanne Alter
What do you think? Do you think it feels tedious?
Is it okay to linger on the details like this?

  1. I think it's great.
 
  Select: I think it's great.

Jeanne Alter
...All right, I'll stick with it then.

Jeanne Alter
It's so quiet here...

Jeanne Alter
Whoa... Did you hear that?
I think it might've been a dolphin.

  1. You might be right.
  2. You sure it wasn't Fou?
  Select: You might be right.
Jeanne Alter
You don't see those every day.
Let's go look for it!

  Select: You sure it wasn't Fou?
Jeanne Alter
No way.
Jeanne Alter
That squirrel thing only knows how to say its own name, anyway.

Jeanne Alter
I think it came from around here.

Jeanne
Oh, hello, you two. Taking a moonlit walk on the beach? Hehe, that's so romantic!

Jeanne Alter
You're dead.

  1. Whoa whoa whoa, easy there!
  2. You need to tone down your knee-jerk reactions.
  Select: Whoa whoa whoa, easy there!

  Select: You need to tone down your knee-jerk reactions.

Jeanne
It's okay, Master.

Jeanne
As her big sister, I understand very well what she's like.

Jeanne Alter
You're not my sister.

Jeanne Alter
...Wait, never mind that.
What's the deal with that dolphin behind you?

Jeanne
Hehe, isn't he adorable?

Jeanne
As it turns out...

Anastasia
Thank you, Ms. Holy Maiden!

Anastasia
Yay! I've always wanted a picture with Jeanne d'Arc!

Jeanne
Not at all.
It was my pleasure.

Jeanne
Huh? What was that...?

Jeanne
Well hello, Mr. Dolphin.
What are you doing here?

Jeanne
Oh no. You're hurt...!

Jeanne
All right...

Jeanne
In the name of the Lord, I appoint you my familiar.

Jeanne
There you go. Now you can come with me.

Jeanne Alter

What kinda fairy-tale crap is that?

Jeanne Alter
Don't go around making more familiars just 'cause you feel like it!

Jeanne Alter
And what's with those glasses, anyway!?
You tryin' to be cute or something?

Jeanne
Teehee☆

  1. D'awww.
 
  Select: D'awww.

Jeanne
Hehe, while we're on the subject, I actually still have one more transformation up my sleeve.

Jeanne
I don't know when I'll get to show it to you...

Jeanne
...so for now, I'll settle for taking out these coconut crabs alongside my familiar here, Reece.

Jeanne
Guess this means I'll be having coconut crab for dinner! Yum!

Jeanne Alter
...Uh, “yum” is not a word that comes to mind when I look at them...

--BATTLE--

Jeanne
Get out of here!

Jeanne Alter
...So what about you, Ms. Holy Maiden?
How's your book coming along?

Jeanne
Oh my, are you worried about me?
As your sister, that makes me really happy.

Jeanne Alter
How many times have I gotta tell you we aren't sisters!? We're not even related you dumbass!

  1. Wouldn't you, uh, HAVE to be related?
 
  Select: Wouldn't you, uh, HAVE to be related?

Jeanne Alter
I know! It just sorta came out before I realized what I was saying!

Jeanne
We're doing fine, thank you.
Hehe, in fact, we're almost done.

Jeanne
I've got all the dolphin reference material I need, thanks to my office assistant Reece here.

Jeanne
My story this year is about summer, the sea, and dolphins, and I'm going to make sure it turns out wonderfully!

Jeanne Alter
Oh yeah? So you're not following up on the witch, princess, and monster story, huh?

Jeanne Alter
I was kinda expecting you to do a sequel to that.

Jeanne Alter
Well, whatever.
See you around, Ms. Holy Maiden.

Jeanne Alter
Come on, Master.

Jeanne Alter
While Little Miss Holy's out taking a walk,
we're gonna catch up as much as possible!

Jeanne
...
...

Jeanne
Hmm... Looks like things are getting interesting!

A Day in the Life of a May King

Show/Hide Story Chapter


...A good manager always starts their day early.

Robin Hood
It's a rough job. I'd have long since keeled over if I wasn't a Servant.


He knocks on Jeanne d'Arc Alter's door at 5:00 a.m. sharp.

Robin Hood
Who wants refreshments?

Jeanne Alter
Leave 'em on the table.
Oh, and go wake Master up in a few.

Robin Hood
Why not wake {(M) him /(F) her} up yourself?

Jeanne Alter
Well sure, I could, but...
You know, it's just...

Robin Hood
Hey, I get it.

Robin Hood
You feel bad about making {(M) him /(F) her} help you with your manga when {(M) he's /(F) she's} supposed to be on vacation.

Jeanne Alter
Oh, shut up!

Robin Hood
All right, if that's what you want,
I'll go ahead and wake {(M) him /(F) her}.

Robin Hood
Hey, Master, it's morning. Up and at 'em.


After waking up the Master, the manager helps clean up and proceeds to check in on the other clubs.

Robin Hood
All right then...

Osakabehime
Ora ora ora oraaa!

Osakabehime
Hehehehe. Hahahaha!
That's all my Doujin Boosters down!

Osakabehime
Oh, why did I decide to make it better by adding more pages now!?

Osakabehime
That's it, I am already dead! I'm gonna pay for my crimes with my life and be done with it!

Kiyohime
That's fine, you can off yourself if you want.
I'm all done with my part.

Osakabehime
Arigathanks! We've only got three days left!

Osakabehime
Die, vacation! Begone, five-star resort hote–No, wait, that's going too far.

Osakabehime
Begone, Singularity!

Kiyohime
But don't you think it's nice to work on a final draft while listening to the waves?

Osakabehime
Nice and a couple of BB Bucks won't even get you a cup of coffee!

Robin Hood
(I see, I see. Looks like things aren't going too smoothly here.)

Jeanne
Next one!

Marie
Right.

Sanson
(Sigh)...

Sanson
Now that d'Eon is gone, it's all up to me to make sure Jeanne and Marie stay healthy.

Sanson
But, I'm afraid...

Jeanne
Here!

Marie
On it!

Sanson
...there's almost nothing for me to do!

Marie
Don't be silly, Sanson!

Marie
Your job is to read the story once we're done with it. It's very important!

Jeanne
Marie's right, Sanson. Hang on, we're almost done.

Marie
Make sure you're brutally honest with us, okay?

Marie
We want you to point out anything that stands out to you, no matter how small!

Sanson
...Very well then.

Sanson
I may not know much about drawing,
but I do know a thing or two about anatomy.

Jeanne
Uh, I don't like the sound of that.

Jeanne
I think I'd die of embarrassment if someone pointed out my characters' eyes are too far apart or the like.

Robin Hood
(Hmm hmm. Looks like things are going smoothly here...)


After the manager finished visiting the other clubs,
a voice cried out from the heavens.

Robin Hood
Oh no. There's no way this can end well!

Robin Hood
Come on, come on, where's the exit!? What am I saying, there's no exits in a hotel hallway! What about the window? ...Crap, I forgot this is the twentieth floor!

BB
Hellooo, everyone in front of the terminal☆

BB
Today, the BB Channel's coming to you live and on the spot via special low-res livestream!

BB
And on that note... Good morning, Robin.

BB
Let me get straight to the point: I want to try some of Luluhawa's famous pancakes, pronto!

BB
Go get me some ASAP, 'kay☆

BB
Naturally, I'll be expecting you to report in on Senpai and Alter's progress too.

BB
So make sure you do your job well.

BB
Unless you want to see how unspeakably awful the punishment I have in mind for you is. In which case, feel free to muck it up as much as you want!

Robin Hood

What could be worse than turning me into a pig!?

Robin Hood
...(Sigh) What did I ever do to get on that demon's bad side, anyway...?

Robin Hood
Dammit, earlier me... Why couldn't you have taken her out when you had the chance...?


...Lunchtime. One of the few times of day when even a manager is permitted to rest.

Robin Hood
Sheesh. But, oh well.
Hey, a porridge stand.

Caster of Kykeon
Do you see any porridge here!?
This is a kykeon stand! Ky-ke-o-n!

Caster of Kykeon
Now then, what can I do for you?

Robin Hood
Can I get a bowl?

Caster of Kykeon
Of what?

Robin Hood
What do you mean “which one”? It's porridge.
Just gimme a bowl.

Caster of Kykeon
You really are an idiot, aren't you.

Caster of Kykeon
Would you go to a pizza joint and just order “pizza”? Only a fool would be so vague!

Caster of Kykeon
Kykeon's got a ton of different varieties too. Why do you think I made this stand in the first place!?

Robin Hood
Ahh... I gotcha. This is one of those professional pride things. (She reminds me a lot of Medea...)

Robin Hood
All right then, surprise me.

Caster of Kykeon
Hehehe, then I suggest this kykeon I was inspired to make after a visit to my local Buckster's Coffee!

Caster of Kykeon
I call it “Kykeon Frappé Garlic Soda Special,
with Kykeon Classic Extra Soy Caramel”...

Caster of Kykeon
...kykeon!

Caster of Kykeon
How about that!? (Smug)

Robin Hood
Hell frickin' no! If the name's that much of a mouthful, there's no way I'm trying the dish itself!

Caster of Kykeon
Hey, no need to be rude!
How'd you like to be turned into a pig!?

Robin Hood
...Oh, yeah, that's your Noble Phantasm's thing,
isn't it? Turning people into pigs.

Caster of Kykeon
Huh...? Y-you mean you actually like pigs?

Caster of Kykeon
I, uh...guess it takes all kinds...

Robin Hood
I'm getting the feeling we're not even reading from the same book here, let alone being on the same page, but I guess beggars can't be choosers.

Robin Hood
Now, shall I compare thee to a spring fairy, milady?
There's something I'd like to ask you about...

Caster of Kykeon
?

Jekyll
Welcome back, Mr. Robin.

Robin Hood
Forget the formalities, Jekyll.
I don't need people babying me.

Jekyll
Are you sure? It's not every day you get to stay in a nice hotel like this. Why not treat yourself while you're here?

Robin Hood
That's real nice of you, but don't worry about me.
I'm enjoying myself plenty.

Robin Hood
Sure, my job might suck sometimes, but you can't beat these Luluhawa mornings. What else need be said?

Robin Hood
Going for a walk here actually makes my heart skip a beat. Forest life's got nothing on this place.

Mordred
Oh hey, welcome back, Tristan wannabe.

Robin Hood
...Tristan wannabe?
Do I even want to know what that's about?

Mordred
It's simple. You know how you're always out playing with that bird?

Robin Hood
I keep telling you guys,
it just follows me around for some reason!

Mordred
And you also know how Hawaii has a lot of Japanese immigrants and tourists? I've actually been teaching myself some stuff during breaks, and I learned that the Japanese word for bird is “tori.”

Mordred
And since you love birds so much, you're a tori stan. Tori stan, Tristan... Perfect, right?

Robin Hood
...Anyway, speaking of birds, I also found a shop with a real nice selection of Hawaiian shirts.

Robin Hood
Ah, whatever. I don't have any bags for you to carry, so I'm not gonna bother with a tip.

Mordred
I'm all for not carrying bags,
but don't skimp the tip, bro.

Robin Hood
You're giving all of England a bad name,
you know that!?

Robin Hood
How the hell's she still have a job here, Jekyll?

Jekyll
...Well, to be honest,
I can understand how Mordred feels.

Mordred
Every! Single! One of you!
Can carry! Your bags! Yourself!

Mordred
We're fricking Servants, dammit!

Mordred
But then you've got weak ones like Marie with guys falling all over themselves to carry her bags!

Mordred
I mean, it doesn't matter for the chump guys since I Clarented their asses, but still.

Mordred
Now I got nothing to do and no income from tips, so I can't even get myself some kykeon or even eggs freakin' Benedict!

Mordred
I need me some eats!!!

Jekyll
(Sigh)... I guess I can't expect you to hold out any longer. Okay, here's some allowance. Just–

Mordred
Aw yeah! Time to blow this popsicle stand and get me some real popsicles!

Jekyll
–wait until your break time...before...going out...

Robin Hood
Man, you've got it rough too, huh?

Robin Hood
There we go.

Jeanne Alter
Where the hell've you been!?
I need combat reference material! Now!!!

Jeanne Alter
Go ahead and take Fujimaru with you if you want!

Jeanne Alter
Just go out there and pick a fight! I don't care who with! Just get me my reference material!

Jeanne Alter
I'm gonna work on this other part in the meantime. Now hurry up! Go go go!

  1. Welp, here we are.
  2. So now we've gotta get in a fight all of a sudden, huh.
  Select: Welp, here we are.

  Select: So now we've gotta get in a fight all of a sudden, huh.

Robin Hood
Emphasis on “sudden.”

Mash
Yes, it's very sudden...

Robin Hood
Well, nothing for it now.

Robin Hood
I bet we'll find a taker or two if we put out the word at Waikiki Street.

Mash
How do we put out the word?

Robin Hood
Eh, I'll figure something out.

Robin Hood
We should try for someone simpleminded. Someone who's let the tropical heat really get to them.

Robin Hood
Can anyone take my head!?

Scáthach
I'll do it. This won't take long.

Hijikata Toshizo
I don't know what you're going on about, but if it's a head you need cut off, I can do that.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
I would be glad to test my skills and see how quickly I can make you disappear...

Beowulf
I'm surprised to see you putting on an event like this, Robin.

Beowulf
But if we're going to do this, let's do it.
Show me what the great May King can really do.

Jing Ke
Hm?
Hmm?

Jing Ke
So aaall I have to do is head your cut off? Okay! (Hic)

Ushiwakamaru
...Oh, I ran over here as soon as I heard the word “head.” Sorry, just a reflex. I'll, uh, just be on my way then.

Robin Hood
Putting Ushiwakamaru aside...

Robin Hood
...no way we can take all of you, so we'd appreciate it if you settled on three amongst yourselves.

Scáthach
Hmm, good point.
Then we'll do rock paper scissors first.

Scáthach
The last three left standing get to fight.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Very well.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
I shall tell you all right now:
I will employ scissors.

Beowulf
Hey! No mind games, or we'll be here all day!

All
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

Scáthach
All right, your opponents shall be me...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
...myself...

Jing Ke
...aaand I! (Hic)

  1. Talk about an all-star lineup...
  2. This is gonna be rough...
  Select: Talk about an all-star lineup...
Robin Hood
I thought the same thing.

  Select: This is gonna be rough...
Robin Hood
I hope it's just rough. I'm seriously starting to worry about my head staying attached to my neck here.

Scáthach
Don't worry, we'll hold back a little.
Really. I mean it.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Of course.

Jing Ke
Yeah, let's do this thiiing!

  1. We'll just have to go all out.
  2. No turning back now!
  Select: We'll just have to go all out.
Robin Hood
Yup, no other choice now.
We'll have to use everything we've got.

  Select: No turning back now!
Robin Hood
That's for damn sure.
All right then...

Robin Hood
Gimme your orders, Master!

--BATTLE--

Beowulf
That's enough!

Robin Hood
M-man, that was too close... Thanks, Beowulf.

Beowulf
No problem. Buy the first round tonight,
and we'll call it even.

Jing Ke
Did somebody say buy a round!?

Jing Ke
You're buying a round for us, Robin!?
Luluhawa's got a ton of good, cheap booze!

Beowulf
Hey everyone, listen up!

Beowulf
The May King Robin is buying us all drinks tonight!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Excellent. Then I shall take advantage of the opportunity to explore the flavors of tropical sake.

Mash
A-are you sure about this, Robin?

Mash
As near as I can tell, everyone here is very good at holding their liquor...

Ushiwakamaru
That's one way to put it. This lot drinks so much you could measure their daily liquor intake in gallons!

Robin Hood
Guess I'd better start looking for a part-time job...

  1. It's not much, but here's some BB Bucks to help.
 
  Select: It's not much, but here's some BB Bucks to help.

Robin Hood
...!
Thank you, Master!

The Gasoline Called Passion

Show/Hide Story Chapter

  1. Oh man! I wanna go out, but I'm totally in the zone now!
  2. The mission can wait. Just gotta keep on typing.
  Select: Oh man! I wanna go out, but I'm totally in the zone now!

  Select: The mission can wait. Just gotta keep on typing.

Mash
I don't know if it's the island resort giving {(M) him /(F) her} a boost or what, but Senpai really is doing great today.

Mash
{(M) He's /(F) She's} been typing away since morning,
writing up the ideas and plotlines you discarded.

Mash
The last thing {(M) he /(F) she} said before {(M) he /(F) she} got to work was...

Mash
“These are too good to just throw away!
We could make a whole novel out of them!”

Jeanne Alter
...
...

Jeanne Alter
Is that so. All right, fine, I'm not gonna stop you. But don't forget, you're still only human.

Jeanne Alter
Why don't you lie down on the bed and rest up for a bit. I'll let you know if I need your help again.

Robin Hood
Don't wanna push yourself too hard.

Jeanne Alter
Oh, right.

Jeanne Alter
Shielder, mind going outside and taking some photos for me?

Mash
O-oh, sure. What would you like me to photograph?

Jeanne Alter
Here. I wrote down the primary subjects I'm looking for.

Mash
Now I see... Got it.
Ushiwakamaru?

Ushiwakamaru
Roger that. All right, Master,
I'll accompany Lady Mash on her mission.

Robin Hood
Guess I might as well find out what I can about the other clubs then.

Jeanne Alter
Just don't go slacking off, you hear?

Robin Hood
Right back at you.
Only two days left to go, so hang in there.

  1. Okay, I'll go get some sleep.
 
  Select: Okay, I'll go get some sleep.

Jeanne Alter
You do that.


...It's pretty calming,
hearing {(M) him /(F) her} breathe in {(M) his /(F) her} sleep.


It's also a little irritating.
Or well...maybe it makes me feel guilty.


There's no reason for {(M) him /(F) her} to help me with this.


We're in Luluhawa now. {(M) He's /(F) She's} got every right to be out there enjoying {(M) his /(F) her} vacation.


But instead, {(M) he /(F) she} chose to stay here and help me.
...Weirdo.


I turn back to my drawing,
keeping {(M) him /(F) her} in the corner of my eye.


I realize the panels don't flow well and inadvertently click my tongue. I'll have to change what happens on the other half of the page a bit to match.


How should I do that...


After agonizing about it, I finally say what I've thought to myself countless times by now.

Jeanne Alter
...Does it really matter?


No, it doesn't. So what if one page reads a little unnaturally? What's the big deal?


And yet, I can't let it go.


This is supposed to be for fun.
It shouldn't be this hard.


But, then...if nothing else...


If nothing else, you mustn't lose sight of your passion.


It's because this is supposed to be fun that we put every ounce of our energy into it.

Jeanne Alter
...Okay.


The new layout seems like it works well.
At least, I think it does.


Relieved, I sigh out loud and stretch my back as far as it can go. ...Master's still fast asleep.

Jeanne Alter
Hey, wake up.
I said, wake up.


I try pinching {(M) his /(F) her} nose shut, just for laughs.
{(M) He /(F) She} gets a pained expression on {(M) his /(F) her} face and tries to squirm away.

Jeanne Alter
Oh no you don't. You're not getting away that easy.


I decide to keep messing with
{(M) him /(F) her} until {(M) he /(F) she} finally wakes up.

Jeanne Alter
C'mooon, wake up. Wakey wakeeey.

Jeanne Alter
Damn, you're starting to turn blue. Well, that's what you get for not waking up sooner.

Jeanne Alter
Told you you weren't getting away, didn't I?

Jeanne Alter
I'd give in and wake up already if I were you,
or it's only gonna get worse.

E:???
H-hiii. We just wanted to ask you about–

Jeanne Alter
Hehe, so you're determined to sleep through this, huh? You've got guts, I'll give you that.

Jeanne Alter
Though you know, for the Master who's gonna save humanity, you sure leave yourself wide op–

Jeanne Alter
...
...

Osakabehime
...
...


...
...

Nitocris
...
...

E:All
Sorry to interrupt...

Jeanne Alter

It's not like that!

Jeanne Alter
...
...

  1. Good morning.
  2. Uh-oh. Did I conk out?
  Select: Good morning.
Osakabehime
Ohallo, Master.

  Select: Uh-oh. Did I conk out?
Jeanne Alter
...I-it's fine. Don't worry about it...

Osakabehime
Do you remember anything from while you were sleeping?

Jeanne Alter
(Death glare)

Osakabehime
...Well, let's just say, both you and I were just treated to one of those rare CG events!

  1. What are you talking about?
 
  Select: What are you talking about?

Jeanne Alter
Hey! Different subject! How about those other two? What'd they even want?

Osakabehime
They just saw me trying to work up the courage to knock and came in with me for moral support.

Osakabehime
But anyway, I'm here because I just talked to Abby, from Tentacle Iron Bar.

Jeanne Alter
Okay. And?

Osakabehime
She said someone else took their spot by the wall.

Osakabehime
So she wanted to know if we'd be willing to share ours...

Osakabehime
But I don't think we'll have enough room for them in our section alone, so I was wondering if you might be willing to share too.

  1. I think that should be all right...
 
  Select: I think that should be all right...

Jeanne Alter
Fine, whatever. Not like we're gonna be able to make more than one book, anyway.

Jeanne Alter
...Who's ringing?

  1. It's just the room phone. I'll get it.
 
  Select: It's just the room phone. I'll get it.

H:Jekyll
Hello, this is the front desk.
I'm afraid we've got another spot of trouble.

H:Jekyll
Medb has suited up for battle, and is out claiming Diamond Head Beach as her own.

H:Jekyll
She also said something about how she's
“here for {(M) Lord /(F) Lady} Fujimaru,” I believe.

H:Jekyll
At any rate, she's bothering the other customers,
so I was hoping you might chase her away?

  1. Oh...
  2. Does this mean...she thinks I'm one of hers!?
  Select: Oh...

  Select: Does this mean...she thinks I'm one of hers!?

Jeanne Alter
Hello? Jekyll? ...That works out just fine.
I was thinking I could use a change of pace.

H:Jekyll
Thank you, that'll be a big help. Help yourselves to the drinks in the minibar once you're done.

Jeanne Alter
Throw in another mocha tomorrow and you've got a deal. All right, let's do this, Fujimaru!

  1. Are you going to help us, Osakabehime?
 
  Select: Are you going to help us, Osakabehime?

Osakabehime
Me? I just wanna hole up in my room...

Jeanne Alter
You should get some exercise now and then.
Unless you wanna get flabby.

Osakabehime

Gah!

Osakabehime
You can be a real jerk sometimes, you know that!?

Osakabehime
Besides, Servants don't get fat.
We don't!

Osakabehime
...A-at least, I don't think we do.
Y-yeah, I'm pretty sure we don't.

Osakabehime
...
...

Osakabehime
I-I suppose it wouldn't kill me to get a liiittle exercise now and then. All right... Let's, uh, go save the world...

Medb Bodyguard
Heh heh heh...
So, you've come, Fujimaru.

Medb Bodyguard
Blackbeard told us how you made it through PaiKet with your camera skills alone... How your subjects seem to make love to the camera with every shot...

Medb Bodyguard
So why are you throwing your skills away on a weak-ass noob club?

Medb Bodyguard
No, you belong with us. You're going to help us make Queen Medb's photo book even more perfect!

Jeanne Alter
Are you stupid? Your dinky club's a “noob” one too.

Jeanne Alter
I'm sure you're just trying to poach my assistant here to try and get on Medb's good side...

Jeanne Alter
...but you're wasting your time. Fujimaru here's mine, and I wouldn't give {(M) him /(F) her} up for a million bucks.

Medb Bodyguard
A-a million...?
R-really...?

Jeanne Alter
Yeah, really. Surprised?

Medb Bodyguard
It's so rare to see such an unabashedly straightforward tsundere in this day and age! We should get a picture with her!

Jeanne Alter
...All right.
I tried to be nice, but you guys asked for it.

Jeanne Alter
Don't say I didn't warn you.

Jeanne Alter
Burn in hell, losers!

Osakabehime
Hey! I said just a LITTLE exercise!

b>--BATTLE--</b>

Medb Bodyguard
Dammit! Retreat! Retreeeat!
We'll get you for this, noobs!

Medb Bodyguard
We'll also get some pictures of you next time, 'cause katana and hottie? Talk about a match made in heaven!

Jeanne Alter
There's not gonna be a next time!

Osakabehime
Ugh, I'm so sweaty...

Jeanne Alter
Yeah, I bet, considering what you're wearing.
Being a Servant can only get you so far.

Osakabehime
Grrr. Just you wait!
Next year'll be my turn to get a swimsuit!

Jeanne Alter
Well, at least this made for a nice diversion.
Any doubts I still had are all gone now.

Jeanne Alter
Come on Master, let's go make some serious headway on our manga!

  1. You know it!
  2. How far along are we, anyway...?
  Select: You know it!
Jeanne Alter
That's what I like to hear!
Osakabehime
Two days until deadline!
Osakabehime
Hehehe, I must say, I've got a good feeling about my own chances after seeing how far they have to go!
Osakabehime
...That's really nothing to be proud of, is it...

  Select: How far along are we, anyway...?
Jeanne Alter
Just gotta give it everything you've got!
Full power all the way!
Jeanne Alter
Long as we do that, time'll take care of itself!
Osakabehime
(I'm so proud. Alter's becoming more of a weeb with every passing day...)

Showdown: Foreigner!

Show/Hide Story Chapter


The only sound in the room is the stylus scribbling away on the tablet.


After hours upon hours of hard work, our twenty-odd-page manga is finally about to be born.


...Looking back on it now, I still can't quite tell if it was worth it or not. It's a strange feeling.


Only two days left to go. It looks as though we'll be done on time...only now, Master's starting to show signs of exhaustion. Not that I blame {(M) him /(F) her}.


Since we can't have {(M) him /(F) her} burning out,
I decided to have {(M) him /(F) her} take half of today off.

Ushiwakamaru
I'm not very good at this sort of task...

Ushiwakamaru
I suppose it's enjoyable enough, and I can certainly handle it if I think of it as training...

Ushiwakamaru
...but I don't suppose there's a more...athletic way I could help?


Of course not.
Just keep doing what you're doing.

Ushiwakamaru
I must say, though...this is much more tiring than I thought it would be.

Ushiwakamaru
At the beginning, I thought that drawing manga would be easy for Servants like us.

Mash
I know what you mean.

Mash
Now I understand why Andersen and Shakespeare look so exhausted after one of their long writing sessions.

Jeanne Alter
Yeah.

Jeanne Alter
This creative stuff's a battle with your own mind. Being a Servant doesn't make it any easier.

Jeanne Alter
Anyway, it's about time we–

Jeanne Alter
Ugh.

Ushiwakamaru
A call now? I've got a bad feeling about this...

Mash
...I'll get it...

G:Jekyll
Hey, it's the manager. That Foreigner's out making a mess of things on Main Street, so I was hoping you could drive her off–say, right now.

G:Jekyll
Oh, and you might want to be careful. She looks like she really means business this time. Thanks!

Mash
...I guess Ushiwakamaru's bad feeling was prescient.

Robin Hood
The hell's Jekyll think we are, anyway?
Some kind of glorified pest control...?

Ushiwakamaru
...No, he was right to come to us. It's easy to forget, but this is why we came here in the first place.

Ushiwakamaru
Lady Alter, feel free to keep working on the manga. Master and I will take care of the Foreigner.

Jeanne Alter
Hell no. Even I'm not just gonna focus on my manga to the exclusion of everything else.

Jeanne Alter
Besides, I could use a break after drawing for so long. This oughta do the trick nicely.

Jeanne Alter
Shielder, wake Master up.

Mash
All right. I may be woefully inadequate for the task...

Mash
...but I'll do my best!

Mash
Senpai... Senpai... Master.

  1. Fou... Fo fo fou... Fo...
  2. Is it...the deadline...?
  Select: Fou... Fo fo fou... Fo...
Mash
Are you dreaming that you're Fou?

  Select: Is it...the deadline...?
Mash
No, that's not for another two days. Now please,
wake up so we can finish the final draft!
Ushiwakamaru
If only defeating the Foreigner automatically completed the manga as well...

Mash
Good morning, Master. Here. I made you a café au lait with extra milk and sugar.

Mash
Good, I've confirmed the sugar has jolted your brain awake! ...Now come on, we've got work to do!

Mash
The Foreigner has showed up on Main Street.
We need to drive her away!

F:XX
...I. Will. Destroy. Everything!

BB
You've already seen this bit, so let's just go ahead and hit the old “Skip” button, shall we?


     — After Defeating the Foreigner —

BB
Way to go, Chaldeans! Once again, you kicked that Foreigner's ass like it was nothing!

Robin Hood
(Gasp, gasp)...

Robin Hood
It definitely wasn't nothing, BB. Is it just me,
or is that Foreigner even stronger now than she was be–Hm?

Diarmuid
Wild Demon Boar!
Wild Demon Boar on the loose!

Fionn
How could this happen!?
All I did was make a campfire on Diamond Head!

Fionn
Do not blame me for this!

Fionn
There is not a king in the world who would not be inspired to make a campfire at such a beautiful vista!

Machine Boar
OOOIIINNNKKK!
OOOIIINNNKKK!

BB
What the!? Where'd that Kamapuaʻa wannabe come from!?
I don't remember any giant pig thing on my Luluhawa!

BB
Now where did I put that club list...
Here it is!

BB
It looks like that thing belongs to Keter Malkuth Hohenheim, one of the Wonder Stage clubs...

BB
Let's see... “1/1 Scale Replica Series:
Twrch Trwyth”...

BB
“Ages 17 and up! This life-size figure recreates the original's imposing destructive power in glorious detail! The eroticism of the armor plating that seems as though it's about to fall off at any moment is...”

BB
What is it with Casters and their weirdly specific fetishes!?

Robin Hood
I hate to agree with BB, but for once,
I think she nailed it!

Robin Hood
Looks like we've got one more job to take care of,
Fujimaru! We need to stop that machine!

--BATTLE--

BB Pele
Phew, glad that's all settled.
Thanks for the help, Fujimaru.

BB
Pele's influence when I'm in this form is a little too strong for me when it comes to enemies of that type...

BB
It makes it so that, whenever I face a pig monster, I, uh...I end up destroying it so brutally that it makes everyone else cringe.

BB
And nobody wants to see that from a swimsuit-clad beauty, right...?

  1. Pele's influence, huh...
  2. Riiight. Had to be Pele. No other explanation.
  Select: Pele's influence, huh...

  Select: Riiight. Had to be Pele. No other explanation.

BB
Anyway, the night is saved now,
and it's all thanks to you guys.

BB
I hope you continue to enjoy your stay in Luluhawa!
Of course, that goes for your doujin efforts too.

BB
Only two days to go until ServantFes, Jeanne Alter.

BB
I can't wait to see your finished,
properly printed book.

Jeanne Alter
Uh-huh.

BB
If you can take first place in sales numbers too,
well, that would be just peachy!

Ushiwakamaru
I think that's almost certainly asking too much.

Ushiwakamaru
I may be an amateur when dealing with doujin, but I don't see any way for a newly formed club like ours to outperform skilled and seasoned veterans.

BB
Yes, I know.
It really is much easier said than done, isn't it.

  1. ...?
 
  Select: ...?

BB
Whoops! That's enough extra hint dropping!

BB
Anyway, this damaged street isn't going to repair itself. Why don't you all go back to the hotel and let little old me handle this?

BB
Enjoy your ServantFes time, Senpai♪

  1. It's not like this is anything new, but...yikes.
  2. I swear my life gets shorter whenever she's around...
  Select: It's not like this is anything new, but...yikes.

  Select: I swear my life gets shorter whenever she's around...

Jeanne Alter
Who, BB?

Jeanne Alter
...I guess I see it.

Jeanne Alter
If she really does have Pele the volcano goddess installed as one of her subfunctions, that'd make her actually kinda badass.

Jeanne Alter
From what I know about Pele, she was a goddess of fire who came to Hawaii from the land of the gods.

Jeanne Alter
Her sister, the goddess of water, ended up killing her, but even that wouldn't keep her down.

Jeanne Alter
She went on to rule Hawaii's volcanoes with her mind alone. From then on, no one could touch her.

Jeanne Alter
She has lots of love to give, but she also takes it away. She's a goddess of civilization who granted fire to the people, and she's also a goddess of destruction who took that same civilization away.

Jeanne Alter
And just like Hawaii's volcanoes are still active,
Pele still lives on in Kilauea.

Jeanne Alter
Although...

Mash
Although?

Jeanne Alter
...Nah, it's nothing. I'll tell you some other time.
Right now, we need to focus on work!

  1. Yeah, you're right. Let's keep drawing!
 
  Select: Yeah, you're right. Let's keep drawing!

Shining Queen

Show/Hide Story Chapter


This is my life now.
Drawing, drawing, and more drawing.


The goal might finally be in sight,
but that doesn't mean I can slow down.


Sometimes I get the feeling that this is all wrong.
Others, it seems like everything's fine.


I've come this far on passion alone. At this point,
I can't tell if I went the right way or not.


But it won't be much longer till this comes to an end now.

Jeanne Alter
...
...

Jeanne Alter
Fujimaru?
You okay?

Jeanne Alter
I'm gonna hit the sack myself. ...I didn't think I needed to sleep as a Servant, but maybe it'll help me get my head straight about some stuff.

Jeanne Alter
Go ahead and spend the time however you want.

Jeanne Alter
If you don't have anything to do,
you could always go outside for a while.

Ushiwakamaru
Good idea. We've been doing nothing but work and sleep ever since yesterday.

Ushiwakamaru
Why don't we go to the beach, Master? A little dip in the ocean should help you loosen up.

Mash
I'll go with you then.

Robin Hood
I think I'll join too. I'm sure you're fine with Ushiwakamaru around, but in my role as Hawaii Hood, I'd feel better keeping an eye on things just in case.

  1. Sweet dreams, Jeanne Alter.
  2. See you later then.
  Select: Sweet dreams, Jeanne Alter.
Jeanne Alter
...Yeah.

  Select: See you later then.
Jeanne Alter
Yeah, yeah. See you when you get back.

Mash
Oh? There seems to be quite a commotion over there...

Fou
Fou?

Robin Hood
Looks like a bunch of overworked men to me.
Maybe there's some kind of event happening today.

Ushiwakamaru
I see they're not Servants.

Ushiwakamaru
Some of them look to be Lord Blackbeard's men,
while others are–

  1. Those are Celtic soldiers...
 
  Select: Those are Celtic soldiers...

Mash
...Then, that would mean–

???
Hehe... You guys just can't take it anymore, huh? Didn't I tell you to wait here like good boys?

Mash
I knew it! It's Medb!

Fou
Fou fou!

Ushiwakamaru
Great, her again.
Whatever it is she's doing here, it can't be good...

Medb
Take a look around.
Beautiful beach, beautiful sea, beautiful sky...

Medb
Starting to notice a theme by now? Maybe the word “beautiful” has started to lose all meaning?

Medb
Well you're in luck! This queen's about to personally remind you who the word “beautiful” suits best!

Medb
Rejoice, my poor little worker bees! Let me see you cry in joy at my unbridled generosity!

Medb
Mmm, yes, that's the stuff! Now then...

Medb
Announcing the Medb Contest!

G:Medb
A Medb production brought to you by Medb, for Medb!

Man A
You rock, Medb!
...Wooo! I always wanted to say that!

Man B
Here's this month's tribute! I risked life and limb to bring it back for you from the Bering Sea!

Man C
Look this way, Your Majestyyy!
Please! I'll do anything you want!

Robin Hood

The hell is this!?

Mash
Well, knowing Medb...I can't say I'm too surprised that she'd do something like this...

Ushiwakamaru
Never mind that now! Take a look at that!

P.A. System
That was Entry No. 1: the strong, noble, adorable,
and unquestionably beautiful Medb!

P.A. System
Thank you, Medb! Thank you for these irreplaceable summer memories!

Medb
Heh... Never mind summer. You're gonna want to remember those for the rest of your lives.

P.A. System
Now, let's move on to the scoring portion.
What say you, Judgment Boys!


10.0      10.0      10.0      10.0

P.A. System
Unbelievable! It's a perfect score! Medb's invincible! She's mythical! She's a living legend of beauty! Nobody else even comes close!

Medb
Oh my, this is so expected! What can I say? I can't help that I'm just so gorgeous! Sorry not sorry!

Ushiwakamaru
What a farce! They're all obviously in cahoots... Or rather, they're all even bigger idiots than she is!

Fou
Fou fo kyu, fou fou!
...Fou, fou fou...

Robin Hood
Yeah. She admitted it when she said it was all made by her, for her. No way this is on the up-and-up.

Ushiwakamaru
If it were only a question of her embarrassing herself, we could simply ignore this self-serving exercise in shamelessness. But the problem is...

Ushiwakamaru
...her ability to get all these men so worked up. Remember, our fate rests on the popularity contest that is ServantFes.

Ushiwakamaru
The more she gains from this travesty,
the more we stand to lose.

Ushiwakamaru
As such, I believe it would behoove us to stop it before it goes too far, Master!

Medb
Oh...? I thought I smelled some horrendous yokel from out in the sticks. If it isn't the mountain mutt, coming to play in civilization.

Medb
Did you really not know that beautiful people get more votes? It's like a law of nature.

Ushiwakamaru
Do you ever shut up? You remind me of nothing so much as a hapless cow, stranded on the shore, showing off her flabby flesh.

Ushiwakamaru
Is this some sort of barbecue? Are you trying to make amends for your many crimes by offering yourself to the grill?

Medb
Hmph. I should've known a dog wouldn't be able to stop herself from barking incessantly.

Medb
I'm not trying to drum up attention to give me an advantage at ServantFes. Why bother?

Medb
My photo book is going to sell more copies than anything else there no matter what!

Medb
This contest I whipped up is just a way to further spread the glory of my beauty throughout the world.

Ushiwakamaru
Don't be preposterous!
This is obviously a ploy to drive up sales!

Ushiwakamaru
You even came up with a fake quote for your ad copy: “Queen of the Beach, now Queen of the Books!”

Medb
How unspeakably rude. Fine then. If you've got that much of a problem, why don't you compete?

Medb
You don't want me taking the crown when you don't think I deserve it, right? Then beat me.

Medb
I'm always happy to accept new entrants.
Unless...you don't think you're up to it?

Medb
You Japanese warriors don't like to fight battles you know you can't win? Just going to roll over and go belly-up like the cowardly dog you are?

Medb
Ohhh, I get it. That's why you run around with your midriff exposed.

Medb
Gee, I'm sorry. I should've been more considerate of your well-deserved lack of confidence in your looks. Heh. Oh, I do hope you can forgive me?

Ushiwakamaru
...!
Very well then, I accept your challenge!

Ushiwakamaru
You want to do this thing!?
We will do this thing!

Mash
P-please calm down, Ushiwakamaru! There's no point in competing with Medb in her own contest!

Ushiwakamaru
Worry not!

Ushiwakamaru
I am told that exposure is the greatest weapon of summer, and I am baring at least as much as she is!

Ushiwakamaru
I'm not entirely sure why that is, but regardless,
I have the matter well in hand!

Robin Hood
Get a hold of yourself! The only contests where outfit design matters are French fashion ones!

Robin Hood
Your, uh, sporty good looks aren't gonna be nearly enough to win this thing!

Ushiwakamaru
Save the lectures for later!
You are reminding me of my brother!

Ushiwakamaru
At this point, I am no longer Ushiwakamaru.
I am the Tengu Woman of the Beach!

Ushiwakamaru
In the name of Mt. Kurama,
I refuse to lose to city trash like that!

Ushiwakamaru
Now, on to the swimsuit competition! You've heard of a catwalk? Well, get ready for a tenguwalk!


7.0      8.5      8.0      9.0

E:Man A
She's certainly very sporty, but...

F:Man B
Yeah. She just doesn't have the same...flair that Medb does...

G:Man C
We're at a beach resort, not an athletic meet. If we wanted to watch amazing physical feats, we'd go to the summer games.

H:Man D
...She fits my type to a T, so normally, I'd be all over that...but since we're in Luluhawa, I have to give it to Queen Medb this time.

Medb
Well, well. Color me impressed, Ushiwaka.
You did better than I thought you would.

Medb
But hey, don't feel bad.
You could never have beaten beauty like mine!

Medb
In fact, you should be proud.
I thought you'd be walking away with straight zeros!

Ushiwakamaru
Grrr!

Ushiwakamaru
...I mean, forget that! This so-called competition,
and the way it's scored, isn't the point at all!

Ushiwakamaru
The point is that holding it in the first place is wrong! As far as I can tell, you don't even have any other contestants.

Ushiwakamaru
There's no point in holding a sad, meaningless contest like this where you're the only one competing and your victory is assured.

Medb
Oh? Who said I was the only one competing?

  1. You mean you're not?
 
  Select: You mean you're not?

  1. You mean you're not?
 
  Select: You mean you're not?

Medb
Of course not.
Entry No. 3 and 4 will be along any moment.

Medb
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my sponsor seat. Enjoy the show, everyone.

Medb
My victory is definitely assured, but now it's going to be clinched after a white-hot battle with other contestants!

Medb
Oh, but you won't be one of them, Fujimaru.
This contest's for Servants only.

Medb
So stay on the sidelines where it's safe. Of course,
if you insist on being my rival, I won't stop you.

Robin Hood
Well, I guess that makes sense. She's nothing if not supremely confident in her looks.

Robin Hood
She might not be above cheating in war, but I don't think it'd even occur to her to cheat when it comes to a beauty contest.

Ushiwakamaru
Hmph, is that so? You certainly know a lot about her, don't you, Lord Robin?

Robin Hood
Nah, I'm just observant.
Look, here they come.

Marie
Oh my, this seems like fun.

Scáthach
Oho. I take it this is some sort of battle to determine the queen of the beach...?

Altria
Did someone say “contest”? A contest means prizes, and in summer, prizes mean watermelon and shaved ice!

Oda Nobunaga
What the hell kind of stage is that!? Wait a minute...
This is it! Hawaiian rock 'n' roll legend, here I come!

Mash
It's the other swimsuit Servants!
They're all here too!

P.A. System
Attention all contestants and spectators.
We have an announcement from Medb.

P.A. System
“There's room for more than a single flower on the beach. Why settle for only one?”

P.A. System
“So I hereby decree that the top three contestants will all be crowned first place!”

P.A. System
...This concludes our announcement from Medb.

Men
Woohoooooo! That's the spirit!
You rock, Meeedb!

Ushiwakamaru
Wha...

Robin Hood
Well I'll be damned. I never thought she'd be that willing to share the spotlight.

Robin Hood
Who knows? Maybe Hawaii's rubbing off on her.

P.A. System
Now then...

P.A. System
Next up in the Diamond Medb Contest,
we have Entry No. 3, handpicked by Medb herself!

P.A. System
One of our dear spectators–Mash Kyrielight!

P.A. System
According to Medb, she was picked because
“anyone wearing a swimsuit” is her rival!

P.A. System
Are you there, Mash? We know you are.
Come on up to the stage!

Mash
A-aaah!
Wh-wh-what should I do, Senpai!?

Mash
Is this Medb's way of being nice!?

  1. Probably. Medb doesn't have friends, after all.
  2. Guess it's instinct. Medb's a hunter at heart.
  Select: Probably. Medb doesn't have friends, after all.

  Select: Guess it's instinct. Medb's a hunter at heart.

Mash
A-all right, I guess I'd better go then!
I'll do my best to show off how nice my shield is!

Robin Hood
Pretty sure they're not here to see your shield...

Robin Hood
But then again, that sort of thing is what makes Mash so great. Anyway, let's go find some seats, Master.

Robin Hood
I got a feeling we're gonna be here for a good while, so we might as well see how it all turns out.

P.A. System
Ahh, that was great!
A veritable festival of fifteen bathing beauties!

P.A. System
Let's have another round of applause for all our contestants!

  1. They were all really pretty...
  2. They all looked so cool onstage!
  Select: They were all really pretty...
Robin Hood
Hahaha. Considering how dangerous most of them are,
I'm impressed you can say that with a straight face.
Robin Hood
But you think so, huh? From where I'm sitting,
you could be right up there with them, Master.

  Select: They all looked so cool onstage!
Robin Hood
I'd agree with that. Visually speaking,
that was just what the doctor ordered.

Ushiwakamaru
...Hmph, so this “contest” is finally coming to an end, huh. If the top three are all taking first place, I guess the ones besides Medb are–

P.A. System
Oh, wait a minute!
We have a new, last-minute entrant!!!

P.A. System
This contest isn't over yet!
Come on up, Entry No. 16!

P.A. System
With a thundering crack of her whip, it's... It's...!

P.A. System
It's Medb in a leather swimsuit!
Ooh, how risqué!


Huh!?

P.A. System
Now, let's get to scoring!
This is going to be a close one, folks!


10.0      10.0      10.0      10.0

P.A. System
I don't believe it!
Another round of perfect scores!

P.A. System
But don't go just yet! We have a final, FINAL entrant! Last one of the day, we promise!

P.A. System
It's Medb in her usual swimsuitlike outfit!
Now, on to the score!


10.0      10.0      10.0      10.0

P.A. System
Another full set of perfects! Incredible!
We're witnessing history in the making, folks!

P.A. System
In an unprecedented turn of events,
all three Medbs win with perfect scores!

P.A. System
I'm so moved I can't stop crying!
What an amazing, incredible, legendary contest!

P.A. System
The top three contestants are:
Medb, Medb, and Medb!

P.A. System
Our queen sweeps the contest with a grand slam hat triiick!

Men
You rock, Medb! You rock, Medb! You rock, Medb!

Mash
I'm back, Master! It's too bad I didn't place higher, but it was still a lot of fun!

  1. Your shield's still awesome.
  2. Next time, you should wear a real swimsuit.
  Select: Your shield's still awesome.

  Select: Next time, you should wear a real swimsuit.

Medb
Heh... Sooo, what'd you think?

Robin Hood
What do I think!?
I think you're fifty-one short of a full deck!

Ushiwakamaru
I can't believe it... Even in my wildest dreams,
I never thought she would stoop this low...

Medb
Why, whatever are you talking about? Did I say contestants couldn't enter multiple times?

Medb
Don't blame me for this, poochie.
Blame your own lack of Spirit Origin variations☆

Medb
Oh, before I forget... I'm not thinking about how my victory here might affect my ServantFes sales, but...

Medb
...since Holy Grails are all about giving people what they want...and if what the people want is me, well... You do see where I'm going with this, right?

Medb
I should thank that BB chick sometime for giving me this perfect opportunity.

Medb
Like they say, third time's the charm. This time, I'll finally take the Holy Grail for myself and use it to turn this island into my ideal Slaveland.

Medb
Well, see you at ServantFes, I guess. Obviously I'm going to grab the most sales by far, but who knows?

Medb
Maybe you guys'll do really well and manage to sell almost a tenth as many books as me. Ahahahaha!

Ushiwakamaru
That little...! Master, quick, give me the snack bag! I'm sure we still had some string cheese in there!

Ushiwakamaru
It's my duty as a tengu to punish the wicked!
I must pelt her with cheese until she repents!

  1. I think she'll just instinctually roundhouse it again...
 
  Select: I think she'll just instinctually roundhouse it again...

Ushiwakamaru
That impertinent wench! Very well then, I will simply pelt her with all manner of other snacks!

Mash
Please calm down, Ushiwakamaru! That won't accomplish anything besides feeding the seagulls!

Robin Hood
Good grief. Well, technically, this was still a change of pace. 'Course, whether it was a good change or not is debatable.

Ushiwakamaru
Debatable!?

Robin Hood
Well, maybe not for you. My condolences.

Robin Hood
...Anyway, I say we head back to our room, Master.
Sleeping Beauty oughta be waking up soon.

Jeanne Alter
...
...

Mash
She's still fast asleep...
Maybe we should wake her up?

  1. Okay, I'll do it.
 
  Select: Okay, I'll do it.

Jeanne Alter
Nn...

  1. Wake up.
 
  Select: Wake up.

Jeanne Alter
Don't wanna...
Too sleepy...

Jeanne Alter
Just five more minutes...
Puhleeease.

???
Aww, that's adorable.
But, I'm afraid we can't let her stay in bed all day.

???
Reece, would you be so kind as to wake her up?

Jeanne Alter
Hm? What's that smell?
Smells like...rotten fish...

Jeanne Alter
...
...

Jeanne Alter

Gah!

Jeanne
Good morning! Sorry to wake you like that.

Jeanne Alter
Wha!?
Heh!? Huh!?

  1. She came to hang out...
  2. Good morning...
  Select: She came to hang out...
Jeanne Alter
Hang out!?

  Select: Good morning...
Jeanne Alter
Oh, uh, morning.
Jeanne Alter
Wait, no!

Jeanne Alter

What! Is SHE! Doing! HERE!?

Jeanne
We're supposed to finish our drafts today, so I just wanted to see how yours was coming along.

Jeanne
And since your other club members were having trouble waking you up...

Jeanne
...I thought Reece and I could help.

Jeanne Alter
You call that helping!?
No wonder it literally smelled fishy in here!

Jeanne
ServantFes is tomorrow.
There's only one day left to go!

Jeanne
We're going to have so much fun once we both finish our final drafts!

Jeanne Alter
Grr... Sounds like she already finished hers.

  1. We've only got a little ways left to go.
 
  Select: We've only got a little ways left to go.

Jeanne Alter
Yeah, true. All right...this is the last day.
Let's draw us some doujin!

The Final Night...Again

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Jeanne Alter
...Huh?

Jeanne Alter
Are my eyes playing tricks on me,
or...are we actually done?

  1. No tricks. We really are done.
 
  Select: No tricks. We really are done.

Mash
That's right. All the pages are right here,
and there aren't any errors.

Mash
It's perfect.

Robin Hood
Whoa, whoa, we're not finished just yet, ladies.

Robin Hood
We still have to bring this to the printer!

Jeanne Alter
R-right.

Robin Hood
Lucky for you I'm good at my job,
so I already let them know we'd be coming.

Robin Hood
Now all we gotta do is bring 'em the data.

Jeanne Alter
Okay, let's go, Fujimaru.
The rest of you can stay and rest.

Mash
No, we'll come too. Now that we've come this far,
I want to see it through to the end.

Ushiwakamaru
Agreed. Luluhawa may look like a peaceful place,
but we have seen that is not always the case.

Robin Hood
Right. Besides, do you even remember how to get there?

Jeanne Alter
Ugh.

Robin Hood
And there we have it.
Now come on, let's go.

Moolah
Yes, everything seems to be in order. And here's a rough estimate of the costs, including express service charges.

  1. Here you go.
 
  Select: Here you go.

Moolah
Thank yooou!

Moolah
All right then, we'll deliver a sample to your hotel room, and we'll bring the books to the convention center on the day of the con.

Moolah
I hope you sell lots of copies!
And make lots of money, of course.

Gorgeous P
Fuhahaha! In any case, I commend you for completing your work! Never mind the quality for now–that measure comes later!

Gorgeous P
Even I don't know many reckless fools who went from forming a club to making a book in less than a week!

Gorgeous P
But next time, make sure you submit your final draft with more time to spare.

Gorgeous P
Get your book done early–printed, bound, and what have you–and use the remaining time to make photocopies. That's the mark of a club that truly knows what it's doing.

Gorgeous P
Don't forget that, understand?
I mean it. Don't forget.

d'Eon
Great work, everyone!
Good luck! I hope it all goes well!

Jeanne Alter
I guess that takes care of that...

  1. Now we just have to deal with Foreigner XX.
 
  Select: Now we just have to deal with Foreigner XX.

Mash
Right.

Mash
We haven't seen her lately,
so it could be that she already left...

Jeanne Alter
Either way, nothing we can do if she doesn't show up.
We'll just have to see how things turn out tomorrow.

Mash
Yes, tomorrow is finally con day. We'll have to make the most of it and enjoy ourselves!

Jeanne Alter
What're you talking about, Shielder?
We're not gonna have time to enjoy ourselves.

Jeanne Alter
After all, we still don't know how many copies we're gonna sell!

  1. Oogh. I think I'm getting a stomach cramp!
 
  Select: Oogh. I think I'm getting a stomach cramp!

Jeanne Alter
This is it!
Win or lose, it all comes down to tomorrow!

What Are the Results This Time?

Show/Hide Story Chapter

  1. Skip
  2. Don't skip
  Select: Skip

  Select: Don't skip

Jeanne Alter
Damn, day's almost over... We've still got a little time left, but at this point, I think we can call it.

Mash
Still, we did pretty well for ourselves.

Mash
We especially sold a lot of copies to those pirates who came in after Blackbeard bought one.

Mash
And then there's all the other people who bought a copy.

Santa Island Kamen
Phew, made it just in time. One, please.

Mash
Here you go. Thank you.

Mash
...And then there's–

Jeanne Alter
Wait, hold up. Who the hell was that weirdo?

  1. Don't worry, we see guys like that all the time.
  2. He often shows up at Christmas.
  Select: Don't worry, we see guys like that all the time.
Jeanne Alter
Uh, no!? If that were common, it wouldn't be weird!

  Select: He often shows up at Christmas.
Jeanne Alter
How's a guy like that a staple of your Christmas!?

Jeanne
Hi, Alter.

Jeanne Alter
Great. What do you want?
Here to laugh at how pitifully our club did?

Jeanne
No, I'm just here to say hello. You do know that not everyone's out to get you, right?

Jeanne Alter
...So? You take the sales crown again this year?

Jeanne
No, I'm afraid not.

Jeanne Alter
You didn't!? But your dolphin book was so good it made me want to barf! How could it possibly lose!?

Jeanne Alter
Not even Medb's photo album should–

Mash
W-well, as it turns out...

Jeanne Alter
...Hmph. Sneaky bitch.

Medb
What do you mean, sneaky!?

Medb
I HAD to start issuing raffle tickets,
or the whole con was going to riot!

Robin Hood
Great, just what we need right now.

Medb
Listen up! There's three things you guys lack!

Medb
Trendiness, social media presence,
motivation, and most importantly, beauty!

Medb
Specifically, me!

  1. Isn't that four things?
 
  Select: Isn't that four things?

Medb

...Like I was saying,
there's four things you guys lack!

Medb
Trendiness, social media presence,
motivation, and me in all my beautiful glory!

Mash
Why does it feel like the list is growing?

Medb
The point is, I'm taking first place here as well.

Medb
Honestly, I'm so beautiful I scare myself sometimes...
Maybe I'll make another statue.

  1. No statue lasts forever.
 
  Select: No statue lasts forever.

Medb
...True. I'm not sure even I could take having a third statue of myself destroyed.

Medb
So I guess I can settle for just taking first place in sales. That Holy Grail is as good as mine!

Medb
Aaanyway, good luck trying to enjoy the rest of your summer.

Medb
It might not compare to my beautifully elegant vacation, but then, what could?

Medb
Hooohohoho!

Jeanne Alter
Damn, she actually walked away laughing like some kind of stuck-up evil rich girl.

Jeanne Alter
For a lady not making her own manga, she sure seems like she's read too damn many of them.

Jeanne
Personally, she reminds me of that salesman who's always laughing.

Jeanne
...Anyway, I sure had a lot of fun again this year.

Jeanne Alter
I don't know. Think it might've been a whole lot of work for nothing.

Jeanne Alter
...Hmph. Next time, I'm gonna hand you your ass for sure.

Jeanne
Wonderful! I look forward to it!
Okay, I'm going to go back to my own table.

Jeanne
Great work, everyone!

F:Robin Hood
A participation prize, huh. Ah well, at least the book came out pretty well, right?

Jeanne Alter
...Guess this means we've got to start over again.

Jeanne Alter
Oh well, no point looking backwards.
Just have to focus on what comes next.

Jeanne Alter
...Besides, there's still a bunch of things we don't know.

Jeanne Alter
So if we have to keep redrawing this book until we figure those out, that's what we're gonna do.

Jeanne Alter
...Now, what do you say we make the most of this vacation, Master?

A Strange Night at Mauna Kea

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Jeanne Alter
I guess this'll work for this loop's story. Hmm, though I still think it could be improved a little.

  1. Really? I think this could make for a really fun read.
 
  Select: Really? I think this could make for a really fun read.

Jeanne Alter
Yeah, I guess you're right.
...Okay, let's do this, Fujimaru.

Jeanne Alter
This manga will help us debut with a real splash!

Jeanne Alter
And this time, we're gonna beat that photo book and you-know-who's manga!

  1. You know it!
 
  Select: You know it!

Jeanne Alter
By the way, there's something that's been nagging at me. Come out on the balcony and I'll show you.

  1. It's beautiful.
 
  Select: It's beautiful.

Jeanne Alter
Yeah, it is.

Jeanne Alter
...All right, take a look.
Can you see it?

Jeanne Alter
Yeah, that's it. That mountain over there.

Jeanne Alter
Mauna Kea.

Jeanne Alter
Normally, you wouldn't be able to see it from here, since it's supposed to be on the island of Hawaii...

Jeanne Alter
...but now that the islands have combined together, it's a lot closer. Wanna see if we can walk there?

  1. Right now?
 
  Select: Right now?

Jeanne Alter
Things like this, it's best to just up and do them as soon as they come to mind.

Jeanne Alter
Worried you might not have the legs for it?
You are technically human, I guess.

Jeanne Alter
...In that case, let's see if we can't snag ourselves a ride.

Sakata Kintoki
Hey, Boss! I hear you're lookin' to check out the Mauna Kea Observatories?

Sakata Kintoki
All right then, hop on.
My Bear'll have you there in no time.

Jeanne Alter
Great, thanks.

Sakata Kintoki
No problem. You guys're–

Sakata Kintoki
...
...

Sakata Kintoki
(The hell!? She's still wearin'
a swimsuit this late!?)

Sakata Kintoki
(Why isn't she wearin' her civvies!? ...Oh, right, I guess Servants can get away with that. Makes sense!)

Sakata Kintoki
(But damn...good thing I've got my shades on!)

Ushiwakamaru
Well now. I'm surprised Lord Kintoki is letting you on his bike, Master. To be honest, I'm a little jealous.

Ushiwakamaru
It looks like it would be just as thrilling as a good training session. I wish I could go too...

Sakata Kintoki
Ushiwaka!? Not you too!?

Ushiwakamaru
Hm? Is something wrong, Lord Kintoki?

Sakata Kintoki
Uh, nah, it's nothin'. Really, nothin' at all.

Sakata Kintoki
All right then, let's get this show on the road!

Sakata Kintoki
Come on! Full throttle!
No looking back! Hell, no looking at all!

  1. Uh, except at the road, right? Right!?
 
  Select: Uh, except at the road, right? Right!?

Sakata Kintoki
Hm? Looks like the rest of the road is closed to traffic.

Sakata Kintoki
Guess this is as far as we go then, Boss!

  1. That really didn't take any time.
 
  Select: That really didn't take any time.

Sakata Kintoki
You know it. 'Course, that's more thanks to Bear here than me. Hah!

Jeanne Alter
That's too bad.
I was hoping to see the observatories.

Jeanne Alter
Still, even only halfway up the mountain,
we still got to see Mauna Kea, so it'll do.

Ushiwakamaru
These stars really are something, aren't they...

Sakata Kintoki
You know, I thought Hawaii was supposed to be, like, paradise or whatever, compared to my old hangouts.

Sakata Kintoki
But this place looks like it ain't got much goin' on at all.

Mash
That's true... It looks very desolate.

Jeanne Alter
Well sure. This whole mountain used to be covered with lava, after all.

Jeanne Alter
I even heard it snows up here sometimes.

Jeanne Alter
It might be one of Hawaii's most famous tourist attractions, but it's also the most opposed to the whole tropical island thing.

Ushiwakamaru
...You sound like you know quite a lot about it, Lady Alter.

Jeanne Alter
What do you mean? Everyone knows that, right?

Sakata Kintoki
I-I didn't. But yeah, that does make a lotta sense!

Mash
Yes. It was very well put.

Fou
Fou!

Jeanne Alter
That right, huh?

Jeanne Alter
...Well, it's nothing anyone else who read the guidebook couldn't have told you.

  1. (She must have really been looking forward to Hawaii...)
 
  Select: (She must have really been looking forward to Hawaii...)

Ushiwakamaru
...All right, I suppose we'd better head back.

Mash
I was hoping to stay and enjoy the night sky a little longer...

Jeanne Alter
Well then, we can just come back another time.

Mash
Yes, I suppose we could.

Mash
All right then, Master, let's come out here again if we happen to have some spare time!

Möbius Days

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Robin Hood
Hey there. Sorry if I kept you waiting.

Jeanne Alter
You sure as hell did.

Fou
Fou.

Jeanne Alter
So, let's get to it.
...How're we looking?

Mash
What do you mean by that?

Jeanne Alter
I mean, do you think we can take first place at ServantFes like BB said to?

Ushiwakamaru
I think...we sort of have to?

Ushiwakamaru
Seeing how she has the ability to rewind time,
I don't see any other way we can leave.

Ushiwakamaru
Not to mention I really, REALLY don't want Medb to get the Holy Grail.

Jeanne Alter
Do you think BB was telling the truth?

Robin Hood
Yeah, that's what it all comes down to, isn't it?
There's some things nagging at me too...

Jeanne Alter
That's why we shouldn't limit ourselves to just the doujin from here on.

Jeanne Alter
We need to spread out, find other Servants,
and hear what they've got to say, too.

Jeanne Alter
It's rough, but if BB was telling the truth, and we're gonna keep looping until we take first place...

  1. We'll just have to keep at it until we get it right?
 
  Select: We'll just have to keep at it until we get it right?

Jeanne Alter
Pretty much, yeah.

Jeanne Alter
I'm afraid you're gonna end up being real busy too.
Better steel yourself for that.

Mash
Of course. I'm guessing that we're the only ones aware of the time loop...

Mash
If we all work together,
I'm sure we can find a way out of it!

Jeanne Alter
...
...

  1. This reminds me of a Möbius strip.
 
  Select: This reminds me of a Möbius strip.

Jeanne Alter

Did you just read my mind!?

About Pele

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Jeanne Alter
No surprise at this point, but making this book gets easier every time. We shouldn't have any trouble finishing it now.

Jeanne Alter
...Hmm. Now that we're gonna have more free time,
why don't we take a break and visit Kilauea?

Ushiwakamaru
Is Kilauea different from the other volcano we visited, Mauna Kea?

Jeanne Alter
Uh, yeah. Like, completely different.

Jeanne Alter
Mauna Kea's a dormant volcano,
while Kilauea's still active.

Jeanne Alter
It's got lava, magma, smoke...all of it.

Jeanne Alter
What's more, people say that Pele lives near its mouth.

  1. Wow. Any other interesting stories?
 
  Select: Wow. Any other interesting stories?

Jeanne Alter
Hmm... Let's see...

Jeanne Alter
Well, if we're talking Pele and volcanoes, then we also gotta cover the snow goddess Poliʻahu! She lives on Mauna Kea, but I bet you coulda guessed that.

Jeanne Alter
They say that whenever Pele tried to chase her away with lava, Poliʻahu would cover the lava up with snow, which is why it's so cold there.

Jeanne Alter
They say Poliʻahu always wore a white cloak,
and that Pele had a black one.

Jeanne Alter
Pele would frequently try to kill Poliʻahu,
but would always end up getting outwitted.

Jeanne Alter
According to all the legends,
Pele never managed to beat her once.

Jeanne Alter
Now that we're here in Hawaii and all,
you oughta brush up on your Hawaiian mythology too.

Jeanne Alter
I mean, that's the sort of knowledge we're gonna need in this battle, right?

Jeanne Alter
...Though to be fair, I never thought Pele would be mixed up in all this either.

Ushiwakamaru
A goddess with a black cloak, huh...
That does sound appropriate for BB.

Robin Hood
I heard they also went for the same kind of men.

Robin Hood
In one of the myths I read, Pele fell in love at first sight with a male demigod from Oahu by the name of Kamapuaʻa.

Robin Hood
Kamapuaʻa had a beautiful singing voice, one that carried all the way to Pele's ears on the island of Hawaii.

Robin Hood
But when she went to meet him, she learned the truth: Kamapuaʻa was actually half man, half pig.

Robin Hood
They say Pele mocked him for being a pig,
but that didn't stop her from marrying him.

Robin Hood
Don't know if it was the fact that she'd already fallen for him, or if she just didn't mind the pig side as much as she let on, but anyway.

Ushiwakamaru
...That doesn't surprise me. Pigs are smart, docile creatures who like to keep clean, yet can grow to be fearsome boars if left in the wild.

Ushiwakamaru
I can understand why some people don't care for pigs...but regardless, there aren't many gods who rule over them.

  1. So Pele married a pig, huh...
  2. Is this why BB wanted to turn you into a pig, Robin?
  Select: So Pele married a pig, huh...

  Select: Is this why BB wanted to turn you into a pig, Robin?

Robin Hood
That has nothing to do with this whatsoever! Besides, it's the Holy Grail's power that lets her turn her enemies into pigs!

Mash
I'm sorry to interrupt,
but I need to check your progress.

Mash
How many pages have you all completed so far?

Jeanne Alter
...I'd say between half and two-thirds.
We're making good time.

Mash
Oh wow, and it's still just the third day!
That's amazing!

Jeanne Alter
Thanks. At this point, getting it done won't be a problem.

Jeanne Alter
Though if I could take just a little more time on it,
I think I could brush it up even more...

Ushiwakamaru
I still don't know much about manga, especially doujin, but wouldn't it be better to focus on meeting our deadline in this case?

Jeanne Alter
Well, yeah, you're not wrong. But still...

Robin Hood
So you want to up the quality this time too, huh.
In that case, why don't we bring on more assistants?

Jeanne Alter
That'd be great. At this point, I'll take help from anyone or anything. Human, pig...hell, even a cat!

Jaguar Warrior
You rang!?

  1. No. Please leave.
 
  Select: No. Please leave.

Tamamo Cat
Did somebody say help from a cat!?

Jeanne Alter
...Do you know anything about making manga?

Tamamo Cat
I played around with screentones once.

Jeanne Alter

You're hired!

Boudica
Hm? What's going on?

Boudica
Cat just dragged me here...

Tamamo Cat
I wanted you to make me something yummy and nutritious that'll keep me awake and give me energy for days.

Tamamo Cat
I've got computer work to do,
and I can't go messing it up with cooking oil.

Boudica
Th-that's a rather tall order.

Boudica
...But, okay. I'll see what I've got in the kitchen, and I'll bring it up when it's done.

Boudica
Good luck!

  1. Thanks, Boudica!
 
  Select: Thanks, Boudica!

Boudica
Oh! I'm sorry, but I don't have enough ingredients for all of you...

Mash
What is it you're low on?

Boudica
Hmm... Well, I could use more chicken.
I've already got plenty of veggies.

Mash
Chicken, huh...

  1. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
 
  Select: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Ushiwakamaru
Oh yes.

Ushiwakamaru
Leave the hunting to us, Master!
Don't worry, we'll be back before you know it!

Ushiwakamaru
We're going to need a delicious, nutritious meal to give us the push for this last half, after all!

--BATTLE--

Ushiwakamaru
There we go.
This ought to keep us all fed for a while.

Ushiwakamaru
I'm a little worried about how they'll taste,
but Lady Boudica knows what she's doing!

Ushiwakamaru
Perhaps she'll make fried chicken...deep-fried chicken...or even one of those turducken things I've heard about using nothing but chicken!

Blackbeard
Oh?

Blackbeard
Why the mountain of chicken?
There a party I haven't sniffed out yet?

  1. It's to help give us a bit more energy for the last half.
 
  Select: It's to help give us a bit more energy for the last half.

Blackbeard
Last half?
For a doujin?

Blackbeard
Whose?
Jalter's?

Blackbeard
She was serious about that!?

Ushiwakamaru
I'm not sure Lady Alter would be too pleased to hear you shorten her name like that...

Blackbeard
I see, I see. And here I thought she gave up a while back.

Blackbeard
Hmm. I'm only versed in the art of reading manga,
so I can't do much besides cheer you on...

Blackbeard
...but I'll be sure to stop by your table on con day.

  1. Ours'll be great! Count on it!
 
  Select: Ours'll be great! Count on it!

Blackbeard
I see...

Blackbeard
In that case, I kind of feel bad for you.

Blackbeard
I mean, it's pretty much a lock as to who's gonna sell the most books this year...

Blackbeard
Hrmph, it makes me sick.
I wouldn't touch that chick's book if she paid me!

ServantFes Pirate
Hey, Blackbeard! Great timing!

Blackbeard
Yeah?

ServantFes Pirate
You know that book I was telling you about?
“Medb's Rocking Photo Collection”?

Blackbeard
Hrmph.

ServantFes Pirate
Well, the limited edition comes with special “Be Medb's Footstool” tickets, but there's a limit of two books per customer, so I was hoping you could help me by–

Blackbeard
I've heard enough. Die!

ServantFes Pirate
What was that fooor!?

Blackbeard
So she's even ensnared my own elites with those thicc thighs, huh? That's it. No more Simping Blackbeard.

Blackbeard
If you get a chance to ruin her beach contest thing, maybe I'll find a way to help you do that. Duhuhu.

Holy Sister

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Jeanne Alter
...Good morning.

  1. Good morning.
 
  Select: Good morning.

Jeanne Alter
Today, I thought we'd go check out Diamond Head.

  1. Roger that!
 
  Select: Roger that!

Jeanne Alter
Cool. Oh, and don't forget the camera.

Jeanne Alter
Come in.

Jeanne
Goood morning!

Jeanne Alter
...Guess you got our rooms mixed up. Bye now.
Happens all the time.

  1. Yeaaah, pretty sure it doesn't?
 
  Select: Yeaaah, pretty sure it doesn't?

Jeanne Alter
Look, I'm trying to be nice here, all right?

Jeanne

What's wrong with me visiting my little sister!?

Jeanne Alter
Hello, front desk?

Jeanne Alter
I've got some nutjob claiming to be my sister in here.
Mind kicking her out for me?

Jekyll
Is this a prank call?

Jeanne
Sooo, how's your manga going?
(Said while grabbing a sandwich)

Jeanne Alter
It's going.

Jeanne
Aww, come on, you can at least tell me something about it.

Jeanne
As for me, I–
(Said around a mouthful of scrambled eggs)

Jeanne Alter
Yeah, yeah, I got it.

Jeanne Alter
You're drawing a love story about dolphins,
and you're about eighty percent done.

Jeanne
Huh? How did you know that!?
(Said while drinking clear soup)

Jeanne Alter
...Eh, I have my ways.
You're really stuffing your face, huh?

Jeanne
Hehe, I'm so glad you're interested in getting to know me better.

Jeanne
So how far are–
(Carving up French toast)

Jeanne Alter
I'd say I'm about halfway done.

Jeanne Alter
...Can I ask you something, Blondie?

Jeanne
Please don't call me that...

Jeanne
Anyway...(nom, nom)...what is it?
(Savoring chewy sausage)

Jeanne Alter
Why'd you start drawing manga in the first place?
Also, you sure you're not eating too much?

Jeanne
Hmm... That's a good question.

Jeanne
I'm Jeanne d'Arc, Heroic Spirit and Servant.
But at one point, I started thinking...

Jeanne
If somehow I were neither of those things...if I were nobody, really...

Jeanne
...what would I want to do with my time?
What should I do with it?

Jeanne
That was when Marie asked me to try making a manga with her.

Jeanne
I just get this feeling of such delight from making manga! Coming up with stories, writing them, then finally drawing it all... You can't beat that feeling!

Jeanne Alter
Think so, huh?

Jeanne
Yes, as stories were never a big part of our lives.
(Trying the pudding again)

Jeanne Alter
Maybe not, but I pretty much am a story.

Jeanne Alter
Also, you're stuffing yourself too much.
Like, way too much.

Jeanne
That's why I wanted a story about someone I came up with who wasn't me.

Jeanne
What about you? How come you're drawing a manga?
(Yes, I'm stuffing myself, I can't help it.)

Jeanne Alter
Why else? To make a better one than your story with the princess and the monster.

Jeanne
Princess and monster...?

Jeanne
What happens in that story?
(This honey's too good. I can't stop.)

Jeanne Alter
What do you mean? You drew it, didn't you?

Jeanne
Sorry, I don't recall ever drawing a story like that...

Jeanne Alter
...Well, it's about...

Jeanne
Hmmm.
No, that doesn't ring any bells at all.

Jeanne
Could I see it for myself?
(I wonder if I could get a loco moco plate this early...)

Jeanne Alter
All right, hang on.

Jeanne Alter
...Huh?
That's weird.

Jeanne Alter
Did I give it to you at some point, Fujimaru?

  1. I've never even read it.
 
  Select: I've never even read it.

Jeanne Alter
Right. That tracks.

Jeanne Alter
I locked it up and hid it so no one else would get a chance to read it and think it was better than mine.

Jeanne Alter
Weird. Maybe it disappeared when we got caught up in this loop?

Jeanne
Loop?

Jeanne Alter
...Forget about that.

Jeanne Alter
Oh, and one more thing.
Have you seen BB anywhere?

Jeanne
Of course.
She's running ServantFes this year, after all.

Jeanne
I've seen her running around a lot getting everything ready.

  1. Did you notice anything unusual about her?
 
  Select: Did you notice anything unusual about her?

Jeanne
Anything unusual?

Jeanne
...Hmm. Now that you mention it, she did seem a little different from the image I had of her.

Jeanne
And I don't mean her new tan and hair.
That seemed right at home here in the tropics.

Jeanne
It's more like, something about her felt fundamentally different from the rest of us.

Jeanne Alter
...Makes sense.

Jeanne
Come to think of it, you're not the first to ask me about BB.

Jeanne Alter
Really? Who else did?

Jeanne
The Count of Monte Cristo.
Have you not run into him yet?

Jeanne
He's usually hanging around the beach at night, though I wish he would come out earlier in the day.

Jeanne
He's so popular with children that Jack, Nursery, and Lily have been staying up well past their bedtimes.

  1. The Count? Popular with children...?
  2. Kuhahahaha!
  Select: The Count? Popular with children...?
Jeanne
They all enjoy imitating his laugh.
Blackbeard sounds the closest to him.

  Select: Kuhahahaha!
Jeanne Alter
Could you not with the sudden impressions?

Jeanne
Ahh, that loco moco was just as yummy as it looked!
(Coffee sip)

Jeanne Alter
You ate so much it actually put Master off {(M) his /(F) her} own appetite...

Jeanne
I've been swimming with Reece a lot lately,
so I need all the energy I can get.

Jeanne Alter
Right, that dolphin.

Jeanne
Yes, this dolphin.

Jeanne Alter

The hell!? Could you freakin' NOT summon a dolphin into a hotel!?

Tamamo Cat
Oh? Our catch of the day is looking even fresher than usual. But we don't serve dolphin or whale here.

Tamamo Cat
Sharks, on the other hand–I've chopped enough of those bad boys into pieces to make my own TV series. I think I'm gonna try for a full-blown motion picture next.

C:Jeanne
Nobody is making pieces out of my Reece.

C:Jeanne
Anyway, since we're all here together,
how would you two like to come swimming with me?

Jeanne Alter
...Yeah, okay.

C:Jeanne
Huh?

Jeanne Alter
Huh what?
Come on, let's go.

C:Jeanne
Master, Master, is Alter okay?

C:Jeanne
She's being so agreeable that I'm a little shocked...

  1. Maybe her new Spirit Origin's made her more mellow?
  2. Maybe it's all the drawing she's been doing.
  Select: Maybe her new Spirit Origin's made her more mellow?
C:Jeanne
Yes, that might be it.
C:Jeanne
Swimsuits do tend to make Servants feel more liberated, and that can affect many aspects of their personality.

  Select: Maybe it's all the drawing she's been doing.
C:Jeanne
I see. If that's all it is,
then I'm glad to hear it.
C:Jeanne
Anything that can get Alter to smile more is a good thing in my book.

Jeanne Alter
...What're you gossiping about over there?
C'mon, let's go already.

C:Jeanne
C-coming!

C:Jeanne
Take this!

Jeanne Alter
Ahaha, you're gonna pay for that...

Jeanne Alter
Hrah!

C:Jeanne
Hey! No throwing real weapons!

Jeanne Alter
Why not? You can always just throw that dolphin of yours.

Jeanne
Oh, good idea.
Get her, Reece!

Jeanne Alter
You thought I was serious!?

Jeanne
Good boy, Reece.
That was great.

Jeanne Alter
Master, if there's one thing I've learned today, it's that dolphins are freaking terrifying when they're bearing down on you with open mouths.

  1. Their teeth do look like chain saw blades, don't they...
 
  Select: Their teeth do look like chain saw blades, don't they...

Jeanne
Oh, you two are so mean.
How could any creature this cute be scary?

Jeanne Alter
Yeah, the only thing I hear him squeaking is,
“Death to all humans.”

C:Jeanne
He is not saying that!

Jeanne Alter
...Hey, I just got a great idea.

Jeanne Alter
Next time I make a manga,
I'm gonna make it about a dolphin death game.

Jeanne Alter
What do you think of “So Long, and Thanks for All the Kills” for the title?

C:Jeanne

Ugh!

C:Jeanne
Just so you know, Reece still has another transformation up his sleeve! Er, flipper!

Kuhahaha

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
According to what Jeanne said, we should find the Count of Monte Cristo around here...

  1. That laugh!
 
  Select: That laugh!

Mash
Come on, everyone, let's go!

Jeanne Alter
What's he laughing about, anyway?

Robin Hood
He's a little, how do I put this...off.

Ushiwakamaru
Aside from how he makes no effort to understand others, I also find him very loud and irritating!

Jeanne Alter
Damn, he really is loud!
...Wait, hang on. I think he's fighting.

Jeanne Alter
And he's up against...

Ibaraki-Douji
Hehe...

Ibaraki-Douji

Haha! Hahahahahahahaha!
I feel great! Super great!

???
Kuhahahaha!

???
Fiendish oni, raging wildfire...you would dance on BB's strings, would you?

Count of Monte Cristo
But you are nothing more than the comic relief.

Count of Monte Cristo
Not even the great blue-haired writer of fairy tales would ever pen a story with you as the protagonist!

Ibaraki-Douji
...I don't know what you're talking about,
but I can tell you're mocking me.

Ibaraki-Douji
But you won't be laughing much longer!
Come on out, guys!

Count of Monte Cristo
Haha! So you think you can overwhelm me with numbers, do you!?

Count of Monte Cristo
Very well then, I will just have to call in my own accomplice–

  1. Sooo... What's up?
 
  Select: Sooo... What's up?

Count of Monte Cristo
Khh... I know we are in the tropics, but you would still do well to take this more seriously, Master!

Ibaraki-Douji
Ha! This is perfect. Now I can crush you all at once!

Ibaraki-Douji
All you riffraff may as well be trash compared to me. Now come on!

--BATTLE--

Ibaraki-Douji
Mwahahahaha, this was fairly entertaining.
Farewell!

Ibaraki-Douji
I went real hog wild this time around. I'll never forget the look on those couples' faces after I turned into a shark and drove them all apart!

Ibaraki-Douji
I hope Shuten's proud of me!

Count of Monte Cristo
Hmph, I'll never understand how these oni end up so twisted. Still, in the end, she is merely a lion with the mind of a house cat.

Mash
Shouldn't that be the other way around?

Count of Monte Cristo
I mean that while she may present herself as a lion, she still possesses the heart of a tame house cat.

Count of Monte Cristo
Forget it. Fujimaru, I presume you are here to ask me about BB?

  1. Nailed it.
 
  Select: Nailed it.

Count of Monte Cristo
Heh. Then I take it you too have realized this world is caught in a time loop.

Mash
You know too, Count...!?

Count of Monte Cristo
Yes, I do.

Count of Monte Cristo
Strangely enough, it seems I bear some innate resistance to repeating worlds of this sort.

Count of Monte Cristo
...Then again, it could be a skill that belongs to my class, rather than myself.

Count of Monte Cristo
Perhaps those who came before me experienced world-ending cataclysms of an endlessly repeating nature...

Count of Monte Cristo
But I digress. As a matter of fact,
there is something I wish to ask you as well.

Count of Monte Cristo
What is BB's goal?
If anyone here would know, it's you.

  1. Well...
 
  Select: Well...

Count of Monte Cristo
Heh.

Count of Monte Cristo
A mere pretense. She would never create a time loop for something so simple.

Jeanne Alter
Okay then, if you're so smart,
what do YOU think BB's goal is?

Count of Monte Cristo
I have not yet gotten that far.
But, with all of you here, perhaps that can change.

Count of Monte Cristo
My guess is that BB is the one who sent Ibaraki-Douji after me.

Count of Monte Cristo
...Robin Hood, I would request that you lend me your cloak.

Robin Hood
You mean my No Face May King?

Count of Monte Cristo
That's right. You and BB are particularly ill-suited for one another...or is it well-suited?

Robin Hood
Ill! Definitely ill!

Count of Monte Cristo
Regardless, using the No Face May King would put you at considerable risk of being found out.

Count of Monte Cristo
Not through any fault of your own,
but merely due to a twist of fate.

Robin Hood
Oh, yeah... I think I know what you mean.

Robin Hood
In fact, I think BB's already got me pegged whenever I go out on my own...

Robin Hood
...and that will only get worse if I try to track her.

Count of Monte Cristo
That is why I can use it to follow where BB goes.

Robin Hood
All right, you've got a point.
Here, Count, it's all yours.

Count of Monte Cristo
There you have it, Fujimaru. I advise you all to continue drawing your doujin while still bearing in mind what your true purpose here really is.

Count of Monte Cristo
In the meantime, I shall handle Luluhawa's encroaching darkness alone, during the night...

Mash
And just like that, he's gone.

Mash
Still, it's very encouraging to know there's another Servant who's aware of the loop.

Jeanne Alter
Hawaii's darkness...
And Pele, the goddess of fire and volcanoes...

Jeanne Alter
Hmm. I knew it.
Something doesn't add up.

Meat! Meat! Meat!

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Jeanne Alter
Bar! Be!

Jeanne
Cue!

Boudica
Coming right up!
Don't worry, there's plenty of meat to go around.

Osakabehime
Meat... Meaty-niku meat...

Osakabehime
It should be fine, right...?
Servants don't gain weight!

  1. I don't know. Maybe your mind makes it real.
 
  Select: I don't know. Maybe your mind makes it real.

Osakabehime
Gaaah, why did you have to say thaaat!?

Kiyohime
Hmm. Then I suppose we can't entirely discount the theory that says Servants can get fat.

Kiyohime
Not only is the fate of humanity in peril,
but we are eating food prepared by other Servants.

Kiyohime
Such food might have a much stronger effect on our bodies than food made by humans...

Kiyohime
At least in theory.

Kiyohime
Not that my own weight could ever change, of course.

Kiyohime
As a dedicated wife Servant,
calorie control comes with the territory.

Osakabehime
Oh, you mean that fat-burning diet you've been on for–

Kiyohime
I'm sorry, did you say something?
I didn't quite hear you.

Osakabehime
J-j-just talking to myself.

Ibaraki-Douji
...
...

Mash
Senpai. Senpai, look.
Ibaraki's right over there...

Ushiwakamaru
So, she caught wind of our cookout.
Shall I get rid of her, Master?

  1. No, let's let Robin handle her.
 
  Select: No, let's let Robin handle her.

Ibaraki-Douji
...That meat looks really good. But then,
I ate nothing but meat when I was still alive.

Ibaraki-Douji
And all I remember about it was that it was tough, and stringy, and smelly.

Ibaraki-Douji
That's all meat really tastes like.
It can't possibly compare to candy...!

Ibaraki-Douji
All right, I've decided! I will not give in to temptation and partake of this barbecue! I will run around smashing things until it's ruined!

Robin Hood
Okay, that's enough of that.

Ibaraki-Douji
Robin the Green!

Robin Hood
I told you, never mind the “Green.”
Go on, eat up. Don't worry, there's no pepper on it.

Ibaraki-Douji
H-hey, watch it!
You almost skewered me with that skewer!

Robin Hood
Relax, I'm no Lancer.
Go on, eat it while it's hot.

Ibaraki-Douji
...This is barbecue meat.

Robin Hood
It's good stuff.

Ibaraki-Douji
H-hmm... Why bother? Chicken, pork,
beef, human...it all tastes the same.

Robin Hood
That's 'cause you never cooked it properly.
Go on, say ahhh.

Ibaraki-Douji
Hmm. This isn't stringy.

Ibaraki-Douji
And this spiciness is a refreshing change from all the candy I've been eating lately.

Robin Hood
Right? There's something about cooking meat outdoors that makes it taste way better. Maybe it's the party effect or something?

Robin Hood
The trick is to get a whole bunch of people together in one place. Now go on, eat up already.

Ibaraki-Douji
B-but...I'm your enemy right now.

Robin Hood
So what? If Shuten-Douji were here, I'm pretty sure she'd just waltz in all, “It'd be rude to rain on your parade,” while downing another saucer of wine.

Ibaraki-Douji
...T-true, that does sound like Shuten.

Ibaraki-Douji
A-all right, I'll join you then too!
...Got that!?

Ibaraki-Douji
...Hmph.

Boudica
Here you go, little Ibaraki.

Ibaraki-Douji
It's not “little”! It's “Douji”! Lucky for you, this food is so good I'm feeling pretty forgiving now.

Ushiwakamaru
...(Holding herself back)

  1. No picking fights.
  2. No goading, no taunting.
  Select: No picking fights.

  Select: No goading, no taunting.

Ushiwakamaru
I-I know that.

Ushiwakamaru
Very well, I think I'll make myself scarce for a bit. I'm sure you have things to discuss with Ibaraki.

Ushiwakamaru
...Now, if you'll excuse me!

Ibaraki-Douji
Hm?

Ibaraki-Douji
So you wanna talk to me, huh?
...What about?

Ibaraki-Douji
I'm not going oni-wild right now on account of how good this meat is, but–

  1. That swimsuit looks good on you.
  2. That swimsuit looks badass on you.
  Select: That swimsuit looks good on you.
Ibaraki-Douji
!
Ibaraki-Douji
Heh, tell me something I don't know.
But I commend your taste nonetheless, Master.

  Select: That swimsuit looks badass on you.
Ibaraki-Douji
!!!
Ibaraki-Douji
Right? Right!? RIGHT!?

Ibaraki-Douji
This swimsuit is pretty cool, if I do say so myself!

Ibaraki-Douji
You know, there have been rumors going around in the oni world lately about an oni “correcting” other oni who stray from the rightful oni path.

Ibaraki-Douji
Of course, I don't believe any of that nonsense, but if that oni really existed, they probably wouldn't be happy with this supremely stylish outfit...

Ibaraki-Douji
But never mind that. The point is,
BB is the one who gave me this swimsuit.

Ibaraki-Douji
There may be something fishy about her, but the fact that she did so shows she has promise!

Mash
...So that's what happened. I'm so sorry we weren't able to give you a swimsuit ourselves, Ibaraki...

Ibaraki-Douji
Don't worry about that now, Mash.
All's well that ends well, as they say!

  1. I'm sorry too.
 
  Select: I'm sorry too.

Ibaraki-Douji
Don't be stupid! Humans shouldn't go around apologizing to oni! Begging for their lives, yes. Apologizing, no!

Ibaraki-Douji
Heh. Still, I won't let that go to waste. Hand over that meat skewer, and all will be forgiven.

Mash
You want this skewer?
Sure, here you go.

Ibaraki-Douji
That's it. Mmm♪

Ibaraki-Douji
Delicious!
Is this chicken?

Boudica
That's right. For some reason,
Luluhawa has lots and lots of it.

Ibaraki-Douji
What about this sauce?
Did you make this, Boudica?

Boudica
No, Emiya did. He knows a great deal about all sorts of different cuisines from around the world.

Boudica
I still have a lot left to learn if I'm going to catch up to him.

Emiya
Don't sell yourself short. You're a much more skilled chef than I am. All I've got going for me is my knowledge of modern-day seasonings.

Boudica
There you go again.

Mash
I didn't know you were here too, Emiya.
Does that mean Nero and Tamamo are around as well?

Emiya
Yeah. The smell of barbecue lured us right over.
And it looks like we weren't the only ones.

Babbage
...
...

Nero
...Is it still not ready?
My patience is nearing its limits.

Tamamo-no-Mae
Not just yet, Your Imperial Majesty.
It'll take just a little more time.

Nero
Ugh, I cannot wait any longer!

Tamamo-no-Mae
Hey! I'd called dibs on that one!

Nero
Umu, what fine meat! Despite its beefy nature,
it tastes distinctly wolfy and gangy!

Elisabeth
Well, I couldn't disagree more...
Meat's much better undercooked.

Elisabeth
The bloodier the better, as far as I'm concerned.
Anything good is better when it's rare.

Tamamo-no-Mae
If you say so. But make sure you cook pork all the way through, or your stomach's going to regret it later.

Babbage
...However you choose to cook your meat, I would rather you didn't cook it on me just because you're running low on stoves.

Nero
If it isn't Lord Babbage! I mistook you for an iron grill as elegant and grand as my own statues!

Tamamo-no-Mae
Hohoho, I'm sorry. I've never used steam to cook meat before, so I couldn't help but try☆

Elisabeth
Hmm. Yeah, I'm definitely a lean red meat kind of girl.

Ushiwakamaru
...I have to say, the way things are going,
we'll be stuck returning to square one again.

Ushiwakamaru
I don't see how we can take the ServantFes sales crown, no matter how good the manga turns out.

Ushiwakamaru
We have to do something about the Medb Contest too...

Ushiwakamaru
And yet, in a contest of beauty,
there's almost no chance we can win.

Ushiwakamaru
...Which means our only option is to somehow make it into a contest we can win. But how to do that...?

Ushiwakamaru
Hmm...

A:
Damn, tengu girl, I could see your long face clear across the beach. What's got you so bummed?

Ushiwakamaru
Oh, the Chinese soldier of fortune and the small-statured king. What do you want with me?

A:
Just couldn't help but notice that something was bothering you. You're worried about something for Master's sake, right? It's written all over your face.

A:
Hey, I've been there, so I know what you're going through. If you need to talk, I'm happy to listen.

Ushiwakamaru
...I remember now. You were a man of loyalty first and foremost. And the king is a cavalryman skilled in tactical warfare...

Ushiwakamaru
All right, you've convinced me. If I can't solve this on my own, maybe the wisdom of others can help.

Ushiwakamaru
The problem is...

Alexander
Hm hm.

Alexander
So the judges, organizer, and spectators are all on Medb's side, huh. In that case, the only choice is to turn the contest on its head.

Alexander
The best choice would be where victory can't possibly be disputed, like sports or a martial arts fight.

Ushiwakamaru
Yes, that's all true...

Ushiwakamaru
...but I can't imagine Medb would simply agree to change the rules.

Ushiwakamaru
She doesn't care about the integrity of the contest. All she cares about is winning.

A:
Hmm... Medb, huh.

Ushiwakamaru
Come to think of it, I believe I heard you can change into just about anyone?

A:
Yeah, though it's just a leftover power from some incident I don't even remember.

A:
But anyway, while I could change into Medb,
there wouldn't be any point to it.

Ushiwakamaru
True. She'd have to actually admit defeat, otherwise her accomplices would just find a way to twist the situation to her advantage.

Alexander
Hmm.

Alexander
Hey, strategist!
Got any bright ideas?

El-Melloi II
...It's too hot to think out here,
so the best plan I can offer is a simple one.

Alexander
Fine with me. The more complicated the plan,
the more variables you need to account for anyway.

Alexander
Besides, isn't strategy all about achieving maximal results with minimal effort?

El-Melloi II
Right you are. Very well then, simple it is.

El-Melloi II
First of all, ask yourselves this:
What is Medb's weakness?

A:
Hm? Beats me.

Ushiwakamaru
...
...

Ushiwakamaru
Could it have something to do with the fact that she always has to win, and be beautiful while doing so?

El-Melloi II
Very astute. I can see why you made such a name for yourself during the Genpei War.

El-Melloi II
The fact that the audience, judges, and everyone else are on her side means that she cannot win in a way that would bring shame to one in her lofty position.

Ushiwakamaru
I get that.

Ushiwakamaru
But even if I were to challenge her to a duel,
she'd just laugh in my face.

El-Melloi II
Which is why you will need the Chinese warrior's help.

A:
...Me?

El-Melloi II
Let me explain...

Mash
...
...This is a lot of fun, isn't it, Senpai?

Mash
It may only be a temporary break,
but it still feels like a dream come true.

Mash
I know we have to repair this Singularity eventually, but I'm still really glad we came to Luluhawa.

Mash
Everyone here is just enjoying their summer, without any reservations or hang-ups. It's priceless.

Mash
If only this moment...could last forever and ever...

  1. Yeah...
 
  Select: Yeah...

Osakabehime
Yamete KudaSTOOOP!!!

Mash
O-Osakabehime!?

Osakabehime
What do you think you're doing!?

Osakabehime
“If only this moment could last forever”? Are you TRYING to bring dramatic irony down on our asses!?

Osakabehime
The moment you say you wish spring could last forever, that's when it begins! Madness! Pandemonium! Cats and dogs living together!

Tamamo Cat
You woofed?

Osakabehime
Uh, no. Nobody woofed.

Tamamo Cat
Oh. Okay. I'll just go back to the grill then.
I gotta say though, barbecues make me real sad...

Tamamo Cat
I can't seem to stop crying... Who thought it was a good idea to assign a cat to onion-chopping duties?

Osakabehime
As! I! Was! Saying!
We're supposed to move forward in life.

  1. Couldn't agree more.
 
  Select: Couldn't agree more.

Osakabehime
Right? It's not a vacation unless it ends.
We have to move forward, not stay looping in place.

Osakabehime
...What is it, Mash?
Why do you look like you don't know the chigai?

Mash
Uh, nothing. It's nothing.

Boudica
Hey, over there!
I could use your help too!

Mash
Yes?
What is it, Boudica?

Boudica
There's so many people here that we're running out of meat. Would you mind doing some quick hunting!?

Mash
All right. In that case...

Mash
...we'll hunt some of the wild Demon Chickens and Boars roaming around nearby!

  1. To the hunt!
 
  Select: To the hunt!

Ibaraki-Douji
Did someone say hunt? Then I'll help too!
Consider it your reward for feeding me delicious meat!

Ibaraki-Douji
Now watch and learn what we oni can do when we go nuts!

--BATTLE--

Ibaraki-Douji
Well hunted!

Robin Hood
You sure you wanna go around saying things like that yourself...?

Ibaraki-Douji
O-oh, right. I've heard it so many times that it just sort of slipped out.

Mash
Great job, Senpai. It was nice that everyone took some of their spare time to help us out.

  1. Emphasis on “spare”!
  2. Would've been even nicer if they'd stopped eating first!
  Select: Emphasis on “spare”!
Osakabehime
(Munch, munch)
Hey, I was rooting for you in my kokoro.

  Select: Would've been even nicer if they'd stopped eating first!
Tamamo Cat
What do you expect? Eating is one of our three most basic desires. Anything living's gotta eat something to go on living.
Tamamo Cat
Not even Servants can easily resist that fact of life.

Ibaraki-Douji
Now, on with the banquet! More meat!
With plenty of barbecue sauce!

Emiya
This reminds me of Brazilian churrasco.

Passing Office Worker
Um, excuse me. Could I get two... Actually, make that three steak tips? The ones right over there, please.

Emiya
Hm? O-oh, sure, here you go.
I see you've got a very healthy appetite.

Passing Office Worker
Oh no, I really don't, usually.
It's just that this meat is so good.

Passing Office Worker
Oh, could I get a few hot dogs to go, please?
No seafood, thanks. I hate octopus and all that.

Passing Office Worker
Thank you.
Have a great lunch, Chief Red!

Emiya
...Chief Red?
She must have me confused with someone else...

Emiya
That aside, the way she stuffed herself looked extremely familiar...

This Repetition Will Eventually End

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Ibaraki-Douji
Oof... I ate like a Demon Boar...

Ibaraki-Douji
Hm? Where'd Fujimaru run off to?

Ushiwakamaru
Master went back to work.
We don't have any time to waste, after all.

Ibaraki-Douji
Hmm. Is making picture scrolls really that much fun? Wouldn't {(M) he /(F) she} rather be out here swimming?

Ushiwakamaru
Hard to say. Perhaps Benkei could speak to whether it's fun or not, but I can't.

Ushiwakamaru
But I can understand the desire to create something permanent.

Ushiwakamaru
I imagine it's much the same for everyone else.

Jeanne
...You've improved so much...

Jeanne Alter
Who died and made you my art teacher!?

Jeanne
Can't you learn how to take a compliment!?

Jeanne
I mean, when you take a step back,
it's amazing, no matter how you slice it.

Jeanne
If you can improve this much in only five days, it won't be long before the rest of us are out of a job, so to speak...

Jeanne Alter
Oh. Well...

  1. Let's just say we've been around the block more than you'd think...
 
  Select: Let's just say we've been around the block more than you'd think...

Jeanne Alter
...That said, I couldn't help but notice something.

Jeanne Alter
The more pages I draw,
the more aware I become of my limits.

Jeanne
Yeah...

Jeanne Alter
At this point, I can kinda tell how interesting it's gonna end up...

Jeanne Alter
...and how well it's gonna be received.

Jeanne Alter
Though I still don't know if that's a good thing, or a bad thing.

Osakabehime
That's the trap so many passionate fans fall into.

Osakabehime
Like birds trying to reach the far-off pastures of our ideals, only to fly smack into the window of reality.

Osakabehime
Limits aren't things others set for us.
They're things we discover on our own.

Osakabehime
I remember Hokusai said something about them too.

Osakabehime
“You oughta see how crazed my Toto-sama is.
It's ridiculous.”

Osakabehime
“He's always tellin' me to imagine how he feels, still not able to draw a decent cat after all these years.”

Osakabehime
So you see? We could spend our whole lives improving, and still find something more we can do.

Jeanne
That's very true.

Jeanne
Even artists as masterful as they are feel ashamed of their immaturity, and continue to strive for better.

Jeanne
So there's no reason we can't try a little harder ourselves.

Jeanne Alter
Hmph, I knew you'd say something sappy like that. Makes me want to smash your face. Also smash your sales record.

Jeanne Alter
Though I'll admit, that second one's easier said than done...

Osakabehime
At times like that, the best thing to do is go back to the fundamentals.

Osakabehime
...Come to think of it, what made you want to try your hand at doujin in the first place?

Jeanne Alter
A book she drew.

Jeanne
Something I drew?

Jeanne Alter
That's right.

Jeanne Alter
It was a real cutesy story about a princess and a monster.

Jeanne Alter
(...That's weird.
I can't seem to remember it clearly.)

Jeanne
Hmm... I'm pretty sure I've never drawn a story about a princess and a monster.

Jeanne Alter
...Bullshit.

Jeanne
Think about it. Marie's a princess herself.

Jeanne
Do you really think I would have the nerve to draw a story about a princess in front of an actual princess?

Jeanne Alter
...All right, I guess you've got a point.

Jeanne Alter
Then I guess it wasn't your story that moved...impacted me so much.

Jeanne
Well, I can't be certain without reading it myself...but no, it probably wasn't.

Jeanne Alter
...Eh, whatever. Whoever drew that book,
it's still the standard I'm trying to surpass.

Jeanne Alter
So I'll just have to keep going until I succeed!

Jeanne
...That's the spirit! Good luck!
Look, Reece is rooting for you too.

Jeanne Alter
Could you keep the floating dolphin away from me?
It's creepy enough without it getting closer.

Jeanne
Aww.


I'll admit, even I think I've improved.


...I'm pretty sure this doujin'll sell a lot more copies than the last one did.


But I also can't help but feel impatient.


I still don't feel like I've managed to make something more impactful than that princess and monster book, or even of better quality.


I do think–I want to think I've at least got passion. This is the first kind of spark I've felt for something besides revenge.


But win, lose, or absolute despair...there's only one more day left to go.

Osakabehime
How's it going?

Jeanne Alter
...Eh.

Osakabehime
Gotcha.

Osakabehime
...Are you sure nothing's bothering you?
You were pretty quiet during the barbecue.

Jeanne Alter
Oh yeah? And what if I do? You gonna be my sparring opponent and help me blow off steam?

Osakabehime
Hmm... Yeah, okay, I guess I could do that.

Jeanne Alter
Well, well. You're not usually up for that sort of thing.

Osakabehime
Hontrue! I guess Luluhawa's put me in a good mood too.

Osakabehime
Come on, Master, you wake up too.

Jeanne Alter
Hold it. I'll wake {(M) him /(F) her} up.

Osakabehime
You really do have a strong possessive streak, don't you...

Jeanne Alter
Who asked you? All right Master, wakey wakey.
'Cause if you don't...

Jeanne Alter
...I'll kill you.

  1. !?
 
  Select: !?

Jeanne Alter
Theeere you are. Now come on, me and Batty here are gonna have a little one-on-one.

Jeanne Alter
You've got forty seconds.

  1. Done!
 
  Select: Done!

Jeanne Alter
How the hell'd you actually pull that off!?

Osakabehime
That was like watching a ninja in action. Almost as if Kotarou had taught you himself... He did, didn't he!?

Jeanne Alter
...All right, now that we've had a fun little show as the opening act, what do you say we step outside and get to the main event?

Jeanne Alter
Okay, there's not many humans and plenty of Servants here. Let's get to it.

Osakabehime
Uhh.

Osakabehime
...Um, I think my willingness to go through with this has gone down faster than our trip on the elevator...

Jeanne Alter
Too late to back out now.
Come on, let's do this thing!

Osakabehime
'K-kaaay...
I'll do the best I can...

--BATTLE--

Jeanne Alter
You fight pretty hardcore for someone who wasn't feeling up to it...

Osakabehime
(Gasp, gasp) Oh...I'm shindead... So this is what...digging your own grave...feels like...

Jeanne Alter
Hey! I'm complimenting you here!

Osakabehime
Phew. Well, at least that seemed to help relax my stiff shoulders. All right, back to the grindstone! It's the homestretch!

Osakabehime
See you later, you two!

Osakabehime
...Hmm. It really is unusual for me to still be so motivated...

Osakabehime
I wonder why that is.
Maybe Luluhawa is rubbing off on me?

Osakabehime
...Or maybe because I read something inspiring recently?

Osakabehime
Hmm... I can't think of anything like that, oh well. Not gonna look a motivation gift uma in the mouth!

Kiyohime
Oh yes, this is great.
Tremendously great.

Osakabehime
Gah! It's you!

Kiyohime
That's right. It's me♡

Kiyohime
Now come on, Batty.
We only have one day left to go.

Kiyohime
And I'm not going to let your declaration that this would be your “Best! Manga! Ever!” go to waste!

Osakabehime
C-come on, can't a girl change her mind!?

A Fight to the Death! Beach Volleyball

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Robin Hood
'Sup, all. Today's the last day we've got to polish everything up. How're things coming along?

Jeanne Alter
Not bad. Though I'm still not sure it'll be enough to snag first place.

Robin Hood
As for our rivals...they're all still in the running.

Robin Hood
I'd say Medb's the favorite to win,
followed by Jeanne.

Mash
Only one day left.
Let's give it everything we have, Senpai!

Medb
Ahh, another beautiful day.
A day that's practically begging for my victory.

Blackbeard
Hey hey! If it isn't Queen Medb!

Blackbeard
I'll be rooting for you hard in today's contest!

Blackbeard
Oh, and could I get your autograph too!?

Medb
...I guess the autograph's okay,
but there's no way I'm shaking your hand.

Fuuma Kotarou
...Why, if it isn't Lady Medb.

Fuuma Kotarou
Would you honor me with an autograph?

Medb
Uh, sure, okay.

Nursery Rhyme
Autograph please!

Medb
Huh!?

A:Medb?
...So! I know this is short notice,
but I'm changing the rules of the Medb Contest!

Judge
Huh?

Judge
What do you mean...?

A:Medb?
See, I was thinking.

A:Medb?
A beauty contest might prove how beautiful I am,
but it won't help me prove how strong I am!

A:Medb?
Besides, when it comes to my beauty,
everyone already knows there is no contest.

A:Medb?
So, if I'm going to stand atop the rest of the Servant world, I'm going to have to get more aggressive.

A:Medb?
Which means, you guessed it...
Beach volleyball!

A:Medb?
Go on then, give it up for your queen's brilliant decision!!!

A:Medb?

I said, give it up!

A:Medb?
Now then, I need to go prepare for battle,
so the rest of you, listen up.

A:Medb?
When I get back, I want to see this place turned into the best beach volleyball court ever! Got that!?

Medb
Dammit, now I know I'm going to be late.
Here's your autograph!

Hektor
Aw, this is great.
Thanks so much.

Hektor
Okay, neeext!

Medb
Wait, what? I know I'm gorgeous, but this many people lining up for my autograph...!?

Medb
That just doesn't make sense. If this keeps up,
I'm going to need to bring in a manager.

Medb
Well anyway, I'm getting bored, so I'm gonna head back for a bit. You'll just have to wait a while for my autograph, my pathetic little honeybees♡

Edison
...Hmm.
Ahem, ahem. This is Agent DC.

Edison
The queen has returned to the nest.
I repeat, the queen has returned to the nest.

Babbage
This is Agent Steam.
The situation has been contained.

Babbage
The nest has been destroyed.
I repeat, the nest has been destroyed.

Professor M
Now then, let's strike it rich!

Spectator
Three thousand Gil Bucks on Queen Medb!

H:Spectator
Put me down for thirty thousand Fluffy Bucks!

Affluent Person
What about sixty-six trillion,
two hundred billion BB Bucks...?

Spectator
You just wanted to try saying that, didn't you?

Affluent Person
I did.

Professor M
Any takers on the long shot, Ushiwakamaru!? Now offering odds of ten thousand to one on her victory!

  1. Everything on Ushiwakamaru, please.
 
  Select: Everything on Ushiwakamaru, please.

Professor M
I see we've got a risk-taker in our midst!

Ushiwakamaru
A-are you sure about this, Master!?

Jeanne Alter
'Course {(M) he /(F) she} is.
This is our only chance of beating Medb, remember?

Jeanne Alter
If we don't make her lose miserably here, she'll end up selling the most books at ServantFes again.

El-Melloi II
Exactly.

El-Melloi II
If our opponent means to fan the flames of her popularity before the contest, all we need do is prevent her from doing so.

Mash
But, what if Medb declares she's going to go back to the original beauty contest...?

A:Medb?
I'm back. Don't worry, that's not gonna happen.

Mash
How can you be so sure?

El-Melloi II
Queen Medb's most defining trait is that she must be the most beautiful woman in the world.

El-Melloi II
At least, that is what her pride tells her.

El-Melloi II
Whether her Spirit Origin is wearing a swimsuit or not makes no difference.

El-Melloi II
At the same time,
she is incapable of betraying her fans.

El-Melloi II
She may be more than happy to sneer and walk all over those who would defy her...

El-Melloi II
...but those who swear loyalty to her?
Her Good-Looking Braves?

El-Melloi II
For her, their ideals are sacrosanct.

El-Melloi II
They are her pride, and the source of her power.

Medb
...Yeah, that's right! That's it exactly!

Ushiwakamaru
...Oho. You got here quicker than I expected, Medb.

Medb
You guys made a real mess of things...

Medb
You knew I would never abandon my queenly responsibilities.

Medb
It would be an amateur move to bring down my soldiers' morale right when they're all excited.

Medb
And now that you've got someone taking bets,
my hands are tied.

Medb
...Especially since that affects my own sponsors.

Medb
Stupid professor bookie.
I can't believe he went and bribed them!

Medb
Dammit, Moolah!

El-Melloi II
Very well then, decide who your teammates will be.
We have already chosen our lineup.

Medb
Oh I will.
You better believe I will.

Medb
If that's how you want to play, I'll change this contest into something more appropriate for summer.

Medb
But in that case, I'm going to use my ultimate trump card...the royal mead authority I almost never use!

Medb
Super Good-Looking Brave!

Medb
As a woman of fairy blood, the Queen of Evil,
and the Queen of Connacht, I order you to help me!

Cú Chulainn
The hell...? Why am I on the beach!? I thought I was finally getting some handicrafts done!

Cú Chulainn
Aw crap.
Medb!

Medb
Hey, Cú. Sorry to pull you out here on such short notice, but there's too much riding on this contest.

Medb
Can I count on you to defend Connacht's honor?

Cú Chulainn
...That serious, huh.
Guess I can't say no in that case.

Cú Chulainn
So, what're we doing here?
Competing for cows?

Medb
Nope. We're going to take on Fujimaru's team in beach volleyball.

Medb
Cú Chulainn, as a man and warrior of the Celts,
I want you to help me fight for the Celts' pride.

Cú Chulainn
Beach volleyball!
That's way more peaceful than I was expecting!

Cú Chulainn
But all right, this oughta be interesting.
Guess the tropics've made you soft, too.

Alexander
Well this took an unfortunate turn. Is this what they mean by, “Let sleeping dogs lie,” Teacher?

El-Melloi II
Indeed. Let this be a lesson, Alexander. If you are going to wake a sleeping dog, be ready for its fangs.

El-Melloi II
Very well then, Fujimaru,
the rest is up to you now.

  1. Got it!
 
  Select: Got it!

Medb
All right, let's get this volleyball game started!

--BATTLE--

Medb
Eat this...!

Medb
Ah...

  1. It's out!
 
  Select: It's out!

Medb

Aaaaaaaaagh! I can't believe I looost!

Ushiwakamaru
Haaaaaahahaha! It seems that–however narrowly–we beat you, Medb!

Ushiwakamaru
You were a fearsome opponent, as good as you claimed! But it seems my training carried the day in the end!

Medb
Grrrrrr! Don't you talk to me like that!

Medb
I work out every morning and night too, dammit!

Cú Chulainn
Haha, good game, good game! It's a nice change of pace, working up a sweat on a court instead of a battlefield!

Medb
Why'd you have to be such a good sport out there, Cú!?

Medb
You were supposed to play rough and dirty! You know, get all spiky and fill them full of holes!

Cú Chulainn
Hey, come on.
You really think I'd do something that crude?

Cú Chulainn
You're the one who brought me here to play sports.
Why would I go and ruin that by cheating?

Medb
Ulp... I guess...you've got a point...but...
I hate losing just as much...

Cú Chulainn
Haha, true, I believe that coming from you. But hey, it's good to lose every now and then. Keeps you on your toes.

Cú Chulainn
Well, see ya 'round.
Next time, I think I'd like to try baseball!

Medb
Ugh, Cú, you big dummy!
Thanks for everything!

Medb
...Now then.

Medb
Ushiwakamaru!
Fujimaru!

  1. That's us.
 
  Select: That's us.

Medb
As humiliating as this is, I'm going to let you off with a third-rate cliché: don't think this means you've won!

Medb
In fact, you haven't won yet!
See you at ServantFes!

Ushiwakamaru
...Good grief. Well, at least this should greatly reduce Medb's popularity.

Ushiwakamaru
Now it's all up to your doujin,
and how many people it can attract.

Jeanne Alter
I know.
...From here on, it's all up to us.

Jeanne Alter
We're gonna work together as a club to make a book that'll sell way better than Medb's photo album.

Jeanne Alter
Then we're gonna claim the Holy Grail,
and slam it into Fujimaru's hands ourselves!

Showdown: Foreigner II!

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Leonidas

Convention staff, line up!

Leonidas
Listen up, all of you. You must not think of the attendees as ordinary people.

Leonidas
Think of them as living race cars who will burn every bit of fuel they possess in search of the books and merch that give them life!

Leonidas
However, race car or not, that does not give them carte blanche to zip around the convention center as they please.

Leonidas
Our duty here is to maintain order, to prevent people from panicking, and of course to allow them to roam the convention freely.

Leonidas
Thus, we swear here and now!

Leonidas
We shall ensure we provide Courtesy to attendees,
and suffer neither Running, Accidents, nor Pushing!

Leonidas
Put it all together, and you have C.R.A.P!

Leonidas
That is who we are!
That is what we aspire to be! Got that!?

Con Staff

Oorah!

Leonidas
Good. All shield bearers, arm yourselves!

Jeanne Alter
...Once again, I get the feeling those guys are going to cause more problems than they solve.

Mash
Master, it's five minutes before the doors open.
This is it.

Mash
...D-do you think our book will sell?

Jeanne Alter
I don't think it will.
I know it will.

Leonidas
Bwa!?

Mash
Huh!?

Leonidas
An intruder...!

Jeanne Alter
So, she really did show up five minutes before the con starts...

Leonidas
Curses! All attendees, evacuate immediately!
The con staff and I will hold her off!

XX
Listen up, foolish Servant-slash-wicked Foreigner.

XX
Playtime is over!
XX is here to defend order in the universe!

XX

DIE, SERVANTFES!

Jeanne Alter
Took the words outta my mouth.
At this point, I'm fricking fed up.

Jeanne Alter
Come on, Fujimaru!
Let's settle this in five minutes or less!

Ushiwakamaru
Agreed! I know all that Foreigner's tricks by now.
I won't let her self-destruct again!

Ibaraki-Douji
Huh? You mean I have to do this too!?
Fine! But just a little!

--BATTLE--

D:XX
Dammit...! I didn't think these primitive Heroic Spirits would be so tough...!

D:XX
On top of that, they see through all my attacks more and more every day...! I smell a conspiracy!

D:XX
Guess I've got no choice but to make my escape!
Ugh, this sucks!

Jeanne Alter
...(Flabbergasted)

Ushiwakamaru
...(Mouth agape)

Ibaraki-Douji
Yup, I'm just too damn strong! (Oblivious)

Mash
Eh... Eh... Eh...

Mash
X!? Wh-what are you doing here!?
And why are you dressed like that!?

D:Heroine XX
Ah? Crap. My Avalon–my armor came off.

  1. So now you're the Even More Mysterious Heroine X!?
  2. What are you doing, Ms. X!?
  Select: So now you're the Even More Mysterious Heroine X!?

  Select: What are you doing, Ms. X!?

D:Heroine XX
What do you mean? I'm just doing my job!
I'm a Galactic Police Servant now, you know!

D:Heroine XX
But I can't tell you anything more, Fujimaru.
You don't have the clearance.

D:Heroine XX
Listen up, Master of Earth who I met,
uh...about three seasons ago.

D:Heroine XX
My targets are other Foreigners,
so let's call this a draw.

D:Heroine XX
Since you and I are close, I'll make an exception and not charge you with obstruction of justice.

D:Heroine XX
Anyway, I need to get going! This is Heroine XX, leaving mystery in her wake as she exits the galaxy!

Mash
...Ah!

Mash
I was so overcome with shock that I forgot to say something sooner, but that was Heroine X just now.

Mash
She used to be an Assassin.
How did she end up a Foreigner...?

Mash
And why was she attacking ServantFes...?

Jeanne Alter
...We'll just have to ask her about that the next chance we get.

Jeanne Alter
The important thing is that we know who she is now.
Which means the next time...

Jeanne Alter
...I mean, the next loop, we can talk to her.
Basically, a new branch just opened up to us.

  1. Yeah... Next time for sure.
  2. (She seemed a little older than X...)
  Select: Yeah... Next time for sure.

  Select: (She seemed a little older than X...)

Showdown: Foreigner III!

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Katsushika Hokusai
For th' last time, no,
you can't go to the con with me!

Abigail
Why not!? I know I can be helpful somehow!

Abigail
I may not be able to draw beautiful pictures like you can...

Abigail
...but you still need someone to drum up business, right? I promise I'll do my very best to help sell lots of copies!

Katsushika Hokusai
That ain't the point, all right?
This year's work's gonna be a little, uh, risqué...

Katsushika Hokusai
And then there's the club name.
It's kinda...suggestive, y'know...?

Abigail
?

Katsushika Hokusai
Ah, forget it...
Look, just go back to your room, all right?

Katsushika Hokusai
I'm gonna go buy some art supplies.
'Sides, I gotta get ta know this island better.

Jekyll
Welcome to–Oh, it's you guys.

  1. You look right at home here, Jekyll.
 
  Select: You look right at home here, Jekyll.

Jekyll
Thank you, Fujimaru.
I always have been a good fit for clerical work.

Jekyll
Now, if you'll permit me to introduce myself again:
I'm Henry Jekyll, and I manage this hotel during ServantFes.

Jekyll
Are you here to check in?
Let me see what rooms we have available right now...

BB
You've already seen this bit, so let's just go ahead and hit the old “Skip” button, shall we?

Robin Hood
All right, so we got our room, and we got that Batty girl helping us like usual.

Ibaraki-Douji
But this time, I'll be helping you out with this manga thing or whatever as well.

Ibaraki-Douji
Of course, we oni are fickle creatures. If I feel like stepping out, I will, and I don't want to hear any whining.

Ushiwakamaru
We should be able to see the shooting star soon.
It won't be long before XX appears on the street.

  1. Okay, let's go down and wait for her there.
  2. I think we'll be able to stop her this time.
  Select: Okay, let's go down and wait for her there.

  Select: I think we'll be able to stop her this time.

Jeanne Alter
...Can't imagine that's gonna make much difference,
but if that's what you want, I'll play along.

Jeanne Alter
All right then, let's go talk to XX before BB shows up.

Katsushika Hokusai
Damn, this Luluhawa place is great!
I 'specially love how the town's one big strip!

Katsushika Hokusai
Even the sunlight feels different here. I could make a great picture outta any one of these places!

Katsushika Hokusai
Oh my, is that what buses look like? Those wooden insides are real snazzy. I like the open-air roof, too!

Katsushika Hokusai
I bet I could get a great view of the beach from the inside of that thing...

Katsushika Hokusai
Huh? That a falling star?
We gettin' attacked by yokai or something?

Katsushika Hokusai
What the!?

Heroine XX
...Foreigner detected.
Target locked, ready to fire.

Katsushika Hokusai
Whoa, get a look at you!
I've never seen anything like ya even in Chaldea!

Katsushika Hokusai
Hey, mind hangin' out with me for a while?

Katsushika Hokusai
You'd make a great model for one of my–

  1. Hold it right there, XX!
 
  Select: Hold it right there, XX!

Heroine XX
Huh!? Who said that!?

Heroine XX
None of these earthlings should know my name.
Though I suppose there is one exception.

Heroine XX
Yes... The Master of Earth I met back when I was still an unemployed swordsman...

Heroine XX
Fujimaru!
It has to be you! Here, let me take this off!

  1. Hi, X.
 
  Select: Hi, X.

C:Heroine XX
Uh, hey. Good to see you again.

C:Heroine XX
But I'm not here to celebrate our reunion.

C:Heroine XX
My primary order is to take out the other Foreigners, followed by ServantFes and this whole Singularity.

C:Heroine XX
Try to stop me, and I'll just have to take you guys out first!

C:Heroine XX
Bring it on, villains! Knight XX from the Galactic Police Evil God Special Investigation Department is on the case!

C:Heroine XX
If it means bringing order to the universe or another week of extra vacation days, I won't hesitate to cut down foe or friend alike!

Ibaraki-Douji
Yikes. I know this is rich coming from me,
but she does not want to listen!

Ibaraki-Douji
I have no idea what she's talking about, but I can tell she's not interested in a peaceful discussion!

Jeanne Alter
So we start with an unpeaceful one then.
Suits me just fine.

Jeanne Alter
Besides, I could use some mecha reference material for drawing.

Jeanne Alter
And now, we've got a chance to see how one fights and loses up close and personal.

Jeanne Alter
Come on, Foreigner XX!
Hope you're ready to be part of my manga!

C:Heroine XX
What kind of threat is that!? This is exactly the problem with ServantFes-ified Servants!

C:Heroine XX
And what's a Frenchie doing with katana, anyway!?

Jeanne Alter

What was that!?

Jeanne Alter
You got a problem with my Arahabaki Nanajuni Sen and Black Mamba!?

  1. Great, now she's named them...
 
  Select: Great, now she's named them...

Ushiwakamaru
Is there something wrong with that?
My own sword is named Usumidori.

Jeanne Alter
...
...Maybe I should've gone with shorter names after all...

C:Heroine XX
You think you're impressive just 'cause you wield two katana instead of one!? Well you're not!

C:Heroine XX
A couple of paper-thin Saberish swords might as well be real paper in the face of my dual Rhongomyniads!

--BATTLE--

Heroine XX
Ow! Hmm, it's like you know my skills just as well as I do...

Heroine XX
Does this mean you're caught in a time loop too, Fujimaru...?

  1. Yes, exactly.
  2. I was hoping we could talk a little.
  Select: Yes, exactly.

  Select: I was hoping we could talk a little.

Heroine XX
No thank you! You and your Servants are on BB's side AND are trying to enjoy ServantFes!

Heroine XX
I'm not like you unemployed lot. I'm an older Servant, with real work to do at my space office job...

Heroine XX
That's right! I've got societal responsibilities!

Mash
Um... Senpai works at Chaldea, so I believe {(M) he /(F) she}
qualifies as a full-fledged member of society too...

Heroine XX
Well bully for {(M) him /(F) her}. Anyway, there's nothing for us to discuss. Any friend of the Foreigners is a foe of mine.

Heroine XX
But I'm hungry now, so I'll let you off the hook for today. It's Pizza Day at the cafeteria, after all.

Heroine XX
All right kids, see you again next week! Same space time, same space Spirit Origin! Let's go, Avalon Armor!

Jeanne Alter
Well that was a clichéd way to end things.
So much for the reference material.

Mash
We may not have been able to talk with XX much, but at least there was almost no collateral damage this time.

Mash
At this pace, I think we should be able to have a more involved conversation the next time we fight.

BB
That's enough, Foreigner! This street right here is Luluhawa's greatest moneymaker!

BB
As long as my eyes still glow red,
I won't let you get away with destroy–Huh?

BB
What are you all doing here, Senpai?
Don't tell me you've given up on your comic?

Jeanne Alter
Nah. We just realized it was more efficient to get rid of the loudmouth early on.

BB
...Hmm, I see.
Well, as long as that's all it is, that's fine...

BB
So, did you get rid of the Foreigner?
You're not trying to recruit her, are you?

Katsushika Hokusai
You rang, BB? ...Whoa, get a load of you.
What's with the weird outfit?

BB
Oh, never mind this. I just got a tan to match my current tropical imp aesthetic♡

Katsushika Hokusai
Gotcha. Definitely ain't a bad look on you...
But anyway, why the cold shoulder alluva sudden?

Katsushika Hokusai
I've been freeloadin' at Chaldea for some time. Surely there ain't no need to go about recruitin' me now?

BB
Oh, when I mentioned the Foreigner, I didn't mean you, Hokusai. I was talking about–

BB
Wait. You're still alive?

Katsushika Hokusai
Sure am. It was a real close shave, though.

Katsushika Hokusai
Lucky for me Fujimaru showed up when {(M) he /(F) she} did.

Katsushika Hokusai
Heh, looks like I really owe you one, Fujimaru.

Katsushika Hokusai
If you ever need my help with anythin',
I'd be glad to offer it.

Katsushika Hokusai
All right, let's head back, Toto-sama!
What's that? What're we gonna do there?

Katsushika Hokusai
What else?
We're gonna go ask that club for a favor...

Katsushika Hokusai
...and draw that...robot(?)...we just saw as a guest!

Katsushika Hokusai
I can't get her outta my head.
I gotta get her down on paper!

Katsushika Hokusai
That...robot(?)...was too cool for words!

BB
...

BB
...Hey, guys? I've got a favor to–

Mash
Oh, excuse me, BB. I need to check this message...

Mash
"The final draft's in trouble.
Come back to the hotel ASAP."

Mash
That doesn't sound good. Come on, Senpai!
We need to leave right now!

Jeanne Alter
(What's this about? We only just got to the hotel.
I haven't even started drawing yet...)

BB
Huh...? Heeey! Hold up, Chaldeans!

BB
...(Sigh) They're already gone...
Dammit, I had a favor to ask them, too...

BB
Still, as ServantFes's organizer, I can't very well hold them back if their manga's in trouble.

BB
I don't know who's helping you out, Senpai, but it seems you've got quite the motley crew on your side.

Count of Monte Cristo
Hehehe. Specifically, I'm the trouble at the hotel.

Ibaraki-Douji
That guy with the weird laugh!
Mix your room up with ours or something?

Count of Monte Cristo
No.

Count of Monte Cristo
I merely made use of that communication method in order to give you a warning.

Count of Monte Cristo
I'm not joining any faction, and I wanted to avoid coming face-to-face with BB.

Robin Hood
Aha, so that's what that was all about. Okay then, what is it you wanna tell us so badly that you'd go to all these lengths?

Count of Monte Cristo
...Hmph. Have you grown tired of repeating this loop yet?

  1. Not me.
  2. Yeah, kind of...
  Select: Not me.
Count of Monte Cristo
Heh... I suppose I should have expected no less of you.

  Select: Yeah, kind of...
Count of Monte Cristo
Worry not, Fujimaru. I have every confidence that you will be able to endure it.

Count of Monte Cristo
Now, as for my warning...

Count of Monte Cristo
...it pertains to none other than your earlier opponent: the Foreigner, XX.

  1. She feels like she's breaking the rules just by existing.
  2. She's pretty awesome, isn't she?
  Select: She feels like she's breaking the rules just by existing.
Jeanne Alter
...Yeah, she was cutting it close.
Very, very close.

  Select: She's pretty awesome, isn't she?
Ushiwakamaru
...Well now.
Ushiwakamaru
I didn't know you went in for that sort of metal mold, Master.
Robin Hood
Metal mold?

Count of Monte Cristo
I understand where you're coming from.

Count of Monte Cristo
However...I believe you should turn her to our side.

Count of Monte Cristo
That Foreigner holds the key to unraveling all of this Singularity's mysteries.

Count of Monte Cristo
You cannot simply fight her.
You must find a way to bargain with her.

  1. How do we lure her out?
  2. Bargain, huh...
  Select: How do we lure her out?
Mash
Good question...
Mash
Maybe we could ask Hokusai to help,
since she's also a Foreigner...
Mash
Alternatively, we could ask someone skilled in the art of negotiation.

  Select: Bargain, huh...
Jeanne Alter
Hmm...
Jeanne Alter
Sounds like we need a negotiator.
Jeanne Alter
I like the sound of that...
I wonder if I could change to that class myself...

Robin Hood
But who's gonna be able to get through to a lady from another world like–Oh.

Robin Hood
Ahaaa, now I see. Fight sideshow with sideshow!

Oda Nobunaga

Who're you calling a sideshow!?

Oda Nobunaga
What, you mean me!? Me!?
Well...you're not wrong!

Oda Nobunaga
That said, Heroine X would be one thing, but Heroine XX...?

Oda Nobunaga
As far as Servants go,
I'm as old-school Japanese as they come.

Oda Nobunaga
I don't think I'm cut out for all this newfangled Servant Universe stuff.

  1. I thought you'd be perfect for this.
  2. But Nobbu, you're...you know.
  Select: I thought you'd be perfect for this.
Mash
I think so too!

  Select: But Nobbu, you're...you know.
Oda Nobunaga
No, I DON'T know!
Oda Nobunaga
I know I serve as the comic relief more often than not!
Oda Nobunaga
But I still think I'm as good-looking and talented as any other Servant!

Oda Nobunaga
Ah well. Okay, so you just want me to talk to Heroine XX, right?

Jeanne Alter
Yup. We'll call you the next time she attacks.

Oda Nobunaga
Very well. When you need me, go ahead and use a Command Spell, or whatever it is you gotta do.

Oda Nobunaga
...So, now that we've come to an agreement,
what do you say to a little warm-up?

Oda Nobunaga
I'm getting kind of rusty here, you know!? That's what happens when you only show up once a year!

The Melancholy of Katsushika Hokusai

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Ushiwakamaru
Oh?

Ushiwakamaru
...There seems to be some sort of commotion.
Let's go see what it's about.

Katsushika Hokusai
That don't make a lick of sense.

Katsushika Hokusai
Askin' to trade places would be one thing, but you want me to hand over all of my club's space?

Medb
That's right.
As it stands right now, I just don't have enough.

Medb
If I don't have enough, I'll have to take what I need from others. Every ServantFes exhibitor knows that.

Medb
But don't worry, I'm nothing if not fair.
If I lose, I'll be willing to give up my space.

Medb
I mean, you were so popular at the last con that you ended up crowding out other clubs' spaces, right?

Katsushika Hokusai
Ha! Don't be ridiculous! Of course a famous artist's gonna have people linin' up.

Katsushika Hokusai
Normally I'd tell you to take a long walk off a short pier...but I ain't one to run from a fight.

Katsushika Hokusai
Bring it on then, sister.
What sorta contest did you have in mind?

Medb
Heh. We fight to see who's the strongest, of course. That's what being a Servant's all about.

Abigail
Huh...? But, that's not fair.
You've got so many others fighting for you!

Medb
And what's wrong with that? They're here because of my charm–in other words, my power.

Medb
So, I take it it'll just be the two of you then?

Katsushika Hokusai
Settle down, you pigheaded oaf. Me an' Toto-sama can handle you and your little army just fine.

Abigail
You're going to face them all by yourself, Hokusai? But, you can't...!

Katsushika Hokusai
You an' me may both be Foreigners, but that don't mean we're cut from the same cloth. I can't go lettin' a dainty little girl get caught up in a scrap.

Medb
Fine with me. Come on, my Good-Looking Braves!

  1. All right, there's no way this is cool!
  2. Hold it right there!
  Select: All right, there's no way this is cool!
Medb
It's totally fine!
Why, you ask? 'Cause I'm Medb, dammit!

  Select: Hold it right there!
Medb
Hmph, I should've known you Chaldeans might show up!
Medb
But fine, this works out nicely.
Now I can take my revenge for last year.

Medb
So let's have a straight-up, head-on,
fair-and-square fistfight!

Ushiwakamaru
Hooray! Now's our chance to take her head for ourselves, Master.

  1. Now, now, settle down.
 
  Select: Now, now, settle down.

Jeanne Alter
You really are obsessed... Anyway, there sure are a lot of these punks here, huh?

Medb
All these men love me from the bottom of their hearts. That alone gives their lives value.

Jeanne Alter
That's a laugh. As far as you're concerned, men are nothing more than walking used tissue paper, right?

Medb
Well I never. What an inelegant analogy.
That's not to say you're wrong, though.

Medb
You know how your fingers get dirty after a good meal? Well, someone's got to be the tissue if you're going to wipe them clean.

Abigail
(I-I've never heard such an alluring, enigmatic, unabashedly empty metaphor before...)

Medb
So yeah, they're scraps of paper. But they're not just any old scraps of paper. They're a storybook.

Medb
A story that's all about my love for them.

Medb
The only way they die is if I lose my special gleam,
or if I'm disgraced in a spectacularly ugly fashion.

Medb
That's never going to happen, of course, but hey, you've got to have insurance juuust in case.

  1. True. Never know when some cheese is gonna come flying.
 
  Select: True. Never know when some cheese is gonna come flying.

Medb
You. Shut it.

Medb
Anyway, that's why I decided to make a photo album. A record of my love that would remain for ages to come.

Ushiwakamaru
Master, I'll admit that much of this is over my head...

Ushiwakamaru
...but could this photo album truly be worth more than one of Lady Hokusai's books?

  1. They do say beauty's in the eye of the beholder.
  2. It might. For Medb, anyway.
  Select: They do say beauty's in the eye of the beholder.
Ushiwakamaru
In which case, that's still no reason for Medb to try and steal another's space.

  Select: It might. For Medb, anyway.
Ushiwakamaru
I like that. Very individualistic. In which case...

Medb
Hmm, I see how it is. So you Chaldeans are siding with the little artist, huh?

Ushiwakamaru
Of course we are. Lady Hokusai and I share the same Japanese roots; I know without a doubt that she would never draw something obscene!

Katsushika Hokusai
Uh... I don't know. Wouldn't say love scenes
(read: porn) are that easy to draw...

Katsushika Hokusai
...but Toto-sama's, well...

Jeanne Alter
Doesn't matter to me much either way. Ah, whatever.

Jeanne Alter
This new class has me feeling pretty belligerent myself, really.

Medb
Huh? You're blaming that on your class?

  1. Since when did your class have anything to do with it?
 
  Select: Since when did your class have anything to do with it?

Jeanne Alter

What're you doing, taking the enemy's side!?
Enough of this crap! Let's just get her already!

Katsushika Hokusai
Great! I appreciate the help! Now that we're in the same boat, it's all hands on deck!

Abigail

I said, I'm going to fight too!

Medb
Fine with me. I'll take you all on at once.

Medb
And when I win, you're all going to address me as “Queen”! Got that!?

Katsushika Hokusai
So...you want us to call you Queen Medb Queen?

Medb
Ugh, you know what? Never mind. Not worth it.

--BATTLE--

Katsushika Hokusai
Dagnabbit, they just keep comin'!

Katsushika Hokusai
What's wrong with you guys?
You better not be runnin' outta steam already!

Jeanne Alter
I told you, none of us are running out of steam!
Not with all the training we've put in!

Medb
Ugh, this is endless!
Why won't you just give up already!?

Medb
All right, that's it, I'm done for today.
We'll settle this in three days, at the Medb Contest!

Medb
And we'll do it fair and square!

  1. Fair and square? That's sure not how I remember it...
  2. The contest by Medb, for Medb...
  Select: Fair and square? That's sure not how I remember it...
Medb
What was that?

  Select: The contest by Medb, for Medb...
Medb
Look at you all well informed. That's right!
And when it comes, I'll mop the floor with you guys.

Medb
The next time we meet,
you'll be begging me to take your space!

Medb
...Right?

  1. I'll be sure to take that into consideration...
  2. I'll see what I can do.
  Select: I'll be sure to take that into consideration...
Medb
That's the spirit! Think positive!

  Select: I'll see what I can do.
Medb
Just what I like to hear!

Medb
All right then, see you all around. I've got a lot of relaxing and other environmentally friendly endeavors to pursue, and not nearly enough time to do it.

Medb
Hooohohoho!

Jeanne Alter
She's got that stuck-up evil rich girl act down to a T, doesn't she. Even more than before.

  1. I think she's more lost than anything...
 
  Select: I think she's more lost than anything...

Katsushika Hokusai
Phew, you lot really saved my ass. Thanks, Master.

Abigail
Yes, thank you so much, Master! If there's anything I can do to repay you, please don't hesitate to ask.

Jeanne Alter
Oh... Right.

Ushiwakamaru
This seems like as good a time as any to bring up our request. After all, we do need to sell as many copies as possible.

Katsushika Hokusai
I can't go givin' up our club space,
but anything else is on the table.

Jeanne Alter
Well... Uh...

Katsushika Hokusai
?

Jeanne Alter
If you've got time, I was hoping you could give me some art lessons. For my manga.

Jeanne Alter
...But what am I saying,
of course you don't have time.

Jeanne Alter
Never mind. Forget it.

Katsushika Hokusai
Don't be ridiculous.
Of course I'd be willin' to help.

Katsushika Hokusai
I may not got a lotta time, but I do gotta return the favor you just did me. So I'm joinin' your club.

Jeanne Alter
Are you sure!?

Jeanne Alter
I mean, you're a professional artist, right?
Don't you have, like, trade secrets to protect?

Katsushika Hokusai
Ah, don't worry 'bout that. Toto-sama here used to take hundreds o' pupils, and I used to tutor people to help with the bills.

Katsushika Hokusai
Nothin' I can teach you can make you a good artist by itself. Still gotta put in the work.

Katsushika Hokusai
And above all, actin' all modest and stuff don't suit you. So go ahead and ask me what you really want!

Jeanne Alter
...You asked for it.

Jeanne Alter
Teach me how to draw better, Katsushika Hokusai!

Katsushika Hokusai
You got it.

Katsushika Hokusai
By the time I'm through with you, you'll know the greatness of Japanese paintin' through and through, or my name ain't Katsushika Hokusai of Tentacle Iron Bar!

Jeanne Alter
...
...

Mash
...Um... I don't suppose you could reconsider your club's name...?

Katsushika Hokusai
You'd, uh...hafta ask Toto-sama about that...

Fou
Fou...

Showdown: Foreigner IV

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Jeanne Alter
...Then, to recap...

Jeanne Alter
We asked Oda Nobunaga to be our negotiator in order to win XX over to our side.

Jeanne Alter
That's right.
We're gonna fight sideshow with sideshow!

  1. In that case, couldn't you have done it too?
 
  Select: In that case, couldn't you have done it too?

Jeanne Alter
I'm gonna rip that tongue of yours out and fry it!

Oda Nobunaga
Man, I thought I could get a late breakfast today, but the moment I got to the buffet line, I was pretty much whisked away by a bunch of familiar-looking peeps.

Oda Nobunaga
But, a promise is a promise, so here I am.
Is all that really true?

Oda Nobunaga
It was hard enough to believe X got a job, but now you're telling me she's a...you know, mecha?

Oda Nobunaga
A knight completely decked out in mechanical armor?
And in space, no less? I just can't picture it.

Ushiwakamaru
I know it all sounds like madness, Lady Nobunaga,
but trust me when I say it's all true.

Jeanne Alter
Here she comes. Get ready!

Jeanne Alter
We're probably gonna have to fight her no matter what, but we can at least talk to her and try to learn as much as we can first.

Heroine XX
Hyaaa! Hello, everyone!
Great day to catch some waves, isn't it!

Heroine XX
I'm sure my entrance must have less impact now than it did on the first loop, but that doesn't scare me.

Heroine XX
I'm the shooting star Foreigner, upholding law and order across the ether universe as part of the Galactic Police!

Heroine XX
That's right! Evil God Hunter XX is on the job!

  1. She's pretty much just talking like she always does now...
  2. So much for that militaristic thing you were doing before...
  Select: She's pretty much just talking like she always does now...

  Select: So much for that militaristic thing you were doing before...

Heroine XX
Well come on, what would be the point now that you know who I am? It's not like I wanted to talk like that before...

Heroine XX
I only resorted to those brutish and simplistic expressions because we're not supposed to have personal conversations when we're on the clock.

Mash
Huh? But, aren't you on the clock right now?

Heroine XX
Of course I am!

Heroine XX
You think I rocketed all the way here from Kilauea just to have lunch!?

Jeanne Alter
(So her hideout's in Kilauea...? Does that mean she took it from Pele after defeating her?)

Heroine XX
I don't care what you have to say.
My objective is to stop ServantFes.

Heroine XX
I'm sure you guys are all in your own club,
so we'll never see eye to eye!

Mash
XX is taking up her combat stance...! Nobunaga...!

Oda Nobunaga
Right. Looks like I'm up.

Oda Nobunaga
Heya! It's me, Summer Nobbu! Long time no race, X!

Heroine XX
That embarrassing Buster shirt...!

Heroine XX
Uh... Hang on, don't tell me...
Space Gawain? Is that you?

Oda Nobunaga

It's me! Oda Nobunaga! The Demon King of the Sixth Heaven of the beach! I raced with you last summer!

Heroine XX
Ohhh! That did happen, didn't it!

Heroine XX
Sorry about that. It takes a little longer to search for those sorts of side stories.

Heroine XX
Of course I remember you, Nobbu.
Long time no see. Hi...and stuff.

Heroine XX
But could you please get out of my way? Maybe you could try swimming out to the bay or something.

Oda Nobunaga
...
...

Oda Nobunaga
Come on, X. Don't you think that's enough?

Heroine XX
?

Oda Nobunaga
You can hide your feelings or your sadomasochism with that mecha stuff all you want, but it doesn't fool this fool!

Oda Nobunaga
It's hard being the only one without a swimsuit on, isn't it?

Heroine XX

...!

Oda Nobunaga
Especially since it must be boiling in that thing.
I get it. Exercising willpower is hard.

Heroine XX
No, this is–

Oda Nobunaga
Besides, doesn't it kind of defeat the purpose, trying to ruin ServantFes in a cosplay getup like that?

Heroine XX

Cosplay!?

Oda Nobunaga
I'm cut from much the same cloth myself,
so I could tell right away!

Oda Nobunaga
Come on, be honest with yourself. You're super bad at the tsundere thing and you know it!

Oda Nobunaga
Suits me just fine, though!

Jeanne Alter
(Is that something to be proud of...?)

Heroine XX
H-h-h... Ho...

Oda Nobunaga
Ho?

F:Heroine XX

How is this not a swimsuit, you big jerk!?

Oda Nobunaga
You do have a swimsuit!?
And a skimpy old-school bikini at that!?

  1. So you were wearing a swimsuit under that thing the whole time!
  2. You look cute! And badass!
  Select: So you were wearing a swimsuit under that thing the whole time!
F:Heroine XX
Of course I was! After all...
This! Is! Summer!

  Select: You look cute! And badass!
F:Heroine XX
Th-thank you for the honest opinion! As it's summer and all, I decided to spend my bonus on a new outfit!

F:Heroine XX

As for you, Nobbu!
What would a rock 'n' roll fiend like you know!?

F:Heroine XX
A new season of Universe World is here, and all the other outlaws I used to hang with have grown up and gotten jobs!

F:Heroine XX
I couldn't be the only one left out, so I tried interviewing with the Galactic Police on a whim...

F:Heroine XX
...only to find out I would've had a less toxic workplace if I'd gotten a job shoveling nuclear waste!

F:Heroine XX
Then, just when I thought I'd get some paid leave to visit a resort planet, they send me to Hawaii...on business!

F:Heroine XX
So now, while all the other Servants are out partying,
I'm the only one who's still! Stuck! Working!!!

F:Heroine XX
And for what? An Evil God No. 3 reading that turned out to be a nonentity? Do they think you can just order new evil gods off Amazones or something!?

F:Heroine XX
Now I've got some sideshow Servant feeling sorry for me!? That's the last straw! I can't take it anymore!

F:Heroine XX
I am so done holding back. Ask not for whom the lunch bell tolls; it tolls for thee!

Oda Nobunaga
Now you're ripping off a catchphrase!?

F:Heroine XX
It's fine! My Rhongomyniad considers you a rival!
I'm sure the old man won't have a problem with it!

Jeanne Alter
...Did you hear that, Fujimaru?

  1. Evil God No. 3, huh...
  2. What old man was she talking about?
  Select: Evil God No. 3, huh...
Jeanne Alter
Yeah.
...Everything finally adds up.

  Select: What old man was she talking about?
Jeanne Alter
Did you crack your head on a coconut or something?
I meant the part about Evil God No. 3!

F:Heroine XX
Evil God Hunter, Heroine XX,
commencing Foreigner elimination!

F:Heroine XX
As they say, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and a Foreigner for a Foreigner!

F:Heroine XX
And once all's said and done, I'll finally get to enjoy Luluhawa as much as I want!

Oda Nobunaga
Hmm. Looks like this is it for negotiations!
Pretty sure I can't talk her down at this point!

Mash
Then, that means...!

Jeanne Alter
We'll just have to kick her ass, right!?
Don't gotta tell me twice!

--BATTLE--

F:Heroine XX
Oh man, this feels even better than I'd imagined... Swimsuits by the seaside... I knew this was going to be fun!

F:Heroine XX
Still, I have my own pride as a Foreigner!
You won't tempt me away from my duties that easily!

F:Heroine XX
That's all for now! I'm heading back to wait for my true target to show on the morning of the seventh day!

F:Heroine XX
Farewell, Nitwit Nobbu! Farewell, Master of Earth!

F:Heroine XX
Next time, I'll bring in my beloved ship stationed outside satellite orbit range, the Death Saber!

A:Narration
This Just In: Heroine X's Du Stallion II Destroyed!
By the Evil Goddess of Justice! Oh the Humanity!

F:Heroine XX
I'll be using my Anti-Planet Noble Phantasm to wipe ServantFes off the map. If you don't want to get vaporized along with it, I'd get out of this Singularity while you still can!

Oda Nobunaga
Damn, she got away...

Mash
I guess we failed.

Oda Nobunaga
But the good news is, now we have more leverage to work with.

Oda Nobunaga
Specifically, we now know exactly what's tying her down: work obligations!

Jeanne Alter
Where are you going with this?

Oda Nobunaga
If we can free her from those obligations and turn her into a lazy bum like Osakabehime, that'll solve everything!

Osakabehime
Chotto a minute! Did you just say something incredibly rude and mistaken about me!?

Osakabehime
There's no reason at all for me to get a job!
Know why? 'Cause I'm a minor!

Osakabehime
And I'll always be a minor for as long as I'm a Servant!

Oda Nobunaga
Liar.

Kiyohime
Don't be a liar, Batty.
Unless you want me to set your pants on fire.

Osakabehime
I'm not lying! I really believe that!

  1. No wonder you never work...
 
  Select: No wonder you never work...

Osakabehime
Okay, Master? So please don't go around bemoaning my employment prospects!

Oda Nobunaga
There you have it, Master. You need to come up with a new job for XX before she shows up again.

Oda Nobunaga
Don't worry. As long as we have leverage, it won't take long before I have her eating out of the palm of my hand!

Showdown: Final Foreigner

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Count of Monte Cristo
Are you here!?

Jeanne Alter
We're here, we're here!
Keep it hell down!

Jeanne Alter
And yeah, yeah, it makes your coat look cool or whatever, but would you freakin' cut it out with that wind thing you're always doing?

Count of Monte Cristo
You certainly are a nitpicky one, aren't you.
Well, no matter.

Count of Monte Cristo
Fujimaru, I now know where XX is.
However...

  1. Is there a problem?
 
  Select: Is there a problem?

Count of Monte Cristo
...No, not a problem. It's just that she's in a very...unique environment.

Count of Monte Cristo
It would be much better if you could save her, rather than defeat her.

Count of Monte Cristo
Are you ready to leave?
Then let us head for Kilauea.

Mash
So this is Kilauea... It really is just a vast expanse of rock as far as the eye can see.

Jeanne Alter
It's still an active volcano, making it one of Hawaii's biggest tourist attractions.

Jeanne Alter
It's also where Pele lives.

Jeanne Alter
You could even buy a bunch of Pele merch at the nearby visitor center if you want.

Jeanne Alter
I'd rec the Kilauea photo book myself. It's got pictures of some of its past eruptions, and–

Oda Nobunaga
Man, enough with the tour!
If I wanted a guide, I would've asked for one.

Oda Nobunaga
So, what do you want me to do here?
Hm...? Isn't that...

F:Heroine XX
Okay, three minutes after adding hot water...

F:Heroine XX
...And done. Time to eat!

F:Heroine XX

(Slurping noodles)

F:Heroine XX
...
...Ahh.

F:Heroine XX
...My stash isn't going to last much longer... Just my luck that the food supply doesn't get restored with each loop...

F:Heroine XX
(Sigh) All that wonderful food in Luluhawa, and I'm stuck camping with galacta-spam and Cosmic Noodles.

F:Heroine XX
At least I can grab lunch in Waikiki,
but dinner's just too expensive...

F:Heroine XX
And not only do they not accept Galactic Police Dollars here, I can't exchange for local currency...

F:Heroine XX
So now I've got to work part-time at the hotel in the morning just to be able to afford lunch...

F:Heroine XX
...and it's back to either spam or noodles...
Some summer vacation this turned out to be...

F:Heroine XX
...I think I might just be the unluckiest person in all of Luluhawa.

F:Heroine XX
Heh.

F:Heroine XX
If the people of Earth saw me now, I'd either die from the shame or kill them all before they cou–

  1. Achoo!
  2. (Try as hard as possible not to sneeze)
  Select: Achoo!

  Select: (Try as hard as possible not to sneeze)
Oda Nobunaga
Wachoo!
Oda Nobunaga
...Sorry.

F:Heroine XX
...
...

F:Heroine XX
(Putting away food)

F:Heroine XX
(Separating trash from recyclables)

F:Heroine XX

(Deep breath)

F:Heroine XX
Well then...

Heroine XX

You're dead!

Jeanne Alter
Well crap. Looks like she's really out for blood now.

Oda Nobunaga
Hmm... Okay Master, we're not gonna be able to talk like this, so here's what we do.

Oda Nobunaga
We hit her until she's willing to listen to reason!
Or at least until she can't hit us back anymore!

Oda Nobunaga
Now who's ready for some rock 'n' roooll!?

Elisabeth
Hm. I'm suddenly inspired!

  1. You're fine just the way you are, Elly!
  2. You don't have to do anything! Really!
  Select: You're fine just the way you are, Elly!

  Select: You don't have to do anything! Really!

Heroine XX
You're taking what you saw to your graves!
I'm going to make sure of that!

--BATTLE--

F:Heroine XX
Grr... Purging Armor Set 1! This is nothing compared to all the overtime I've had to put in!

Oda Nobunaga
Now's our chance to get ready!
...Hm?

Oda Nobunaga
What's with that strange pose, XX?

Oda Nobunaga
And why are you all the way up there?

Heroine XX
I'm putting a hundred percent into this battle.
No, MORE than that!

  1. Math doesn't work like that!
 
  Select: Math doesn't work like that!

F:Heroine XX
I'm going to erect a pillar of light right here!

F:Heroine XX
My Rhongomyniad is the flight of stairs pointing the way to the literal end of the universe!

F:Heroine XX
By releasing it, it will paradoxically indicate that this is indeed the end of the universe!

F:Heroine XX
More specifically, this area will start to look more like an event horizon, and from there, I'll be able to wipe it and the Singularity out all at once!

Jeanne Alter
Why!?

Jeanne Alter
How'd you even come up with that!?
What's wrong with you!?

Jeanne Alter
I mean, I could tell just from looking at you that you were a freaking screwball, but still!

Heroine XX
Now that things have come to this,
I don't have any other choice.

Heroine XX
As an investigator for the top secret (civilian) Galactic Police, I have a duty to fulfill. If I need to cross a few lines to do so, then so be it.

F:Heroine XX
They'll probably slap me with a three-month suspension for doing this!

  1. That's it? Some people get more than that for shoplifting!
  2. Wait. The Galactic Police is a civilian organization...?
  Select: That's it? Some people get more than that for shoplifting!

  Select: Wait. The Galactic Police is a civilian organization...?

Mash
XX's magical energy is rising rapidly! I think...she's about to release her fully powered Noble Phantasm!

Oda Nobunaga
Master, is everything good to go!?

  1. All set!
 
  Select: All set!

F:Heroine XX
Take this! Sapphire Galaxy–

Oda Nobunaga

You're hired!!!

Heroine XX
...
...What did you just say?

Oda Nobunaga
Honestly, we're just so impressed with how strong you are!

Oda Nobunaga
At this point, we figured it would be way easier to recruit you than to defeat you!

Oda Nobunaga
In other words, we're trying to poach you! We want your strength and your badass outfit for our side!

Heroine XX
...Y-you don't really think I'd fall for such a cheap ploy...do you?

Mash
(She's totally falling for it.)

Jeanne Alter
(Totally.)

Oda Nobunaga
Now, now, just think about it.

Oda Nobunaga
You're sick of your toxic workplace,
while we're living it up here in Luluhawa.

Oda Nobunaga
So if you join us, we can all have a rocking good time!

Oda Nobunaga
Am I right?

Oda Nobunaga
Monkey! I mean, Master!

  1. Here you go.
 
  Select: Here you go.

F:Heroine XX
...A working conditions agreement...!

F:Heroine XX
No way. All I have to do is use my Noble Phantasm once per day, and the rest of the time, I can just listen to someone drawl on about some king!?

Jeanne Alter
(I get the feeling she's not hearing the full story, but I know better than to say something now.)

F:Heroine XX
So I get a suite at a fancy hotel...

F:Heroine XX
An all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet...
Dinner at the restaurant...

F:Heroine XX
And I only have to work from 2:00 to 5:00 p.m. each day!?

F:Heroine XX
Is this real? Am I dreaming?

F:Heroine XX
Luluhawa's amazing! The tropics are amazing!

Oda Nobunaga
Indeed, I was surprised as well.
Living here would be enough to mellow anyone out.

Oda Nobunaga
So, what do you say? Well? Well? Well well well?
(Musou Sandan negotiation tactics)

F:Heroine XX
You need to ask!?
Hya!

F:Heroine XX
Oh no! I accidentally snapped the antenna I use to communicate with HQ! How clumsy of me!

F:Heroine XX
Now I've got no choice but to ask the locals for help! Thanks for helping me, locals!

Oda Nobunaga
Awesome. (Thumbs up)

  1. Attagirl.
  2. Way to go, Demon King of the Sixth Heaven!
  Select: Attagirl.
Oda Nobunaga
And now a high five!

  Select: Way to go, Demon King of the Sixth Heaven!
Oda Nobunaga
Pretty great, right? No, no, don't say another word!
I already know how awesome I am!

F:Heroine XX
...Well, on that note,
let me reintroduce myself properly.

F:Heroine XX
I am Heroine XX. From now on, I'll be working alongside all of you at Chaldea. Glad to be part of the team!

F:Heroine XX
Oh, can I ask where my desk is?

  1. Next to Chaldea's boiler room.
 
  Select: Next to Chaldea's boiler room.

Oda Nobunaga
Aw crap, you're sticking her with me!?
I've got my hands full of crazies as it is!

Oda Nobunaga
Do you have any idea how many bottles of antacid I'm already going through!?

F:Heroine XX
So, can I go ahead and take my paid leave right now?

  1. Uh, sure?
 
  Select: Uh, sure?

G:Heroine XX
Great. Then I'm gonna go check out this suite.

G:Heroine XX
If you have any other questions for me,
I'll be glad to answer them tomorrow.

G:Heroine XX
Now then, if you'll excuse me...

G:Heroine XX
Woohoooooo! Vacation, here I coooooome!

Mash
Ah.

Mash
...That was even faster than I expected.

Mash
Anyway, does this mean the situation with XX is resolved now?

Jeanne Alter
I'd say so.
...Which just leaves the other situation.

  1. You mean, that Evil God No. 3 she mentioned?
 
  Select: You mean, that Evil God No. 3 she mentioned?

Jeanne Alter
Right. But I guess we don't need to worry about it just yet. Oh, and one more thing.

Jeanne Alter
You there, Count of Monte Cristo?

Count of Monte Cristo
I am. What is it, Jeanne d'Arc?

Jeanne Alter
Would you mind checking up on Kilauea regularly?

Count of Monte Cristo
...Not at all.

Jeanne Alter
Great, thanks.

Jeanne Alter
'Course, as long as I'm not totally off the mark...

Jeanne Alter
...I doubt anything's gonna happen.

  1. What do you mean?
 
  Select: What do you mean?

Jeanne Alter
...I'm not...well...
What would Holmes say if he was here?

Mash
“Now is not the time”?

Jeanne Alter
There you go.

Jeanne Alter
Okay then, let's head back. Now that this is taken care of, there's only one thing left to do.

  1. Dominate ServantFes!
 
  Select: Dominate ServantFes!

Jeanne Alter
Exactly.

Jeanne Alter
...But now, after so many freakin' loops, I'm starting to think even that's not really a problem.

Jeanne Alter
Right now, there's something I'm still not sure about. Something I still can't put my finger on.

Jeanne Alter
Whatever it is, it keeps eluding me.
But once I finally figure it out...

Jeanne Alter
...I'm sure I'll be able to draw something I'm happy with.

Deadline Climax

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Jeanne Alter
...


...At first, I was just drawing manga to beat her. Then, I became obsessed with improving my craft.


...And now, I'm chasing after something. Something that's almost...but not quite in my grasp.


But...when I do finally get hold of it, this dream will be over. Mmm... And it's been such a long dream.


...Maybe that's why I'm still out of reach.

Jeanne
No, that's not it.

Jeanne
That's something everybody wishes for to some degree,
but only a select few can ever succeed at doing.

Jeanne
Imagination may not have any limit,
but the act of creation does.

Jeanne Alter
For you too?

Jeanne
Of course.

Jeanne
I don't think any creator is ever fully satisfied with their work.

Jeanne Alter
Huh. Sounds a lot like being a Servant.

Jeanne
...That's very deep.

Jeanne Alter
Whatever you say.

Jeanne Alter
...I've got an idea for a story I kinda want to draw. Wanna hear?


I don't know why, but I started telling her what I'd been thinking about. She just smiled and said it was a great idea.


But it didn't feel right.
Something was...lacking.


That's when it hit me: I already had someone close to me I could discuss story ideas with. Someone who would share my thrill at coming up with a good one.

Jeanne Alter
...So, you know the book I'm drawing now?

  1. Yes?
 
  Select: Yes?

Jeanne Alter
Do you think it's interesting?

Jeanne Alter
...Well that's good.

Jeanne Alter
But, don't you think it's still missing something?

  1. Maybe the ending could be more satisfying?
  2. The monster turning back into a human is cliché.
  Select: Maybe the ending could be more satisfying?
Jeanne Alter
...You're probably right, annoying as it is.
As it stands now, the ending is kinda cheap.
Jeanne Alter
It's not about whether it's a happy ending or a “bad” one. It just doesn't feel earned.

  Select: The monster turning back into a human is cliché.
Jeanne Alter
...That part, huh.
Yeah, it is kind of a dead horse now.

Jeanne Alter
All right then, what about this?

Jeanne Alter
If the monster stays a monster,
and the princess stays a princess...

Jeanne Alter
...do you think they could still understand one another?

  1. Is mutual understanding that important?
  2. This princess definitely could.
  Select: Is mutual understanding that important?
Jeanne Alter
So you don't think they need to know everything about each other? Can you really call that true love?
Jeanne Alter
...Ugh, this is complicated.
But then again... Yeah, you might be right.

  Select: This princess definitely could.
Jeanne Alter
...You really know this character well, don't you?
But then, I guess you would, after all these loops.

Jeanne Alter
...

Jeanne Alter
Hey.

  1. Yeah?
 
  Select: Yeah?

Jeanne Alter
Do you REALLY think this is interesting?

  1. I can't tell anymore.
  2. I do.
  Select: I can't tell anymore.
Jeanne Alter
...Yeah, makes sense. You and I've both been too close to it for too long.

  Select: I do.
Jeanne Alter
...Huh. Well, I appreciate that,
even if you are just being nice.

Jeanne Alter
Sure is noisy outside. But I guess that's to be expected, what with the beach right below.

Jeanne Alter
...Ugh. Why am I even doing this?

Jeanne Alter
I wish I could've just enjoyed ServantFes like a normal person.

  1. Are you having second thoughts?
  2. Yeah...
  Select: Are you having second thoughts?
Jeanne Alter
...Nah. Just thought I'd say that out loud and try it on for size.

  Select: Yeah...
Jeanne Alter
I swear, this is all her fault...

Jeanne Alter
...By the way, I just had a thought.

Jeanne Alter
What do you think of adding a scene like this to make the new ending more convincing?

  1. I guess it's fine, but...
  2. Won't we need to add another page or two to fit this in?
  Select: I guess it's fine, but...
Jeanne Alter
But what?
Jeanne Alter
It'll increase the number of pages we need to draw?
...Well, yeah, that's true...

  Select: Won't we need to add another page or two to fit this in?
Jeanne Alter
Ugh. Yeah, that's true...

Jeanne Alter
I guess it would be pretty tough to add another page or two now, when we're only just squeaking by as it is.

Jeanne Alter
...But...the story needs this scene.

  1. It's also kind of a downer.
  2. Then we'll have to rework the entire story structure.
  Select: It's also kind of a downer.
Jeanne Alter
...W-well yeah, I know it's not one of those fun action scenes...
Jeanne Alter
...but if the monster's body and soul are gonna end up all battered, there has to be a battle here, right?
Jeanne Alter
It's not enough to just tell the reader about it.
We have to show it.

  Select: Then we'll have to rework the entire story structure.
Jeanne Alter
...Y-yeah, I guess so, huh.
Jeanne Alter
We'll have to go over the draft again... Restructure the pages... Tighten up the panel layout...

Jeanne Alter
...Guess it's no use. We'll never finish in time.

  1. What if we got everyone else to pitch in?
 
  Select: What if we got everyone else to pitch in?

Jeanne Alter
You and I are already doing all the heavy lifting. I'd say Mash is the only one who could help out at all.

Jeanne Alter
So we'd have to adjust the panel layouts, add background characters in the battle scene, and...and...

Jeanne Alter
...Ugggh. I'm sorry, I need to go out for a bit.

Jeanne Alter
I'm gonna go pick a fight and clear my head.
Come with me.

Jekyll
Oh, hello there. Is there something I can do for you?

Jeanne Alter
I'm looking to pick a fight. Any recs?
Say, the overgrown brat you've got working for you?

Mordred
You rang, assface?

Jekyll
Let me remind you, fighting is strictly prohibited.

Jeanne Alter
Then let's take this outside. There shouldn't be any problem with a street fight, right?

Mordred
What are you, some sort of mad dog?

Jeanne Alter
Takes one to know one.

Mordred
The hell'd you say!?

Jeanne Alter
Come on. Let's do this.

Mordred
You take that back!
Where do you get off calling me a mad dog!?

Jeanne Alter
...Uh, cause that's literally your whole deal?
And what're you whining for? You started it.
...Right, Fujimaru?

  1. No comment.
  2. I, uh...don't know if I'd put it that way...
  Select: No comment.
Jeanne Alter
You do know that's basically as good as an affirmation here, right?
Mordred
Master! (Grrrrrr)

  Select: I, uh...don't know if I'd put it that way...
Mordred
Then what way would you put it!? Hey!
Look at me when I'm talking to you, asshole!

Jekyll
All right, that's enough. Back to work.

Mordred

GRAAAH!

Jekyll
And in the future, please refrain from taunting my employee, if you wouldn't mind.

Jeanne Alter
It was just a little teasing. Lighten up already.

Jeanne
Oh, hello, Alter. What are you doing out here?
Is your final draft coming along okay?

Jeanne Alter
I could ask the same of you.

Jeanne
Oh, I'm all done, thanks!

Jeanne Alter
...You don't say.

Katsushika Hokusai
You too, huh? Yeah, my own final draft came together pretty quickly.

Osakabehime
At last...the wings of freedom...

Osakabehime
It was way harder than usual this year, but I somehow managed something I was much more satisfied with...

Jeanne Alter
You don't say!

Jeanne
(Psst... Why is Alter in such a foul mood?
Is something wrong?)

  1. We ran into a little trouble with the manga...
 
  Select: We ran into a little trouble with the manga...

Jeanne
So...it's not because she's feeling bad?

Osakabehime
You want to go back to the drawing board? NOW?!
Are you insane?!

Jeanne Alter
But it'll make the whole thing way better!

Osakabehime
What's the point of that if you don't finish in time for the con!?

Osakabehime
I've made that same mistake more than once,
so I know what I'm talking about!

Osakabehime
Trust me when I say that missing the deadline sucks a lot more than putting out something you're not fully satisfied with!

Osakabehime
This is your first con, so I get that you don't really wakarunderstand that yet, but–

Jeanne Alter
I know it, believe me!

Jeanne Alter
I've already drawn a ton of–Uh,
I mean, first time or not, I get it!

Katsushika Hokusai
In that case, maybe you oughta just accept what you got and put it all together as best you can?

Jeanne Alter
...Yeah, I guess.

Jeanne
...Hmm. Now I see.

Jeanne
By the way, Alter, why did you come out here in the first place?

Jeanne Alter
I was looking to pick a fight so I could blow off some steam.

Osakabehime
Fighting as stress relief? I just get up and stretch for a while, but you do you, I guess.

Jeanne
...All right. In that case, we'll be your opponents.

Osakabehime
Huh!?

Jeanne Alter
...You? Really?

Jeanne
Yes, me. Don't worry about it.

Jeanne
Hold on, let me just go get my partner.

Jeanne
Are you all set?

Jeanne Alter
...I've got no idea what's going through that empty head of yours...

Jeanne Alter
...but if you're offering to help me blow off steam, I'm not gonna pass up this chance.

Jeanne Alter
Get ready, 'cause I'm gonna sock you good!

Katsushika Hokusai
Wait, I'm doin' this too?
Ah well, I guess them's the breaks.

Katsushika Hokusai
Now that my final draft's all done, breakin' a finger or two oughta be good for a laugh!

Osakabehime
If you think that's funny,
I don't wanna know what you find tragic!

--BATTLE--

Jeanne
Phew! It feels good to work out again.

Osakabehime
My back... My hands...

Katsushika Hokusai
Gotta say, that was a pretty good sweat I worked up.

Jeanne Alter
Why'd you agree to do this, anyway?
I still don't get it.

Jeanne Alter
Not that I really care,
since I got the fight I wanted.

Jeanne
Oh, don't you worry about that.

Jeanne
Now then, if you'll excuse us,
we have to go adjust our schedules a bit.

Jeanne
Come on, Osakabehime, Hokusai!

Jeanne Alter
...What is her deal?

  1. I'd better get things ready.
 
  Select: I'd better get things ready.

Jeanne Alter
Huh? What are you talking about?

--ARROW--

Jeanne Alter
Uh, M-Master?

Jeanne Alter
I thought we were just going to give up for this loop and go with what we've got, like they said.

Jeanne Alter
So why are you messing with the panel layouts?
And why are there so many more tablets now?

  1. Come on in!
 
  Select: Come on in!

Jeanne Alter
Hey, this is my roo–

Jeanne
Good evening!

Osakabehime
Oh wow, you really do have everything all set up.
Oh well, guess I'll just have to help out then.

Katsushika Hokusai
Mmkay, where did you want us to start?

Jeanne Alter
Waaaiiit, wait, wait!

Jeanne Alter
The hell? What's going on?

Jeanne
Alter, we had a fight, and you beat us, right?

Jeanne Alter
Uh... Yeah, that's true...

Jeanne
So as the losers, we thought it was only fair that we help the winner.

Osakabehime
Awww, and here I was planning to spend what's basically my last day here swimming at Waikiki Beach.

Osakabehime
...Fine, my lie in summer.
I was just gonna lock myself in and take it easy.

Osakabehime
I guess I can take some time to help.
What panel layouts need the most work?

  1. Here, and here, and here, and–
  2. I think it might be faster to start over from the rough draft?
  Select: Here, and here, and here, and–
Osakabehime
That many!?
Osakabehime
Hmm... At this point, it might just be better to start over from the rough draft.

  Select: I think it might be faster to start over from the rough draft?
Osakabehime
Well, let me see.
Osakabehime
...I think you're right. It probably would flow a lot better if we just started over.

Jeanne Alter
Come on, you don't have to do this.
I-it's not like I asked for your help or anything.

Jeanne
No, you didn't. But we're butting in anyway.

Jeanne
...Well, you may not have asked for our help, but Master did.

Jeanne Alter
You, Fujimaru?

  1. I know we've got something great here.
  2. I want to do everything we can to make this book turn out great.
  Select: I know we've got something great here.

  Select: I want to do everything we can to make this book turn out great.

Jeanne Alter
...

Jeanne Alter
...
...Nghhh...

Mash
Please, Jeanne Alter. Let them help.

Mash
I've been reading the draft...and I think you should go for whatever you need to do to be happy with it.

Jeanne Alter
You made this call, Master?

Jeanne Alter
...Without even asking me?

  1. I know we can finish this.
  2. We'll get this done, even if it kills us.
  Select: I know we can finish this.
Jeanne Alter
I mean, I'm sure we can, but...

  Select: We'll get this done, even if it kills us.
Jeanne Alter
Even if it kills us...huh.

Jeanne Alter
...You're not wrong...

Jeanne Alter
I do think this one's worth killing ourselves over to try and make it perfect, but...

Jeanne Alter
...What about you guys? Are you really okay with helping? What if this book ends up taking first place?

Jeanne
Fine with me.

Jeanne
I see ServantFes as a type of conversation. We all get together, and converse with words and books alike.

Jeanne
Sales are important, of course, but I'd much rather there be another great book in the mix.

Osakabehime
...As for me, I can't say I don't have my pride as one of the older clubs here.

Osakabehime
But if I'm being honest... I just really want to read this story's finished version.

Osakabehime
And if I have to help make that happen,
then it can't be shikata'd.

Katsushika Hokusai
Me, I'm already done with my book,
and I do owe you guys a lot.

Katsushika Hokusai
And I gotta say, these tablet thingies are really darn useful.

Katsushika Hokusai
With tools like this on our side, finishin' this thing might be rough, but it ain't impossible.

Katsushika Hokusai
All I gotta do is match your art style, right?
I could do that in my sleep.

Katsushika Hokusai
Now why don'tcha show me how to use this thing, Princess? You oughta know a trick or two, right?

Osakabehime
Yes, yes.

Osakabehime
I swear, how did I end up teaching a world-renowned artist how to use a tablet?

Jeanne
So you see, Alter? You don't have to worry.
Now let's make a great book, shall we?

Jeanne Alter
...What is it with this place?
Nobody here can mind their own damn business.

Robin Hood
So? What do you say?

Jeanne Alter
...Of course I'm gonna take them up on it.

Jeanne Alter
All right, Head Assistant, let's do this thing!

--BATTLE--


...Looking back on it now, drawing the manga felt like a life-or-death battle.

Jeanne
This needs to be redone.

Jeanne Alter
Wha...

Jeanne
After a long and bloody fight, both the monster's body and soul are bruised and battered.

Jeanne
And the princess's love...
wouldn't be enough to revive him.

Jeanne
It should be something more all-encompassing, something that transcends love altogether. Don't you think?

Jeanne Alter
No, I don't.

Jeanne Alter
Something bigger than love would be way too good for this monster. It'd just be a waste.

Jeanne Alter
Because he's been doing everything he can on his own up to this point.

Jeanne Alter
Do you really think he'd be happy to be loved by something intangible like a country or community?

Jeanne Alter
...No, he wouldn't. And the princess's love for him isn't given freely, and it isn't platonic.

Jeanne Alter
It needs to be more self-righteous and possessive... Like she wants to keep him all for herself.

Jeanne
...I see.

Jeanne
In that case, I withdraw my objection!

Jeanne Alter
...I get the feeling you just played me.

Jeanne
Don't be silly. It just goes to show that talking things out can help you see a new side of things.

Katsushika Hokusai
There you go. How's this for the background?

Jeanne Alter
Let me see... Crap.

Osakabehime
Uwaa. This is, like, real art.

Jeanne
But it still works as manga art, if only just.

Katsushika Hokusai
It was real touch and go for a while,
I'll tell you that.

Jeanne Alter
...Dammit. Famous artist or not, I was all set to nitpick...but the damn thing's perfect.

Jeanne Alter
This background is exactly what I had in mind.

Katsushika Hokusai
I couldn'ta done it without your vivid description of the battlefield.

Katsushika Hokusai
Glad I could be of service!

Robin Hood
How 'bout a little pick-me-up? These energy drinks'll even replenish Servants' magical energy!

Jeanne Alter
Oh yeah?

Jeanne Alter

(BEEELCH!!!)

Jeanne Alter
Goddammit, I think I'm gonna hurl.

Ushiwakamaru
If you must, could you do so from the balcony?
We all have to share that bathroom, after all.

Jeanne Alter
I-I'll do that!

Robin Hood
Was it really that bad?
She said it was a famous elixir down at the–

Robin Hood
Wait. Don't tell me she made it herself...?

Elisabeth

Achoo!

--ARROW--

Jeanne Alter
Hurk. God, that was foul...

Jeanne Alter
And the worst part is that I actually do feel less stressed now...

  1. Maybe because you, um...got it all out?
 
  Select: Maybe because you, um...got it all out?

Jeanne Alter
You mean hurled!? Yeah, I did!
I spilled my guts out there!

Jeanne
Stop that. You ought to at least act embarrassed after a display like that.

Jeanne Alter
Too late. That train's long since left the station.

  1. You can say that again.
 
  Select: You can say that again.

Jeanne Alter
...You were awfully quick to agree to that.
A little too quick...

Mordred
All right, which one of you numbnuts just barfed on a customer!?

Jeanne Alter
{(M) He /(F) She} did.

  1. Now you're making me take the fall!?
 
  Select: Now you're making me take the fall!?

Robin Hood
Dragons aren't exactly known for being responsible...

Mordred
You're hopeless, you know that! Here, I brought him up so you can apologize in person!

Lu Bu
...
...

  1. ...I'm so sorry, Flying General...
 
  Select: ...I'm so sorry, Flying General...

Frankenstein
General says he forgives.

Lu Bu

Berserkervoice1.png

Frankenstein
General also says, “But my God Force will not!”

Jeanne Alter
Tch, all right, fine.
Step outside so we can get this over with!

Jeanne Alter
I don't have time for this shit!

Lu Bu

Berserkervoice1.png

Frankenstein
He's saying you must be the culprit.

Jeanne Alter
...Am not!

Robin Hood
She's stubborn, I'll give her that...

--BATTLE--

Lu Bu

Berserkervoice1.png

Frankenstein
General says, “Fare. Thee. Well.”

Jeanne Alter
...All right, come on!
We're gonna keep going till the last second!

  1. After that stunt you just pulled? Why should I?
 
  Select: After that stunt you just pulled? Why should I?

Jeanne Alter
...L-look, I'm sorry, all right? I really am.

Jeanne Alter
How 'bout I treat you to something later?
Emiya's cooking, Boudica's cooking, you name it.

Jeanne
There you go. Seeing how you've learned to apologize so sincerely makes your big sister proud.

Jeanne Alter
You. Are. NOT. My. Sister.

Jeanne
Aww.

Mash
All right, we're in the homestretch now.
Come on, Master, let's do our best to finish strong!

My Ultimate Book

Show/Hide Story Chapter

  1. What a mess...
  2. It's like all hell broke loose in here...
  Select: What a mess...

  Select: It's like all hell broke loose in here...

Mash
I know... They're all beyond exhausted, and even Palingenesis doesn't look like it would work...

Jeanne Alter
Maybe so...but at least...the end...is in sight!

Ushiwakamaru
I'm on my last scene now!

Ushiwakamaru
I've gotten really good at drawing sound effects! Especially the gush of blood from a beheading!

Ibaraki-Douji
Hm? You don't need me to do any more hand lettering? Feel free to lavish me with praise for my hard if not perfect work, you hear?

Katsushika Hokusai
...

Katsushika Hokusai
Hey, can I ask ya somethin'?

Jeanne Alter
What's up?

Katsushika Hokusai
Well...uh... What do ya do if you
“deleted” all the, uh, “data” stuff?

Jeanne Alter
...

Jeanne
...

Osakabehime
...L-let me see that.

All
Aaaaaah!

Jeanne Alter
...O-Osakabehime, see if you can recover anything! Robin, you've been making backups, right?

Robin Hood
Yeah. Every fifteen minutes.

Osakabehime
On it!

Katsushika Hokusai
I-I'm so sorry!

Jeanne Alter
Eh, don't sweat it. This kinda crap happens all the time with digital work.

Jeanne
But, if we don't figure something out...

Jeanne Alter
We'll just have to submit early in the morning.
We can still make that work.

Jeanne Alter
Hokusai, you get started on that thing we talked about! Give her a hand with that, Master!

  1. Got it!
 
  Select: Got it!

Jeanne Alter
...All right, this is it! It's do or die!

--BATTLE--

Jeanne Alter
It's... It's done!

Robin Hood
I copied it to a bunch of USB sticks,
just in case. Everybody take one!

Jeanne Alter
Holy-whatever Maiden, Osakabehime, Hokusai,
you three can take a break. We should be good.

Jeanne
I-I think I'll do that... Good night... (Zzz...)

Osakabehime
S-so...tired...
Can't...move...anymore...

Katsushika Hokusai
Just gotta take it to the printer now, right?
Then my work here is done.

Jeanne Alter
Now, we've just gotta hand this data over.
Come on, we gotta run!

Jeanne Alter
...The hell? They should be here by now.

Jeanne Alter
Hey! You there!

ServantFes Pirate
Yes'm? What can I do for ya?

Jeanne Alter
Have you seen a blond guy around here?

Jeanne Alter
You know, the guy hanging out with the French maid and the furry-eared chick?

ServantFes Pirate
Hm? If you mean the CEO,
he left for ServantFes a long time ago.

Jeanne Alter
Dammit... All right, we'll just have to give it to him at the convention center then!

Jeanne Alter
...I wonder if they really can pull off that printing method they told us about.

  1. Whether they can or not, we still need to hurry!
  2. Come on, let's run!
  Select: Whether they can or not, we still need to hurry!
Jeanne Alter
R-right. C'mon guys, we're goin' to the con! Now!

  Select: Come on, let's run!
Jeanne Alter
I-is running really gonna make a difference!?

Jeanne Alter
Huh?

Mash
Over there! Look!

Jeanne Alter
H-hey, why're these guys trying to get in our faces?

Count of Monte Cristo
They are Celtic soldiers.
Medb's underlings!

  1. Count!
 
  Select: Count!

Count of Monte Cristo
I'll deal with them.
The rest of you, hurry to the con!

Count of Monte Cristo
Fortunately, I thought something like this might happen, so I made arrangements.

Jeanne Alter
Arrangements?

Astolfo
I'm heeere!

Sakata Kintoki
I heard you need a ride!

Astolfo
Get on! I'll have you at the con in no time!

Jeanne Alter
Okay, let's split up.

Jeanne Alter
Ushiwakamaru, you go with Kintoki.

Sakata Kintoki
Eh?

Ushiwakamaru
Got it! Thanks for your help, Lord Kintoki!

Sakata Kintoki
...N-no problem! Just don't go falling off!

Ushiwakamaru
Then I'll make sure to hold on to you tight!

Sakata Kintoki
No! That's...I mean, I guess that's okay, but...!

Sakata Kintoki
A-ah, whatever! Get ready, 'cause I'm gonna floor it! Golden Bear, full throttle!

Mash
I admit I'm a little worried about Kintoki, but never mind that now! Alter, you go on Astolfo's hippogriff!

Jeanne Alter
Come on, Master, you're coming too!

Mash
We'll be right behind you!
See you again soon, Master!

  1. All right, let's go!
 
  Select: All right, let's go!

Astolfo
Two of you? No problemo! Sooo, which one of you's okay with a princess carry?

Jeanne Alter
...Fujimaru is.

--ARROW--

Jeanne Alter
We're almost there...!

Astolfo
Huh? What's that sound?

Astolfo
Aaah!

Jeanne Alter
Wh-what was that!?

  1. Medb's chariot!
 
  Select: Medb's chariot!

Jeanne Alter
That...little...BITCH!

Astolfo
That last one got us good!
We're gonna have to make an emergency landing!

Astolfo
Go on back, Hippogriff!

Jeanne Alter
Can you still run, Master?

  1. Of course! This swimsuit's also a Mystic Code, after all!
 
  Select: Of course! This swimsuit's also a Mystic Code, after all!

Jeanne Alter
Seriously? Freak. But I guess we're lucky Chaldea's got a penchant for overengineering right now!

Jeanne Alter
Fine then, use it to strengthen your legs!
You should at least be able to pull that off!

Astolfo
I'll try to hold off that chariot!

  1. Can you really do that by yourself!?
 
  Select: Can you really do that by yourself!?

Astolfo
Sure! Without Medb in that thing, it's just a big, sturdy, dangerously destructive machine of war!

Astolfo
...Maybe I can't do this by myself!

D:???
Man, you guys can't do anything on your own, can you? Guess I'll just have to bail you out again.

E:Ibaraki-Douji
Mwahaha, ox-drawn carriages are my specialty! This will be good practice for my next fight with Raikou!

Astolfo
Huh?

Cú Chulainn
Hey there, Master. That's Medb's chariot, isn't it?

Cú Chulainn
You must've really pissed her off this time.

Cú Chulainn
She only breaks that thing out when she's really hit the limits of her rage!

Jeanne Alter
Aloha Man! Ibaraki-Douji!

Cú Chulainn
Aloha!? Does this look like a Hawaiian shirt to you!?

Jeanne Alter
Oh shut up! I was talking about your soul,
not your fashion choices! You're just like Robin!

Cú Chulainn
Hey! I'm not nearly as twisted as he is!

Ibaraki-Douji
Hmph. If Medb thinks she can ruin all our hard work with a stunt like this, she's sorely mistaken.

Ibaraki-Douji
I'm not letting all that lettering I helped with go to waste! Now hurry up and get to the con already.

Ibaraki-Douji
And if you manage to take first prize, let's have another one of those barbecue parties to celebrate.

Ibaraki-Douji
Your treat, of course!

  1. Of course!
  2. Thanks, Luluhawa Banana Oni!
  Select: Of course!

  Select: Thanks, Luluhawa Banana Oni!
Ibaraki-Douji
Banana Oni!? When did I get such a delicious-sounding nickname!?

Jeanne Alter
All right, let's run!

Gorgeous P
Hahahaha! Another year, another sorry crop of manga. But I suppose this is all we can expect from amateurs!

Gorgeous P
Aside from the professional writers among the Servants like Andersen and Shakespeare, of course.

Gorgeous P
I suppose this means Medb's photo album is a lock for the top seller then?

Moolah
So it would seem.

Moolah
All the money she saved by making it full of selfies let her really splurge on the cover and general design.

Moolah
I'm pretty sure it's the only self-published book in the history of self-published books to be sold as a jewel-encrusted leather hardcover.

Moolah
Not that I mind, since we made a literal ton of money off it.

Medb
Looks like I'll end up winning after all. Thanks for all your support. Now bow down before your queen!

Medb
I suppose I should reward you for showing me how to take a good selfie, Anastasia. What would you like?

Anastasia
GODDAMN HOT.

Medb
I see... Not much I can do about that...

Medb
So Moolah, any word from that not-so-holy maiden's club? Did they turn in their book yet?

Moolah
No, they haven't.
I was looking forward to it, too...

Medb
I see. Then I've already won.

Medb
I was kind of curious what they had in store after all that smack they talked...

Medb
...but it doesn't matter how good their book might be if they can't get it to the con.

Jeanne Alter
Made it!

  1. Made it!
 
  Select: Made it!

Medb
!

Jeanne Alter
Moolah! Here's the digital file of our book.
I need you to fire up your printers right now.

Moolah
Ooh, a day-of submission?
Thank you for your business☆

Jeanne Alter
I don't care if you take us for all we've got today. Just make sure you get enough copies printed in time.

Jeanne Alter
You can make all the copies we need with that reverse cause-and-effect printer of yours, right? Then here, this is how many we need.

Moolah
Wow. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to charge you for all these...but this is your first con, correct? Are you sure you're going to sell this many?

Gorgeous P
Stand back, Moolah. I'll be the judge of how many copies this book merits.

Gorgeous P
At the moment, Medb's photo album is the clear front-runner.

Gorgeous P
My own tastes are about as far from Venus as you can get, but I can't deny there's something genuine there.

Gorgeous P
It's no wonder that Medb's “beauty” is a hit with the mongrels. Even I went and purchased a copy.

Gorgeous P
Her book is undoubtedly one of this year's top contenders. Do you really think yours will require more copies?

Gorgeous P
Heh. I imagine your amateur effort will merit no more than a hundred, at best.

Jeanne Alter
...See for yourself then.

Moolah
O-okay, I'll print one up as a test run.
Check this one out.

Gorgeous P
Hmm...

d'Eon
...

Gorgeous P
Oho, interesting...

Gorgeous P
...Really...?

Moolah
...

Gorgeous P
...Oh come on. Why would you go to the battlefield now? And why aren't you stopping him?

d'Eon
...!

Moolah
O-oh my. This is rather engaging...

Gorgeous P
Whoa! I can't believe he's still alive!

d'Eon
What are you waiting for, Boss!?
Turn the page!

Gorgeous P
Not so fast.
One needs to savor these intervals between pages.

Gorgeous P
After all, much of the magic of manga lies in the space between panels. Every good reader knows that.

Moolah
Oops, my hand slipped☆
Huh!? Does this mean they can't be together now?

d'Eon
Can you blame them? He's a monster, and she's a princess. They were arguably doomed from the start.

Moolah
I refuse to believe that!

Jeanne Alter
...

Jeanne Alter
I gotta say, Master, seeing other people read our book like this is kind of...

  1. Sweat inducing.
  2. Embarrassing.
  Select: Sweat inducing.
Jeanne Alter
It's, uh, just 'cause it's hot in here. Gotta be.

  Select: Embarrassing.
Jeanne Alter
I was gonna say agonizing, but that too.

Gorgeous P
...So the monster gave his life for the princess.
A well-worn trope for these sorts of stories.

Gorgeous P
That said...this background art is incredible!
In fact, it's legitimately breathtaking!

d'Eon
I understand how the monster feels. He believes his ugliness could ultimately serve only as a source of suffering for his beloved.

d'Eon
In which case, it's no wonder he would choose to sacrifice himself. He must have thought it was the only way.

Gorgeous P
Nonsense! The only way I will permit is the way that leads to Uruk!

Gorgeous P
...Huh?

Gorgeous P
I...I...

Gorgeous P
I remember...!

Gorgeous P
I'm not a rich man who lives in Luluhawa!
I'm the King of Heroes, Gilgamesh P!

Gorgeous P
Someone bopped me in the head with a squeaky plastic hammer the moment I set foot in Hawaii, causing me to lose my memories!

d'Eon
We all know that already!
Now come on, I want to read what happens next!

Gorgeous P
I see. Today is full of surprises.

Gorgeous P
...Regardless, there would not seem to be a
“next” to read, now that the monster is dead.

Gorgeous P
Wait. How is he still alive?

Moolah
Hehehe. This was foreshadowed a few pages ago, King of Heroes.

Moolah
I knew I smelled a good ending forthcoming.
Call it women's intuition☆

d'Eon
Thank goodness... I was so sure the monster had died on the battlefield...

d'Eon
Although, it does look like he can't fight anymore.

Gorgeous P
Indeed. With his wild nature gone,
the monster is now just another animal.

Gorgeous P
And now that she's given up her crown,
the princess is just another woman.

Gorgeous P
Which means there is no longer anything standing between them.

Moolah
So they went on to elope... How romantic. Though I wonder, will they be able to live happily ever after?

d'Eon
I think they will. This voyage portends that their journey together will be a good one.

Moolah
I hope you're right.

Jeanne Alter
...So? How many copies are you gonna print?

Gorgeous P
A fair question.

Gorgeous P
Given that your manga was able to shock my memories into returning...I must admit that it is a fine bit of entertainment indeed.

Gorgeous P
In fact, it has rendered a faint moistness to my eye and reminded me that amateur works can be just as good as anything else.

Gorgeous P
Thus, in recognition of your accomplishment, I will run my printers...at full capacity, capacity, capacity, capacity!

Jeanne Alter
...Yes!

Moolah
But that doesn't mean it's going to sell, you know? Are you sure you can turn that many copies at your first con?

Jeanne Alter
...We'll be fine. We've seen a lot more con action than you might think.

Moolah
Oh? Didn't you say this was your very first doujin?

Jeanne Alter
...Yeah, I did.

Gorgeous P
Not to worry. Good artists naturally attract good salespeople.

Gorgeous P
That's part of what makes these sorts of fan artist alleys so fun! Now then...the time is upon us, Moolah!

Gorgeous P
Let this year's ServantFes begin!
Hahaha, I'll be very interested to see what happens!

--ARROW--

Katsushika Hokusai
There we go.

Katsushika Hokusai
Gotta say, I really appreciate you lettin' me hawk my own book here.

Abigail
Oooh, Hokusai, won't you please let me help?
Please? Preeetty pleeease?

Katsushika Hokusai
All right, all right, I hear ya already.
...Okay, how 'bout this?

Katsushika Hokusai
Why don'tcha take this “Line Starts Here” sign and show the customers where they need ta go?

Abigail
You can count on me! Did you hear, Master!?
Did you hear!? I have a job now!

  1. Good luck!
  2. That's a big responsibility, you know.
  Select: Good luck!
Abigail
Thank you, Master!

  Select: That's a big responsibility, you know.
Abigail
...!
Abigail
I-I'll do my very best! I won't let anybody down!

Katsushika Hokusai
Well would ya look at that. Glad she's so happy.
Still feel bad for havin' her help me out though.

Blackbeard
You mean because of the “Iron Bar” part...?

  1. Or the “Tentacle” part...?
 
  Select: Or the “Tentacle” part...?

Katsushika Hokusai
Hey, take it up with Toto-sama.

Mash
Here's your change!
Thank you so much!

Ushiwakamaru
The line starts here, everyone!
Please queue up in an orderly fashion!

Jeanne Alter
...
...

Robin Hood
Thanks for the support.
Here you go, take it!

Blackbeard
Hey there!
You guys sure took your time showing up!

  1. It's a long story...
 
  Select: It's a long story...

Blackbeard
Anyway, I'll take a copy of your book, if you don't mind.

Jeanne Alter
You helped us out plenty, so don't sweat the cost.
On the house.

Blackbeard
Don't be ridiculous, Jalter.

Blackbeard
I'm just exchanging some of that useless treasure I've piled up for something of real value here.

Blackbeard
If I don't pay now,
I'll just feel bad about it later.

Blackbeard
Now shut up and take my money!
...I always wanted to say that.

  1. You really are an upstanding man of the sea, huh?
 
  Select: You really are an upstanding man of the sea, huh?

Blackbeard
Heh... I've been a part of this scene for a long time now. Ever since I became a Servant, in fact!

Blackbeard
And I'm really, really proud to see you guys put out such a great book.

Blackbeard
Almost makes it seem like I was your sponsor or something! Heh, obviously I wasn't, but still...

Blackbeard
Anyway, that's enough chitchat.
See you round!

Mash
I'm all out of books!

Robin Hood
Nothing but empty boxes here too.
Which means...

Robin Hood
We sold out!

Jeanne Alter
...We actually did it.

  1. We really did...
 
  Select: We really did...

Moolah
This concludes ServantFes!

Gorgeous P
So, you sold out just as I thought you would.
You certainly took your time about it, though.

Medb
Yeah, yeah, you win, I lose! I get it!

Jeanne Alter
Hold it.

Medb
Now what?

Jeanne Alter
The whole point of these books is sharing them, right? Here.

Medb
...I don't really need it, but fine, I guess I can take it off your hands. Here, I guess you can have one of my books in exchange.

Medb
Just don't expect it to keep its value for long.
I'm gonna make an even better one next year!

Gorgeous P
So, you've already got a plan for your next book. Impressive presentation skills.

Gorgeous P
Say, that gives me an idea. What do you think about holding our next industry initiative in a gorgeous, decadent skyscraper, Moolah?

Moolah
A skyscraper? Like the sort that giant monkey climbed? I can't say I care for places like that.

Moolah
Las Vegas, on the other hand...♡

Gorgeous P
Hahaha, you do like your deserts, don't you? I guess it's true what they say: you can take the woman out of the desert, but not the desert out of the woman.

Gorgeous P
But enough of that!

Gorgeous P
Gespenst Ketzer! I award you this Holy Grail for taking first place at ServantFes!

Mash
Confirming... The magical energy reservoir checks out. This is definitely a Holy Grail.

Mash
So now, all we have to do is use it at Kilauea,
and this Singularity will go away...right?

  1. Well, that's what BB says...
 
  Select: Well, that's what BB says...

Jeanne Alter
Hang on.
...Let's hear what this guy's got to say first.

Count of Monte Cristo
So you're done.

Robin Hood
You got a real flair for showing up once everything's over, don'tcha?

Count of Monte Cristo
There is nothing I can do about that. I've been busy handling the matter you left to me after we defeated the Foreigner.

Jeanne Alter
How'd it go, anyway?

Count of Monte Cristo
I have been keeping an eye out since you asked,
and it's just as you suspected.

Count of Monte Cristo
She has not been there once in all this time.

Jeanne Alter
Gotcha. Well then, let's just skip the whole bit with Kilauea and go straight to the Mauna Kea Observatories.

Jeanne Alter
Pele awaits there, at the site of the final battle.

Mash
Did you say...“final battle”?

Jeanne Alter
If you'd just read the guidebook,
you'd know what I was talking about.

Jeanne Alter
...I mean, uh, not that I gave it more than a passing glance. Just skimmed it, really...

Fou
Fou...

Jeanne Alter
Somethin' to say, furball!?
Now come on, let's go!

Door to Summer/Dark Mix

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Jeanne Alter
In Hawaiian mythology, Pele lives in Kilauea.
That part fits.

Jeanne Alter
But BB never went there.

Jeanne Alter
Even weirder, she explicitly told us to come here, to Mauna Kea, on the last day.

Jeanne Alter
That just doesn't make sense. Mauna Kea is the snowy mountain where Poliʻahu lived.

Jeanne Alter
According to myth, this was the one place Pele could never conquer, and she hated it more than anything.

Ushiwakamaru
...I see. Then BB may be Pele the goddess, but she is not Pele.

Ushiwakamaru
Or, she is not ONLY Pele... That means everything comes down to the order of events, doesn't it?

Ushiwakamaru
Specifically: When did the Foreigner that Chaldea detected first arrive here?

Count of Monte Cristo
That's right. You all came to Hawaii after the Foreigner was detected.

Count of Monte Cristo
But Foreigner XX didn't show up until after you'd checked in at the hotel.

D:Robin Hood
That means it wouldn't make sense for XX to be the Foreigner we detected.

D:Robin Hood
Honestly, I'd been wondering exactly when XX first got to Hawaii.

D:Robin Hood
But now that we know XX isn't the Foreigner we're looking for, the question is: Who is?

Ibaraki-Douji
(...I don't wanna get in trouble,
so I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut.)

Mash
Ah! So, the reason we couldn't contact Chaldea's Hawaiian office isn't because this place became a Singularity, but–

???
Right you are! It's because the entire office disappeared into Void Space, like it never existed to begin with!

???
Welcome to the Mauna Kea Evil God Observatories, foolish humans♡

  1. BB...!
 
  Select: BB...!

BB Pele
Teehee. Do you even know where Chaldea's Hawaiian office used to be located?

BB Pele
It was right here, on the peak of this very mountain.

BB Pele
Did you know that Mauna Kea is one of the best mountains for stargazing in the entire world?

BB Pele
Or that it's home to a cluster of research facilities with telescopes from all sorts of different countries?

BB Pele
The one from Japan, Subaru, is especially well known.

BB Pele
It's quite the sight, seeing the silhouettes of so many observatories along the top of the mountain.

BB Pele
Though of course...

BB
...there ISN'T anything on top of this mountain anymore. I cast them all down into Void Space myself!

Mash
This ominous aura...
It's just like Abigail's...!

BB
Abigail? Ugh, don't insult me. I'm nothing like that lazy, good-for-nothing sleepyhead.

BB
I'm a much more active, much more friendly dynamo of destruction!

BB
I've been peeping on you foolish humans from outer space, thinking up all sorts of ways we can have fun together!

  1. Wh-what the...!
  2. This all seems painfully familiar...
  Select: Wh-what the...!

  Select: This all seems painfully familiar...

Mash
Is this...a slot machine...?

Robin Hood
What the hell are...no, what WERE those things?
They're bizarrely horrifying!

Ibaraki-Douji
H-hey, Master? You don't look so good.
Are you feeling okay? Do you want some candy?

BB
Tick, tock, tick, tock♪

BB
Did you enjoy your repeating summer vacation?
You decided to reach for the stars, worked hard...

BB
...encountered and overcame setbacks, found friends to help you, and emerged victorious in the end.

BB
I haven't seen such a good reality show in ages.
It was worth all the trouble it took to set it up.

BB
But then...

BB
...I had the perfect bow to put on this touching story, and you just ignored it altogether!

BB
Why didn't you use the Holy Grail?

BB
You're the Master of Chaldea, right?
Aren't you supposed to use the Grail to help people?

Jeanne Alter
Easy.
Tell her, Fujimaru.

  1. You seriously think we'd trust YOU, BB?
  2. I knew doing what you said would end badly.
  Select: You seriously think we'd trust YOU, BB?

  Select: I knew doing what you said would end badly.

BB
Whaaat!? THAT'S why my perfect plan was foiled!?

BB
(Sniff)... After everything I did for all of you, this is the thanks I get...?

BB
I worked really hard to put all this together for you, you know?

BB
I spent the last month working it all out with Pele here.

BB
I was just laying the groundwork to hold ServantFes here when I decided to drop in on Chaldea's Hawaiian office.

BB
Then, when I took a look through their telescope to see how far humanity's astronomical skills had advanced...

BB
...it synergized with my own functionality, and I saw so far into space that I locked eyes with an evil god.

BB
How does that old quote go again? “If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into you”?

BB
Turns out, Nietzsche was more right than he knew when he said that♡ As soon as our eyes met, I synchronized with the evil god and became an eeevil BB!

BB
It didn't take long for Chaldea's Hawaiian office to catch on, so I went and tossed them all into my shadow♪

BB
And I tossed the other observatories in for good measure♪ So now, there's nothing left up here!

BB
I plunged it all into the shadow of the void. Destroying the evidence, as they say☆

Mash
Then, you were the Foreigner Chaldea observed!

BB
Yep! Rewinding time is the evil god's Authority.

BB
Collecting human desires is my innate functionality. And controlling Luluhawa at will is Pele's Authority.

BB
I'm also the one who fudged that golden eyesore Gilgamesh's memory!

Mash
Then, you're the one who put the Knights of the Round Table in swimsuits...?

Ibaraki-Douji
And the one who gave me MY swimsuit!

BB
That's right. It was aaall me.

BB
Well, except Jeanne Alter's horrid swimsuit.
I had nothing to do with that. Suuuch awful taste!

Jeanne Alter
Hey! You leave my taste outta this, asshole!

Jeanne Alter
All right, I get how you got possessed by an evil god. I can even get my head around it happening just because you looked at the thing.

Jeanne Alter
But how are you disguising your class?
Is the Moon Cancer thing just BS?

BB
Nope! Sure, I synced up with the evil god pretty well, but I didn't merge with it!

Mash
Didn't merge with it...?
But, all those evil things you've done...

  1. Ohhh... I get it...
  2. That's the thing, Mash. BB is kinda, well...
  Select: Ohhh... I get it...

  Select: That's the thing, Mash. BB is kinda, well...

BB
That's right! It doesn't matter that I synced up with an evil god from the abyss. I'm still the same old BB I've always been!

BB
We just hit it off really well, agreed on a plan of action, then waved goodbye and went our separate ways☆

Jeanne Alter
So your whole thing is that you test humans, watch them drown in their desires, then end up losing when they outwit your dumb ass...

Jeanne Alter
Now I get it. You and this evil god both have the same messed-up fetish, huh?

BB
Yep! So there you have it. I'm a Foreigner, yes...in more ways than one...but also a Moon Cancer!

BB
Oh, and one little nitpick.

BB
“End up losing when they outwit your dumb ass”? Don't make me laugh! That was absolutely the exception that proves the rule.

BB
I'm going to whup all your butts here and now,
and you'll go right back to day one!

BB
And this time, I'll even reset your memories while I'm at it. Humanity's future sucks anyway!

BB
So why shouldn't you just keep reliving this summer forever, so everyone can be happy?

  1. ...
  2. (She really does have good intentions...even if the road they pave leads waaay past hell...)
  Select: ...

  Select: (She really does have good intentions...even if the road they pave leads waaay past hell...)

Mash
BB... No, make that BBHotep.
Can I ask you something?

BB
Huh? Why would you call me that?
You barely even know me!

Mash
What would have happened if Senpai had used the Holy Grail at Kilauea, like you asked?

Mash
Would this Singularity really have disappeared?

BB
Hey, I'm no liar. Of course it would disappear...along with the rest of the planet.

BB
My Holy Grail's more of a monkey's paw. You wish for something, and more or less get the opposite.

BB
Wish for wealth, and lose all your money.
Wish for peace, and the world's plunged into war.

BB
And if you made a wish with purely good intentions...
Hehe... Hehehehehe!

BB
Forget waking up from a dream!
It'd be the bad end to end all bad ends!

BB
And don't you think that would be the best way for all of you to go out?

Ushiwakamaru
You're a monster...

Fou
Fou.

BB
Oh, but please don't misunderstand me, okay?
It's not that I want to wipe out humanity.

BB
I mean, if humanity were gone, who would I play with?

BB
I don't want to actually break my toys.
I just want to see how much I can mess with them.

Mash
BB is gathering up magical energy...
She's getting ready to attack!

BB
Now, without further ado...
Iiit's piiig tiiime!

Robin Hood
...Heh, nice try.
But I had a feeling this would happen!

BB
Robin?

Robin Hood
Let's see what that spell the Caster of Kykeon taught me can do. No Face May King, Anti-Pig Version!

BB
Hey! No fair!

Robin Hood
Phew, that was close! And really, BB?
You're complaining about ME being unfair!?

Heroine XX
I heard the whole thing!
So, you've finally shown yourself, Foreigner!

Heroine XX
I've been searching for the source of all the evil I'd been sensing lurking around ServantFes, and now I've finally found it!

Heroine XX
Now all that's left is to carry out your sentence... Execution!

Jeanne Alter
...Yep. Much as I hate to admit it, I'll never be able to draw a better book than I managed this time.

Jeanne Alter
Part of me might wanna give it another go, but that's about enough of this endless summer shit. You like playing with toys, BB?

Jeanne Alter
Well, playtime's over.
I'm gonna beat some sense back into you!

BB
My, my, listen to you. But...
Hehehe, hehehehe...!

BB
You drew a lot of books in your various loops, I'll give you that. But there's still one genre you haven't tried your hand at, isn't there?

BB
Well, now seems like a good time to fix that. So, as the Great Evil BB, let me teach you aaall about it!

BB
Are you ready, Master?
This is where the battle really begins.

BB
This is going to be a real-life horror show, complete with blood, gore, and lots of literal dead ends.

BB
Scream and cry all you like; you can't turn back now. You are about to get veeery intimate with the unending darkness of Void Space!

--BATTLE--

BB
Not a scratch on me, of course♡

BB
So, humans, what sort of horror would you like to experience next? There's still so much we haven't tried yet!

Jeanne Alter
Ugh! How the hell is she so strong!?
It doesn't make any damn sense!

D:Robin Hood
What do you expect? She's a goddess, a Foreigner,
and a ridiculously OP Servant all in one!

D:Robin Hood
This is looking real bad...!
We're not gonna be able to escape that shadow!

Mash
It's consuming all of Mauna Kea...! It's as though my shield isn't offering any protection whatsoever!

BB
That's because it isn't. You still don't get it?
The usual rules don't apply here.

BB
Things might be different if you had more than three dimensions to work with, but I don't see humanity ever evolving that much, let alone in the next few minutes.

BB
Now I think it's time I gobbled you and the rest of summer up in one delicious bite♡

Heroine XX

Hraaargh!

BB
...!

Heroine XX
That's enough, you goddamn Foreigner!
Who the hell even likes cosmic horrors anyway!?

Heroine XX
Everyone knows SF is the best genre of all time!
Now, I'm gonna show you why!

Heroine XX
Shine bright, my galactic spear! Seal this evil god away, and bring order to this universe!

BB
Huh!? That ridiculously bright light...!
Is that cosmic ether!?

BB
You were supposed to just be a joke character!!!
How'd you end up with a weapon to kill evil gods!?

Heroine XX
I said I was a Foreigner Hunter! Not my fault you wouldn't listen! Now, my double-sided spear, unleash your nebula!

Heroine XX
Get ready for the true power of a heroine!
The power of paid leeeave!

BB
Aaah!

BB
(Sniff)... All that Authority, confiscated...

Heroine XX
They didn't make me a space cop for nothing.

BB
But I heard you weren't on active duty with them anymore!

Heroine XX
That doesn't mean I'm gonna pass up a juicy bounty on a Foreigner! Space cops have quotas to meet, you know!

BB
Dammit, I knew I should've looked into their policies and stuff too...

BB
Oh well, I guess I don't really care enough to bother...

Jeanne Alter
So that oughta be the end of these time loops. I take it you're ready to calm down now that the whole evil god thing is over?

BB
Hmph. I never needed an evil god to be perfectly wicked on my own...

BB
...Anyway, are you sure about this? This does mean your vacation will actually end, you know.

BB
Isn't there anything you still want to do here?

Jeanne Alter
I...

???
...I can solve that easily enough.

Jeanne Alter
...Gorgeous P?

Gorgeous P
Indeed.

Gorgeous P
And I don't need to do anything as ham-fisted as rewinding time. I just need to make a proclamation.

Gorgeous P
I hereby extend ServantFes by one more day!

Gorgeous P
You may have sold every copy of your book, but there is still plenty of celebrating left to be done. Go forth, mingle, and enjoy yourselves!

Gorgeous P
Consider it a wrap party.
I'll pick up the tab, of course.

Gorgeous P
That is, my secretary will, using all that money she's trying to sneak off with.

Moolah

H-huh!?

Moolah
But I worked so HARD to stea–I mean,
save it all!

Gorgeous P
As they say, you can't take it with you.

Gorgeous P
I can vouch for that personally!

Moolah
Please! At least let me keep half of it! My dreams of a camel paradise are growing fainter by the second!

Heroine XX
All right, I'll take this criminal Servant...I mean, BB up to my ship for interrogation and cleansing.

Heroine XX
Now come on, you, get a move on.

BB
Aw man, so you're really gonna book me... I can't believe you're into that kind of doujin content!

Heroine XX
I can carry you there on my spear tip if you'd prefer?

BB
I'll be good☆

BB
Okay Senpai, looks like I'll be seeing you later.

BB
Oh, right! I almost forgot.
Hup!

Heroine XX
All right, we'll be off then. But don't worry, we'll be back before tomorrow night's party!

BB
Once I've done a little time for my crime,
let's just call it even, okay? Okay☆

Jeanne Alter
...What'd she drop?

  1. Are these...our manga?
 
  Select: Are these...our manga?

Mash
Yes.

Mash
This is the photocopied manga we made in the first loop...and these are all our other attempts...

Jeanne Alter
...Wow. We really stuck with it, huh?

Jeanne Alter
Hm?
...That's weird.

D:Robin Hood
What's up?

Jeanne Alter
Two of these books are the same.

Jeanne Alter
This book's the one we drew in this loop...
But this other book is...

Mash
It looks older, doesn't it?

Jeanne Alter
...Oh no.
This can't be happening...!

Ushiwakamaru
What's wrong?
Is there a problem with that book?

Jeanne Alter
N-never mind that now. Master, c'mere.
I gotta talk to you. Alone.

Jeanne Alter
...Okay, look. See this book? It's the one we just drew. But this other one? It's the one that made me want to try drawing in the first place.

  1. Second one's...a little different.
 
  Select: Second one's...a little different.

Jeanne Alter
Right. But the lead-up to the last act is pretty much identical.

Jeanne Alter
The ending may be a little different,
but that's about it.

Jeanne Alter
...And that leads me to one inescapable,
horrifying conclusion...

Jeanne Alter
I drew this manga, didn't I?

  1. Looks that way, yeah.
 
  Select: Looks that way, yeah.

Jeanne Alter
...
...

Jeanne Alter

This. Is. So. Embarrassing!!!

Jeanne Alter
So all this time, I've been working so hard to surpass my own damn book!? I've been jealous of my own work!?

Jeanne Alter
BB must've left my own finished book from the future in Chaldea on purpose! She KNEW this would happen!

Jeanne Alter
I can't believe it! All that time I went on and on about making a better manga...!

Jeanne Alter
Gaaah! I wish I could go back in time and just kill myself!

Jeanne Alter

Aaaaaaaaaahhh!!!
Aaaaaaaaaahhh!!!

Mash
Wh-what's the matter, Alter!? You're going to hurt yourself if you keep pounding those rocks!

Jeanne Alter
Oh God... Why does there ALWAYS have to be a stupid goddamn last-minute plot twist!?

Jeanne Alter
Prithee, wherefore didst it become my wretched fate to be expelled from blissful vales of ignorance? Oh, woe is me!

Mash
She even sounds different!

  1. I'm sure she'll be back to her old self...eventually...
 
  Select: I'm sure she'll be back to her old self...eventually...

Jeanne Alter
This is it. This is rock bottom. I am finally here... Just let me lie here awhile...until it passes...

Mash
A-all right. I'm sorry Alter isn't feeling better, but at least we know this Singularity will disappear soon.

Mash
And since we still have some time before it does...
AND since we came all this way to Luluhawa...

Mash
...let's take the time we have left to enjoy our vacation here, Master!

More Adventures in Luluhawa

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Robin Hood
Man, it feels like we haven't seen this airport in forever.

Robin Hood
Just how many loops did we end up spending in Luluhawa, anyway?

Ushiwakamaru
Yeah, those seven days felt like forever. BB may have caused a lot of trouble, but I'm grateful for that opportunity at least.

Ibaraki-Douji
She gave me this swimsuit too, so she's all right in my book. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, she gets to be an honorary oni now!

Mash
ServantFes concluded without further incident, and we were able to contact Chaldea's Hawaiian branch as well.

Mash
Once the Luluhawa Singularity disappears in a few hours, these islands should all return to normal.

Jeanne Alter
So the observatories are back too, huh.
I guess BB really didn't hurt anyone.

Robin Hood
I don't know, I can think of at least one person she did a real number on... But never mind that now.

Robin Hood
The important thing is that we can now finally say goodbye to Luluhawa. You guys got all your things?

  1. Sure do!
 
  Select: Sure do!

F:???
Ah, vacations! There's nothing better than going home with a suitcase full of souvenirs and a heart full of wonderful memories!

F:???
I know a lot's happened, but as long as you enjoyed yourselves, I consider that a Big Beautiful win!

  1. That voice...!
  2. The root of all evil...!
  Select: That voice...!

  Select: The root of all evil...!

BB
That's riiight☆ Congratulations on making it through an unending week of Luluhawa, everyone☆

BB
You took first place at ServantFes,
and successfully repelled the Foreigner!

BB
Now all you have left to do is fly to South America and hop a plane to Chaldea!

  1. You're here to see us off, BB?
  2. Aren't you coming back with us?
  Select: You're here to see us off, BB?

  Select: Aren't you coming back with us?

BB
...

Mash
Senpai, it looks like BB has frozen. I think...she's very reluctant to say whatever is on her mind.

Jeanne Alter
Eh, why listen? Nothing we'll get out of talking to her except more frustration and embarrassment.

Jeanne Alter
Screw her. Let's just ditch her and get going.
Our flight leaves in three hours anyway.

BB
Oh, well, you're wrong about that much!
I shut down all the flights. Permanently.

BB
Luluhawa's not going away that easily, either.

BB
I'm going to have to give the staff at Chaldea's Hawaiian office a veeery stern talking-to, so they know better than to go around making hopeful observations!

BB
Although, making you crawl around on all fours or keeping you as tiny insects... It's starting to become old hat at this point. I really need to come up with something new...

Mash
Wait, are you saying we're still not done here?

Mash
Or have you still not learned your lesson, BB?

BB
Hmph! I've reflected plenty on what I did, thank you very much! No, this is a different problem.

BB
I...uh... I need your help with something.

Robin Hood
YOU want OUR help? What happened to being a kouhai who could do anything and everything?

Robin Hood
If you've got a problem that needs solving, then solve it your damn self. We're exhausted, and more importantly, we are sick of your shit.

BB
Oh Robin... I see you're still sulking about being relegated to management...

BB
I was hoping Luluhawa would help you grow out of being so petty, but I guess that was asking too much...

BB
If only I could have done more to help...

Robin Hood
Oh, don't even try that garbage on us! You're obviously just trying to get us to clean up another one of your messes!

Ushiwakamaru & Ibaraki-Douji & Jeanne Alter

(Nodding affirmatively)

  1. Now, now.
  2. Let's just hear her out.
  Select: Now, now.

  Select: Let's just hear her out.

BB
Eee☆ I love it when you do the protagonist thing, Fujimaru!

BB
Anyway, Let me get right to the point.
I...can't get back to normal.

Jeanne Alter
Huh?

Ibaraki-Douji
What are you talking about?
I thought this IS normal for you.

Ibaraki-Douji
You're the one who said that syncing with an evil god didn't change you at all.

BB
Oh for... Are you completely blind,
or just aesthetically challenged, Ibaraki!?

BB
Of course I've changed! Just look at me!

BB
Pele's Spirit Origin is so dug into mine that this tan just...won't! Go! Away! Even the Holy Grail can't get rid of it!

Mash
Um, yes, you do have a lovely tan right now...
But is that a problem?

BB
Of course it is!

BB
I know what people have been thinking. Stuff like, “You look so good with a tan...” “That new tropical look is so cute on you...”

BB
“What an adventurous style...” and,
“You're the obvious choice for a tropical heroine...”

BB
And while, to be clear, I do appreciate all that...
My trademark pale skin has always been my thing!

BB
I mean, how else would people know I'm a heroine who hails from the moon?

BB
So I have to get rid of this tan before going back to Chaldea, no matter what it takes!

Robin Hood
Okay, team, huddle up.
You all have your passports and tickets, right?

Robin Hood
Once we go through security, we can't go back.

BB
Hey! So you're just gonna ignore me now!?

BB
Fine. I see how it is.
But just so you know, Luluhawa's not going anywhere!

BB
This Singularity won't disappear until I can weaken Pele's power over me!

BB
Of course, if you're just fine with Hawaii remaining Luluhawa forever, I won't make you stay.

BB
I'm sure I can come up with some way to entertain myself and all the people still trapped here...

BB
There's so many cutely cruel things I still have yet to try♡

Robin Hood
...Dammit, now she's just taking the whole place hostage...

Ushiwakamaru
Oh, my. I suppose that means we still have a job to do, Master.

  1. Looks that way.
  2. So what exactly do we have to do?
  Select: Looks that way.

  Select: So what exactly do we have to do?

BB
Well, since the goal is to weaken me, I was thinking the easiest way to do that would be in battle.

BB
I already scattered some clones of myself around Luluhawa, so just go take them all out.

BB
The more of a name you make for yourselves in Luluhawa, the more people will want to jump on your bandwagon.

BB
That'll get my clones to come out of hiding and attack, as they won't like all that attention going to you instead.

BB
Once you smack all four of them down,
I should go back to normal.

  1. So we've got a Fire BB and a Water BB system, huh...
  2. Sounds like fun.
  Select: So we've got a Fire BB and a Water BB system, huh...

  Select: Sounds like fun.

Jeanne Alter
(Sigh) Sounds like a royal pain in the ass to me, but doesn't look like we've got any choice. Fine, let's go back to the hotel, Master.

Jeanne Alter
And hey, at least we get to beat the shit outta BB a bunch. That should make it all worthwhile.

Jeanne Alter
So let's waste this bitch, pop this Singularity,
and head back to Chaldea like the bosses we are.

BB
Good luuuck!
I'll be here, waiting for your triumphant return!

BB
...Yes, all you have to do to resolve this Singularity is defeat four of my clones.

BB
But...I never said my clones would be exactly like me.

BB
No, these are a few Demon Pillar envoys I had lying around for a certain scenario...

BB
“What if Senpai actually had used the Holy Grail to wish for world peace?”

BB
This is where the real game of death begins, Senpai. Don't think you're getting off easy!

Farewell, Tropical Paradise

Show/Hide Story Chapter

  1. Okay, we beat them all!
  2. Sessyoin of the Night? What the hell!?
  Select: Okay, we beat them all!

  Select: Sessyoin of the Night? What the hell!?
BB
Honestly, that's what I want to know. I had Abby down for the first boss to help her make friends.
BB
Don't ask me how that lewd nun got here.
It's kind of freaking me out, honestly!
BB
But, at any rate.

BB
You really beat all of them, Senpai?

BB
Those four were supposed to be even stronger than my underling bosses...

Jeanne Alter
They were. And if you had those things just sitting around all this time, how come you didn't bring them out for our final battle?

Jeanne Alter
You'd have curb stomped us if you'd brought all of them to the fight.

BB
No way. I'd have disintegrated from my theory centers down if I'd tried something like that.

BB
No matter how close I get to something outside this universe's order, I'm still BB, the bug born on the moon.

BB
So I'd never make humanity fight a battle they couldn't possibly win!

BB
Sure, I might make it almost impossible, but I always make sure you have that one in a million shot!

BB
As a super AI whose job is keeping humanity healthy,
I love nothing more than seeing you prevail!

Robin Hood
So that's how it is, huh. An absolute pain in the ass right to the bitter end.

BB
Excuse me? You're the last person I want to hear about being a pain in the ass from, Rob–Wait. Huh?

BB
Am I...!?

Mash
Yes! Your tan is gone now, BB!
You look just like you always did!

  1. Congrats, BB!
  2. Now that's the BB we know and...tolerate!
  Select: Congrats, BB!

  Select: Now that's the BB we know and...tolerate!

BB
...

BB
Well, uh, I just remembered I don't need this anymore, so here, have another one.

Ibaraki-Douji
A second Holy Grail!?

Ibaraki-Douji
Hey, Greenie, she's not a pain in the ass at all!
If anything, she's a pushover!

BB
Okay, you've had your fun!
No more Ms. Nice BB!

G:Ibaraki-Douji

Hey! What'd you do with my swimsuit!?
I thought we were oni pals!

BB
...Ahem. A-at any rate, credit where credit is due.

BB
You did pretty good for a bunch of humans.
Sure took your sweet time, though.

BB
Anyway, a promise is a promise, so now that you've helped me out, the Luluhawa Singularity will finally disappear.

BB
Soon, the Luluhawan Islands will go back to the beautiful Hawaiian Islands they used to be.

BB
That's all I've got for you, Master of Chaldea.
You did great.

BB
This year's summer adventure is now officially over.
I hope you enjoyed it.

BB
All that's left for you to do now is head back to Chaldea with your head held high!

BB
And if you're interested, I do hope you get the chance to visit the real Hawaii someday.

BB
Rest assured that whenever you want to visit,
this tropical paradise will be ready and waiting!

Jeanne Alter
Yeah. I guess at least you didn't pick someplace lame for this adventure, so thanks for that.

Jeanne Alter
Now go on, Fujimaru.
You know what to say at a time like this, right?

Jeanne Alter
Well? Go on then.
Don't worry, we'll all say it with you.

  1. Oh, right. Okay then...
 
  Select: Oh, right. Okay then...

  1. Aloha!
 
  Select: Aloha!

All
Alohaaa!

Doujin: "The Melancholy of a Dramatic Demon" First Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Jeanne Alter
...Hmm. I guess it's not too bad...

Jeanne Alter
But it's still lacking in a lotta ways.
Feels kinda half-assed, really.

Robin Hood
Come on, go easy on yourself.
It's a lot better than your last one.

Ushiwakamaru
I agree.

Ushiwakamaru
And we have noticed our skills as assistants improving as well.

Ushiwakamaru
...Yes, not bad at all.

Ushiwakamaru
This is admittedly very different from the things I did when I was alive, but that's what makes it so interesting.

Jeanne Alter
Yeah, anyway, we're done!
Let's get to the con!

Mash
Yes! Let's all do our best down there!

Doujin: "The Melancholy of a Dramatic Demon" Second Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

  1. Skip
  2. Don't skip
  Select: Skip

  Select: Don't skip

Ushiwakamaru
All right, Lord Robin and I will go around and say hello to everyone else.

Robin Hood
And if we see any other good books while we're at it, we'll go ahead and pick those up too.

Jeanne Alter
Good idea. Those'll give me some ideas for how to make the next one better.

Jeanne Alter
I just need to finish reading them before nightfall.

Robin Hood
You got it.

Osakabehime
Konnichiwassup?
Wanna trade books?

Jeanne Alter
Right, right.
Here you go.

Osakabehime
Arigathanks! And here's mine.

Jeanne Alter
Great, thanks.

Jeanne
Hi there! This is St. Orleans's newest book!

Jeanne Alter
...Grr...

Jeanne Alter
Ah well, I guess I shouldn't be too upset.
She's the bar I'm aiming for. Okay, here's ours.

Jeanne
Thanks!
I can't wait to read it about a hundred times!

Jeanne Alter
Uh, could you...not?
You're freaking me out.

Shakespeare
Good day, my fellow compatriots!

Jeanne Alter
Ugh, piss off.

Shakespeare
Huh? Why would you treat me so boorishly?

Shakespeare
And here I thought myself something of a star in an event such as this.

Jeanne Alter
That's the problem. Your star's too damn bright.

Jeanne Alter
You and the little blue-haired guy could destroy ServantFes if you wanted to.

Jeanne Alter
In fact, I'd probably rather go surfing with sharks, carrying buckets of chum, than have you read my book!

Shakespeare
Why, I have a place at ServantFes as much as anyone!

Jeanne Alter
Grr... All right, fine.

Jeanne Alter
Here's our latest book.
But don't you DARE tell me what you think of it.

Shakespeare
Very well then.

Shakespeare
And here is our newest collaborative novel.

Mash
...I can't help but wonder how much money this would earn if you published it professionally...

Robin Hood
Hey, I'm back.
How's it selling?

Jeanne Alter
Okay, I guess.
Not bad, not great.

Jeanne Alter
We're definitely not gonna win this time.

Ushiwakamaru
Well, there is nothing we can do about that now.

Ushiwakamaru
We shall just have to consider this another learning experience so that our efforts are not in vain!

  1. Let's start brainstorming for the next one right now!
 
  Select: Let's start brainstorming for the next one right now!

Jeanne Alter
Good idea.

Jeanne Alter
Let me see the books you bought, Robin. Master and I have a lot to discuss for our next attempt.

Doujin: "Little little bullet" First Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Osakabehime
The sun...
It's so...yellow...

Osakabehime
Ahaha... This means we spent the whole night together, Master...

Osakabehime
Aren't you a naughty {(M) boy /(F) girl}...

Jeanne Alter
I know you think you sound sexy right now,
but you mostly just sound sleep-deprived.

Jeanne Alter
Still, uh...thanks for all your help.
I owe you one.

Osakabehime
Heh, hehe... If digital art is what you need, I am your otaku... Now I've got your tsundere all for my...

Osakabehime
...self...

Osakabehime
...Sorry, but I don't think I can be of any more help from here on. Oyasleepytime... (Zzz...)

Robin Hood
Damn. She just passed right out.

Mash
Yes. She is fast asleep now.
I'll try not to wake her.

Ushiwakamaru
That was quite the intense battle... I see now that in some ways, the life of an artist is much like the life of a warrior.

Jeanne Alter
It's here!

Jeanne Alter
I always get nervous whenever I'm about to break the seal on a new batch of samples.

Ushiwakamaru
Ooh! It's beautiful!

Robin Hood
Huh, it really did come out well.
No wonder Princess there's so exhausted.

Jeanne Alter
...Yeah. All right, let's get going.

Ushiwakamaru
To ServantFes!

  1. To ServantFes!
  2. Isn't that just how you said, “To Kamakura!”?
  Select: To ServantFes!
Mash
Right!

  Select: Isn't that just how you said, “To Kamakura!”?
Ushiwakamaru
Hehehe, I'm impressed you noticed!

Doujin: "Little little bullet" Second Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Ushiwakamaru
All right, I'll go scout out the battlefield.

Jeanne Alter
Guess I'll go say hi to the other clubs...
Oh, I should probably trade books with them, too.

Mash
I'll go buy drinks and whatever else we need.
What about you, Master?

Robin Hood
Master and I'll hold down the fort. Let's see how many copies we can sell if we put our minds to it.

  1. Good idea.
  2. See you all later!
  Select: Good idea.

  Select: See you all later!

Mash
Understood. Be back soon!

Blackbeard
...Oho. So this is what you went with, eh, Master?

Blackbeard
Guns! And girls!

Blackbeard
This is good stuff... What a powerful combination...
I can feel it reverberating through my soul.

Blackbeard
Pure and innocent girls, paired with the ultimate symbols of violence and destruction!

Blackbeard
Ahh, the taste of taboo! Whoever drew this, {(M) sir /(F) milady},
is a demon in artist's clothing, and I commend them for it!

Robin Hood
Thanks, I think. Don't know if Jeanne Alter would be happy to hear that, though.

Blackbeard
Gotta say though, it's too bad the actual doujin part isn't done yet. What a shame...

Robin Hood
Oh, that. It took way longer than I thought to get enough reference materials and draw the guns.

Robin Hood
That's why we had to give up by the end and fill out the remaining pages with the 3D schematics we used as reference.

Robin Hood
Like you said, it'd have been nice if we'd managed to finish the manga.

Blackbeard
Hey, I'm not gonna hold that against you. Everyone here's doing this for fun, so there's no reason not to find what you like and run with it.

Blackbeard
To tread far off the beaten path and blaze a new trail is the very essence of making doujin!

Blackbeard
Anyway, I'd best be on my way.
So much to see, so much to do!

Blackbeard
I'm especially looking forward to the cosplay gathering later.

Emiya Alter
...
...

Robin Hood
Hey there.
Fancy a copy?

Emiya Alter
...
...

Emiya Alter
...Sure, I'll take one.

Robin Hood
Thanks a bunch.

Emiya Alter
...

Emiya
...
...

Robin Hood
Hey there.
How'd you like a copy, too?

Emiya
...
...

Emiya
...Can I read a little first?

  1. Go right ahead.
  2. Please, take your time.
  Select: Go right ahead.

  Select: Please, take your time.

Emiya
...
...

Emiya
...Thanks.

Robin Hood
So, what's the verdict?

Emiya
...Yeah, I'll take one. Whoever drew this did a really great job depicting the guns.

Robin Hood
Thanks. I'll be sure to tell her.

H:
...Hm?

H:
Oho, giving an innocent young girl a veritable arsenal of dangerous weapons! What an intriguing idea!

H:
I see she's got an assault rifle, a .50-caliber handgun, a combat knife, and even a tactical tomahawk.

H:
...Yes, an intriguing idea indeed.

Robin Hood
Thanks, pal.
I'm glad to hear our book is to your tastes...

Robin Hood
...but is it just me, or do I see an evil scheme forming in those eyes of yours?

H:
My tastes? What are you saying, my good man?

H:
Schem–I mean, taste is one thing,
fiction is quite another!

H:
One must always be able to play one's cards appropriately, regardless of the situation. Doujins are fiction, yes?

Robin Hood
Uh, yeah, they are.
Though you kind of lost me with the rest of that...

H:
Haha! Do not trouble yourself over the details.
Now then, I think I shall take a copy for myself!

Jeanne Alter
A-a demon in artist's clothing!?

Robin Hood
That's what he said. Right, Master?

  1. He sure did.
  2. And he commends you for it.
  Select: He sure did.

  Select: And he commends you for it.

Jeanne Alter
Wha... H-hey! Cut that out!

Jeanne Alter
How can I be a demon when I haven't even taken first place yet!?

Jeanne Alter
Besides, my ultimate goal is something more literary, not this pulpy action shit!

Jeanne Alter
Next time, I'm going to make the comic I've been dreaming of! I'm sure of it...!

Doujin: "Our Round Table" First Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
Good morning, everyone!
I know you're all sleepy, but you need to wake up!

Mash
We just got the sample copies from the printer!
Let's see how they turned out!

Ushiwakamaru
I'll open the box!

Ushiwakamaru
I put a lot of work into this book myself, after all.

Ushiwakamaru
I'm so excited to finally see how Lady Mash's idea for us all to handle separate pages turned out!

C:Robin Hood
Same here. This one was much more about the feel of it than the think of it, so I'm real interested in the finished product.

C:Robin Hood
How about you, Alter?
You think this one came out well?

D:Jeanne Alter
Why ask me?
You can just look in there and see for yourself.

D:Jeanne Alter
I really focused on polishing my artistic sensibilities for this one, so I just know it's gonna be awesome.

D:Jeanne Alter
Now...ooopen sesame! Let's see how our heartfelt, poetic masterpiece turned out!

  1. So heartfelt...!
  2. So poetic...!
  Select: So heartfelt...!

  Select: So poetic...!

D:Jeanne Alter
...Hohohohoho.
Pray tell, Mash, what's the meaning of this?

Mash
W-well, you said you were going for a slice-of-life story, without any conflict...

Mash
...so I decided to go with the most fun setting along those lines that I could think of...

D:Jeanne Alter
Fun, huh... Well, they do look like they're having fun. I guess this has its own kind of charm...

Ushiwakamaru
Seems to me that charm is the only thing it has.

D:Jeanne Alter
You. Shut it.

D:Jeanne Alter
Dammit, if only the cover had at least turned out a little better... Who drew this cover, anyway?

D:Jeanne Alter
Anybody could make the Round Table guys look good. And why's it so lighthearted? Hasn't the artist ever heard of dramatic tension?

C:Robin Hood
Erm, you drew it, Alter. I distinctly recall you saying so right before you conked out for the night:

C:Robin Hood
“The Round Table? I just gotta draw those guys? Pfft, piece of cake. I can bang that out in three seconds.”

D:Jeanne Alter
Really? I don't remember ever saying that...
Wait. These are my files...

D:Jeanne Alter
Crap... I think this may be the most horrible thing I've ever done... Sorry, Mash. I hope you're not mad.

Mash
Mad? Of course not.
I love this cover.

Mash
Thank you so much, Alter.
I can't wait to show this book to everyone else!

D:Jeanne Alter
Y-you sure? Well, as long as you're happy with it.
Hmm. I didn't know this was a thing you could do...

  1. I think we'd better head to the con now.
 
  Select: I think we'd better head to the con now.

Ushiwakamaru
I agree. We know XX will be showing up soon,
so let's hurry and get her out of the way.

Doujin: "Our Round Table" Second Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

B:Robin Hood
All right, now that XX is taken care of,
ServantFes is back on schedule.

B:Robin Hood
Mind taking care of sales?
I'm gonna go see what's happening around the con.

C:Jeanne Alter
I'm gonna take a look at what the other clubs have done–see if there are any ideas worth stealing.

Ushiwakamaru
I suppose that leaves you, Lady Mash, and me to handle sales then, Master! Let's try to sell as many as we can!

Blackbeard
Well good morning!
Looks like I found me one amazing club!

Blackbeard
I can't believe you noobs actually finished in time for your very first con... What good cinnamon rolls you are...

Blackbeard
I doff my pirate chapeau to you fine people. Or at least I would if I hadn't come here today in my civvies.

Blackbeard
Now then! A copy, {(M) my good sir /(F) milady}, if you please!

  1. Are you sure? It's about the Round Table, you know?
  2. Are you sure? It's kind of a highbrow comedy, you know?
  Select: Are you sure? It's about the Round Table, you know?

  Select: Are you sure? It's kind of a highbrow comedy, you know?

Blackbeard
Not to worry! The genre doesn't matter to me!
What matters is if the artist has VISION!

Gawain
It can't be! What is a book like this doing here!? How could I let my guard down so egregiously this summer!?

Mash

S-Sir Gawain!?
Wh-wh-what are you doing at ServantFes!?

Mash
I-I mean, I'm sorry! I'm so very sorry!

Mash
For what it's worth, this book is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to actual Servants is, um...coincidental?

Mash
I promise you, we never wanted to damage the Round Table's good name or reputation...!

  1. We just kinda...made it all up.
  2. (Refrain from commenting)
  Select: We just kinda...made it all up.

  Select: (Refrain from commenting)

Gawain
...Heh. Hahaha.

Gawain
I do beg your pardon. I assure you I was not laughing in mockery, but delight.

Gawain
Fujimaru, Mash, would you be so kind as to sell me a copy of your book?

Gawain
Even at a glance, I can tell from our depictions that there is a great deal of truth about us in this book.

Gawain
If it was your hands that brought it to life, so much the better. I would be delighted to read it.

Gawain
Oh, but please don't tell the other knights that I was the first to purchase a copy. It would be rather embarrassing.

Gawain
I have my uptight, no-nonsense image to think of, after all.

Gorgeous P
Hahahahaha! How did you ever come up with such a manga!? If I didn't know better, I would say you were trying to get me to laugh myself to death!

Gorgeous P
Not a whit of it makes sense, yet it all works wonderfully! Which one of you created this comedic masterpiece!?

Mash
W-well, this book was a collaborative effort, but I suppose I'm technically the creative director.

Gorgeous P
Heh, I see. I look forward to seeing what you come up with next.

Gorgeous P
If I might suggest, how about adding a new character?

Gorgeous P
It may be something of an old-fashioned tale, but what if a prince from the most distinguished family in the neighborhood, who lives in the mansion next door...

Gorgeous P
...ends up as a private tutor to the little Lion King, which leads to them developing a lovely romance–

Tristan
Aha, what a wonderful thing to discover...
I knew lining up early was a good idea.

Tristan
Sir Bedivere, might I trouble you for another loan? As you can see, I am but a hapless poet who ekes out a meager existence through fishing.

Bedivere
Sure thing. This makes two hundred and sixty-four thousand BB Bucks I've lent you to date. Don't worry, I'm keeping very close track.

Bedivere
Two copies if you would, milady.

Mash
Of course. Here you go, Sir Bedivere.
I threw in a nice paper bag to carry them both, too.

Bedivere
You're too kind.

Bedivere
I wish I could buy copies for the rest of the knights, but apparently, bulk purchases are considered poor form at ServantFes.

Bedivere
So we'll just stick with copies for the two of us. Right, Tristan?

Tristan
Indeed. I'm sure the other knights will find their way here in time. No doubt the first will be Gawa–

Tristan
My mistake. It seems there is another knight who discovered this booth long before us, though she appears to be reluctant to show herself...

Tristan
Good grief. Who would think that a seasoned knight of France would still be so shy amongst her companions...

Girl Knight

E-excuse me! Is this book about the Knights of the Round Table?

Girl Knight
Th-then I'd like to buy a copy, please!
H-how many thousands of BB Bucks is it for one...?

Mash
Oh, it's not nearly that expensive.
Just fifty Gil Bucks.

Girl Knight
I-I see! That's wonderful! Then I'll gladly take a copy! Best of luck to you today!

Girl Knight
Oh man... There's another new Round Table book here... And it looks pretty extreme...

Girl Knight

Hang on... Sir Kay and King Pellinore are a couple in this!? There must be some kind of mistake! This is repugnant! Could I have a copy please!?

Girl Knight
Huh? There's an age restriction on this? I have to show ID? H-how dare you! I'm just as grown-up as anyone here...!

Mash
Phew. I didn't even notice it was already afternoon. Thirty more minutes until ServantFes comes to an end...

Mash
We still have ten copies left over, but the reception has been better than I ever hoped. I'm so glad.

Mash
Now we just have to wait for the others to get back... Huh?

Mash
?

Mash
??

Mash
???

  1. Hey! You in the swimsuit!
  2. We've still got copies! Come check it out!
  Select: Hey! You in the swimsuit!

  Select: We've still got copies! Come check it out!

Swimsuited Servant
O-oh, hello. I just happened to be passing by, completely coincidentally, of course. Though I do actually have something to ask you...

Swimsuited Servant
...Have you, um, been enjoying this summer?

Ushiwakamaru
Absolutely. Between the sightseeing and the doujin, it's been a very busy seven days.

  1. I've been having lots of fun.
 
  Select: I've been having lots of fun.

Mash
Yes. It's been a wonderful time. Would you like to take a look at our book while you're here?

Mash
It's more about daily life, rather than any particular conflict.

F:Swimsuited Servant
...I see. Well, since our paths happened to cross like this and all, I think I will take a copy. Or ten.

Swimsuited Servant
Thank you. I'm glad I found this book. We tried forming our own club, to little avail...but now, I'll be able to end this trip with some fond memories.

Swimsuited Servant
I'm so grateful to the Servant who made this Singularity for providing me with that opportunity!

Mash
We did it, Senpai!
He just bought most of our last remaining stock!

Mash
Of course, we didn't have enough copies printed to take first place even if we sold them all...

Mash
...but I'm still so happy that so many people liked our book. It makes all the hard work we did well worth it!

Ushiwakamaru
Indeed. I'm especially grateful to Lancelot.
He helped us out a lot right at the end.

Mash
Huh? Lancelot was here?
Did he show up while I was off buying supplies...?

Mash
I'm sorry I wasn't able to say hello to him,
but I'm glad he at least stopped by.

  1. (She still has no idea...!)
 
  Select: (She still has no idea...!)

Doujin: "Curry × Rice" First Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
Good morning, everyone!
The printer just delivered our book!

Ushiwakamaru
Allow me to open the box!
Ooh, this is so exciting.

C:Robin Hood
Yeah, I can't wait to see it. How about you, Alter?
You think this one came out well?

D:Jeanne Alter
'Course it did. It's too bad I ran out of time at the end and couldn't polish it as much as I wanted...

D:Jeanne Alter
...but aside from that it was pretty kick-ass.
I'm positive it turned out great.

D:Jeanne Alter
Now...ooopen sesame!
Let's see how this spicy masterpiece turned out!

D:Jeanne Alter
Whoa... I don't know how it ended up like this,
but this cover is wicked awesome...!

Mash
I'm sure the inside is just as awesome!

Mash
It tells an epic, gripping tale just brimming with spectacle and suspense! It's far greater than the sum of its parts!

Ushiwakamaru
This is great. I've always liked destined duels.

Ushiwakamaru
Of course, in my case, the duels I fought were all over in a flash, so I never experienced much in the way of drama.

C:Robin Hood
(Sigh) This is exactly why I hate overpowered heroes.

C:Robin Hood
They have no idea what it's like to go through life laying traps, preparing poisons, or crawling around in stinky bogs, just to survive another day.

C:Robin Hood
That said...I might not have any interest in fighting a duel to the death myself...

C:Robin Hood
...but I can tell this kind of story'll be a big hit. It's pretty badass, and that Indian king movie is awesome.

Ushiwakamaru
So this book should suit the tastes of people like Lord Robin and myself.

Ushiwakamaru
Perhaps that means it has universal appeal–the kind that will create quite a buzz for our book.

Mash
That sounds like...going viral!
It's exactly what we want!

D:Jeanne Alter
Going viral, huh.
Hehe, I like the sound of that.

C:Robin Hood
All right, let's head to the con then. We've still gotta set up the table and unpack the books!

Doujin: "Curry × Rice" Second Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Robin Hood
You guys handle the sales.
I'm gonna go take a look around.

Jeanne Alter
And I'm gonna go scout out our competition.
Hold down the fort while I'm gone.

Ushiwakamaru
I suppose that means you, Lady Mash, and I will be handling the sales, Master! Let's do our best!

Blackbeard
Mwohoho, you actually finished in time!
I'm impressed!

Blackbeard
Very well then, a copy, if you please!

  1. Are you sure? It's about India, you know.
  2. Are you sure? No girls in this one, you know.
  Select: Are you sure? It's about India, you know.

  Select: Are you sure? No girls in this one, you know.

Blackbeard
What, that? Bah! I am not so uncultured that I can't enjoy a good doujin on its own merits!

Blackbeard
Besides, when you're on my level, you can just gender-swap the characters in your mind, no probl–I mean, never mind.

Blackbeard
The point is, quality is quality!
Well, good luck! I'll be rooting for you!

Ushiwakamaru
What a strange sight... Both the paper bags he's carrying are full to bursting with doujin...

Ushiwakamaru
I never would have thought there was another collector as fervent as Blackbeard. Is that...Arjuna?

  1. I think so...
  2. He must have been given sample books from all sorts of places...
  Select: I think so...

  Select: He must have been given sample books from all sorts of places...

Arjuna
Phew... There's so much to see. I'm not sure if I'm going to even have time to get my own shopping done.

Arjuna
Oh, hello, Fujimaru. I didn't know you were attending ServantFes this year.

Arjuna
...
Would you mind if I read your book?

Mash
N-not at all!

Arjuna
Hmm, a battle between two brothers over which of them will inherit the throne... Fascinating.

Arjuna
Indeed, brothers in India are quick to fight one another. I don't see how it could be otherwise.

Arjuna
And in the conclusion...

Arjuna
No, wait. It would be foolish to read the whole thing now.

Arjuna
I'll take one–no, five copies,
in the hope that the archer wins.

Mash
I'm not sure what you mean by that hope, but thank you!

Karna
I'm impressed you can run a shop in this unbearable heat while staying completely still. I could never manage that.

Karna
By the way, this is fascinating. Most fascinating.

Karna
...I feel I've heard that is what you're supposed to say when you want to read a book... Is that all right?

Ushiwakamaru
Of course. Please, go right ahead!

Karna
Thank you... These battle scenes are especially striking. An archer firing three arrows at once, hm?

Karna
And what's this? He used coconut trees as catapults to fire soldiers with iron shields at the castle? What a frighteningly effective tactic.

Ushiwakamaru
Right? Right!? I quite love the scene where they ride their horses down an incredibly steep cliff!

Karna
This will be an excellent reference manual for future battles. I'll take five of them.

Osakabehime
(Gasp...gasp)...
Do you have any books left? You do, right?

Mash
Oh, Osakabehime! We actually just sold out...

Osakabehime
Naniii!?

Mash
But since you helped us so much, I thought it would only be right to put a copy aside for you.

Mash
Here you go. On the house.

Osakabehime
Whoa, really? Yattaaa!

Osakabehime
Ehehehe. Let's see...

Osakabehime
Two men obsessed, love and hate, passions blazing so strongly they can only resolve their differences by fighting... This doujin has it all!

Osakabehime
I can't believe Alter has gotten so good so fast... She's a genius!

Osakabehime
This is exactly why I could never give up doujin!

Osakabehime
The pupil has already become a master!
And now she's even a source of great inspiration!

Mash
Thank you, Osakabehime... But I think it would make Alter much happier if you told her that yourself.

Osakabehime
Are you joking!? She'd nigerundayo because hearing praise embarrasses her too much! She's a real chicken about compliments, that one!

Osakabehime
All right, I've got to go organize all the goodies I picked up, so see you later!

Osakabehime
Oh, by the way, what are your chances of victory looking like?

Mash
I'm not sure. We sold everything we brought, but we also didn't print too many in the first place...

Osakabehime
Oh, that's a shame. But you did your very best,
so you should be proud!

Osakabehime
The great thing about artist alley at a con is that it's fun just to be there!

Osakabehime
And that makes everyone a winner!

Doujin: "Martha's Built Upper" First Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
Our samples are here!

Ushiwakamaru
Ooh, I'm excited for this one. I handled the story and came up with the cover design.

Robin Hood
You don't say. I was off taking model pictures of other Servants the whole time, so this is the first I'm hearing about it...

Jeanne Alter
This time, I just tried my hand at pure action. Every Servant wants to be the strongest there is, right?

Robin Hood
I don't–

Ushiwakamaru
Exactly!!!

  1. They do?
 
  Select: They do?

Mash
Um, I think it must depend on the Servant.

Jeanne Alter
Never mind all that. Let's open up this sucker and see how it turned out!

Jeanne Alter
Looks good.
Not seeing any mistakes.

Jeanne Alter
All right then, we're off to ServantFes!

Doujin: "Martha's Built Upper" Second Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
Okay, I'm going to stop by the other clubs and say hello.

Jeanne Alter
I'm gonna go look for more reference material.

Jeanne Alter
You guys handle the sales until I get back, okay?

Ushiwakamaru
Very well then, leave it to us!

Blackbeard
Hey, hey, if it isn't Master!
Did you finish your doujin on time?

Blackbeard
...You did!? Seriously?

Ushiwakamaru
See for yourself.

Blackbeard
Don't mind if I do.
Hm, hm...

Robin Hood
What do you think, old man?

Blackbeard
I like the cover, but I'm not really sure what the protagonist's motivation is.

Ushiwakamaru
You've got a point. Martha makes a great protagonist, but she doesn't have any connection to the other characters.

Ushiwakamaru
So she just ended up going around picking fights for essentially no reason at all.

Ushiwakamaru
I should have caught that during the rough draft phase, but I didn't. (Sniff)

Blackbeard
That aside, these spreads aren't bad at all.

Blackbeard
And that final showdown between Lady Martha and the mysterious swordmaster... (Chef's kiss)

Blackbeard
Very well then, a copy, if you please!

Martha
Oh?

Martha
This must be the book I modeled for.
May I have a copy, please?

G:Sasaki Kojirou
I, too, would like a copy.

Robin Hood
S-sure thing.
Here you go.

Martha
...Hmm. Hm, hm...hm.

Martha
...Why am I facing a swordmaster wielding a Laundry-Drying Pole at the end? What happened to the purity of hand-to-hand combat?

Sasaki Kojirou
Ordinarily, bringing a sword to a brawl would end in one-sided slaughter...

Sasaki Kojirou
...but in your case, Lady Martha, I must concede that your fists far surpass any blade.

Sasaki Kojirou
Indeed, I see that in the end, you catch and snap my sword in your hands before trapping me in a deadly grapple.

Sasaki Kojirou
Hahaha, it would seem my goose is well and truly cooked now. When you're through with me, I daresay I will look like one who has just been through a meat grinder!

Martha
Oh come now, don't exaggerate. They really captured how I would actually behave here!

Martha
Of course I'd go easy on you after putting you in a choke hold. See? I'm even giving you a chance to admit defeat!

Martha
Although...
May I ask you something, Fujimaru?

Martha
Here, in the last scene.
Why am I the one in the choke hold now?

Martha
I can't possibly imagine this samurai managing such a thing with his twiggy arms.

Sasaki Kojirou
Are you familiar with judo, Lady Martha?

Sasaki Kojirou
I understand it has become something of a sport in recent years, but originally, it was designed to help one survive an encounter with the enemy while remaining armored.

Sasaki Kojirou
Any samurai would at least know the fundamentals, so I can easily imagine this one being able to surprise you at least once, especially if you had permitted yourself to let your guard down.

Martha
...! All right! You and me, on the beach, right now! Let's see for ourselves whether this comic is right!

Martha
Need I remind you, this fighting style originated with Jacob, and he used it to wrestle angels into submission!

Martha
It could not possibly lose to some amateur's judo!

G:Sasaki Kojirou
Hahaha, forgive me, but I am not ready to depart this world just yet. Farewell!

Martha

Wha–Hey! Get back here!

Martha
Oh, here's the money I owe you for the book! It was great! I can't wait to see what you do in the sequel!

Doujin: "Giant Babbage" First Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Ushiwakamaru
Ooh, our doujin is here!

Mash
You oversaw the cover and story for this one, right, Senpai?

Mash
I still haven't read through the whole thing yet...
What's it about?

Jeanne Alter
See for yourself.
Ooopen sesame!

Mash
This is...!

Robin Hood
Hey, the colors look really good on this cover. I heard it's tough to get a good blue for the sky out of a printing press, but this one came out great.

Mash
Just look how big Babbage is...
This is going to make a huge splash, Senpai!

  1. We've pretty much as good as won.
  2. Who doesn't love giant robots? NOBODY!
  Select: We've pretty much as good as won.

  Select: Who doesn't love giant robots? NOBODY!

Jeanne Alter
No printing errors that I can see!
Let's head to the con!

Ushiwakamaru
Agreed!

Doujin: "Giant Babbage" Second Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Robin Hood
...Annnd done. We're officially ready for business!

Jeanne Alter
Great, thanks.
All right, I'm gonna go check out the other clubs.

Ushiwakamaru
Ah, reconnaissance on our enemies, hm? Good idea.
I shall accompany you, at least for a while.

Jeanne Alter
Why only a while?

Ushiwakamaru
I guess it's a matter of...mobility?

Jeanne Alter
The hell's that supposed to mean?
Well, whatever. Come on, let's go then.

Jeanne Alter
Hold down the fort while we're gone, 'kay?

Blackbeard
Hey, hey! If it isn't Master!
Did you finish your doujin in time!?

Blackbeard
Whoa, you did! And the cover's even fully colored!

Blackbeard
I'm impressed you pulled this together in such a short time... And whoa! You even made it a mecha story!?

Blackbeard
You really know your target audience!
I'm so moved!

Blackbeard
My inner mecha fanboy (with his machine-gun butt) has been bemoaning the recent dearth of good examples of the form for far, far too long!

  1. It was tough getting this done in time.
  2. We all did our best to make this happen.
  Select: It was tough getting this done in time.

  Select: We all did our best to make this happen.

Mash
Thank you for the kind words, Blackbeard.
Does that mean you'll be buying a copy?

Blackbeard
Of course! I, for one, welcome my new steambot overlord! (Saluting)

Blackbeard
I've been champing at the proverbial bit for a new robot yarn. This should scratch that itch nicely.

Alexander
Hey, this book looks fun.
I think I'll buy a copy, too!

Alexander
What about you?
Doesn't this get your pulse pounding?

Kid Gil
A giant robot story, huh?
Is it original?

Alexander
Looks that way. And check out this guy on the back cover... I think it must be an enemy mecha.

Artemis
...Ooh, this looks good!

Artemis
What do you think, Darling? Well?

Orion
How'm I supposed to answer that when I don't even know what you're talking about?

Artemis
You know, the robot girl with the pink hair in the back? What do you think of her?

Orion
How many times do I have to tell you!?
I am all about soft curves, not hard edges!

Artemis
Oh? And just what do you mean by that, hmm?

A:???
Oh man, what is goin' on with this doujin!?

Sakata Kintoki
THIS IS SO COOL!

Sakata Kintoki
There ain't a red-blooded man out there who doesn't love a good giant robot! This bad boy is golden!

Sakata Kintoki
Don't even gotta turn the page to see the passion you put in this beauty! It's got pathos out the wazoo!

Sakata Kintoki
Just lookin' at it gets me fired up.
I'll take a copy too, Master and Boss!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
...
...

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Oh, Kintoki. You always did love big suits of armor,
ever since you were a little boy...

Minamoto-no-Raikou
I still remember the way your baby blues shone when you saw our family's great armor suit.

Sakata Kintoki
Gah! Ma!?

Sakata Kintoki
I mean, Boss Raikou!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Ma!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Kintoki! You just called me your mother!
Oh, what a wonderful day!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
All the maternal instincts I thought I had sealed away are rushing back, giving me extra Prefect Power...

Minamoto-no-Raikou
A-absolutely not, Kintoki! You can't fool me!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
I forbid it, I absolutely forbid it! I know what sorts of unacceptable activities these doujin portray!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Though I have also heard that such things account for a relatively low percentage of all works displayed...

Sakata Kintoki
Whoa, whoa, slow down, Raikou! You're barkin' up the wrong tree entirely! This book is so wholesome it's golden!

Sakata Kintoki
It's all on the up-and-up!
There's no problem here, I swear!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Really? Are you sure...?

Sakata Kintoki
...Boss. Master.
I ain't been this moved in a long time.

Sakata Kintoki
I knew you had a golden soul burning bright inside you! Man, giant robots really are the best!

Sakata Kintoki
I can't wait for the day when I can show off my own giant armor by your side!

Mash
Everyone who stopped by seemed to love our book!
I think we might have succeeded this time!

Jeanne Alter
...Nope. Definitely not.

Mash
Huh...?

Mash
B-but why?
Everyone was so excited about it...

Robin Hood
...Hmm.

Robin Hood
True, we've got a great cover, and great subject matter. Everyone's gonna love it for sure. Except...

Robin Hood
...it's still unfinished.

Mash
!

Ushiwakamaru
So it is... The battle between Babbage and Giga Elisa remains unresolved...

Ushiwakamaru
Lord El-Melloi II only shows up in one panel...
Lady Ishtar never shows up at all...

Ushiwakamaru
And on the last page, it only says,
“Giant Babbage's battle is about to begin!”

Jeanne Alter
We ran out of time and money...
I'll have to be more careful next time.

Jeanne Alter
...How'd we let it come to this...?

Jeanne Alter
All I wanted to draw was a dark, brooding fable...

Doujin: "Mama's Ears" First Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
Wake up, everyone!
Our samples are here!

Osakabehime
Nnn... No more energy drinks for me...
Just lemme paint my figures...

Osakabehime
(Zzz...)

Jeanne Alter
Never mind the youkai. She's earned a rest.
Let's just see how these samples came out.

Ushiwakamaru
Ooh! It looks great!

Mash
This cover illustration is adorable!
I love cute stuff like this...

Jeanne Alter
Good, no pages are missing.
I think we've really got something with this one.

Ushiwakamaru
I know what you mean.
I think this one might just succeed!

Robin Hood
So where should I put Sleeping Beauty here?

Osakabehime
(Smacking lips in her sleep)
Ugh... {(M) He /(F) She} won't eat another bite...

Robin Hood
Huh. Sounds like she's dreaming about feeding someone...though who and what, I've no idea.

Jeanne Alter
Just leave her where she is.
We've got to get to ServantFes!

Doujin: "Mama's Ears" Second Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
Ushiwakamaru and I will go get drinks and say hi to the other clubs.

Robin Hood
I'll go take a look around over there.
Be back later with lunch.

Mash
Senpai, will you and Jeanne Alter be okay handling sales by yourselves?

Jeanne Alter
Sure, we'll be fine. Don't worry about us.

Blackbeard
...
...

Blackbeard
...No way. Is that...?

Blackbeard
It is! A furry book!

  1. Welcome, Blackbeard.
  2. Care for a copy?
  Select: Welcome, Blackbeard.

  Select: Care for a copy?

Blackbeard
Y...

Blackbeard

Y-y-y-you better believe I'll take one!
I'm impressed you went full furry, Master!

Blackbeard
Huh? This was mostly your idea, Jalter?

Jeanne Alter
S-so what if it was?

Blackbeard
...

Blackbeard
I'm touched. I never thought you'd let your freak flag fly so high for your debut!

Blackbeard
This is the best! Thank you!

Jeanne Alter
Gah! Keep your voice down, will you!?
You startled me!

Caesar
Hahaha, what's all this commotion?
There are far too many people here for my liking.

Caesar
Hm?

Caesar
...Hold it. Hold everything! That cover...!

Caesar
That's... That's...

Caesar
That's a furry book!
I can't believe I found one here!!!

Caesar
And they've even got multiple t...te...

Jeanne Alter
Te?

Caesar
Teat–

Blackbeard
Lord Caesar!

Caesar
Oh, yes, my apologies. Hahaha, I was incautious with my words. Purely by accident, Brutus.

Caesar
...But can you blame me? Just look.
Whoever made this book gets it!

Blackbeard
(Nodding wordlessly)

Caesar
This... THIS is the pinnacle of art! The innate cuteness of animals, combined with the beauty of the human body!

Caesar
This cover is worth its weight in gold ten–no, a thousand times over!

Caesar
In fact, I would even call it a crown jewel of humanity, as triumphant an achievement as Hellenism!

Blackbeard
Agreed! Most heartily agreed!

Beardie and Romie
So precious...!

Caesar
I can't wait to see how these furry mommies comfort their darling furry child.

Blackbeard
Little Furry Jack's fur factor gets high points from me too!

Blackbeard
And we can't forget the male furry hiding in the back: Lord Furgus!

Caesar
At this point, I don't care if this is a gentle slice-of-life or an all-out fur fight (the good kind)!

Caesar
I am prepared to accept this story in whatever form it may take!

Blackbeard
Thank you, Lady Jeanne Alter!
Thank you, Master!

Beardie and Romie
Bless this book!

A:???
What's that?
...Aww, that cover is so cute!

Boudica
Here, Mata Hari, look at this! There's a bunny,
and a fox, and a cat, and...a bear?

Mata Hari
Aww, they're adorable. What a lovely drawing.

Blackbeard
(Gasp! The models!)

Caesar
(A shocking twist!)

  1. Hey, it's the models!
  2. Welcome!
  Select: Hey, it's the models!

  Select: Welcome!

Boudica
Huh? You modeled these characters after us?
You're kidding!

Boudica
So I'm the fox here?
Ahaha, I wish I was this cute.

Mata Hari
It's a little embarrassing, but I'm flattered you made me so cute in your book!

Jack
This is us?

Boudica
That's right. You're this adorable cat.

Jack
Oh, yeah, we see it now. We are cute.
And you and Mata Hari are a cute fox and bunny.

Boudica
Hehe, I guess we are, aren't we?
Three copies please, Master.

Jeanne Alter
Oh, uh, thanks.
...One, two, three. There you go.

Boudica
Oh, Fergus is here too. Does this mean he's the dad?

Mata Hari
Oh yeah, maybe he is.
And since we must be the two mommies...

Fergus

!!!

Fergus
(I'm not sure what's going on here, but...that book!)

Fergus
(A furry me, married to Furdica AND Mata Furry...!?)

Fergus
Ah... Ah... Ahhh...

Blackbeard
Aah! L-Lord Fergus!?

Caesar
Get a hold of yourself, man! I know very well how you feel, but you mustn't let your excitement get the better of you in front of the models!

Fergus

Raaaaaah! I must fulfill my husbandly duties!
Raaaaaah!!!

Fergus
You two! Tonight! You, me, and–

Caesar
Calm down, you ludicrously handsome man!

Caesar
Do I really need to remind you that fact and fiction are not one and the same!?

Cleopatra
There you are, Lord Caesar!
So this is where you ran off to!

Cleopatra
...And what are you doing with this book about cute Beastpeople?

Cleopatra
I see Mata Hari and Boudica...
But I don't see me anywhere...

Cleopatra
Does this mean...you were looking for a book without me?

Caesar
Wh-why, if it isn't my beloved Cleopatra. I've been in some tight spots before, but never this bad.

Caesar
But I will not lose my cool, for I...am Caesar!

Caesar
So I will escape this situation with my unsurpassed oratory mastery.

Caesar
I am afraid you are mistaken, my dear Cleopatra.
I assure you, I am not cheating on you at all.

Caesar
My love for these furries is the passion I feel for nature itself! It is nothing to be ashamed of!

Cleopatra
No, Caesar! Just, no!

Cleopatra
I would accept that if these were ordinary animals, but they have clearly been modeled after other Servants!

Cleopatra
Doujin or not, “Lord” Caesar,
cheating is still cheating!

Caesar
Tch, so much for that.
Guess I'll just have to run away.

Fergus
Ahem. Now that the noisy ones are gone,
let me try that again...

Fergus
My beautiful wives and daughter!

Fergus
Come to Papa!

Jeanne Alter
Uh, they've been gone for a while now.
So, what about you? You gonna buy a copy?

Fergus
Wha...!

Jeanne Alter
That's weird... Our book was a big hit with everyone who came across it...

Jeanne Alter
...but we still didn't quite sell out...

Robin Hood
I think it was too big a hit with some fans. They might've...creeped some other folks out with just how into it they got.

Ushiwakamaru
Then we still need to continue this battle, huh.
These cons are more difficult to master than I thought...

Doujin: "We Never Summon: Bokushou" First Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
Good morning, everyone!
The printer just delivered our book!

C:Robin Hood
All right, I'll do the honors...

Ushiwakamaru
Ooh! This one looks really cute!

D:Jeanne Alter
Okay, yeah, it does, but...!

D:Jeanne Alter
I don't know if it's just 'cause I'm looking at it with fresh eyes after passing out once we finished and the pressure was off...

D:Jeanne Alter
...but now I'm starting to wonder if we made the right choice...

Mash
It appears to be an entry in the genre where an unremarkable protagonist gets to know a number of very different heroines...aka the harem plot.

Mash
It includes elements that have been broadly popular since ancient times, making it a reliable choice!

Mash
In baseball terms, it's a fastball delivered straight down the middle.

Mash
In manga terms, it's one of the most essential genres to ever exist. So this book definitely has a shot at winning!

C:Robin Hood
Romance has been part of even those most ancient stories, so I'm pretty sure no one's gonna be turning their noses up at it.

C:Robin Hood
Now come on, it's time to head to the con!

Doujin: "We Never Summon: Bokushou" Second Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

D:Robin Hood
I'm gonna step out to that café for a bit. I hear they got a real pretty maid with short hair working there...

A:Jeanne Alter
Slacker. That's pickup artistry, not recon.

A:Jeanne Alter
That said...I was actually planning on slipping out myself. You guys handle the sales counter, okay?

A:Jeanne Alter
If I see someone reading a romantic comedy I made right in front of me, and they start grinning or laughing, well...

A:Jeanne Alter
...I might Du Haine their ass and kick the ashes. Y'know?

A:Jeanne Alter
So I'm gonna make myself scarce before I end up roasting a customer. Good luck. Don't let me down.

Ushiwakamaru
I didn't realize she was so bashful... All right then, I guess we'll just have to sell the book the best we can!

Blackbeard
Good morning!

Blackbeard
Ooh, this is kind of cute!
I'll take a copy, if you please!

  1. It's a wholesome romantic comedy, Blackbeard.
  2. Don't expect much skin from this one.
  Select: It's a wholesome romantic comedy, Blackbeard.

  Select: Don't expect much skin from this one.

Blackbeard
No problem here. There's room enough for rom-coms and ecchi comedies in this wide world!

Blackbeard
The former gives me a chance to exercise my imagination in picturing what happens after it fades to black!

Blackbeard
That said, if you DO decide you want to swim into more adult waters in a spin-off, you have my full support!

Kiyohime
...I really sympathize with this green-haired love interest.

Kiyohime
No matter how fervently she pursues the object of her affections, he only has eyes for the blonde.

Kiyohime
It's obvious he should end up with the delicate, modest, beautiful green-haired girl and live with her forever and ever. What could he be thinking!?

Kiyohime
If he starts lying to her because he doesn't know what else to say, I think I might just snap! (Short burst of flame)

  1. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
  2. You're burning the book!
  Select: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

  Select: You're burning the book!

Kiyohime
Oh, I'm sorry. At any rate, I really love this character you've come up with. I can't help but want to root for her.

Kiyohime
If she and her love end up Romeo and Julieting themselves, I can live with that.

Kiyohime
Anyway, I'll take three copies, please.
Including the one I burned.

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Oh? I thought I would have to ban this book for corrupting innocent young minds, but perhaps not...

Minamoto-no-Raikou
I see now this older dark-haired love interest is merely trying to protect the protagonist in her own motherly way.

Minamoto-no-Raikou
What a touching story... I would be happy to let my own children read this book.

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Why, it's positively brimming with opportunities to further their moral education.

Minamoto-no-Raikou
It would be perfect for teaching them to always listen to their mother, and for extolling the virtues of bathing and sleeping together...

Minamoto-no-Raikou
I'll take three copies, please.
One for me, and one for each of my children.

Ereshkigal
H-hmm, so the main character and this love interest were hitting it off before circumstances forced them apart, huh.

Ereshkigal
Those sorts of things do happen on long adventures.
N-not that I'm speaking from experience!

Ereshkigal
Oh... The main character might not have spelled it out, but he really treasured the memories they shared...

Ereshkigal
I like that. This kind of story is right up my alley! In all matters, be true to thyself, as they say!

Ereshkigal
The more...p-provocative scenes aren't really my thing, but I guess that's just how it is for two people in love.

Ereshkigal
So if you ever put out a more adult version,
I'll just have to make my peace with it.

Ereshkigal
And on that note, in the hopes that this is only book one of an eventual ten book series...

Ereshkigal
I'll take ten copies,
so I can donate nine to Kur's library!

A:Jeanne Alter
The con's almost over now...
How'd it go?

Ushiwakamaru
Sales were very steady all day! It just goes to show the power of working in a genre with broad appeal!

Mash
We also heard some feedback from customers who purchased copies in the morning. However, it was mostly stuff like:

Mash
“The next one should focus on the kouhai.” “The next one should focus on the classmate.” “The next one should focus on the senpai.” “The next one should focus on the mother”...

Mash
...I guess this is one of the hard parts of having such a large cast. You can't focus on one character without neglecting the others...

Mash
So it may be very difficult to make something that would live up to everyone's expectations.

D:Robin Hood
Yeah. Stacking up love interests like this feels a lot like playing one of those games where you try to stack a wood tower without letting it fall.

D:Robin Hood
'Course, reading with bated breath to see which love interest is left standing is all part of the fun.

D:Robin Hood
Hahaha, you could even call this a kind of Holy Grail War in its own way.

Mash
Hehe, true. Though I doubt there's ever been a Holy Grail War with so much heart before.

Jeanne Alter
Regardless, this was one of the hardest stories I've done so far. The longer it goes on, the more the conclusion weighs on the readers and creator.

Jeanne Alter
...This genre might've been a little too much for us to handle. Next time, we'll have to make it a one-shot...

Doujin: "Ms. Anastasia Loves Ramen Noodles" First Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
Our samples are here.

Jeanne Alter
Everyone ready?
...Okay, I'm gonna open it.

Jeanne Alter
Hmm, not bad.
In fact, I'd say it came out pretty well.

Jeanne Alter
Turns out it's pretty easy to churn out pages when the story's about something you like.

Jeanne Alter
All right then, let's go!
We're off to ServantFes!

Doujin: "Ms. Anastasia Loves Ramen Noodles" Second Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Jeanne Alter
All right, I'm gonna go say hi to the other clubs.

Jeanne Alter
Oh, and I'm gonna bring a few copies of our book with me, too.

Robin Hood
Guess that means Mash and me are on sales duty this time.

Robin Hood
Here's hoping we can do a good job...

Blackbeard
'Sup! I think, therefore I'm bad!

  1. Don't you mean “U mad?”
  2. Is that your thing now?
  Select: Don't you mean “U mad?”
Blackbeard
Now don't start that up again.

  Select: Is that your thing now?
Blackbeard
Indeed it is.

Blackbeard
Anyway, congratulations on finishing your first doujin in a week. Now let me see it!

Robin Hood
Yeah, yeah. Here you go.
Don't forget to pay.

Blackbeard
Hmm. A grand duchess becomes obsessed with ramen during a visit to a foreign country, and decides to travel the world in search of more, huh...

Blackbeard
This is great. Really great.
And this grand duchess is especially appealing.

Blackbeard
Never underestimate the power of being able to draw cute girls...

Blackbeard
Thanks for a great book!

Anastasia
Hello. Could I trouble you for a copy as well?

Robin Hood
S-sure thing.
Here you go.

Anastasia
Hmm...

Anastasia
Oh, well that's not right.

Robin Hood
Huh? What's not?

Anastasia
Right here. See? I'm using a fork instead of chopsticks.

Robin Hood
Oh crap...! I didn't realize that ramen's supposed to be eaten with chopsticks!

  1. Argh! I should've caught that in the rough draft...!
 
  Select: Argh! I should've caught that in the rough draft...!

Anastasia
Hehe. Still, I can't say it's unpleasant to see myself as the main character, even if it is a bit embarrassing.

Anastasia
Thank you for this.
I'll treasure it forever.

Anastasia
...Now then, on a different subject:
Could you all gather round me, please?

Anastasia
That's it. Now we check the camera...
Make sure we're all in the frame...and...

Anastasia
Thank you so much.
See you around.

Anastasia
Excellent. Now I'm one step closer to completing my Servant collection...!

Robin Hood
...What was that all about?

  1. Pretty sure she was just taking a group selfie.
 
  Select: Pretty sure she was just taking a group selfie.

Robin Hood
Man, kids today.
I have no idea what goes through their minds...

Jeanne Alter
...
...

Jeanne Alter
A fork...instead of chopsticks...
Dammit, she's right. I totally missed that!

Jeanne Alter
Oh God, I'm so embarrassed...!

Robin Hood
Don't be. As your manager,
it's my job to catch this sort of thing.

Robin Hood
We didn't even know what we were doing wrong until it was too late.

Mash
True, we didn't catch this either...

Jeanne Alter
Well, what's done is done. We'll just have to learn from this mistake and not make it again next time.

Ushiwakamaru
In that case...what would you all say to having ramen for dinner tonight?

Doujin: "The Villainess Wants to Take Down the Wicked!" First Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Jeanne Alter
Any moment now...

Jeanne Alter
They're here!

Jeanne Alter
Okay, let's see how it came out.
Ta-daaa!

Ushiwakamaru
As many times as we've done this, I still get a thrill out of opening the box with our finished book.

Ibaraki-Douji
Oho, so this is the latest book.

Mash
You helping us out this time made a big difference, Ibaraki!

Ibaraki-Douji
Right? Hehe, yesss, praise me even more!

Jeanne Alter
Looks like my first attempt at a stuck-up evil rich girl story didn't turn out half bad.

Mash
Definitely. I think we have a real shot at eating into Medb's sales with this one!

Jeanne Alter
All right then...let's get going!

Doujin: "The Villainess Wants to Take Down the Wicked!" Second Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
Okay then, Ushiwakamaru and I will stop by the other clubs and say hello.

Jeanne Alter
Ibaraki, you handle the sales counter, all right?

Ibaraki-Douji
Leave it to me! All I have to do is sell the book, right? Couldn't be easier.

Jeanne Alter
...All right, he should be showing up any moment now.

Blackbeard
I! Am! Here!

Jeanne Alter
Here's your book.

Jeanne Alter
And here's your change. Now scram.

Blackbeard
That's it!?

Jeanne Alter
Your shtick's gotten freakin' old.

Blackbeard
?

Blackbeard
How can it be old when this is your very first ServantFes?

Jeanne Alter
...Oh, right. Well, whatever.
First or not, I'm still sick of you.

Blackbeard
Hmm, is that so?
Oh well!

Blackbeard
All right then, let's see what you've got!

Blackbeard
This may be the current hotness, but I see you've really got a handle on the classics.

Blackbeard
...That said, I also see that you're going with the whole “both sides are evil” angle for your story...

Blackbeard
And why is the long-haired professor the one suffering the brunt of the consequences?

Blackbeard
So this spread in the last battle, it's exciting to read and all, but I don't understand why they're settling their differences as giant pro wrestlers in the Grand Canyon.

Blackbeard
I see a missile has also been fired from...Las Vegas?

Jeanne Alter
Look, that's just how it went, okay?
An alien shows up at the end too.

Blackbeard
Aha, now I see.
You got into the lobster, didn't you?

El-Melloi II
...
...Dammit.

El-Melloi II
(I feel a headache coming on. The signs point to this drawn to me as per standard in the magecraft world.)

El-Melloi II
At any rate, I'll take a copy, please.

Ibaraki-Douji
Go on then, take it!

Ibaraki-Douji
By the way, is something wrong, scrawny?
You don't look so hot.

  1. You do look kind of pale, Teacher.
  2. Is everything okay, Professor?
  Select: You do look kind of pale, Teacher.
El-Melloi II
I know how this sounds, but I feel as though I have to buy this book if I am to avoid a most terrible fate.
El-Melloi II
Besides, once you're familiar with the patterns something follows, it becomes easier to react properly when the time comes, right?
Ibaraki-Douji
Hahaha! This may not mean much coming from me, since all I did was the backgrounds, but there's no way something this terrifying could happen in real life!

  Select: Is everything okay, Professor?
El-Melloi II
For some reason, buying this book feels like it'll help me steel myself...
Ibaraki-douji
?
Ibaraki-Douji
Uh, I don't really know what that's about,
but I'm glad our book's helping you out!

Ishtar
Hey guys! How's it going?
Sure is hot in here, isn't it?

Ishtar
Anyway, I came to pick up your book now that the photo ops in the plaza are on break!

Jeanne Alter
Fujimaru, would you mind handling her?

Jeanne Alter
...I get the feeling nothing good can come of me and that goddess being anywhere near each other.

  1. Uh...
  2. Yeah, you two might create a tsundere singularity...
  Select: Uh...
Jeanne Alter
Great, thanks!

  Select: Yeah, you two might create a tsundere singularity...
Jeanne Alter
Would you quit putting me in that category already!?
Ibaraki-Douji
Ooh, I know what a tsundere is!
Ibaraki-Douji
It's a cross between tsunami and derriere, right?
Jeanne Alter
...I'll tell you when you're older.

Ishtar
So this is it, huh? Let's take a look...
Huh... Hmm...

Ishtar
This is good! I didn't know Japanese storytelling favored stories of reincarnation!

Ishtar
But I don't get why you made this chick in the blue dress the main character. I mean, in the end, she just resolves things with brute force, right?

Ishtar
If you were going for a story about intelligence, mind games, and romance, you should've focused on this chick in the red dress.

Ishtar
In fact, you should change that right now, unless you want to feel the wrath of a divine curse.

  1. The point is to avoid messing up at the end, though...
  2. I mean brute force is...kinda what they both rely on...
  Select: The point is to avoid messing up at the end, though...

  Select: I mean brute force is...kinda what they both rely on...

Ishtar
Well, that aside, I still like it.
At least, this body seems to be really happy with it.

Ishtar
I guess this is what homesickness feels like. Once humanity is all back how it should be, I'll take you to visit my hometown as a reward.

Jeanne Alter
Argh, we came so close...!

Mash
We sold a lot, but not quite enough to take first place...

Jeanne Alter
Still, I'm pretty sure we're going in the right direction now. All we gotta do is stay the course!

Ibaraki-Douji
Yay! This means I get another week to have fun!

Robin Hood
I was kinda hoping you would help us out again...

Doujin: "A Collection of Eiten-Style Teachings" First Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

E:Ibaraki-Douji
Nnn... So sleepy...
But...I sense someone moving... Oogh...

Mash
Good morning, everyone!

Mash
It looks like our comic is here from the printer.
Let's see how it came out!

E:Ibaraki-Douji
It's here!? At long last, I will get to see how my evil oni-ing manual for the aspiring evil oni turned out!

E:Ibaraki-Douji
“The Way of the Oni”!

Robin Hood
Oogh... D-did we really manage...to finish it...?

Ushiwakamaru
My memory of its creation is...fuzzy.

Ushiwakamaru
I remember Ibaraki drawing like a woman possessed...

Ushiwakamaru
...but now I don't think I could tell you anything about what it was she drew...

Jeanne Alter
...Same here.

Jeanne Alter
I do remember hearing strange sutralike chants and smelling an aroma that put me weirdly at ease...

Jeanne Alter
...but I'm still not sure if that was real, or just some sort of hallucination brought on by overwork.

Mash
I saw it too... But it doesn't make sense that we'd see something supernatural like that in a hotel like this.

Ibaraki-Douji
Hah, don't be silly. Of course you didn't hear any sutras! You think there's any Buddhists here in Luluhawa?

Ibaraki-Douji
Actually, wait, hold on.
I poured my heart and soul into this manual.

Ibaraki-Douji
At some point, it must have crossed the border into the realm of the SUTRAnatural! Mwahahahaha!

Robin Hood
Well at least Ibaraki's still going strong... All right, in that case, let's open this thing up and see the finished product for ourselves.

Robin Hood
Besides, you're dying to see how these sample books came out, aren't you?

Ibaraki-Douji
You bet I am! Ready, Master!?
Opeeen onimeee!

Ibaraki-Douji
Huh? What's with this cover?

Ibaraki-Douji
It was supposed to show a (grown-up) Ibaraki-Douji standing fearlessly in front of a hundred-story pagoda during the Kyoto fireworks festival...

Ibaraki-Douji

...So what the hell is THIS crap!?

  1. What crap?
 
  Select: What crap?

Jeanne Alter
Ho...

Jeanne Alter

How did this happen!?

Jeanne Alter
What the hell did you do to our doujin, Ibaraki!?

Ibaraki-Douji
I-it wasn't me!
I'm still too young for this kind of book!

Doujin: "A Collection of Eiten-Style Teachings" Second Half

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
Um...is it okay to display the book openly like this? Maybe we should put up an “Adults Only” sign...?

Jeanne Alter
N-nah, don't worry about it. It's totally wholesome,
no matter how you look at it. (Cough, cough)

Jeanne Alter
All right, you guys handle the sales.
I'm gonna go to the beach and get some sea air.

Jeanne Alter
Why don't you join me, Shielder? I'm pretty sure you don't wanna be here for what's about to happen.

Mash
W-well, if you think so...
Is it okay if I leave, Senpai?

  1. Go for it. Have fun with Alter.
  2. Indeed. Now be off... (Spoken in true bodhisattva fashion)
  Select: Go for it. Have fun with Alter.

  Select: Indeed. Now be off... (Spoken in true bodhisattva fashion)

Mash
Okay, if you insist.

Jeanne Alter
...(Sigh). I can't believe we drew a book I can't even make myself look at...

Jeanne Alter
And the fact that the art's all absurdly good just makes it worse... What the hell made us do that?

Robin Hood
I'm gonna check up on Ibaraki. She still hasn't gotten out of bed after the shock of how the book turned out.

Ushiwakamaru
Khh... I wish I could stop you,
but she did take this rather hard...

Ushiwakamaru
All right, I suppose this is not unlike when a general must lead her army from behind.

Ushiwakamaru
And as allies in this campaign,
it falls to us to see it through to the end.

Ushiwakamaru
Besides, we have nothing to be ashamed of!

Ushiwakamaru
However it came to be, we still put everything we had into making this comic!

Ushiwakamaru
Isn't that right, Master!?

  1. Hehehe... Sowaka sowaka...
  2. Let's show them what the Beast of Chaldea can really do.
  Select: Hehehe... Sowaka sowaka...

  Select: Let's show them what the Beast of Chaldea can really do.

Meltryllis

!?

Meltryllis
When I saw your name on the list of clubs and decided to drop by, I never imagined you'd have stooped so terribly, terribly low...

Meltryllis
I should have known I couldn't trust anyone but my figurines... No, no, don't let this bring you down, Melt...

Meltryllis
Remember, you're Giselle... You danced your heart and wallet out on the Wonder Stage just yesterday...

Meltryllis
You didn't come here expecting to find wonderful, beautiful romance books...

Meltryllis
All right, I feel a little better now.
But can I just say one thing?

Meltryllis
...Are you all crazy?
Have you no shame at all!?

Ushiwakamaru
I can't argue with that, much as I wish I...
Wait. Meltryllis, was it?

Ushiwakamaru
You're one to talk to us about shame! Just look at your outfit! Your navel is completely exposed!

  1. (It's like she's talking to a mirror...)
  2. (No wonder Melt's in shock...)
  Select: (It's like she's talking to a mirror...)

  Select: (No wonder Melt's in shock...)

Fergus

Bravo!!!

Fergus
That's all I have to say. Well, that, and that it seems like I'll have plenty of books to spare when this is over.

Fergus
Hahaha, books of what, you ask? Never you mind that. What happens at ServantFes, stays at ServantFes.

Fergus
Anyway, I applaud you for not being afraid to get your hands dirty, so to speak, during this summer vacation!

Fergus
Now then, I think I'll hit the beach and work up a good sweat!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Unacceptable! Absolutely unacceptable!
What was management thinking!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Lord Benkei! You are on ServantFes's staff. How can you stand there and let this...this filth be sold in public!?

Benkei
I can see why you'd think that, but it doesn't actually break any rules. This book is...wholesome. Terrifyingly so.

Benkei
I'm afraid all I can say is that censors are not what they used to be.

Minamoto-no-Raikou
That can't possibly be right...!
Excuse me, may I see that?

  1. By all means.
  2. Hehehe... Sowaka sowaka...
  Select: By all means.

  Select: Hehehe... Sowaka sowaka...

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Is that... Oh my... A temple, floating in the air...? What? Inside the precincts!? Eating sweet rice cakes...while standing under a waterfall...!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou

(Huff, huff...)

Minamoto-no-Raikou
I-it would seem you're right. It was a perfectly normal, unobjectionable look at a Buddhist priest's life...

Minamoto-no-Raikou
“The art of Zen is the art of expanding one's mind. All you need do is let your body truly become a temple.”

Minamoto-no-Raikou
What a novel, yet convincing conclusion. Although...
I wonder why my heart is pounding so rapidly?

Ushiwakamaru
Hey, you with the long face. You should buy a copy too. In fact, make that ten copies.

Benkei

I-I cannot do that, Lord Ushiwakamaru!
Not even for you!

Benkei
Namu! Nympho, begone! I must go and purify myself in the nearest waterfall...!

Pārvatī
Hm? I thought I sensed something unusually scandalous in the air here...

Pārvatī
Where did this book come from? On second thought, don't answer that. Some sort of demon must have tricked you into this while you were sleeping.

Pārvatī
Nonetheless, your dalliance with this demon may have passed, but the deity within me cannot let this stand.

Pārvatī
I must burn all of these books before they can spread their harmful–

Andersen
Pardon me. I'll take a copy.
What? You want me to show some ID?

Andersen
Don't be an idiot. I'm a child.
Why would I have ID?

Andersen
(Reading the book without a care in the world)
Oho. Ohoho.

Andersen
Hahaha, I've never seen such absurd opinions delivered so shamelessly before, let alone from that sweet rice cake melon-head!

Andersen
I've changed my mind. Make that three copies.
Will three pence be enough?

Pārvatī
Wh-what do you think you're doing!? We can't let this book get out into the world! You're an author too, right!? Surely you understand why!

Andersen
What, you think this book is harmful or something?
Don't be ridiculous!

Andersen
This is nothing! Less than nothing, even! Why would you even try to regulate this sort of book now!?

Andersen
Okay, listen. EVERY story has the potential to turn people's lives upside down, by virtue of speaking directly to our hearts.

Andersen
Do you know what we call books that are filled only with facts and figures? Data.

Andersen
And yes, when it comes to data, mistakes may be evil, but for stories? This is possibility itself. The wishes and dreams of those who worked to bring the story to life.

Andersen
To censor that is to censor culture, and in turn, humankind itself. If you're going to call stories about men and women vulgar–No, wait. Scratch that.

Andersen
As a goddess, if you truly wish to protect the people you watch over, then shouldn't you be able to handle this sort of “poison”?

Pārvatī
O-okay! I have no idea what you're talking about,
but your passion has moved me!

Pārvatī
In that case, I'll take a copy too, for reference!
It seems like it will come in use somehow...!

Ushiwakamaru
It won't be much longer until ServantFes comes to an end. Let's see how many copies we have left...

Ushiwakamaru
Hmm. While some fans had some extremely appreciative things to say...

Ushiwakamaru
...it does seem that it was just too dangerous to freely distribute here. What a shame...

Ushiwakamaru
It's actually a pretty insightful manga as long as you can keep your cool while you read it...

Ushiwakamaru
...but it isn't something we could have made on our own. Another power must've wormed its way into our workplace...

Ushiwakamaru
Perhaps this is our punishment for spending too much time exploring Luluhawa, and not enough polishing our skills...

  1. Hehehe... Sowaka sowaka...
  2. As they say...one cannot achieve enlightenment in a single day.
  Select: Hehehe... Sowaka sowaka...

  Select: As they say...one cannot achieve enlightenment in a single day.

Interlude: Diamond Round Beach

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Ushiwakamaru
Let's go swimming, Master!

Ushiwakamaru
Drawing manga is all well and good, but we mustn't forget about the ocean right in front of us either.

Ushiwakamaru
I still can't believe how nice Luluhawa's beaches are. Not a single stone in the sand... Pleasantly warm water...

Ushiwakamaru
Sure, you need to wear flip-flops when going near the reef, but it's still a paradise compared to other waters.

Ushiwakamaru
By the way, Master, would you say you're a good swimmer?

  1. Good? Nah. Try great.
  2. I'm good at sinking like a brick.
  Select: Good? Nah. Try great.
Ushiwakamaru
Oho. You've got guts, saying that in front of Ushiwakamaru, famed leaper of ships!
Ushiwakamaru
...Although, strictly speaking, I'm much better at running over water than swimming in it...

  Select: I'm good at sinking like a brick.
Ushiwakamaru
Well then, this is your lucky day! I'll teach you everything I know from the ground–uh, water up!
Ushiwakamaru
Swimming is an essential skill for any warrior!
Ushiwakamaru
I remember seeing many fall into the sea left and right, armor and all, during the Genpei War.
Ushiwakamaru
...Of course, in my case, I was so incredibly skillful that I never lost my footing, so there aren't any stories about my swimming exploits...

Ushiwakamaru
At any rate, the waves aren't too big today, so I think now would be a perfect time to go swimming.

Ushiwakamaru
We could start by warming up in the shallows,
then try swimming out towards the buoy.

Ushiwakamaru
Alternatively, we could also borrow some boards and try our hand at surfing.

Ushiwakamaru
To tell the truth, I've been curious about surfing.

Ushiwakamaru
Think about it! For Lady Mordred to have gotten that hooked on it, it must be fun!

Martha
Oh, you're going surfing?
Would you mind if I joined you?

Martha
I was trying to relax on the beach, but there were too many men who kept trying to talk to me.

Martha
So I was just thinking about going swimming to refresh myself.

  1. It's Martha...!
  2. Martha...!
  Select: It's Martha...!

  Select: Martha...!

Ushiwakamaru
I didn't know you were here too, Lady Martha.
By all means, you're welcome to join us.

Ushiwakamaru
We would welcome your instruction on enjoying the waves, as you are more experienced traveling on the sea than either of us!

Martha
“Traveling on the sea”? ...Oh, you mean Tarasque.
Well, yes, I do ride on Tarasque's back...

Martha
...but as far as surfing goes, I'm as much of a beginner as you two. Why don't we all practice together?

  1. Come to think of it, you're both normally Riders, right?
  2. Come to think of it, you two are kinda similar, huh?
  Select: Come to think of it, you're both normally Riders, right?

  Select: Come to think of it, you two are kinda similar, huh?

Martha
Aww, that's sweet. I'm flattered to be compared to the legendary Ushiwakamaru.

Ushiwakamaru
I-I see. For my part, I feel like I'm a little out of my league, being compared to someone as wholesome as you...

Ushiwakamaru
But then, I suppose once we get in the water, we're both no more than another couple of Servants in swimsuits.

Ushiwakamaru
All right then Master, Lady Martha,
I'll go borrow some surfboards from the hotel.

Ushiwakamaru
Soon, I'll be leading the charge against Luluhawa's waves, or my name isn't Ushiwakamaru!

Ushiwakamaru
Ahhhahaha!
That was even more fun than I'd imagined!

Ushiwakamaru
Oh... Sorry about that. I tend to laugh kind of loudly when I get too excited.

Ushiwakamaru
Anyway, now I know an altogether different way to handle waves. The ocean here really is fun!

Anne
Master ahoy☆
Were you all out swimming together?

Anne
Why didn't you invite me?
I don't want to be the odd woman out.

Tamamo-no-Mae
Don't worry, the day's only just begun.
We still have plenty of time to change that!

Tamamo-no-Mae
On that note, Tamamo the dangerous summer fox maiden is here, and she brought beach balls!

Tamamo-no-Mae
You've all got energy to spare, right? Then why don't we put it to use and work up a good sweat before lunch?

Tamamo-no-Mae
How about a game of beach volleyball?
It's a classic for a reason, after all.

Tamamo-no-Mae
Why don't you be our referee, Master?
All you have to do is sit back and enjoy the show♡

Ushiwakamaru
Ah! That sounds like a great idea to me too, Master. Let's take Lady Tamamo-no-Mae up on her suggestion and play beach volleyball next!

  1. Sounds good.
  2. I'm fine with whatever as long as you're enjoying yourself, Ushiwakamaru.
  Select: Sounds good.

  Select: I'm fine with whatever as long as you're enjoying yourself, Ushiwakamaru.

Ushiwakamaru
Then it's settled! For our second round, we'll play a game of beach volleyball! At last, never skipping leg day will pay off!

Ushiwakamaru
You must have done a lot of thigh workouts yourself, Lady Martha! Now's the time to put them to good use!

Martha
Wha–E-excuse me, but I'm a member of the clergy. Please don't talk about me like I'm some sort of training fanatic...

Anne
Hehe, don't go thinking you've already won.

Anne
You two might know your way around a weight room,
but you're still landlubbers.

Anne
Your legs can't hope to measure up to those of us who live life on the sea. Isn't that right, Tamamo?

Tamamo-no-Mae
Absolutely. I might be a fox, but right now,
I'm also a shark out for blood.

Tamamo-no-Mae
My Megalo Jump Spike would put Susanoo to shame,
even in his prime!

Tamamo-no-Mae
Try and block me all you want, Martha.
I'll break right through your iron wall♡

Martha
Well listen to you. I'm warning you now, I wouldn't underestimate Jacob's God Fist if I were you. Now hold on while I go get my jersey!

--BATTLE--

E:Surprise Orion
Game, set, and match!
At 15 to 13, the winner is Team Skullshark!

Martha
Grr...! I can't believe I flubbed it at the very end of the third set...!

Ushiwakamaru
Yes, it's too bad what happened with that spike of yours, Lady Martha...

Ushiwakamaru
I never would have thought it was possible to pop a volleyball like a balloon...

Martha
Oopsies.

Tamamo-no-Mae
Hehe. It was a close match, but we just barely had the edge in the mental game.

Tamamo-no-Mae
All right then, Master Referee♡ Why don't we go celebrate our win with a lovely lunch out toge–Huh!?

Tamamo-no-Mae
I don't see Master anywhere!
Orion, where did Master go!?

Orion
{(M) He /(F) She} just took off in the middle of your game.

Orion
I couldn't let this once-in-a-lifetime match end prematurely, so I decided to stop peeping and start reffing.

Orion
So, where should we go to lunch? I'm flattered you'd ask. Usually, it's me trying to pick up–gurk!

Anne
Sorry for stepping on your pet fur ball, Artemis.

Anne
But anyway, we need to hurry up and look for Master! You've all got a bad feeling about this too, don't you!?

Ushiwakamaru
Khh... I'm such an idiot!
I can't believe I let my guard down like that...!

Ushiwakamaru
Come on, let's all split up and look for {(M) him /(F) her}!
There's no telling what might have happened...!

--ARROW--

Pirate A
Heh heh heh... Ain't no one gonna bother us 'round here, Master of Chaldea.

Pirate A
Vacation spot or not, ye oughta know better'n ta come ta the bottom of a cliff like this all by yer lonesome.

Pirate A
Tell me, Master, do ye understan' how this happened?

  1. The ball Martha popped was blowing away...
 
  Select: The ball Martha popped was blowing away...

Pirate A
Go on.

  1. So I went to pick it up so it wouldn't just end up being trash on the beach. Then you showed up.
 
  Select: So I went to pick it up so it wouldn't just end up being trash on the beach. Then you showed up.

Pirates
Bahahahaha! Did ye hear that, boys!?
Talk about no good deed goin' unpunished!

Pirate A
Maybe now ye'll think twice before ye go traipsin' around tryin' ta be a Good Samaritan.

Pirate A
Not that ye'll ever get a chance at that!
Right, boys!?

Pirate B
Right! I still remember what happened in Okeanos clear as day.

Pirate B
Sure, I mighta made a mistake signin' on with Blackbeard...

Pirate B
...but it was your Servants what threw me overboard.

Pirate C
An' ta add insult ta injury, yesterday...

Pirate C
...yer Servant, Ibaraki-Douji, took me fer all I got.
Now I ain't got no money left fer ServantFes.

Pirate A
Do ye get it now? We're all victims here!

Pirate A
Now, yer gonna pay us what we're due.

Pirate A
Let's see... How 'bout we start by having ye use up all those Command Spells of yers? Don't want no Servants showin' up here, after all...

Pirate B
Hehehe... Don't bother callin' fer help...

Pirate C
Heeheehee... Ye know, {(M) he's /(F) she's} a lot cuter than I thought now I'm seein' {(M) him /(F) her} up close...

Pirates
Heeheeheehee...!

  1. This is looking pretty bad...
  2. How am I gonna get out of this one...!?
  Select: This is looking pretty bad...

  Select: How am I gonna get out of this one...!?

D:Surfer
Pardon me. Could I ask you a question?

Pirates
Who the hell're you!? What do ye and yer lame purple hair want with us, Four-Eyes!?

D:Surfer
Did you lose something around here?
You didn't? Well that's too bad.

D:Surfer
I thought perhaps you might be searching for your consciences. It seems I was hoping for too much.

D:Surfer
If you have no intention of turning over a new leaf, then we can end this here and now.

D:Surfer
Please stay right where you are, Fujimaru.
Don't worry, just close your eyes for a minute and all will be well.

Pirates
The only eyes closin' 'round here are gonna be yers!
Get him, boys!

D:Surfer
Heh...!

Pirates
What...the...
What did you...just do...?

F:Musician
...What did he do?
Nothing at all...

F:Musician
The attack that caused your legs to cramp up was my own, unleashed from where I was hidden in the shadows...

F:Musician
Yes, it is I, Tristan, Beach Child of Sadness...
Are you all right, Fujimaru?

  1. Tristan...!
  2. Then, does that mean the guy with the shades is
  Select: Tristan...!

  Select: Then, does that mean the guy with the shades is

Tristan
Indeed, he is. The handsome Frenchman has been most at home here in Luluhawa.

Tristan
He was the first of the Round Table to strip off his armor and head straight for the ocean.

D:Surfer
Hahaha, I guess this new look suits me a little too well? Sorry about that. I AM the strongest Knight of the Round Table, after all.

Tristan
Indeed, who else could he be but the Knight of the Lake, now the Surfer of the Tropics...Sir Lancelot.

Gawain
Please don't take what these two jokers have to say at face value. They've been letting the Luluhawan air go to their heads.

Gawain
At any rate, I'm relieved to see you are unharmed, Fujimaru.

Gawain
I apologize if we overstepped our bounds in staging our little rescue, but we couldn't help but worry.

Gawain
Still, the last thing we would wish to do as Knights of the Round Table is to offend you.

Gawain
So you would be doing the four of us a great kindness if you could laugh this off as just a bunch of busybodies unable to stop themselves from butting in.

  1. The four of you...?
  2. Does that mean...
  Select: The four of you...?

  Select: Does that mean...

Bedivere
W-well, after they all changed into swimsuits,
I couldn't be the only one left out...

Bedivere
But that doesn't mean I'm letting myself go soft. I just thought my usual armor would stand out too much here...

Bedivere
At least, that's what I thought...
But I just don't...feel right in these clothes...

Bedivere
So I've been trying to avoid going out in public as much as possible...

Bedivere
But now that I'm here, I'm relieved to see you don't think anything of it. I guess this outfit wasn't as strange as I thought.

Bedivere
Oh! And hello, Fujimaru. I hope Sir Tristan wasn't being too much of a bother?

  1. ...{(M) What kind of Round Table knights ARE you!? /(F) (Try and fail to undilate pupils)}
 
  Select: ...{(M) What kind of Round Table knights ARE you!? /(F) (Try and fail to undilate pupils)}

Ushiwakamaru
Master! I can't apologize enough for my carelessness! I will accept any scolding you feel is appropriate later!

Ushiwakamaru
First, I must dispose of these despicable villains who tried to steal you away!

Ushiwakamaru
A blond, a redhead, and some sort of purple mess...
And all unrepentant scoundrels, by the look of you.

Ushiwakamaru
Stay right where you are! Or don't! Regardless,
you'll never see the light of another day!

A:Pirates
Aaah! It's the headhunting Berserker...!
We're done for! But damn if she doesn't look badass!

A:Pirates
Blackbeard was right! The Master of Chaldea really does have some bangin' Servants!

Tristan
...Wait. You think we are the villains?

Tristan
Oh, how it saddens me to say so, but I'm afraid you are mistaken... Go on, Sir Lancelot, tell her why we are here.

Lancelot
Hoo baby! We got ourselves a real babe here,
don't we, bros! Wooo! Wooo!!!

Bedivere
(...Oh, Sir Lancelot... I think your talent for disguises–or rather, your ability to adapt to your surroundings–backfired...)

Gawain
(Impressive, Sir Lancelot. You've completely adopted the Luluhawan style as your own...!)

Tristan
...

Lancelot
I think we got off on the wrong foot.
Let me start over. I am none other than...

F:Tristan (Narrating)
Watch as we see the brief flirtation from Sir Lancelot. Note the way he peeks over his glasses. Oh, he is definitely interested!

Lancelot
...the leader of Club Camelot,
Lancelot, commonly known as “Best Boy.”

Lancelot
While my first and foremost concern is Master's safety, I also believe in practicing proper beach etiquette.

Lancelot
And if, by a twist of fate, I should happen to meet a beautiful, charming young lady there, it would be rude not to invite her to tea.

Lancelot
Yes, that is how the Round Table rolls!
Am I right, bros!?

Gawain
Of course. If we see a damsel in distress, we are honor bound to rescue her. That is the purpose of our club!

Gawain
That is why the newly formed Round Table of Camelot exists! I am grateful to ServantFes for this opportunity.

Gawain
Thanks to this convention, we were able to repair our broken bonds and renew our friendship!

Gawain
So I assure you, young maiden, that you have nothing to fear from us...even as you stand there...seething in a bloodthirsty rage...

Gawain
I am unsure why you are so upset,
but please...put down your weapon.

Gawain
Despite what you might think, we are not exactly detail-oriented, so explaining everything in full would be too much hassle to bother with.

Ushiwakamaru
...
(Look that clearly says "You're all so dead")

Bedivere
(Welp, she's gone and taken out her weapon. Hehe,
not that I blame her. I would've done the same.)

Pirate A
Aw bilgewater, I don't wanna get caught in the cross fire! C'mon, men, get her 'fore she gets us!

Ushiwakamaru
Very well then! I will hurl each and every one of you clear out of this bay all the way to the Atlantic myself! Prepare to face true tengu power!

--BATTLE--

Lancelot
Wooo! I cannot believe THREE Knights of the Round Table weren't able to take down our opponent!

Tristan
At last, the time has came to spread my wings!

Gawain
Alas! No matter how dreadful an opponent she may have been, I could not bring myself to take up my sword against a scantily clad woman!

Gawain
It seems summer will be my downfall...quite literally!

Ushiwakamaru
Hmph. A nice long swim back to shore should help you overeager boys cool your heads.

Ushiwakamaru
...Now, that just leaves you,
and those pirates hiding behind you.

Bedivere
My humblest apologies, milady. I understand your confusion, but I assure you, we meant no harm.

Bedivere
We saw that Fujimaru was surrounded by pirates,
and intervened to make sure {(M) he /(F) she} was safe.

Bedivere
Isn't that right, Fujimaru?

Ushiwakamaru
Hmm. Normally, I would dismiss your excuses as so much nonsense, but I suppose you have been conducting yourself like a true gentleman.

Ushiwakamaru
Is what he says true, Master?

  1. It's true. They really saved me.
 
  Select: It's true. They really saved me.

Ushiwakamaru
...I see. Then I must offer you my thanks.

Bedivere
Not at all. They got what was coming to them,
and they did need to cool their heads.

Bedivere
They may have seemed calm and placid, but they were really quite worked up on the inside.

Bedivere
The sea near our island was dark and murky, so the clear blue water here must have brought out the inner child in each of them.

Ushiwakamaru
...What about you? You're a member of the Round Table, just like them. What about your inner child?

Bedivere
Oh, well, my journey was longer than theirs, so I suppose mine must have retreated a little deeper inside.

  1. ...
 
  Select: ...

Ushiwakamaru
All right, I understand.
But these pirates are a different matter.

Ushiwakamaru
You scoundrels abducted Master.
The bay is too good for you.

Ushiwakamaru
I'm going to send you three flying well past the horizon.

Pirate A
Wait!
Ye got us all wrong! We didn't do nothin'!

Pirate A
We just wanted ta warn {(M) him /(F) her} about the sharp rocks around the tide pools up ahead!

Ushiwakamaru
What?

Bedivere
Really? Odd. You seemed quite clearly to be threatening {(M) him /(F) her}.

Pirate A
No! We just wanted {(M) his /(F) her} autograph!
{(M) He's /(F) She's} famous, y'know!

Pirate A
We mighta never gotten another chance like this, so we wanted somethin' ta remember this adventure by!

Bedivere
Then...what about the lost consciences you dropped?
The ones Sir Lancelot mentioned?

Pirate A
O' course they ain't lost!
We never dropped 'em in the first place!

Pirate A
We're good, honest pirates now!
We got outta Blackbeard's crew long ago!

Pirate A
This is exactly why I hate knights and warriors an' such! You're always goin' 'round just looking fer excuses to prove how tough ye are!

Pirate A
So ye go around pickin' fights ye know ye can win,
and don't even try to hear us out! Jerks!

Ushiwakamaru
I-I don't think I was acting THAT rashly...
I didn't even try to kill you this time...

Bedivere
Hahaha, now I see. Hahaha.

  1. So, um...did you still want my autograph?
 
  Select: So, um...did you still want my autograph?

Pirate A
O' course we do, dummy!

Pirate A
Hang on, we got some Luluhawa souvenirs we just bought that oughta do the trick nicely... What'd ye get, B? A wood carvin'?

Pirate B
Naw, I got a paper lantern they was sellin' in the hotel gift shop. It's tourist trash, an' I love it.

Pirate C
Me, I got a Missouri T-shirt that just says "BATTLESHIP!"

Pirate C
It's great. Feels like somethin'
straight outta a movie.

Pirate A
I gotcha. I'm still holdin' on to the pamphlet from last year's Kawaii Fes so's I can remember it.

Pirate A
Okay then, would ye sign these for us?
Oh, an' where's your club's table?

Pirate A
A-01, eh? Hey, that's one o' the end tables. Ye must be pretty popular then. We'll hafta visit yers first!

Pirate A
All right, tha's all we wanted.
We'll just be gettin' on our way.

Pirate A
See ye 'round! An' be more careful from now on,
ye hear! Not everywhere in Luluhawa's safe!

  1. Well...that was a thing that happened.
  2. No one's ever asked for my autograph before...
  Select: Well...that was a thing that happened.

  Select: No one's ever asked for my autograph before...

Tristan
Hm, they turned out to be a lovely band of pirates indeed. And now, they have made off with something precious to us.

Ushiwakamaru
Yes, it seems we were hasty in our judgment of them.
So what did they make off with?

Tristan
Our dignity, of course.

Tristan
All right then, I think I'll be on my way as well, before the king gets a chance to reprimand me...

Bedivere
Now where are Sir Gawain and Sir Lancelot? ...Ah, they're competing to see who can swim back to shore the fastest.

Bedivere
I'd better go stop them now,
before things get even more out of hand.

Bedivere
It was good to see you again, Fujimaru,
even if the circumstances were less than ideal.

Bedivere
I hope you enjoy your time here in Luluhawa.

  1. I hope all you Round Table guys do, too.
 
  Select: I hope all you Round Table guys do, too.

Ushiwakamaru
...So, does this mean everything worked out?

A:Martha
Heeey! Ushiwakaaa!
Did you find Fujimaru yet!?

Ushiwakamaru
Right. We still need to let Lady Martha and the others know you're all right.

Ushiwakamaru
Let's go, Master.

Ushiwakamaru
My team may have lost the volleyball game,
but we'll make it up in our afternoon activities!

Ushiwakamaru
This time, I'll be sure to keep my eye on you at all times, so don't be afraid to join us!

Interlude: Captain Scáthach

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Scáthach
Welcome to the Celtic Head Shooting Range.
I see I have another inexperienced bunch.

Scáthach
My name is Scáthach, and today,
it is my job to teach you how to shoot like a Celt.

Scáthach
Here, you will call me Captain Scáthach!
Do you understand me?

  1. Sir, yes, sir!
  2. How did we even end up here!?
  Select: Sir, yes, sir!
Bedivere
Yes, sir!
This is great, isn't it, Fujimaru!
Bedivere
I'm so excited! I've always wanted to try a real Luluhawan shooting tour!

  Select: How did we even end up here!?
Mash
Sir, yes, sir!
Don't tell me you've forgotten, Master!
Mash
Jeanne Alter signed us up for this Celtic Head Shooting Tour herself, {(M) sir /(F) ma'am}!

Captain Scáthach
Good! That's what I like to hear!
Now, before we get started, I need to apologize.

Captain Scáthach
The captain of the Celtic Head range was forced to retire this morning following a tragic encounter with vicious wild chickens.

Captain Scáthach
I'm sure you were all very excited about experiencing an authentic ex-military drill sergeant's methods, but I am afraid you will have to settle for me.

Captain Scáthach
Now let us have ten seconds of silence to honor him.
...Okay, enough about him!

Captain Scáthach
Now, let's get the formalities taken care of.
First, I'll need you to sign this oath.

  1. An oath...?
  2. Why do we have to sign something like that...?
  Select: An oath...?

  Select: Why do we have to sign something like that...?

Mash
It absolves the company of any liability if someone gets hurt. Tour or no, guns are very dangerous!

Bedivere
It says here we need to completely obey everything the instructor tells us, and if we don't, the tour will be canceled on the spot... I see.

Bedivere
So as long as we listen to the instructor, we should be perfectly safe. Of course I'll sign that.

Mash
You should sign it too, Senpai.
Otherwise, we'll have to leave.

  1. You two are being really cavalier about this...
  2. Complete obedience to Mistress Scáthach's terrifying teaching style? (Gulp)
  Select: You two are being really cavalier about this...

  Select: Complete obedience to Mistress Scáthach's terrifying teaching style? (Gulp)

Captain Scáthach
Move it along! I only have three hours to turn you into real marksmen!

Captain Scáthach
Let me be clear. Now that you're in my classroom, I will not so much as tolerate absurd, head-in-the-clouds, touristy thoughts like...

Captain Scáthach
“Oh em gee, I actually shot a gun☆” or “Man, who knew hitting a target eight meters away was this easy!”

Captain Scáthach
Amateur or not, not one of you will leave this range until you can shoot the wings off a fly!

Captain Scáthach
You never know what the future may hold.

Captain Scáthach
A giant meteorite...
A zombie plague... Kaiju attacks...

Captain Scáthach
So I need to prepare you for any and all possible survival scenarios!

Captain Scáthach
As your captain, I can do no less in repayment for your money. Do not mistake this for a leisure activity!

  1. What kind of tour have I gotten myself into...
  2. Why isn't Jeanne Alter here!? She signed us up for this, right!?
  Select: What kind of tour have I gotten myself into...
Bedivere
It's certainly unique. I'm told they only hold two a day thanks to their intense training methods.
Bedivere
Usually we would have to sign up over a month in advance. We're lucky Jeanne Alter managed to get us in on such short notice.
Bedivere
It's too bad she had to cancel at the last minute so as not to fall behind on her doujin.

  Select: Why isn't Jeanne Alter here!? She signed us up for this, right!?
Mash
Yes, well... I'm afraid Robin stopped her.
Mash
He said he couldn't let her go with her work falling behind and his pighood on the line.

Scáthach
All right, here's your beginner gear:
earplugs, goggles, and hats.

Scáthach
The hats are to keep the sun out of your eyes, so feel free to take them off if you don't need them. But do not forget your earplugs and goggles, or I'll kill you myself.

Bedivere
How do I look, Fujimaru?
(Adjusting gear)

C:Mash
Thank you, but I brought my own!

  1. You're really fired up for this, Mash...!
  2. I can see you're enjoying yourself, Bedi...!
  Select: You're really fired up for this, Mash...!

  Select: I can see you're enjoying yourself, Bedi...!

Captain Scáthach
Let's see... Bedivere, you chose the B Course,
forgoing handguns entirely in favor of rifles.

Captain Scáthach
It seems you have some experience with firearms then. Good call.

Captain Scáthach
Go on and take the Golt M4 and the RUS47 then.
You have forty rounds for each weapon.

Captain Scáthach
As for Sergeant Kyrielight...
I see you're going with the spec-ops course.

Captain Scáthach
Heh. You must be hiding a lot of confidence behind that baby face.

Captain Scáthach
Hmm. So you want to practice the Golt M4, the RUS47, the Springsea M1A, the R-tom M24, the HIAHIA416...

Captain Scáthach
...and you want to try firing slugs from the Mu870 too, huh? Along with twenty rounds from the 12GA? Impressive.

Captain Scáthach
I like your spirit. Go ahead and take the M700 Tactical as well! It's the hottest sniper rifle in the world right now!

C:Mash
Roger that! Thank you, Captain!

Captain Scáthach
That just leaves you, Fujimaru. Let's see...

Captain Scáthach
Fifty 9mm rounds with the Shlock 17 handgun, fifty rounds for an MUK25, and thirty 9mm rounds with a rifle...

Captain Scáthach
What are you, an utter novice?
Have you ever fired a gun before? No? I see.

Captain Scáthach
Then I'll teach you starting with the basics.
By the time we're done, you'll be an ace marksman.

Captain Scáthach
If you do miss the target, I'll just beat the skill into your skull until your brain leaks out of your ears!

Captain Scáthach
So as long as you return home alive from this range, you'll know you're a competent shot.

  1. Uh... I'm not–
  2. ALL the bad feelings about this. All of them.
  Select: Uh... I'm not–

  Select: ALL the bad feelings about this. All of them.

Captain Scáthach
Now let's start with the basics. Right hand on the grip, left hand steadying the right.

Captain Scáthach
Simple as that may seem, beginners tend to mess this part up. The right hand is only there to hold the grip and pull the trigger.

Captain Scáthach
The left hand is the one that truly holds the gun. Gripping it with your right hand too strongly makes the barrel drop when you fire.

Captain Scáthach
Naturally, that affects the bullet's trajectory, leading to it just carving a furrow in the ground.

Captain Scáthach
Here's a couple of extra bullets, on the house.

Captain Scáthach
Now, first you're going to get past your nervousness about firing a gun. Then you're going to learn that hitting the target is harder than it looks!

Captain Scáthach
I've set your first target at fifty meters.
That's the absolute minimum range I'll permit.

  1. It's so small I can barely make it out!
  2. Are you sure this isn't more of an expert range?
  Select: It's so small I can barely make it out!

  Select: Are you sure this isn't more of an expert range?

Captain Scáthach
This is how you stand. Elbows in, legs apart,
chest forward. Look at the sight with both eyes.

Captain Scáthach
Now listen close.
Every shot you make irritates me that much more.

Captain Scáthach
Irritate me enough, and the only way to calm down is to use my Noble Phantasm on whoever's causing that frustration. Get the picture?

Captain Scáthach
Now if you want to live to see another sunrise, get to shooting!

  1. I can't.
  2. Nope, sorry. I'm out.
  Select: I can't.

  Select: Nope, sorry. I'm out.

Captain Scáthach
Oh? You can't go through with it? You want to cancel the tour? Well, too bad. Nobody leaves my class in the middle of a lesson.

Captain Scáthach
I will make you into a great soldier before our three hours are up, whether you like it or not!

  1. I knew I should've thought twice before coming here!
  2. All right, fine! You wanna do this? Let's do it!
  Select: I knew I should've thought twice before coming here!

  Select: All right, fine! You wanna do this? Let's do it!

Mecha Eli-chan
Is this all the ammunition you've got!?
I'm the guardian of Csejte, remember!?

Mecha Eli-chan
You'll need at least a hundred times more ammo than this if you want to accurately appraise my capabilities!

Mecha Eli-chan
Argh, this is so frustrating!
And after I flew all this way to Luluhawa!

Mecha Eli-chan
This is where they remade that famous kaiju movie, right!? So why aren't there any actual kaiju!?

Mecha Eli-chan
Argh, I'm so pissed! That does it! I'm just gonna blow up the target AND the mountain behind it!

Mecha Eli-chan
If the kaiju aren't gonna come to Luluhawa, I'll just have to become a kaiju myself, like the ones in that new flick with the guy looking for his wife!

Altria Alter
No need to rattle your screws, Steel Demoness. This is no military facility. It is a family shooting range.

Altria Alter
Many here are merely tourists who come for the novelty. Others are avid local gun enthusiasts, here to keep their favorite firearms in shape.

Altria Alter
I myself am here to ensure my own beloved Secace remains in good working order.

Altria Alter
Truly, this shooting range is one of the finest. Between its vast sky, piercing sunlight, and the picturesque sheer cliffs with foaming sea at their base, it is like the set of a blockbuster movie come to life.

Altria Alter
No wonder even the most earnest of maids forgets her duties here.

Altria Alter
There we go.

Mecha Eli-chan
Th-that weapon...! Am I dreaming,
or is that really an anti-materiel rifle!?

Altria Alter
Heh. As if a humble maid would possess such a terrifyingly destructive weapon as that. I already told you. This is my beloved Secace.

Altria Alter
Still, I doubt there are any other gun connoisseurs here with such unusual taste in firearms as mysel–Wait.

Altria Alter
Is that...an authentic eighteenth-century flintlock? That is...astonishingly retro. And yet–

Mecha Eli-chan
Th-that old guy really knows how to use it.
He hasn't missed the bull's-eye yet!

Mecha Eli-chan
And not only that...it looks like he's actually making each and every bullet by hand.

Billy
He sure is, li'l lady. Back in the day, if you had a gun, you were probably making rounds for it.

Billy
Just put the lead in that little cup there, melt it down, pour the liquid lead into a special mold, and let it cool till you had yourself a bullet.

Billy
None of those streamlined rounds modern guns fire. Nope, these were more like little metal balls.

Altria Alter
They certainly produce a lot of smoke with each shot fired, too... That aside, that old man's form is impeccable.

Altria Alter
He keeps leaning back in his chair, making new bullets, then firing them off as if it were second nature to him...

Altria Alter
I do not think I have even seen his rear end so much as budge in all the rounds he has fired.

Billy
He must be the last gunslinger of his time. Can't rightly see what he has to learn from a shootin' range like this...

Billy
...but watchin' him lights a fire in me for damn sure. Makes me wanna take him on, gunslinger to gunslinger.

Mecha Eli-chan
...I think I'll hold off on my Rocket Punch after all. I wouldn't feel right using that in front of a gentleman so obviously attached to so old a gun.

Mecha Eli-chan
Efficiency is great, but it isn't everything. There's something to be said for putting one's heart into each and every shot fired.

Mecha Eli-chan
I know that's the sort of person I'd want piloting me.

Edison
Snipers!

Edison
Listen well, my Edison Army elites! Today is the day we finally get to conduct our long-awaited training drill!

Edison Soldier
Thanks for going to all the trouble to bring this heavy armor to Luluhawa for us, Mr. President.

Edison Soldier
Is that our target over there?
The boards with that guy's picture on them?

Edison
Of course! I made those boards out of cheap plywood,
so they should explode spectacularly!

Edison
Unfortunately, your accuracy with your machine guns is rather poor, since they have to be aimed manually and all.

Edison
Which is why I brought in a special instructor!

Edison
An amazing markswoman who can hit her mark with hardly a thought and without even looking at the target!

Edison
Ms. Artemis!

Artemis
That's meee☆ Hi, I'm Artemis! Goddess of the moon and the hunt, here on behalf of my darling Orion!

Artemis
If it's the bow you want to learn,
I'll be glad to teach you everything I know!

Edison
And as you can see, she's a real looker, too!
A round of applause for Ms. Artemis, men!

Edison
Captain Scáthach may be a harsh teacher, as you can see from her mercilessly prodding Master with her spear, but not Artemis!

Edison
No, our instructor is the very picture of grace and warmheartedness! Now go on and drink in her volup–er, voluminous techniques!

Edison
Hahaha, money is no object! Go ahead and use as much ammo as it takes! Miss as much as you have to!

Artemis
Who said anything about letting you miss shots? If any of you miss even one, I'll turn you into a deer and kill you on the spot.

Edison Soldier
Wat.

Artemis
I'm the legendary goddess of hunting, and proud of it! Nobody's ruining that reputation on my watch!

Artemis
Oh, and I can still turn you into deer even if you're machines. In fact, that makes it easier.

Artemis
So make sure to hit those targets like your lives depend on it, okay, guys?

Artemis
Don't worry, you'll be fine! Once, when I was bathing in a spring, Darling shot my change of clothes off the branch I'd hung them on from over two mountains away!

Artemis
If he can do that, you should be able to hit the target with your eyes closed and your backs turned!

Artemis
I know you can do this!
You just have to believe in yourselves!

Edison Soldier
Oh God, she really believes that, too! That just adds to the pressure...! Hey, Boss!? Can we cancel this lesson, like, right now!?

Edison Soldier
If we don't do something now,
we're going to end up the Deer Head Army!

Edison
(Suddenly nowhere to be seen)

Edison Soldier
Edisoooooon!!!

Captain Scáthach
That's enough!
I see you've fired all your ammunition!

  1. (Thumbs up)
  2. Thank you, Captain!
  Select: (Thumbs up)

  Select: Thank you, Captain!

Mash
I just finished the spec-ops course, too!
There's nothing like the feel of actual recoil!

Bedivere
Turns out it's much easier to aim with a rifle than a handgun. Now I know!

Captain Scáthach
Good. I know I said some things I don't regret, like
“Are you completely incapable of multitasking?”...

Captain Scáthach
...“Did you already forget everything I taught you?” “You think you're the only one exempt from Earth's gravity!?” and of course “God, you suck!”...

Captain Scáthach
...but you all stuck with it and succeeded.
I'm proud of you.

Captain Scáthach
So now, you're fully accredited marksmen. Well,
there's still one more thing for you to overcome...

  1. Is that what it sounded like...?
  2. The shooting range completely covered in dust clouds now...?
  Select: Is that what it sounded like...?

  Select: The shooting range completely covered in dust clouds now...?

Captain Scáthach
Right. The wild chickens really don't like gunpowder smoke, and they're about to let us know it.

Captain Scáthach
Now that this tour is over,
it's up to all of you to defend yourselves.

Captain Scáthach
Tourists, dismissed! I wish you luck getting through those birds and back to your hotel!

Mash
There's an army of wild chickens headed this way! Great timing! Now we can go duck–uh, chicken hunting, Senpai!

C:Mash
This is the perfect chance to put our new training to good use!

  1. I still don't get why you're so excited about this!
 
  Select: I still don't get why you're so excited about this!

Interlude: Family Flag

Show/Hide Story Chapter

  1. I think I'll take a little break...
 
  Select: I think I'll take a little break...

Jeanne
Good evening, Master.
Lovely weather tonight, isn't it?

  1. Still wearing your swimsuit, huh?
  2. Are you taking a break too, Jeanne?
  Select: Still wearing your swimsuit, huh?
Jeanne
Of course. That way, I can go swimming whenever I feel like it.

  Select: Are you taking a break too, Jeanne?
Jeanne
Yes, I am. I'm just on my way to the beach now.

Jeanne
Would you care to join me, Master?

Jeanne
I must say, Master, you certainly have your work cut out for you every year. First there was that desert island, then a race, and now, ServantFes.

Jeanne
And since it's summer, lots of Servants tend to get a little...out of hand.

Jeanne
Does it just not occur to them to try and conduct themselves more modestly?

  1. You sound like a head prefect...
  2. You sound like a mother...
  Select: You sound like a head prefect...
Jeanne
Hehe, a head prefect, huh. As my Ruler self,
that might well be what I most closely resemble.
Jeanne
But right now, I'm an Archer, and I have just a little more freedom than usual!
Jeanne
...Yes, just a little!

  Select: You sound like a mother...
Jeanne
I believe you mean “big sister,” right?
Riiight?
Jeanne
I'm still too young to–I mean,
it's too soon for me to be a parental figure...
Jeanne
So I'm perfectly happy sticking with my big sister position!

Jeanne
That said, I'm still in perfectly high spirits myself.

Jeanne
I can tell this place has had a relaxing effect on you too, Master.

Jeanne
Sure, it looks like there's something more going on behind the scenes, but never mind that now.

Jeanne
We're in Luluhawa!
Relaxing is the order of the day!

Jeanne
Please, don't think of me as your Servant here.
Let's see...

Jeanne
How about you think of me as your big sister?

Jeanne
That way, once it's time to get back to restoring humanity...

Jeanne
...you can still count on me for any help you need.

Jeanne
Once you see what a good big sister I am, thanks to all the practice I've had with Alter and Alter Lily...

Jeanne
...you'll be saying, “You're the best big sister ever!” before you know it!

Jeanne
All right, let's start by holding hands.

Jeanne
Every good big sister holds hands with her little {(M) brother /(F) sister}!

Jeanne
Now let's go!

  1. So I guess I have a big sister now.
  2. Sister?
  Select: So I guess I have a big sister now.
Jeanne
And a super reliable one at that!

  Select: Sister?
Jeanne
No, that doesn't sound quite right.
Jeanne
You really must call me “Sis,”
or I'll simply ignore you!

Jeanne
...What's that? I'm the one who's still acting a bit too formally?

Jeanne
H-hmm. You may be right.

Jeanne
I guess I need to learn how to be more casual if I'm going to be a good big sister...

Jeanne
Ahhh...
Ahem, ahem.

Jeanne
Wh-what's up, {(M) buddy /(F) sweetie}?

Jeanne
...
...I must say, that was a rather novel experience...

Jeanne
You know, while we're at it, why don't we invite Alter and Alter Lily to join us?

Jeanne
We'll be one big happy family!
{(M) Three sisters, one brother /(F) Four sisters, all together}!

Jeanne
Ooh, here they come now.
Over here!

Jeanne Alter
...What the hell's this?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily
It's almost my bedtime, you know!

Jeanne Alter
We got a little {(M) brother /(F) sister} now?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily
All of us?

Jeanne
That's right!

Jeanne
I want you both to welcome our newest addition to the family: Fujimaru!

Jeanne Alter
...So what I'm seeing here is that you got a suspicious chick hanging around you claiming she's your big sister.

Jeanne Alter
Listen, Master...

Jeanne Alter
When it comes to this kinda weird, creepy bullshit,
you just gotta learn to be firm and say no.

Jeanne Alter
Otherwise you'll just get dragged into their freaky delusions.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily
Even though my whole thing is being prim and proper,
I think this Luluhawa heat is getting to me, too...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily
I should have known that winter is much better.
Come ooon, hurry up and get here, winter!

Jeanne
Well that's too bad. They're being even more stubborn about this than I thought. Now what do we do, Fujimaru?

Jeanne
Hmm. I suppose we have no choice left but to persuade them a little more forcefully.

Jeanne
Mode Change!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily
Ooh, a dolphin!
Hello, dolphin!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily
Aaah! So many teeth!

Jeanne Alter
The hell are you doing, Lily!?
This bitch is trying to brainwash us with her fists!

Jeanne Alter
We need to take her down now, before Master starts buying into her crazy, too!

D:Jeanne
Come give me a hand, Fujimaru!
Family needs to stick together!

--BATTLE--

Jeanne Alter
...You really are my little {(M) brother /(F) sister}.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily
Yaaay! I'm not the youngest anymore!

D:Jeanne
That's much better!

  1. Was it...okay to do that?
 
  Select: Was it...okay to do that?

D:Jeanne
Of course! Trust me, your big sister is always right!

D:Jeanne
Phew. We both worked very hard today, didn't we.

D:Jeanne
All that's left now is to take a bath and go to bed.

D:Jeanne
And I certainly can't help you wash up now that you're so big, so...

  1. Uh, yeah, I got it, thanks!
 
  Select: Uh, yeah, I got it, thanks!

D:Jeanne
Great. I'll be here when you get out.

Jeanne
All nice and clean now, Fujimaru?

Jeanne
Why am I on the bed?
Why, so you can use my lap as a pillow, silly!

Jeanne
In fact, I insist on it!
Now, up you go!

Jeanne
Well? How does it feel?

Jeanne
It's not too hard or anything...is it?

  1. N-no, it's, uh, nice and soft.
  2. (How am I supposed to sleep like this...!?)
  Select: N-no, it's, uh, nice and soft.
Jeanne
Great!

  Select: (How am I supposed to sleep like this...!?)
Jeanne
What if I sang a lullaby?
Would that help?

Jeanne
Heh... I never thought I would get to offer someone my lap after becoming a Servant...

Jeanne
This is a dream come true, Master.

Jeanne
...Oh, right.
You're my little {(M) brother /(F) sister} now, aren't you.

Jeanne
Good night, my darling little Fujimaru.
Sleep well.

Jeanne
I promise you...

Jeanne
...I'll do everything I can to make sure your life is peaceful and happy.

Jeanne
Teehee.

Mash
I see!

Mash
So that's why you were letting Senpai sleep on your lap all night!

Mash
I didn't even know that was a thing you could do!

Jeanne
Of course it is.
I'm {(M) his /(F) her} big sister, after all!

Jeanne Alter
I finally came to my senses after waking up!
You're not seriously my little {(M) brother /(F) sister}, right?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily
Exactly!
I know because {(M) he's /(F) she's} my BIG {(M) brother /(F) sister}!

  1. Guess the brainwashing hasn't worn off yet...
 
  Select: Guess the brainwashing hasn't worn off yet...

Interlude: Ibaraki's Summer, Hawaiian Summer

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
Good morning, Master. It looks like it's going to be another beautiful day in Luluhawa.

Mash
Why don't we start it off with some breakfast?
Now what do I feel like today...

Mash
...! Did you hear that, Master!?
It sounded like it was coming from the buffet!

Mordred
The hell was that sound!?
Yo, Master! Come with me!

Mordred
Dammit, how many times have I gotta tell you!?
No fighting in the friggin' hotel!

Ibaraki-Douji
Om nom nom.
(Gulp)

Ibaraki-Douji
...Okay, let's get back to it!

Kiyohime
(Munch, munch)
(Glug, glug)

Kiyohime
...Ahh, that was delicious.
Now, where were we?

Ibaraki-Douji
Hehehe.
Here's to a good, clean fight.

Ibaraki-Douji
And by that I mean I'm gonna yank your guts out through your throat and use your entrails to hang you from the nearest Bunyan Fig tree!

Kiyohime
Ugh. You're disgusting. People eat here, you know.

Kiyohime
Why can't you just vaporize your opponents so there's no mess to clean up, like me?

Boudica
Um, personally, I'd kind of rather you didn't fight in the dining area at all?

Mash
U-um, excuse me?
What's going on!?

Mordred
Didn't I tell you to cut that shit out!?
If you're gonna fight, take it out to the beach!

Kiyohime
I'm afraid I can't do that. I would never be foolish enough to turn my back on an oni.

Ibaraki-Douji
Not doing it either. I know her type!

Ibaraki-Douji
She's the kind of monster who wouldn't think twice about lying to your face and stabbing you in the back!

Kiyohime
So? Of course I couldn't care less about anyone who isn't Master. What's your point?

  1. What's this all about now?
 
  Select: What's this all about now?

Kiyohime
Master!

Kiyohime
Oh please, help me!
I was so scared!

Kiyohime
I was just defending myself against Ibaraki's terrifying outburst!

Kiyohime
No, I was fighting to protect humanity itself!

Ibaraki-Douji
What the hell!?
She's seriously changed her tune here!

Mash
I understand how you feel. Kiyohime's sudden personality changes are...erm, drastic.

  1. All right. Kiyo, have a seat.
  2. I noticed you didn't come to spy on me today.
  Select: All right. Kiyo, have a seat.
Kiyohime
'Kaaay!

  Select: I noticed you didn't come to spy on me today.
Kiyohime
No, though it wasn't for a lack of trying.
Who knew hotels had such good security...
Mordred
...I'm pretty sure our security ain't got nothin' on Chaldea's.

Mordred
If you wanna fight, take it to the beach.
I'm the one who's gotta clean up this mess, you know!

Mordred
Now go on, and take Master with you!

Mash
So...why were you fighting, anyway?

Kiyohime
Well, it went something like this...

D:Ibaraki-Douji
Hm? Isn't that...
Oh, it's just the little dragon.

Mash
Come on, Ibaraki, you should know better than to go around picking fights.

E:Kiyohime
...Little? You're one to talk.

E:Kiyohime
What's an oni who's been banned from almost everywhere doing in a nice hotel like this?

E:Kiyohime
Shouldn't a Berserker like you be staying in a box on the side of the road or something?

Mash
And Kiyohime went and dumped gas on the fire.

D:Ibaraki-Douji
Hah! Hate to break it to you, but I'm a Lancer now. I've got twice as much patience and the same amount of hatred!

D:Ibaraki-Douji
I am SO strong right now!
I could get used to this Lancer business!

E:Kiyohime
...What?
A Lancer?

E:Kiyohime
...Welp, time for you to die.

D:Ibaraki-Douji
How does that make sense!?

Kiyohime
I trust you see now why that foul oni and I can never possibly get along!

Ibaraki-Douji
You're just being dumb!

Ibaraki-Douji
Come on, Master, I didn't do anything wrong, right!?

Ibaraki-Douji
...I-in this...one, very specific case, I mean!

Mash
Lancer... Come to think of it,
you're a Lancer now too, aren't you, Kiyohime?

Kiyohime
Exactly!

Kiyohime
That's exactly the problem!
I knew you'd understand, Mash!

Mash
So...you tried to kill her because she's a Lancer, just like you?

Kiyohime
Yes, that's right.

Kiyohime
We're both Berserkers who became Lancers!
We're far too much alike to be on the same stage!

Kiyohime
There can be only one!

Ibaraki-Douji
No there can't! I mean, yes there can!
Wait... Uh...

  1. What about your Noble Phantasms? Those aren't similar, right?
 
  Select: What about your Noble Phantasms? Those aren't similar, right?

Ibaraki-Douji
Yeah! Our Noble Phantasms are nothing alike!
Mine is awesomely fun and flashy and just plain cool!

Ibaraki-Douji
And yours is...
Well...

Ibaraki-Douji
I'm not usually one to judge,
but isn't it kinda...grisly?

Ibaraki-Douji
I mean, it's something you came up with for the person you supposedly love, right?

Kiyohime
Is that a challenge!?

Ibaraki-Douji
Hey, I'm just calling it how I see it!

Kiyohime
You don't think my Noble Phantasm is grisly, do you, Master!?

  1. (Pretend not to see her)
  2. (Whistle nonchalantly)
  Select: (Pretend not to see her)
Kiyohime
Hm? My lie-dar is pinging!

  Select: (Whistle nonchalantly)
Kiyohime
Maaasteeer?

Ibaraki-Douji
Compare it to mine! It's so dazzling you'd never think it belonged to an oni, and it shines even brighter at night.

Mash
True, that Noble Phantasm does seem like it would be most effective at night.

Jekyll
That's perfect then. There's something I'd like you to help me with this evening.

Ibaraki-Douji
Hm?

Kiyohime
Huh?

Jekyll
You see...

Ibaraki-Douji
I can't believe he wanted us to use our Noble Phantasms to put on a show and spread the word about his hotel.

Ibaraki-Douji
Just what does he think oni are, anyway...

Kiyohime
My Noble Phantasm is only meant for Master...

Mash
(There are far too many ways to interpret that...)

Mordred
Ah, don't worry 'bout it.
Just use it once and that'll be the end of it.

Mordred
Luckily, the beach here's pretty much overrun with crabs and chickens at night.

Ibaraki-Douji
Oh, that sounded like a chicken just now.

Ibaraki-Douji
Boudica!

Boudica
I know. Don't worry, the oven's all warmed up and ready. Just keep them coming.

Ibaraki-Douji
You got it!
Just sit back and leave everything to me!

Ibaraki-Douji
All I demand in return is that you save the best parts for me!

Boudica
Yes, yes, I know.

Ibaraki-Douji
All right Master, let's do this thing!

Ibaraki-Douji
Fried chicken, deep-fried chicken, barbecue chicken, rotisserie chicken, chicken sashimi...

Ibaraki-Douji
Mwahahaha, this is shaping up to be a decent meal.
Now let's chow down, oni style!

--BATTLE--

Ibaraki-Douji
Mwahahaha! Behold!

Ibaraki-Douji
The Fireworks of Mt. Ooe!

Mash
What a beautiful Noble Phantasm...
It really is evocative of summer.

Ibaraki-Douji
Right?

Ibaraki-Douji
Jeanne Alter and Shuten came up with the name for it.

Ibaraki-Douji
Jeanne Alter's contribution was...

Jeanne Alter
Hm? Isn't your Noble Phantasm just, uh, what's it called...

Jeanne Alter
...Raketen Faust, I think?

Ibaraki-Douji
No, no, it's nothing like that. First my spear turns into five spears, then it turns into a fist...

Ibaraki-Douji
...then I imagine that they're Tsuna,
and I punch the living hell out of them!

Ibaraki-Douji
And that launches them way up into the air!

Jeanne Alter
Ah, I gotcha. So it's an Ovaler Schnitt.

Ibaraki-Douji
Shuten fiddled around with my Spirit Origin to make it for me. She said if my Spirit Origin was gonna change, my Noble Phantasm oughta change with it!

Ibaraki-Douji
I was so glad she helped...but it really tickled!

Ibaraki-Douji
...By the way, what language are those words anyway?
It sounds really cool.

Jeanne Alter
German.

Jeanne Alter
I think if I were gonna name your Noble Phantasm,
I'd call it something like...Encomium Moriae.

Ibaraki-Douji
Encomium Moriae...!

Ibaraki-Douji
And from Shuten...

Shuten-Douji
Hmm...

Shuten-Douji
I'm not really sure how one should go about naming a Noble Phantasm...

Shuten-Douji
Oh, wait, I just thought of something.
Now what was it called again?

Shuten-Douji
We didn't have a word for it back when we were alive. You know, those things that tear off when you twist them, and fall apart if you squeeze them.

Shuten-Douji
Hmm. What was that called?

Shuten-Douji
Anyway, back to Noble Phantasms. If, by some quirk of fate, you find yourself with a new one someday, the question is this: What should you call it?

Shuten-Douji
...Hmm...

Shuten-Douji
Well, Ibaraki, like I said,
I don't know much about this stuff...

Shuten-Douji
...but what about something like,
I don't know, The Fireworks of Mt. Ooe?

Shuten-Douji
And of course, if you're gonna call it something like that...

Shuten-Douji
...you'd better make sure it's as pretty as the real thing, you hear?

Shuten-Douji
Listen, Ibaraki.

Shuten-Douji
Oni like us are supposed to be greedy about everything, you know? It's in our nature.

Shuten-Douji
So if there's two things you want,
you have to make sure you get both.

Shuten-Douji
Sure, you could find one thing you want and hang on to it, or find one person you want and gnaw on them till you'd gobbled up every last bit.

Shuten-Douji
That's a nice, simple, modest way of life.
All well and good...for people who aren't us.

Shuten-Douji
We're oni. We don't do modesty or restraint.
We take anything and everything we want.

Shuten-Douji
So if there's another name you want to add to your hypothetical new Noble Phantasm...

Shuten-Douji
...just add it on top of “Fireworks.”

Ibaraki-Douji
And that is the epic tale of how my new Noble Phantasm got its awesome name!

Ibaraki-Douji
Now let's keep this show going!
Kaboom!

  1. Oooh!
  2. Aaah!
  Select: Oooh!

  Select: Aaah!

Mash
Bravo!

Mordred
What's all that about? We just shout whatever comes to mind when watching fireworks?

Mordred
All right, I'mma get in on this too.

Mordred
Arthur!

Kiyohime
Dojo-ji Bell Form 108 - Karyu-nagi!

Kiyohime
Was that a compliment when you said my bell doubles perfectly as an iron griddle?

Kiyohime
Oh, I'd better make sure to cook the boar inside all the way through, or dinner could get kind of messy.

Ibaraki-Douji
All right, all done!
Boudica! Boudicaaa!

Boudica
Don't worry, there's plenty to go around.

Ibaraki-Douji
Good, good.

Ibaraki-Douji
Still, as yummy as this is, it is getting a little boring having nothing but meat all the time...

  1. I figured you might say that, so I got you some dessert.
  2. Here, have a macaron.
  Select: I figured you might say that, so I got you some dessert.

  Select: Here, have a macaron.

Ibaraki-Douji
Ah! I didn't know you could read minds!

Ibaraki-Douji
Guess this means you Masters have to know how to do all sorts of things... Must be rough.

Ibaraki-Douji
Believe me, I know how tiring it is, always trying to be considerate and stuff. So don't worry about that tonight! Tonight, all you and I have to think about is eating as much as we want!

Mash
Today was lots of fun too, wasn't it?

Ibaraki-Douji
Eating succulent meat and sweet treats...

Ibaraki-Douji
Seeing pretty scenery,
going swimming in the wide open sea...

Ibaraki-Douji
Hmph, I guess tropical life isn't too bad. It's the perfect place to experience all the summer indulgence humans love!

Interlude: Play Hard, Play Hard

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Ushiwakamaru
Wow! Look at all this open space, Master!

Ushiwakamaru
It's as lush and beautiful as any grassy plain I've seen!

Ushiwakamaru
I can't believe this used to be the inside of a volcano!

Fou
Fou fou!

Mash
I'm glad Fou and Ushiwakamaru are enjoying themselves, Senpai. Taking a break outside was a really good idea.

  1. They do seem to be in high spirits.
  2. They do look happy about this.
  Select: They do seem to be in high spirits.

  Select: They do look happy about this.

Ushiwakamaru
Oh yes. I've been happy to devote myself to serving as your bodyguard, Master, but I plan on taking full advantage of this break time!

Ushiwakamaru
If I'm going to cut loose, then I'm going to cut extremely loose. That's just who I am right now.

Ushiwakamaru
Oh, Master, there's something I've been wanting to try together. Would you join me for it!?

  1. Of course!
  2. What is it?
  Select: Of course!

  Select: What is it?

Ushiwakamaru
Training! What else?

Ushiwakamaru
I think this will be of great help to you too, Master. Making a book takes a lot of stamina, after all.

Ushiwakamaru
And right now, the teaching of Mt. Kurama closest to my heart is, “Training is play, play is training.”

Ushiwakamaru
So on that note...
Let's play, Master! (Puppy dog eyes)

  1. Can't argue with that.
  2. What are we waiting for?
  Select: Can't argue with that.

  Select: What are we waiting for?

  1. Catch THIS!
 
  Select: Catch THIS!

Fou
Foutch! ...Fo, fouuu.

Ushiwakamaru
Well done, Lord Fou! But now it's my turn! Go on, Master! Throw it faster and further this time!

Ushiwakamaru
Hah, piece of cake!
How did I do, Master!?

  1. I'm not sure how I feel about treating her the same way as Fou...
 
  Select: I'm not sure how I feel about treating her the same way as Fou...

Mash
Well, this is what she asked for...

Ushiwakamaru
Next, I–Oh?

Jack
(Staaare)

Nursery Rhyme
(Staaare)

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily
(Staaare)

Bunyan
(Staaare)

Ushiwakamaru
Oho. I see some children looking this way quite intently.

Ushiwakamaru
...Master?

  1. Of course it's fine with me.
  2. Do it, you two!
  Select: Of course it's fine with me.

  Select: Do it, you two!
Ushiwakamaru
Now who could be out there spying on us...
There you are!
Fou
Fou!
Ushiwakamaru
Aha! We've caught you now, you scoundrels!
And now for your punishment... You have to join us!

Jack
It's okay if we play with you?

Nursery Rhyme
We can...?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily
Are you sure!?

Bunyan
Yaaay!

Ushiwakamaru
Of course. But be warned,
our playtime is no ordinary playtime.

Ushiwakamaru
Here, playing is also training, and vice versa.

Ushiwakamaru
And that means you can come at me with everything you've got! I can take you all on without breaking a sweat!

Kids
'Kaaay! Then here we gooo!

  1. (Huff... Huff...)
  2. I'm sweating like a pig...
  Select: (Huff... Huff...)

  Select: I'm sweating like a pig...

Ushiwakamaru
Now I've got–

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily
Yah!

Ushiwakamaru
Wha...? Hiding in a pile of presents!? That seems kind of wasteful, but that's some quick thinking!

Jack
Ahaha! Everyone hide!

H:Nursery Rhyme
Teehee. Run awaaay!

Bunyan
Run for it!

Ushiwakamaru
Oh? Using Presence Concealment, turning into a book, riding off on Babe the ox...

Ushiwakamaru
I see you're all taking this seriously.
Great! But don't expect me to go easy on you.

Ushiwakamaru
It may not be very mature, but that's all right;
I'm a child now too! So howl, my Tengu Fan!

Nursery Rhyme
Eee, I'm going to blow away! Bunyan, please grow big enough for me to hide behind you!

  1. These kids sure have a lot of energy...
  2. I think I need a little break...
  Select: These kids sure have a lot of energy...

  Select: I think I need a little break...

Fou
Fooou.

Mash
Yes, I'm drenched in sweat too. Why don't we take a break and cool off in the shade?

Mash
...Huh? Isn't that...

Benkei
...

Mash
It's Benkei. He's watching the others play.

  1. Why don't you join them?
  2. Just ask them if you can play too.
  Select: Why don't you join them?

  Select: Just ask them if you can play too.

Benkei
Oh, hello, Master. Lady Mash.
Thank you, but I'm not looking to join them.

Benkei
I would hate to inadvertently end up traumatizing the children, after all. Hahaha.

Benkei
No, I was just watching Lord Yoshitsune play.
It is...deeply moving for me to see this.

Mash
That much...?

Benkei
Of course, I suppose I should be calling her “Lord Ushiwakamaru,” especially now.

Benkei
I think being on this island has helped her get a bit closer to who she used to be back when she was training on Mt. Kurama.

Benkei
...To the best of my knowledge, she didn't have many friends back then. At least, none who were human.

Benkei
The only reason she survived was her affinity for nature, animals, and tengu.

  1. She must have had a wild childhood...
 
  Select: She must have had a wild childhood...

Benkei
But later, when she was commanding us as a warrior for the Genji clan...

Benkei
Well, she still had moments of lighthearted mischief, but she was first and foremost a cold, calculating general who strove for perfection in all of her actions and pursuits.

Benkei
So to see her playing so idyllically with children right before my eyes...

Benkei
...is a novel, and deeply moving, experience for me.

Benkei
I feel as though I'm seeing another way my most renowned of lords could have turned out.

Mash
Benkei...

Ushiwakamaru
Hmm. No sooner do I come to ask Master and Lady Mash if they're ready to start playing with us again than I see your ugly mug.

Ushiwakamaru
But this works out nicely.
You, Kaison, will be my new steed!

Benkei
You want me to give you a shoulder ride? Just like that? And please, my lord, my name is Benkei!

Ushiwakamaru
Oh, was it?
Well, no matter. Our next game will be a joust!

Ushiwakamaru
I was planning to ask Master and Lady Mash to play,
but now that you're here, I won't have to!

Ushiwakamaru
Now, ride like the wind, Hitachibou! This may be play, but it is also training! You monks like to train, don't you!?

Benkei
If this is your wish, my lord, I am willing to oblige... But please, for the moment, call me Musashibou!

Nursery Rhyme
Eee! That horsey's a scary muscle ghost!

Bunyan
Don't worry, we can beat him!

Benkei
Is that...Lady Bunyan on a giant blue ox,
with three children sitting atop her head?

Benkei
H-how does that qualify as a horse!?

Ushiwakamaru
What, you don't think you can take them? I swear,
this is the problem with you Benkei look-alikes...

Benkei
...Rrraaah! I will overcome!
(Desperately trying to convince himself)

Mash
Well...it looks like Benkei's going to get to enjoy the play-slash-training for himself.

Mash
Why don't we take advantage of this and relax a little longer?

Interlude: Loco Moco!

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Hmm...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
To think there was an island so bathed in sunlight this far to the east. What a grand world we inhabit.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Now then, since this ServantFes event holds little of interest for one such as myself...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
...how should I go about spending my time here...

Babbage
...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Lord Babbage.

Babbage
Oh, if it isn't the samurai from the East.
How do you do?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Oh, I suppose I cannot complain.
How about you? What brings you to these parts?

Frankenstein
Loco moco! Hehe.
We're all going for some loco moco!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Loco moco.

Babbage
Indeed. Loco moco.

C:
Fran absolutely insisted, you see, so we're going to a place that I'm told has excellent loco moco bowls.

C:
I confess, at the outset of summer, I never imagined I would have a chance to go out for loco moco bowls in Hawaii with just my dear daughter! Oh, and Babbage as well, I suppose.

C:
And after that, we'll go play on the beach and enjoy all the sights ServantFes has to offer. What more could a proud papa want?

C:
The answer, of course, is nothing. Hahaha, with a schedule like this, I will have nary a second to dream up my usual schemes!

C:
It's a shame, really, given that a certain dour detective seems to be stuck at Chaldea and therefore unable to interfere in any such dastardly designs.

Frankenstein
Papa, you're not going to start scheming again, are you?

C:
No, no, of course not! Perish the thought, my dear girl! Now then, what say we visit Diamond Head in the afternoon!

C:
I'm told the view of the beach from up there is positively divine.

C:
And given this marvelous time we live in, I have no doubt we will be able to reach the peak in some manner of luxurious conveyance! I can't wait!


(Disclaimer: The path to Diamond Head's peak is strictly foot traffic only.)


(Please also note that there are no vending machines on the trail, so make sure to bring plenty of water.)

Frankenstein
Hooray! Loco moco! Diamond Head!

Babbage
A trip to Diamond Head after a bowl of loco moco, eh. That does sound like a perfect way to spend the day.

Babbage
I beg your pardon, sir samurai,
but we must be on our way.

Frankenstein
Oh. Want to loco moco with us, mister?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
I appreciate your invitation, but I was just planning to go for a walk around our lodgings.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Heh. Go and enjoy your time as a family.

Frankenstein
Okay! Thanks, mister!
Let's loco moco together some other time!

C:
F-Fran? Fran! I don't know how I feel about you hitting on a man the same age as your papa!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
It warms my heart to see a family getting along so well.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
That aside...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
...I have not the faintest notion of what loco moco is.

D:
Oh, Lord Tajima! What an odd coincidence for us to find ourselves on the same island!

D:
Are you here for ServantFes as well?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
No. Whatever the reason may be, I do not find these modern events to be to my tastes.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
And so I have elected to dedicate my time here to more traditional pleasures. What about you?

D:
I am actually in much the same boat.

D:
It does seem to be a fun gathering, but as I cannot draw to save my life, I am content to watch as others enjoy themselves.

D:
Besides, there are plenty of other fun things to do on this island, so I thought it would be best to attempt as many of them as I could.

D:
Hehe. I have to admit, it is nice,
visiting another country like this.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Agreed. I can think of few better opportunities for broadening one's horizons.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
By way of example, I just learned of two words I had never heard before.

D:
Oh, really? What were they?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Loco moco.

D:
Loco moco.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Indeed. I have also been given to understand that there is something known as a "loco moco bowl."

D:
I see. Loco moco bowl, huh.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Indeed.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
The words “loco moco” have a delightful ring to them, but I cannot imagine what they might mean...

D:
Hm hm...
Loco moco... Loco moco bowl...

D:
They do have a delightful ring to them, yes. Yoshihide would have loved to hear this when he was little.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Yes, good point. I can easily imagine young boys happily chanting these words amongst themselves. Shichirou would–

E:
Forgive me.

D:
Oh, hello!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Hmm. The kunoichi...

E:
I apologize for employing my Presence Concealment and removing it so suddenly. I am , and I couldn't help but overhear your conversation.

E:
I believe you were discussing loco moco?
I too have heard of it.

E:
If you will permit me, I will share what I know.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
No need for such formalities. We are all Servants under the same Master now. Go on, tell us.

E:
As you wish.

E:
Loco moco is the name of one of Luluhawa's most famous foods.

D:
Food, is it...?

E:
It consists of white rice with a hamburger steak and sunny-side egg on top, with a bit of gravy added for additional flavor.

E:
It is delicious.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
...I see.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
That would explain how such a dish could be served in a bowl.

E:
Yes, sir. (I would have thought that was obvious,
but I'll keep that to myself.)

D:
I know of hamburger steak!
And sunny-side up eggs, too!

D:
Lord Emiya and Lady Boudica have made both for me a number of times before. They are delicious!

D:
Although... Hmm...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Is something wrong?

D:
I am sure this is because it is a Luluhawan specialty, but... Well...

D:
I had already imagined a loco moco to be a cute, unusual creature indigenous to this exotic land...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
I see.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
It is too soon to give up. Loco moco could well be a dish named after such a creature.

D:
Hey, yeah!

E:
Um, I'm afraid that is–

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Well done, . From here on, we shall undertake the quest to uncover the truth of the loco moco ourselves.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Your assistance has been invaluable.
I am in your debt.

E:
!!!

E:
I-I am but a humble kunoichi, my lord, and you are a renowned daimyo. Please, do not bow your head to me...!

E:
Oh gosh! Forgive me...!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Very well then, let us be on our way, Lady .
We must solve the riddle of loco moco.

D:
Right!

E:
(Maybe I shouldn't have said anything...)

Edison
Oh? You want to know the origins of loco moco?

Nikola Tesla
I'm afraid I don't know much about Hawaii...

D:
I see... That's all right. I am certain we can track down its etymology on our own!

D:
I am certain that it must be an adorable animal beloved by children everywhere.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Indeed.

Lion & Gentleman
???

Helena
Hey guys! It sounds like there's a really fun discussion going on here. What are you all talking about?

Lion & Gentleman
(The gentlemen explain.)

Helena
Loco moco's origins?

Helena
Hmm, that's a tough question...

Helena
Nobody knows for sure where the words “loco moco” came from. We don't even know if they originated in Hawaii.

Helena
What we do know is that they're well established by now. The first thing that would come to most people's minds upon hearing them is that dish.

Helena
It seems not knowing the name's origin hasn't stopped it from becoming such a widely popular term...

Helena
It's really kind of mystical in its own way when you think about it. ...What brought this up, anyway?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Hmm. So its origins are unknown...

D:
Please cheer up, Lord Tajima.
This is actually good news!

D:
This leaves us with the possibility that it may indeed have once been some sort of cute creature. Perhaps a Phantasmal of some sort!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
A child of monsters, eh... I see. That would certainly explain its strange yet pleasant-sounding name.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Truly, you are possessed of a wondrously flexible mind, Lady . It is no wonder you...

D:
Hehe. Thank you, Lord Tajima. But this isn't over yet. Now that we have come this far, we should see this through till the end.

D:
Maybe one of this island's elders will know something about it!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami
Very well. Then let us be on our way.

D:
Great! And let's ask Lady to join us, too!

Edison
...There they go.

Nikola Tesla
I can't seem to recall any creature called a loco moco, in Hawaii or anywhere else, for that matter...

Nikola Tesla
...but I didn't even get a chance to say so. Hmm.

Helena
Don't worry. This is all part of Mahatma!

Helena
It may be difficult spending all your time looking for the truth of something you're not even sure exists, but doing it on a trip for a little while can be a lot of fun.

Helena
And who knows?
They might just make a fascinating discovery!

Helena
Now come on, guys! Let's go see what new Mahatma we can find here in Luluhawa!

Lion & Gentleman
Oh crap. Now they've got her going too!

Interlude: Pulling an All-Nighter Is a No-No

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Nightingale
There will be no more staying up all night.

Nightingale
I originally thought that making doujin was more of an idle pursuit, but it seems I was mistaken.

Nightingale
I have since learned it is an act of creation just as arduous as writing a book.

Nightingale
As such, I will not hesitate to take any and all measures I deem necessary in order to preserve Fujimaru's health.

Nightingale
Is that clear, everyone?

Nightingale
No staying up all night.

Mash
O-oh no... Nightingale practically kicked in our door!

Mash
Um, Nightingale, I know we do sometimes stay up late for a few days in a row to finish everything, but–

Nightingale
No staying up late, either.

Nightingale
Repeatedly staying up late leaves you drained.
I won't have it.

Nightingale
If your schedule is so tight that it requires you to sacrifice crucial sleep, I would say that's a problem with the schedule, wouldn't you?

Nightingale
One must know what one can and cannot do, and work accordingly. To do that, one must begin by going to bed and waking up early.

  1. So making doujin is as arduous as writing a book, huh...
  2. Did Andersen and Shakespeare tell you that?
  Select: So making doujin is as arduous as writing a book, huh...
Nightingale
Yes, that is what I'm told.
Nightingale
I heard all about it from Andersen and Shakespeare, the two unhealthiest Servants in all of Chaldea, so I have no doubts regarding its accuracy.
Nightingale
And now, you're attempting to follow in their footsteps.
Nightingale
This, I cannot ignore.

  Select: Did Andersen and Shakespeare tell you that?
Nightingale
They did.
Nightingale
Thanks to them, I managed to get wind of this situation before you all collapsed from exhaustion.
Nightingale
It was a close call to be sure...but now that I'm here, you can all rest easy.
Nightingale
I WILL keep you all healthy,
even if I have to take your lives to–

Jeanne Alter
Oh, shut up!

Jeanne Alter
If you came here to help, then start by filling in the inks! If you can handle drawing the frames, even better!

Jeanne Alter
But if you just barged in here in the middle of the night to get in our way, I'll show you about burning the midnight oil!

Robin Hood
Hey, Alter, I know how you feel, but take it down a notch. She's just worried about your health.

Jeanne Alter
I don't need her worry! I need help!
That and time!

Jeanne Alter
Day, night, I don't care! If you're not willing to sacrifice your time and your body for our work, then just go already!

???
I heard that!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Unacceptable! Absolutely unacceptable!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Wh-wh-wh-what are young men and women doing holed up in the same room in the middle of the night!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Whatever it is, I won't have it. Modern sensibilities and this island may allow it, but I forbid it!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
It is absolutely unacceptable for men and women to lie together!

  1. Aw, crap. Just what we needed...
  2. Crap, it's Raikou the prefect.
  Select: Aw, crap. Just what we needed...
Mash
Y-yes, this does seem like it will complicate things...

  Select: Crap, it's Raikou the prefect.
Mash
Chaldea's shadow prefect...
I didn't know you were still on duty this year!
Minamoto-no-Raikou
Of course I am!
Minamoto-no-Raikou
Since Monk Sanzang has nothing but her tropical vacation on her mind at the moment, it falls to me alone to protect public decency!

Nightingale
?

Nightingale
What are you supposed to be? “Public decency”...?
I don't know what you're talking about.

Nightingale
Health and life are all that matter.
Public decency is secondary at best.

Nightingale
That isn't to say it doesn't have its place,
but this? This is a matter of life and death!

Nightingale
Now move aside so I can treat my patients,
shadow prefect.

Minamoto-no-Raikou
I will not! The only one moving aside here will be you, nurse of darkness!

Mash
Nurse of darkness...!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
I know it is your duty to protect life and limb.
I usually have nothing but respect for that...

Minamoto-no-Raikou
However...that is not the only thing I know, Lady Nightingale!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
No matter how devoted to protecting life and limb you may be, going around in that...that...Mystic Code, was it!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Going around dressed in such an aggressive fashion, administering shots...!

Nightingale
Ah, you mean my summer nurse uniform.
Yes, it is a very functional outfit.

Nightingale
Aggressive, you say? Of course it is. It must be.

Nightingale
It is my combat uniform, designed to help me go on the attack as Chaldea's head nurse. Why wouldn't I wear it?

Minamoto-no-Raikou
!!!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Th-th-th-then you freely admit to dressing that way deliberately! I-I can't believe it...

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Just how much indecency are you concealing beneath that smock...?

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Oh, and I almost forgot! I know you once wore a Mystic Code like this as well!

Nightingale
Of course. When I work as a lifeguard,
I must wear a swimsuit. What of it?

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Gnnn...!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
Y-y-you won't defeat me that easily! If you're going to be so brazen, without any shame whatsoever, then I...!

Minamoto-no-Raikou
I...!

F:Minamoto-no-Raikou
...have no choice but to do THIS!

Mash
(H-how does that make sense, exactly!?)

Nightingale
Why did you change into a swimsuit?
Don't you realize we're still indoors?

Nightingale
I see, you must be hallucinating.
In that case, I must tend to your mental health.

F:Minamoto-no-Raikou
Go ahead and try!

F:Minamoto-no-Raikou
But let's discuss this outside,
so as not to bother everyone else!

Mash
U-um, both of you, please try to calm down...!

--BATTLE--

Count of Monte Cristo
...Oho.

Count of Monte Cristo
I'm surprised to see you out here on the beach by yourself, Fujimaru.

  1. Well, you know...
  2. I just really needed a breather...
  Select: Well, you know...

  Select: I just really needed a breather...

Count of Monte Cristo
Heh. No need to justify yourself to me.

Count of Monte Cristo
You have your own battles to fight.
Of course you need your rest.

Count of Monte Cristo
The nighttime waves offer no solace for me,
but for you...that may not be the case.

  1. Do you not like the sea?
  2. (Look at the sea without saying anything)
  Select: Do you not like the sea?
Count of Monte Cristo
Hmph. I don't care about the sea.

  Select: (Look at the sea without saying anything)
Count of Monte Cristo
...

Count of Monte Cristo
Hm? ...Someone's there.

B:???
Well, well. I thought it might be nice to go for a moonlit stroll for a change, and who should I encounter but the two of you...

Count of Monte Cristo
I know that voice.

Scáthach
At ease, Avenger.
We are both on vacation now, are we not?

Count of Monte Cristo
I have no intention of losing myself in idle pleasures.

Scáthach
Your dress suggests otherwise.

Count of Monte Cristo
Let's just say that I got tired of hearing others constantly tell me I was in danger of losing my mind if I continued to wear black in the tropics.

Scáthach
I see. And you believe that outfit lets you blend in, do you?

Count of Monte Cristo
Perhaps.

Scáthach
I don't buy it. You are a Servant.
You may have just decided to follow Master's lead.

Count of Monte Cristo
Kuhaha... Interesting. By virtue of being a Servant, huh. I suppose that's one way to look at it.

Count of Monte Cristo
Fujimaru, the night is long. I advise you to spend it with caution, so that you live to see morning.

Scáthach
Hmm, using your spirit form to flee? Well that's too bad. I was planning on putting you both through your paces.

  1. Uh–
  2. Scáthach, does that mean
  Select: Uh–

  Select: Scáthach, does that mean

Scáthach
Of course it does.

Scáthach
It must be fate that brought us together on this moonlit beach. What better way to spend it than with a little training!

Scáthach
You're working hard to finish a book in time for ServantFes, aren't you? Then you'll need all the stamina you can get.

Scáthach
Haha, don't worry, it's no trouble! I'll just have you run a few wind sprints, dodge a few beach balls...

Scáthach
...and finish up with a little spear dodging as well. I'll have you working up a good sweat in no time!

  1. Th-that's very kind of you, but–
  2. Help me, Count of Monte Cristo!
  Select: Th-that's very kind of you, but–
Scáthach
I told you, it's no trouble!
I could do this all night! In fact, I think I will!

  Select: Help me, Count of Monte Cristo!
Scáthach
Hahahaha. I told you, don't worry about it.

Scáthach
Now come on! We have all night,
so let's make the most of it!

Interlude: Shadow and Shadow, and Shadow

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Mash
That was a great meal. I guess we ended up having lunch kind of late today, didn't we, Senpai?

Robin Hood
Ah, don't worry about that. This banana sauce is the best no matter what time of day it is.

Mash
So what shall we do this afternoon? Do we keep working on the book, or maybe go sightseeing?

Robin Hood
Put me down for sightseeing. We could rent a boat,
do a little scuba diving, and... Hm?

  1. Well that's not shady at all...
  2. I'll try asking him what he wants...
  Select: Well that's not shady at all...

  Select: I'll try asking him what he wants...

Robin Hood
Yeah, we should probably do something about him. Don't want him ruining all the other tourists' lunches by making them feel watched.

Robin Hood
Hey, you in the hood. We see you there,
slinking around the shadows. What gives?

Emiya
...This doesn't concern you, Robin Hood.
Just forget you ever saw me.

Emiya
I am currently on a solo mission for extremely personal reasons that even I don't fully comprehend.

Emiya
Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you guys or any of the other guests.

Mash
The problem is, uh...creeping around armed to the teeth like that is a little...menacing on its own.

Mash
It makes you look about five times as murderous as usual. Is everything okay, Emiya?

Emiya
...

G:Emiya
...Yeah, everything's fine.
It's just, that family over there's...

G:Emiya
...Never mind, it's nothing.
I'm just making the most of my time in Luluhawa.

G:Emiya
...!

  1. Now he's furious!?
  2. What!? What happened in the last five seconds!?
  Select: Now he's furious!?

  Select: What!? What happened in the last five seconds!?

G:Emiya
It's not you guys.
It's those men over there who look so shady...!

Illya
La la laaa♪

Ruby
You're certainly in a good mood, Illya.
Was that loco moco really that delicious?

Illya
It sure was!
I've never had authentic gravy like that before!

Illya
Mommy's loco moco bowls were always yummy,
but the loco moco here is yummy too!

Illya
Right, Chloe!?
Right, Caster!?

Chloe
Yeah, it was all right, I guess.

Irisviel
Teehee. Yes, I liked it a lot too.

Irisviel
I never thought I'd get the chance to try tropical cuisine in this body. Life really is full if surprises.

Irisviel
Not to mention I got to meet all of you, too.
What a lovely day this is turning out to be.

Ruby
Yep. Sure are a lot of strange coincidences now and then.

Ruby
Never would've pegged a pretty lady like you a Caster what with you all flustered trying to figure out what to order.

Irisviel
Thank you all again. This was a wonderful lunch.

Illya
Thank YOU! I'm so glad I got to have lunch with you, Caster!

Chloe
Come to think of it, this is the first time Mothe–I mean, Caster and us have all eaten together, isn't it.

Illya
Uh-huh!

Chloe
...
...

Chloe
(Oh, Illya. All those times we told her to mind her own business, and she still can't help herself.)

Ruby
(Now, now, no harm in talking to new people occasionally, right? Besides, it's summer vacation!)

Chloe
(Summer vacation?
What do you think Chaldea is, a school?)

Irisviel
Chloe?

Chloe
Aah! Sorry! It's nothing...really.

Illya
Hehe. What's with the cutesy,
shy act all of a sudden, Chloe?

Chloe
M-me, cutesy!?

Irisviel
I don't know if our paths will ever cross again...but this was lovely. Thank you all again. I had a lovely time.

Irisviel
Are you all going to ServantFes?

Illya
Hmm. It looks like a lot of fun, but...
(Glance)

Chloe
No thanks. Not my thing.

Illya
Aww, come on! Can't we at least go for a little bit to see what it's like!?

Blackbeard
Exactly! Vacations like this are a rare opportunity, especially where ServantFes is involved!

Blackbeard
I know, we can cosplay together!
Like they say, if you've got it, flaunt it☆

Blackbeard
And you two have what it takes to dominate! I'd love to see your beast mode up close and personal...!

Blackbeard
Bring that out, and you could absolutely destroy Medb. You'll go down as ServantFes legends!

Illya
(Face that practically screams
“Huh? Who's this creeper?”)

Blackbeard
Isn't that right, Ukulele Sensei,
talk of the nighttime bar scene?

Ukulele Star
I can't speak to that. But I do think it would be wonderful if that older woman there were to join them.

Ukulele Star
Cosplay is all about contrast. Having a cute cosplayer and a beautiful cosplayer side by side, well...

Ukulele Star
...there's nothing better in my book...

Chloe
(Face that practically screams
“Huh? What's going on”?)

Blackbeard
You know, you're right. I was so focused on the little beast in front of me that I lost sight of the HD image.

Blackbeard
Then on that note, how would you like to join us as well, milady? If it's a new costume you want, I've got volunteers who are more than happy to provide.

Irisviel
Oh my, really?
Thank you, sirs, that's very kind of you.

Irisviel
Then...perhaps I'll try dressing up as a magical girl alongside Illya and Chloe.

Blackbeard
Hooo baby, now you're talking!

Blackbeard
All right men, bring me the finest tailor in all of Luluhawa!

Blackbeard
And step on it, before Master shows up to stop us like some sort of Counter Force! Right, Sensei!?

Ukulele Star
True... It seems I have no choice but to ride this wave...

Emiya
...I thought I'd start by offing those guys,
if it's all right with you.

Robin Hood
Now I get it. Don't worry, we won't stop you.
Hell, for this, we'll even lend you a hand.

Robin Hood
It'd be one thing if those girls volunteered to attend the con, but that's practically a scam!

Mash
Blackbeard may be a lost cause, but I do think that musician could stand to think about what he's doing...

Mash
If he keeps this sort of thing up,
he'll bring shame to the rest of the Round Table...

  1. All right.
  2. Let's do it.
  Select: All right.

  Select: Let's do it.

Emiya
I'll separate them from the girls.
Lucky I still have some flash bombs.

Emiya
Oh, you want to know how they're used?
Like this.

Blackbeard
What the hell was that!?
My eyes! My eyeees!

Blackbeard
Get ready men, we're under attack!
Dammit, what's BB's con staff doing here!?

--BATTLE--

Illya
H-huh? What happened to all those people surrounding us?

Chloe
All I know is I saw a bright flash, and then they were gone... I wonder what that was all about.

Irisviel
Too bad... I was looking forward to taking a picture of all three of us...

Illya
No! No way! That would just bring all sorts of deviants out of the woodwork!

G:Emiya
...Thanks. I don't know why that was bothering me so much, but I feel better now.

Emiya
All right, I'd better go keep an eye out for any other potential Blackbeards.

Emiya
Gotta make sure things stay nice and peaceful around here, after all.

Mash
I see Emiya's going back to tailing...I mean, protecting Irisviel and the others.

Mash
I think we all know why Emiya is so nervous,
but some things are better left unsaid!

Interlude: Full of Dreams! Making Doujin

Show/Hide Story Chapter

  1. Now, what should I have for lunch today...
 
  Select: Now, what should I have for lunch today...

Fou
Fou, fooou☆

Mash
Huh? Senpai, look, over there. Is that...

Mash
Um... Maybe we should go see what's going on?

Mash
N-not because I think he's done anything wrong or anything. Just out of curiosity!

C:
Hey there. How's it coming along?

Katsushika Hokusai
Finished it ages ago.
This what ya had in mind for my guest art?

C:
Hah, this is incredible. It's exactly what I had in mind. You're the best, girlie. Thanks a million.

C:
Wish I'd met you back when I was alive.
The upper class is gonna love this, no question...

C:
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Here's your payment, before I forget.

Katsushika Hokusai
All right, pardon me while I make sure it's all here... Yup, we're good.

C:
Sorry for taking up your time like this when I'm sure you've got your own doujin to work on.

C:
Honestly, I was amazed you agreed to take this on so quickly. I take it things are going well with yours?

Katsushika Hokusai
Hell no.

Katsushika Hokusai
I like to pride myself on my speed, but the number of pages I gotta draw every day is rough, even for me.

C:
Then I really don't get why you agreed to do this guest art. Why didn't you just say no?

Katsushika Hokusai
Oh, that? More often'n not, you work faster by mixin' it up while you're takin' a break.

Katsushika Hokusai
'Course, I expect takin' a break from drawin' one art project ta work on another might be weird...

Katsushika Hokusai
...but that's just how we painter types are.
Nothin' we can do about it.

C:
So that's how it is, huh? Well anyway, you helped me out a ton. I'll send you a sample book as soon as they're ready.

Katsushika Hokusai
Sounds great.

Katsushika Hokusai
All right, guess I'd better get back ta my doujin...

C:
Hmm. That's most of the contributions I need taken care of. All that's left now is...

Mash
He almost seems like...an editor.

Mash
I wonder what sort of book he plans on making?

Mash
...And look, Senpai. Now someone else is coming.

Bunyan
Mr. Beardyyy!

Nursery Rhyme
We're all done!

C:
Hey, that's great. Let's take a look.

C:
Hah, this is great. Really great!

C:
There's some real practical pioneering advice here, and the way it's all presented picture-book style catches the eye and makes it real easy to follow!

C:
Thanks for the contribution!
Here's your payment.

Mash
(Huh? Another one...?)

Nursery Rhyme
Oh my goodness! You're really giving us this many Gil Bucks!? Wow! We're rich!

C:
'Course I am. A promise is a promise, right?

Bunyan
Merci, monsieur!
Now I can try REAL Hawaiian flapjacks!

Nursery Rhyme
Ooh, I know! Why don't we invite Jack and Jeanne and have a tea party! Would you like to join us too, mister? Or do you still have to work?

C:
Yeah, 'fraid I do.
Still got things I have to take care of.

C:
You need great art if you're gonna make a great book.
I'm gonna keep working to make that happen.

C:
The road ahead might not be easy...but as long as I keep moving forward, I know I'll reach my destination!

Bunyan
Ah! It's the same with pioneering!

Nursery Rhyme
Good luck, Mr. Evil-Looking Beard!

Mash
What a heartwarming sight... There really is something wonderful about putting in hard work to achieve your dreams!

C:
Good. Now, let me double-check what I have from guests so far...

C:
Emperor Caligula's poem, “Nero,” Fran's handprint, Pārvatī's curry recipe, along with this, and this...

C:
...Hehe. Heh heh heh...

C:
With name recognition like this, even an anthology of guest contributions'll sell in the millions.

C:
If I price it at (mumble), I can pay all my guest contributors and still come away with...

C:
Hahaha! I just can't stop smiling!

C:
I'm so glad I didn't agree to pay them a percentage of the proceeds. 'Course, it helps that I only asked people I knew would never ask for that.

C:
Nobody loses! I didn't have to lie, and it's not even illegal. It's perfect! Everyone comes out of this happy!

C:
And I don't have to write a single page myself.

Mash
W-well...I suppose, technically,
he's still putting in hard work...

C:
I can't believe how easy it is to make money off other people's work these days. All I have to do is manage them!

C:
This is amazing... This island is like a dream come true... Who knew office work could be this much fun!

  1. He's totally ripping off his guest contributors, isn't he?
  2. I think we have to do something about this.
  Select: He's totally ripping off his guest contributors, isn't he?

  Select: I think we have to do something about this.

Mash
You're... You're right. If he plans to sell his book based on the fame of his contributors, they deserve a fair share of the proceeds.

Mash
I have no problems with an editor being fairly compensated for their work...

Mash
...but that doesn't give one the right to treat their writers and artists unfairly.

Mash
I just hope all the contributors can still make that sort of contract with him...

  1. Times like this, we need the Man in Red.
  2. Times like this, we need a good lawyer.
  Select: Times like this, we need the Man in Red.

  Select: Times like this, we need a good lawyer.

Mash
Yes, I agree. We should fight illegal acts with the law, and fight lawlessness with speech.

Mash
This is exactly the sort of time to call on him!

C:
Noooooo! Copyright?
Author's rights? Royalty payments!?

C:
It's gone...all gone!
I've lost everything!!!

C:
But I almost had him! I'll do better next time...!
I'm sure of it!

Mash
...I'm glad justice was served, but...I can't help but feel a little sorry for him...

Mash
Oh? Isn't that...

Murder Crab
(Gnash!)
(Gnash!)

C:
Wh-what the...!? Get away from me!
I'm too sad to fight back!

C:
Hey, watch the beard! Stop gnawing on my anchor!
What the hell are these things!?

Mash
Oh no! A huge throng of crabs showed up out of nowhere and started attacking !

Mash
I can't believe such dangerous creatures were hiding out on this beach the whole time...!

Cool Beach Guy
Hold it, girl I've never seen before.
Don't go near those things.

Cool Beach Guy
Those crabs are the King of the Storm's minions,
lured here by the scent of stray dogs.

Cool Beach Guy
That man has no one to blame for his current predicament but himself. Don't waste your time trying to save him.

Cool Beach Guy
There are some gnarly waves coming in at that beach right over there. They're just like the ones at the Strait of Dover.

Cool Beach Guy
So what do you say? (Gleaming smile)
Care to join me and Fujimaru?

Mash
I'm sorry, stranger, but I'm kind of busy right now!

Mash
We need to help !
Let's go, Master!

Cool Beach Guy
Huh? But, doesn't catching waves sound a lot more fun?

  1. Sorry, this is just what we have to do right now.
  2. You should drop the act and just ask normally.
  Select: Sorry, this is just what we have to do right now.

  Select: You should drop the act and just ask normally.

Cool Beach Guy
Oh man, I failed again... I could have sworn I nailed my opening lines this time, too...

--BATTLE--

C:
You guys really helped me out...
I wish you hadn't seen that...

C:
Hehe... Thanks for going out of your way to help an old loser like me.

C:
Now that I've got a second chance at life...
I know exactly what to do with it.

C:
Just you wait, Fujimaru and Mash!
Who cares about a few little setbacks!?

C:
One of these days, I'll assemble the ultimate anthology, with all the best talent in one book!

C:
I'm gonna be the king of the doujin!

Interlude: A Story about a Certain Break Time

Show/Hide Story Chapter

Nitocris
We're here.
Now, what should we have for lunch?

C:
This restaurant looks expensive. Do we have enough money in the day's budget to eat here...?

C:
Are you sure we won't spend all we have and die from starvation...?

Nitocris
We're not going to die!

Nitocris
Ahem. Our club, The One Thousand and One Night Offerings Collective's doujin has been proceeding well so far...but this is where it really gets interesting.

Nitocris
We need to eat lots of good food now so we'll have the strength to face the challenges ahead.

Nitocris
We certainly can't live off protein bars and energy drinks, like that weird bat girl. That's the kind of idiocy that would get us killed.

C:
...!

C:
...You have convinced me.

C:
And it has been some time since we left our room, so having a proper meal does seem like a good idea...

Altria Alter
Welcome, young ladies. What can I get for you?
Perhaps several of our most expensive items?

Nitocris
You work here? I could have sworn I saw you in a different restaurant...

Altria Alter
Heh. When you reach my level of excellence, you are able to write your own ticket, so to speak. Any number of establishments will seek your skills.

Altria Alter
In addition to waiting tables, I am also a master chef and a fastidious cleaner. Suffice to say, there is much more to me than my penchant for popsicles.

Altria Alter
Now, what will it be? If nourishment is what you need, I recommend the Hawaiian Burger Combo Meal.

Altria Alter
The burger is too well prepared to offer much sustenance, but the mountain of fries that comes with it is cooked in delicious oil, and will ensure you leave with full bellies.

Nitocris
I see. Well, in that case...

Nitocris
I know, right! That page is some of my best work,
if I do say so myself!

C:
Yes, the expressions were masterfully done.
I was very impressed...

Nitocris
Hehehe. And personally, I think I did a pretty good job on the other parts, too!

C:
(She must be talking about the Pharaoh Phun Phacts she snuck into the corners of each page.)

C:
(The sheer passion she puts into those is certainly something...)

C:
(I couldn't believe my eyes when I first noticed the panel frames were actually tiny verses extolling the pharaohs' praises. Of course, even if the readers happen to notice, they'll need magnifying glasses to read them...)

Nitocris
Okay! Now that we've had our meal,
let's return to our room and get back to work!

C:
Yes, I suppose we should.
Excuse me, could we have the check, please?

Altria Alter
Coming right up, young ladies.
I am glad you enjoyed the food.

Altria Alter
This is the outrageous price you must pay for your meal of unhealthy junk food made from healthy Hawaiian ingredients.

C:
Um, yes, all right.
(Paying the exact amount shown on the bill)

Altria Alter
...

C:
...? (Why did she draw her rifle instead of going to the register...?)

Altria Alter
I think there may be some mistake here, young ladies.
It is clear for all to see that you are royalty.

Altria Alter
As such, I believe an appropriate gratuity would be thirty percent, yes?

Nitocris
Oh, r-right, I'm sorry. Come on partner,
you should know better than that.

Nitocris
Let's see... Will this take care of it?

Altria Alter
...Fantastic. Very well then, have a wonderful vacation. R.I.P.

C:
Why did you give her that extra money just now?
Was it a bribe for her to spare our lives...?

Nitocris
No, no, it was her tip. I know they don't do this where we come from, but in Western countries like the United States, it's customary to pay waiters a percent of your bill as a tip. Required, even.

C:
I see... I had no idea...

Nitocris
I was surprised when I first learned about it too.

Nitocris
But after thinking it over, I realized it was no different from offering a word of praise to the servants who would fan me all day on top of paying their salaries.

Nitocris
In that sense, it's an excellent opportunity to show off the generosity of the pharaohs!

C:
I see... So, how much are you required to give them?

Nitocris
How much money, you mean? It depends.

C:
...!

Nitocris
I heard that it tends to be around ten to twenty percent of the total bill.

Nitocris
Oh, but in fancy restaurants like this one, it's more common to tip twenty to twenty-five percent, so that's what I did just now.

C:
Y-you're kidding... Then, there's no telling how much money you might be required to spend!?

C:
That's horrifying.
I could wind up dead...well, financially!

Nitocris
...

Nitocris
I didn't say anything when we left our room because I thought you already knew, but...you're actually supposed to tip housekeeping too.

Nitocris
That's why I left that bill on top of the bed.

C:
N-now that you mention it, you did, didn't you! I just thought that was some sort of ritual peculiar to the pharaohs...

C:
Incidentally, what would happen if one forgot to tip?

Nitocris
Well, it's very rude not to, so I imagine housekeeping would be fairly upset.

C:
...

Mordred
I'm upset.

Mordred
Clarent Blood Arthur!

Jekyll
I'm upset too.

Hyde
Hahahaaa! I can't hold back anymooore!

C:
That would be fatal!

Nitocris
Wh-where's this coming from!?

C:
Hurry, we need to get back to our room before housekeeping arrives.

C:
Now I understand. The most dangerous thing to beware in this country is death by insufficient tipping...!

C:
I had no idea this custom was so critical to one's survival... I'll need to be more careful in the future...

Nitocris

...